FIRST: Nick leads off with announcements about Podcamp Pittsburgh and NYCC 2011.

BUT: Ross is dreading the fact that he has to call his insurance agent... so he talks about his driving history and past car crashes. Nick relates his (MOSTLY FALSE) car crash stories, as well as the (TRUE!) time he fought for his wallet after waking up on the streets of Miami.

THEN: Jason A asked us about collaboration. Ross discusses his failed collaboration attempts and drops some good advice about starting out slow. And Nick shares what he's learned from his previous collabos.

AND: Ross wants to know who's on the cover to Wolverine and the X-Men #1.

PLUS: Kya-Kyabetsu wants to know about finding a publisher and getting paid. Ross recommends showing your work to publishers at conventions. Or self-publishing. As for getting paid... uhhhh... he suggests getting paying jobs from publishers even though it's tough.

NEXT: Makeup tips and the fashion in Ross's comics!

Watch X-Men on Netflix NOOOWWWW!

Join in on the fun this Tuesday when Ross and I review X-Men episode 40 and episode 41 as Jean Grey returns for the start of the animated Dark Phoenix saga!

The Epic X-Men TV Review Endurance Marathon Extravaganza continues with X-Men ( Season 3, Episode 36 ) and X-Men ( Season 3, Episode 37 )! Mojo hosts a backyard bonfire, Ross's screen caps, Nick's screen caps, and Nick can't handle anymore X-Men: The Animated Series.

Ross liked X-Men: First Class but also thought there was a bunch of just okay stuff mixed in. Nick thought it was average, but it lacked mystery. Both agree that it lacked positive diversity in the cast. And when does FOX's option on the X-Men properties run out?

PLUS: X-Men burnout!!!

IN TWO WEEKS: X-Men ( Season 3, Episode 38 ) and X-Men ( Season 3, Episode 39 ) and other stuff.

To compliment our Epic X-Men TV Review Endurance Marathon Extravaganza podcast series, I figure I'll toss the (first) X-Men: First Class movie trailer up here so we can find reasons to laugh at it.

Speaking of laughing at it, here are some choice screen caps from the trailer (click on them for hi-res versions):

CEREBRO! Nice face, Xavier. And where the fuck is he? It looks like a mad scientist's laboratory or something. Also, FYI, most machinery does NOT glow orange. Just sayin'.

Hey, Ross! Look!!! That's gotta be Angel Salvadore in that picture, right? WAITAMINUTE... why is she topless? And is that Xavier and Magneto poppin' a bottle in the background? ARE THEY AT A STRIP CLUB?

What's that, Mystique? You want me to come to bed? Oh, baby, you know how I like 'em -- blue and spikey.

Yes, Beast. I said blue and spiky. I guess it's your lucky day.

This Week in That Guy #1: Paul Ben-Victor

I watch my fair share of movies and TV shows, and I often catch myself playing that viewer's game, where you recognize some actor or actress on screen, and spend the rest of the show/movie scratching your head and trying to remember what else you've seen them in. "Who was that guy?" you say, to your friends, and then you continue to speculate as to who they are and what other things you've seen them in. That Guys are oftentimes that guy either on TV, making lots of guest appearances on all sorts of shows, or character actors in movies, showing up in small-to-medium parts in all kinds of movies. Character actors are great--I tend to like these "real" actors more than the method-types that seem to garner so much praise, so I don't mean to belittle any of these That Guys by labeling them as such. There are much worse guys to be, and way worse kinds of That Guys to be.

The inaugural That Guy (and fellow--to Nick, Neal, and myself--Carnegie Mellon alum) is Paul Ben-Victor, who showed up most recently, for me, in Season Two of The Wire, which I watched on DVD back in the spring. As soon as he showed up on screen, he had me wondering, who is that guy? and trying to remember what else I'd seen him in. Let's meet him, via YouTube and (apparently) ExploreTalent.com:

That Guy

At the time of watching The Wire I realized that he was the guy from John from Cincinnati, the other not-nearly-as-good-as-the-wire HBO show. But you might also recognize him from True Romance.

This Week in Not That Guy #1: Brian Cox

You recognize Brian Cox. For instance, he's that guy that was the chief of the highway patrol in Super Troopers:

Not a That Guy

But if you think he's a That Guy, because of his easily recognizable presence in so many movies, you'd be wrong. Because he's Brian Cox, and everyone knows his name, and everyone thinks he's awesome (especially since the first couple X-Men movies). He's also awesome in Rushmore, and The Minus Man. Awesome actor, but too awesome, despite his numerous roles, to be that guy.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

I grew up on Chris Claremont's writing. I've always loved his technique (honestly, I think the drama and the dense prose of his work is part of what makes it so much fun). He's distilled his infamous Uncanny X-Men style down to its most engaging elements in X-Men Forever #1. If you've loved Claremont's work in the past, there's an excellent chance that you'll love this first issue.

Some out there have been heavily hating on Claremont for the past decade. Personally, I've loved some of his most recent writing. Though New Exiles wasn't my bag, I thought his latest run on Uncanny X-Men was just starting to pop with brilliance when he was shuffled off of the title (also, I think he suffered a heart attack around that time). While I found his collaboration with Alan Davis and Oliver Coipel to be decent, I found his work with Chris Bachalo and Billy Tan to be wonderful. Grey's End was a chilling few issues that used a fascinating interpretation of the passage of time to tell a riveting tale. As for other recent work, I was also moved by CC's issue of Excalibur that explored Nocturne's frustration with her paralysis.

And while those comics were near and dear to my inner Claremont fan, they weren't nearly as indulgent as X-Men Forever #1. When I say indulgent, I don't mean it in a bad way. I mean indulgent like rich ice cream or expensive chocolate - indulgent like a delicious desert. Working with Tom Grummet, who's been attached to Claremont for a couple of years now, seems to only deepen the indulgence. I've long been a fan of Grummet's work and this issue may be some of his most enjoyable pencils to date.

All in all, this feels like a rebirth of the X-Men to me. Maybe I'm just too old school to properly move on from the glory days of John Byrne, Paul Smith, and John Romita, Jr. But I don't care. X-Men Forever just feels right to me. Though I've vowed to shy away from as many $3.99 single issues as possible, I can't deny myself Forever (get it?). I await issue #2 with bated breath.

Okay, not exactly like it was yesterday, but I still remember when those first few issues of X-Men came out. It was sweet.

I also remember finding hundreds of them strewn throughout backissue bins for the ensuing 18 or so years. Did Marvel Comics just overprint the issues or did people really wanted to forget X-Men #1-3 that bad?

Honestly, it doesn't matter anymore. Wednesday brought us X-Men Forever #1, a sort of revisionist X-Men #4 if you will. And here are the Top 9 things that Chris Claremont didn't write into X-Men Forever #1 (but he probably should have!):

9. Professor X renounces his mission of peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants to pursue a career as a tranny stripper. Really, what's more popular these days than strippers? If you ask T-Pain, the answer would be: "Nothing!" To top it off, Charlie could also be a closet transvestite. So would all this make him the first tranny stripper in a floating wheelchair? The world may never know. Way to drop the ball on this one, Claremont.

8. Kitty Pryde confesses that she's in a sexual relationship with Lockheed. There's nothing very shocking about being gay nowadays. Stories have been there, done that. So the only truly shocking sexual plot twist left is the admission of inter-species and/or bestiality love. Luckily, Kitty would admit both of those when she owns up to getting it on with her pet dragon from outer space.

7. Magneto uses his powers to give Colossus a face lift. While this isn't truly shocking, it does make for a fascinating use of Magnetio's metal-bending abilities. It would go down like this: Piotr turns to metal, Mags gives him a little surgical tweak to tighten up the cheeks and blend away those pesky laugh lines, and then it's like Colossus is 10 years younger. Ahh, if only we could all be made out of metal... isn't that right, Ashlee Simpson?

6. Cassandra Nova moves into the X-Mansion disguised as a sexy nurse. Chris Claremont, deciding to combine two character concepts into one, tells his version of the Cassandra Nova story. But his Cassie Nova is mashed up with Nurse Annie from Chuck Austen's run on X-Men. Sexy Nurse Cassie begins a tumultuous relationship with Beast and decides that the new Sentinel invasion should feature furry mutant-killing robots in honor of her soon-to-be-deceased lover.

5. Professor X opens Xavier's School for the Un-Gifted. Growing dissatisfied with his preoccupation with the elitist concept of "gifted," Chuck decides to expand his mind and open his mansion doors to any and all interested students. Sooner than later, Xavier's school becomes just like any other poorly managed public high school. Within three months, Polaris has to check every student on their way in to see if they're carrying any guns or knives. (Hahahaha... it would be like Dangerous Minds starring Prof X! Get it? "Dangerous Minds"!!!)

4. Wolverine gets a Brazilian waxing. Yeah, he knows that the hair would only be gone for one night. But Logan has a secret date with Jean Grey and he's got to make sure that he's smooth like butter.

3. Sabretooth gets a Brazilian AND a manicure. Chasing after his mortal enemy, Victor Creed winds up inside the same beauty spa as Wolvie. Upon entering, he decides that his impending reunion date with Mystique would go a whole lot better if he was smoothed down and trimmed up. Imagine a great double page spread of Victor and Logan getting massages as they lay next to each other, giggling uncontrollably. That would be groundbreaking stuff right there.

2. Magneto uses his powers to give Colossus that extra length he's been seeking. Inundated by spam emails telling him that his dong needs to be longer if he wants to get in with the ladies, Piotr asks his Asteroid M director to stretch his member out a little bit. Excited with the promising results, Colossus quickly returns to Earth to share the goods with Kitty, only to find that his "Katya" is doing the nasty with a small purple alien dragon.

1. Jean Grey gets caught cheating on Cyclops thanks to Joey Greco and Cheaters. It's a dark night at the Salem Center harbor. Scott Summers meets up outside with Joey Greco after receiving a phone call that private investigators have finally gotten the evidence they need to prove that Jean Grey is in fact cheating on him with another mutant. Scott watches the small hand-held video player and cringes. He knows who Jean is cheating on him with - that goddamn Logan. Scott and the camera crew of Cheaters quickly head to Professor Xavier's yacht, currently docked at Pier 4. Scott charges onto the boat and confronts the scandalous lovers on their secret date. After getting up in Wolvie's face, Logan's adamantium-laced fist connects with Scott's jaw and sends Cyclops to the ground. Joey Greco picks up where Scott left off, confronting Wolvie about his infidelity with Jean. Pissed, Wolverine does what he does best and stabs Joey Greco in the gut. Two weeks later, Cyclops watches the episode on TV and promptly creates a profile on NoCheatersDate.com.

More: The Top 9 Greatest X-Men Pencilers of All Time

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Well... are there?

The main question that I have is how many movies like this one Marvel will be able to make before the mystique runs out. I, and most other people as well, have plenty of reason to root for Marvel, since they're the little guy, and independent, and fully committed to making all these movies (DC being less concerned since they've got Time Warner behind them). It's hard to imagine anything like a general collapse of Marvel studios happening any time soon--or ever... maybe I, personally, fail to understand the demographic for, not Wolverine, but the inevitable (no matter how precipitous the drop in Box Office figures from this past weekend to next weekend) Wolverine 2, and any other X-Men: Origins stories. Since the movie-makers so obviously stuffed this thing to the gills with mutants, hoping for anything to stick well enough to be a spin-off, how many of these mutants are really all that popular out there in the real world that people would bother going to a movie about them?

Take Gambit, for instance. Cool character, cool powers. But the dude they cast as Gambit couldn't maintain his accent for a whole scene, let alone the whole movie. I can't help but feel like the idea was to plug Gambit in there in order to have him show up in more movies, possibly headlining one eventually. Otherwise, it's just, what? for the nerds who like to play spot the mutant? Not that nerds have ever been a viable demographic; they aren't. But if they were a market, I think the mangling of Deadpool and similar crimes-against-nerds pretty well eradicates the market for a while.

But that's it right? Marvel gets a marketshare so long as its got characters that will bring out the normals, as Wolverine is obviously capable of doing. And its not like formulaic movies aren't successful. So, again, since I'm generally pro-Marvel, I have hard time being that pissed off by the fact that Wolverine: The Movie was not very good. It's a bit harder to wrap my head around the fact that it looked so cheaply made (the CG looked decades old, certainly not up to the standard of the first two X-Men movies). But this is why I end up being so hopeful for non-comic-book superhero movies, since they have to work harder to get noticed, which I think would tend to lead to more ambitious (Push was definitely way more enjoyable than Wolverine).

Nor do I really think that it's bad thing if Marvel Studios churn out a couple of mediocre or bad comic book movies every year (I mean, they already are, and have been for a while). Gotta make money. And it's always inappropriate, in the realm of popular culture, to expect people to make good products. Goodness happens occasionally (the first two X-Men movies, Iron Man), but the norm will still be bad (X-Men 3, Wolverine, Daredevil, Ghost Rider, Hulk, etcetera). And these movies don't effect the quality of the books, so so long as that's the case, everything should be hunky dory.

Speaking of books...

Culturology Summer of Booklove Bookclub #1: The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, by Junot Diaz

So I thought this was pretty good book. The tone is set immediately, with those epigraphs from Fantastic Four and Derek Walcott, and I think especially the first 80-90 pages were really compelling. The narrator's--Yunior's--voice is one that I don't think I would always like, in terms of its colloquialisms and informality, but it seems to crucial to this, since without the voice, Oscar would go from a GhettoNerd to just a plain old Nerd, which would've lost the entire book's project. So maybe it's wrong to point out some obvious lynch-pin to the thing like that, but it's what makes it good, worthwhile, etc.

One thing which stuns me about the book is that Oscar is basically an unlikable character. It's easy to feel bad for him, certainly, but in terms of actually caring about him, its more of a stretch. But his being so utterly out of place makes for compelling fiction. I suppose there's some amount of allegorizing that people might do in terms of contextualizing Oscar's "story" and his uprootedness, and maybe that's the right thing to do. I dunno. There's obviously some thematic connection to be made between being an immigrant and failing to belong socially in school and all that. Maybe I just feel unqualified to go into it.

But this is, like, a club, right? So what do you all want to talk about? I know at least Neal read it.

And, in terms of future books, let's do some brainstorming. I read a lot, so I'll probably just plug in whatever's next for me personally any given week, so we can plan ahead to stay more current than that. My reading list is currently stuff that I should have read by now but haven't. For next week: Slaughterhouse Five by Vonnegut. It's true, I've never read it before now. And I wanna read Blindness at some point this summer. And Neal wants to do Sharp Teeth; that's fine too.

Neal thinks it stinks

Was not a fan. Alt ending was lame. The whole thing was just refs to other characters and setups for other movies. Remy was shitty too. And Will.I.Am??

Nick attended a later screening in Pittsburgh and had this to say:

Nick says it's a go

I enjoyed the Wolverine movie. It had its problems but overall it was pretty fun. They really fucked up Deadpool, but it still managed to make sense. 7 outta 10

Personally, I think Mr. Marino is being way too generous (I do agree re Deadpool), but he is entitled to his opinion (as are you). Look for our heated debate on Tuesday, in Podcast Episode 79!

From my experience in "Academia" there's generally two or three attitudinal camps on what theory/philosophy's relationship with pop culture should be. There are elitists (like myself) who think that pop culture should be analyzed only insofar as it is popular; that is, I'm concerned, generally, with the mechanics of a given popular thing's popularity--questions like "what makes this cultural artifact so popular?" There is some spectrum, though, across various elitist viewpoints, as to whether any popular culture can ever transcend its capitalist origins (this problematizes, in the same breath, the notion of "high culture" as well, since "high" art is just seen as so much rationalization of leisure and complacency by the middle class--though, generally, at least in "popular" conception, the "split" between arts is either between the high/low or the popular/academic arts), or if its not transcendent, perhaps some popular art is good in spite of itself (that's generally my attitude). Another attitude, perhaps obviously, abhors the elitist stance, and wants to reach out to the popular audience, the bulk of any given culture. It doesn't mind the critical methodologies developed within various academic/intellectual communities; indeed, "philosophers" of this ilk embrace these interpretive practices but seek to apply them to anything that is interpretable, without concern to the modes of production of said cultural artifact. And another camp still despises both elitist culture and elitist criticism and seeks to generate new ways of interpreting popular art.

As might be expected, I have no problems with either the first or the last of the three approaches that I just described. And, as it turns out, based on their first chapters, these books of "pop philosophy" fall into the middle category. There's something, I have trouble putting my finger on it exactly, but there's something about this sort of "philosophy" that strikes me as strangely evangelical, as if, more than anything, these books are about luring people into their fields, more than anything in particular that might be said. Not surprisingly, then, both of the sample chapters involve Identity Politics. In the X-Men one, the writer inquires into what it means to belong, or to be different or special, and how one, who is "different" might or might not self-identify. For the Terminator, the discussion is of whether or not robots can ever "think" the way humans can, or whether or not robots could self-identify as being, essentially, human. The lure, then, for the imaginary reader of such an article, would be to get the reader to self-identify as a philosopher, and to begin to extend these kinds of "philosophical" investigations to other pieces of their cultural worlds.

Which would be all well and good; certainly, I couldn't claim to do anything but criticize, from whatever quasi-theoretical stance it is that I take here in Culturology, whatever artifacts I come across on a week-to-week basis. My ability to do so (whether or not its effective) certainly arises out of a certain amount of training in this field (whether that came in the classroom or from reading other books). But, with books like these pop philosophy things, the ideas are so watered down and glossed over, in order to attract readers at all, that they lack the kind of critical (and self-critical) efficacy that makes "philosophizing" about popular culture worthwhile in the first place (the basic question of such inquiry, which is a completely valid question, is: "I like this; why do I like this?" and notions of effectiveness come from how well that question is answered). The problem, then, is that, rather than inviting readers to learn more philosophy, I would charge that these books in fact invite readers just to do similar wishy-washy things to other bits of pop culture. (Granted, there are the obligatory nods to further reading, but the rhetorical stance of the chapters themselves seem to lack the kind of truth-seeking behavior that would effectively model the desire to read further.)

This all seems to be barreling towards the similar kind of "elitist" stance that seems to have become something of an idee fixe for me in the past month of posts here (similar to my (apparent) overuse of the word "atavist" in the month prior). Which is perhaps wrong; I try, usually, to ask more questions here than provide answers. But I can't get away from this notion of critic-as-specialist that is almost completely antithetical to the everyone-can-be-a-philosopher attitude that apparently exists as a demographic (since these books came to be published at all). The two aren't really mutually exclusive, though, huh? Maybe it's like punk rock, where the band on stage might be shouting about all the Noam Chomsky they've read, but the bulk of the kids in the crowd just want to be contrary and wear t-shirts with the word "fuck" on them. Is it better to be a punk at all then just a conformist? And for the few kids in the crowd that actually do go read Chomsky and actually do go learn some things, are they better punks than the conformist-punks? And should the bands themselves be doing more to recruit "actual" punks?

To my mind, this kind of discussion finds most of its answers in appeals to the pervasiveness of, if not capitalism, then of "the market," where everything, from artifacts to ideas, are readily turned into commodities and in competition with one another. Some number of philosophers or theorists hope that by being sufficiently aware of this process they might effect a reasonable critique of commodification despite the fact that their own ideas are subject to the market as well; some ideas are more easily marketable than others--hence, elitism, since elitists have found a way to reduce their market value by reducing any broad appeal of their ideas. Criticism, almost by definition, must be a niche market. The sort of foray into "popular" realms as exemplified by these books of "pop philosophy," though they might see themselves as doing something noble, inevitably reduce their importance as ideas in direct proportion to their importance as commodities. Whether or not that's a good thing, I'm not entirely certain.

And while I just can't get enough of this hilarious image of Bishop wearing a pair of tight Daisy Dukes while he catches some rays in his beach chair (which is conveniently holding his oversized guns, nonetheless), my favorite part of this '95 Fleer Ultra X-Men trading card is Spring Break Bishop's quote on the back:

I'm always prepared to enjoy life... or defend it!

Oh, how the mighty hath fallen...

Now I'm not saying that these books are good - I just heard of them for the first time today, so don't take my word. But, if there is such a thing as a Culturology demographic, I think these would appeal to that sensibility.

For example, take X-Men and Philosophy: Astonishing Insight and Uncanny Argument in the Mutant X-Verse:

Focusing on identity and personal conflict as much as action and adventure, this bestselling series is full of complex characters and storylines that are deeply influenced by important philosophical questions. Through philosophical greats like Aristotle, Sartre, Camus, Levinas, and others, X-Men and Philosophy shows how this remarkable series speaks not only to generations of pop culture audiences, but to the very heart of the human condition.

I'm not gonna lie to you - I don't know shit about philosophy. That's Pete's bag. So here's the mission statement of these books in the words of their publisher, Wiley:

This series aims to change that, showing that philosophy is relevant to your life - and not just for answering the big questions like "To be or not to be?" but for answering the little questions, "To watch or not to watch South Park?"

Not too far from the goal of Culturology, right? If you're still not sold, chew on this:

Thinking deeply about TV, movies, and music doesn't make you a "complete idiot." In fact it might make you a philosopher, someone who believes the unexamined life is not worth living and the unexamined cartoon is not worth watching.

The Blackwell Philosophy and Pop Culture Series also comes in Watchmen, Terminator, Batman, House, and other delicious flavors.

Ian McKellen as Magneto

You could say that the premise of this post is shamelessly stolen from ComicBook.com's Top 10 Comic Book Movie Actors. I prefer to think of this as a response. The execution of their list was excellent, but I disagree with their selections.

For better or worse, I'm focusing on superhero comic book films and live-action material only. Otherwise, this list would be dominated by Will Smith (Men in Black), Mark Hamill (Joker), and Kevin Conroy (Batman).

Honorable mentions: Adam West has some serious balls. Next? Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane in Iron Man. Finally, Stan "The Man" Lee. Who could forget "Guy Who Gets Turned Away from Reed and Sue's Wedding" or "Guy Who Gets Sick from Banner's Blood in a Soda Bottle"???

9. Michael Chiklis as The Thing. It's easy to forget that Chiklis is under pounds and pounds of makeup because he makes Ben Grimm look so natural. His work is both memorable and charming. Big props.

8. Heath Ledger as Joker. Should he be higher up on this list? While Ledger was terrific, I don't dig on his performance as much as most. I think he was solid and unique (and worthy of this list), but his acting was also very forced.

7. Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. A truly odd choice for the role of Logan. Back in 2000, everyone said Wolvie was too soft in X-Men. Though he was unusually sensitive, he really let loose in X2: X-Men United and claimed the character in that film.

6. Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. She became a cat. Seriously, Selina Kyle never looked so sexy and so feline in her entire existence until Michelle took hold of the role. The physical element of her performance is simply amazing.

5. Michael Keaton as Batman. The litmus test for being great? Keaton's Bruce Wanye sticks in my head like no other live-action Batman performance. Like Jackman, he's an oddity from a casting perspective, but he really delivers.

4. Famke Janssen as Jean Grey. I can close my eyes right now and hear the soft delivery of Famke as Jean. Her acting is so well-rounded and composed that I always forget I'm watching an actress and completely believe I'm watching Jean Grey.

3. Jack Nicholson as Joker. It seems easy to play a wacky Joker until you think about the inherent contradiction between his aggression and his humor. Nicholson maintained an amazing balance that inspired fear and laughter at the same time.

2. Sir Ian McKellen as Magneto. Now this is what I'm talking about! When you find yourself quoting an actor without even trying, they've done their job. "Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?" "We are the future, Charles, not them." Wonderful.

1. Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man. Downey is Tony. Tony is Downey. I mean, REALLY, this guy became the character. Tony Stark, while having fluctuating levels of charm within his own comics, was catapulted to the Hall of Fame of Charisma by Robert Downey, Jr. 'Nuff said.

More: Comic Book Disloyalty and the Future of Cinema.

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

8. Havok. He's getting a big profile bump soon in the War of Kings event, so this would be the perfect time to spin him out into his own series again. Alex Summers has already carried Mutant X on his own and he headlined X-Factor for years. Just get him back in his classic duds before he launches his new solo book!

7. Zatanna. The Bat-books need some magic. Even with Bruce Wayne MIA right now, this classic JLA hero could interact in Gotham City in interesting ways. The Arkham Asylum crowd are used to fists and gadgets. But what if they had to fight spells instead?

6. Falcon. I had an awesome idea today -- a new Marvel Two-in-One or Marvel Team Up book featuring Falcon as the reoccurring hero. Sam Wilson can fly and talk to birds, but he needs a power upgrade to handle major threats. Solution? Use his Rolodex to boost his brawn on the battlefield.

5. Sasquatch. Marvel's Canadian heavy hitter needs a new lease on stardom. Put him in his own series where he's fighting the horror creatures of the Marvel Universe. His lighthearted attitude and love for science will contrast well with fantasy themed horror elements.

4. Psylocke. Betsy Braddock needs a new modus operandi. My suggestion? A classic kung fu street series. Have her hang with Iron Fist, fight alongside Shang-Chi, and buddy up with the Daughters of the Dragon. Bring in the X-Men now and then to boost sales.

3. Joker. A supervillain (or "super villain," as DC Comics would say) series is always a tricky thing. But the Joker is a tricky kind of guy, so it just might work. With Heath Ledger's star performance as the Clown Price of Crime, Joker's profile is higher than ever -- now just put him in his own comic book full of funny and twisted tales.

2. Storm. Lucky for me, she just finished up a mini series. But I would like to see another mini lined up, or better yet, an ongoing book for this mutant weather goddess. Give Chris Claremont the writing assignment and put Aaron Lopresti on art duties.

1. Aquaman. Plain and simple. The classic DC Comics water hero, Arthur Curry. He's one of the big guns and he needs to get his own title, even if it's just a mini series! Ride that seahorse, baby, ride!!!

More: The Top 9 Marvel Universe Characters That Have Stepped Up Since Civil War!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Transcript :: X-Men: The Times and Life of Lucas Bishop #1 :: A 3 Panel Review by Nick Marino :: Most of all, this tale begs the question: why wasn't it told already? The developments here are particularly relevant to Messiah CompleX. Still, this issue is great regardless of its timing. Larry Stroman's art is excellent, especially his fairy tale X-Men... Hey, look at my "M"!! I've been let down with how Bishop has been used in the X-Men titles for the past year, but this issue feels like a first step towards redemption!

12:00 PM

I emailed Jay Faerber and Chris Giarrusso. Jay and I have been planning to talk about Dynamo 5 as the series approaches its semi-relaunch. I emailed Chris because Wednesday saw the unexpected appearance of Mini Marvels: Secret Invasion on the Diamond Comics shipping list.

Within the next few weeks, you can expect to hear Jay Faerber on our weekly podcast talking about Dynamo 5 #0 and the future of the series. Also expect to hear from Chris G in the coming weeks. We'll be talking about the new Mini Marvel digest, as well as his upcoming G-Man digest from Image Comics.

6:00 PM

I worked my way thru a Pittsburgh mini-blizzard to get to Phantom of the Attic Comics on Craig St. It was Wednesday, after all. And I needed me some new comics. And some old comics too.

Last week I gave my retailer a back issue wish list. At the top? Iron Man #215-232. David Michelinie and Bob Layton join up with penciler Mark Bright to take Tony Stark and Rhodey Rhodes into Armor Wars (and BWS bats cleanup on #232, an Armor Wars epilogue). I was inspired by the reviews on Advanced Iron to grab this whole run.

And there's more. I also snagged Iron Man #285-299, filling in the middle between the landmark War Machine issues of #284 and #300. AND I picked up Marvel Comics Presents #152-155, a four-part War Machine story. Expect to see some of these issues pop up in my 3 Panel Reviews.

New stuff? Black Panther #1, X-Men: The Times and Life of Lucas Bishop #1, X-Men Vs. Hulk, Tales of the TMNT #53, Black Lightning: Year One #1 (for free thanks to a misprint!), and Dynamo 5 #19. My retailers were awesome enough to toss me the variant cover of Black Panther #1 (probably because I'm the most rabid T'Challa fan at the shop!). Sadly, my shop didn't have any copies of Mini Marvels: Secret Invasion... I'm not sure if they didn't order any (which would be odd) or if Diamond didn't actually ship the book (which would NOT be odd).

I made a pretty serious decision about my comic book purchasing habits as well. These $3.99 books are killing me. I decided that stuff like yesterday's Secret Warriors #1 is just gonna have to wait. Stuff like the Bishop mini and Claremont's X-Men Vs. Hulk one-shot are going to take precedence. I'd rather indulge in more unique side projects. Vixen, Terra, Hulk one-shots, MC2 books, and X-Men minis are the sort of intriguing things I want to pick up.

8:00 PM

After sitting on it for a few days, it was time to crack open the Hulk Vs. DVD. First up? Hulk Vs. Wolverine. It's awesome that Jeff Matsuda was the character designer for this half of the Hulk Vs. project. But I need some character exploration too. While the animation was strong and the voice performances were decent, the story of Hulk Vs. Wolverine (which really should have been called Hulk Vs. Weapon X) needed more gripping character development. This just didn't reach the heights of Ultimate Avengers or Next Avengers. Hopefully Hulk Vs. Thor will really knock it out of the park.

9:00 PM

Shh!!! Justique's asleep and I have a whole mammoth stack of Iron Man back issues to read!!!

I slowly snuck over to my new reading regiment and selected Iron Man #215. As I crept back to the couch, Justique opened her eyes! DAMN IT!!! But I didn’t put the issue away. I know my girlfriend well. She was back to sleep within two minutes. Then I cracked open #215 and started to read.

Thursday, February 5, 11:59 AM

9:00 AM

Iron Man #225 and #228. That's what I needed. My shop had EVERYTHING from my wish list save for these two issues. I ended up paying $10 for the two of them online, which kind of sucks. But considering I only paid $1 per issue for the entire Armor Wars run, I'm already well ahead of the curve.

11:00 AM

I want to see this Push movie. Chris Evans was great as Johnny Storm. Plus, Push is a super powered action flick… so much so that a few movie reviewers actually think this film is based on comics... like this guy from the Orlando Sentinel.

But the movie could go either way. It sounds reminiscent of last year's Jumper, which sucked. My movie theater has Push projected digitally, which Fandango describes as having "impressive clarity, brilliance and color and a lack of scratches, fading and flutter."

Not sure if I'm buying it, Fandango. I mean, can it really be that much better than regular projection? Isn't it awesome enough that movies get projected 50 times bigger than the screen on my crappy TV set?

9. Blackheart - Yeah, Ghost Rider was popular in the late 90s, but Blackheart!?! Along with Shuma-Gorath, Blackheart was a bizarre choice for a baddie. Still, his playability is awesome, with excellent long range attacks and a few really great specials.

8. Cyclops - Personally, I think Cyke is a natural for a fighting game. He's got big power and he's also a scrapper. His eyebeams make him a great long range character, while his kicks make him a strong close range fighter. The only flaw is that he doesn't have more variations in his eyebeam moves.

7. Gambit - In the Capcom series, Gambit is one of your all purpose agile characters, contrasting especially well with with Jin and Strider Hiryu in Marvel vs.Capcom. Gambit has great power moves, like when he smashes your face in with his staff or charges you up to throw you. And his specials are huge.

6. Spider-Man - Spidey is another one of your all purpose agile fighters, with even greater speed and damage hits than Gambit. I like to use Spidey when I've been beat a few times in a row by an opponent. Bringing Spidey out and landing lots of fast, close range hits is especially demoralizing to a challenger.

5. Wolverine - While Spidey does have great speed and close range attacks, Wolvie has the capability to utterly devastate another player when you're in a bind. His charging moves are especially powerful, and his speed can do irreparable damage in a short space of time.

4. Hulk - Big hits. That's what Hulk does best. Often, he accepts far more damage than smaller characters like Wolvie and Spidey, which can be frustrating. But when Hulk lands his hits, the battle is decisive and it ends fast. His specials are decent, but his regular kicks and punches have tremendous power.

3. War Machine - Rhodey is the replacement for Iron Man in the later Marvel fighting games. While they are basically the same character, War Machine has a few extra moves that make him superior. But even beyond that, his playability is fantastic, with wonderful long range projectile attacks, solid close range strikes, and tremendous specials. Plus, the SFX make a little metal noise when he gets hit. How cool is that?

2. Captain America - Okay, Cap has next to no long range attacks. He's not a well rounded character by any means. But he is by far the best close range fighter, mixing agility with strong basic moves. He's not as fast as Spidey or Wolvie, but his hits tend to land better and with greater effect. His specials are solid, and his power moves are always dependable. Plus, it's demoralizing to an opponent to lose to Cap because he doesn't have all the fancy projectiles or flashy power moves.

1. Juggernaut - An odd choice for the top of the list, but well deserving. Juggs has the hit presence of the Hulk, but with greater speed and agility. His blocks are far more dependable than the Jade Giant or Zangief (the other big brawler characters). And his specials always wreck an opponent. To top it off, Juggy is a wonderful character even in assist mode (as a "sepcial hero"). Overall, he's the biggest bang-for-your-buck in Marvel fighting games made by Capcom.

Next: The Top 9 Fighting Games!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

9. Rick Leonardi

8. Chris Bachalo

7. John Romita, Jr.

6. Frank Quitely

5. Neal Adams

4. Dave Cockrum

3. Jim Lee

2. John Byrne

1. Paul Smith

Next: The Top 9 Playable Marvel Characters in Capcom Fighting Games!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

8. Luke Cage. Power Man used to be awesome but now he's all into conspiracy theories and hiding out from "the man." Hanging out with Cage nowadays means putting on disguises to buy hot dogs and running underground to eat them in a deserted subway tunnel.

7. Green Arrow. Aside from being obnoxious and preachy, Ollie Queen would be extreme rude to any attractive women in his vicinity. Then he'd insist on playing darts for money until I'm broke. Not my idea of fun.

6. Doctor Strange. Seemingly fresh at first, cute sayings like "by the hoary hordes of Haggoth!" would get really old really fast. I would end up telling Stephen Strange that his "hoary whore mouth of Haggoth better shut the fuck up!" before I put my foot in it.

5. Hawkgirl. Along with being uneasy about her wings and the giant mace, I wouldn't be able to take her seriously in that bird mask. Then, if I asked her to take it off, Kendra would probably give me a line about how it's her proud warrior garb and my request insults her.

4. Hank Pym. Something is bound to go wrong. If he's not losing his mind and pretending to be a different bug, then he's slapping his wife around or getting abducted by aliens. It's not his fault he's a writers' punching bag, but that doesn't mean I want to hang out with him.

3. Emma Frost. Seriously, what a bitch. The White Queen has the worst attitude in the entire Marvel Universe. She would whine about everything. The pizza's not hot enough, the restaurant is too dirty, her ludicrous costume is riding up her crack, etc.

2. Havok. Alex Summers will ditch me halfway through our night to tell some woman he just met that he's deeply in love with her and can't live without her. He'll stick me with the bill and run off to the southwest United States, where I won't hear from him again for years. At least, that's what he always does to the X-Men.

1. Cyclops. What's worse than getting ditched by Alex Summers? Chilling with his brother Scott as he rants about "how hard it is to live life when I can't relax for one moment because the smallest slip could result in my ruby quartz glasses falling off, causing my eyes to release powerful blasts of cosmic energy that could harm the people I love!"

Next: The Top 9 Supervillains I DO Want to Hang Out With!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

I'm curious to see if Y The Last Man ever really gets made and does anyone really care about Green Lantern? Of course, there are some stinkers on this list and I never did like Akira. Still, cruise on over and see if your favorite comic has sold out for a slice of that big money pie.

Personally, I won't be satisfied until the long awaited Cerebus vs. Judge Death comes out.

9. Fantomex's E.V.A.. From Grant Morrison's run on New X-Men comes Fantomex and his mutant gift, which acts as both his external nervous system AND his kickass transportation.

8. Captain America's Motorcycle. Kind of a boring inclusion, but you gotta admit that Cap looks sweet when he's tearing it up on his bike. Bonus points for the use of Cap's motorcycle in the 80s made-for-TV movies.

7. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' Turtle Van. Well, in the comics, if I'm not mistaken... it's just a van. But in the cartoon, it was a tricked out mobile fortress! And the toy was pretty excellent as well. TURTLE POWER!

6. Avengers' Quinjet. I feel like I had to include this one not because it's that great but because it's a memorable superhero vehicle.

5. X-Men's Blackbird. I love the Blackbird. Some of the most intense X-Men drama has happened aboard this vessel. If this list were based strictly on good memories, this would be #1.

4. Batman's Batmobile. Yeah, it's the Batmobile. It's classic. It's iconic. Me, I prefer the old school hot rod style Batmobile. The modern ones lack a certain flashy charisma.

3. Fantastic Four's Fantasticar. Look, it splits apart. Isn't that enough for you? Plus, this damn thing has been to how many different dimensions? It's awesome.

2. Wonder Woman's Invisible Plane. It's a plane. It's invisible. It's an invisible plane. How does it work? WHO KNOWS??? What I do know: it rules.

1. Silver Surfer's Board. You really can't top the combination of the Power Cosmic and surfing. I mean, hell, the Silver Surfer is the ultimate mobile superhero! To this day I still pretend I'm the philosophic chromed-out guy-formerly-known-as-Norrin-Radd whenever I use my skateboard to go to the grocery store.

Next: The Top 9 Comic Book Superpowers!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Truthfully, it all leaves me feeling cold. If the movie is just a direct adaptation of the comic, then who gives a shit? I already read Watchmen. It was great. I don't need to read it again, let alone sit as a captive audience member for some ungodly length of time in a movie theater. By the way, three fucking hours??! Snyder, are you out of your gourd? I sat thru 2.5 hours of The Dark Poop and I almost screamed in pain after 1.5 hours. If Watchmen is going to be 180 minutes, then split it in half ala Kill Bill so I can go home for a couple months in the middle.

There's a fine balance between changing too much and changing too little. Elektra? Too much. Sin City? Too little. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer? Perfect. The personalities were fully intact. Tim Story and company nailed the essence of the characters, so it was okay to go places they've never gone before in the comics. Galactus is essentially a cloud, but Surfer, the F4 crew, Alicia, and Doom all had it right so I didn't really mind. Frankie Raye got the short end of the adaptation stick, and Surfer was impassioned by Susan instead of Alicia. But those minor points were easily overshadowed by what worked. X-Men and X2 were the same way. Batman and Batman Returns were too. And viewers know it when they get the real deal. Just this past spring we had the Iron Man movie, a near-perfect concoction that only changed what needed to be changed and left the rest in tact.

On the flip side, if you're going to change TOO MUCH I think you should go balls to the wall. For example, Batman: The Movie from the late 1960s. It's a ludicrous mashup of characters and themes into a whole new slew of Caped Crusader stew. The movie becomes its own creation as opposed to an adaptation. Blade was like this as well, seeing as how the film's foundation in comics was purely conceptual. Nonetheless, it worked.

Zack Snyder has gone around giving fan jobs [Get it??? It's like a hand job but it's a fan job! I just made that up.] in interviews saying that it'll be a success if the Watchmen movie is just one long advertisement for the comic. PUH-LEASE, Snyder! Quit trying to get fans off with your pandering. Make your own creative work and stand by it! Sure, I wanted to see Wolverine as a murderous hairy midget, but Bryan Singer sold me on the suave Hugh Jackman. Yeah, I would have liked Galactus as a purple giant flying on a humongous Bowflex, but I understand how silly that would look. The cloud was fine. There is so much about the Watchmen mini series that is confusing and bizarre, and I don't need to see it all on screen like it came right out of the comics.

I don't want the current upswing of moviegoer good faith in comic book adaptations to die out. Literally putting comics on the screen could kill it. I think superhero movies need to have their own legs and internal logic. There's definite difference between what looks good hand-drawn on a printed page and what works on celluloid.

That's not to say that these three individuals are the sole contributors. Countless editors, producers, writers, artists, and others have made invaluable contributions to the X-Men, Transformers, and G.I. Joe over the years. But none can take a massive amount of credit quite like these three gentlemen can.

Chris Claremont - The X-Men

For the vast majority of comic book readers this is a no brainer. CC has been shepherding the X-Men in one way or another for the past 30 years (and then some, really). He didn't create all of the core X-Men icons from scratch, but he imbued the personalities and character traits that have made Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Phoenix, and the rest of the crew famous.

The X-Men franchise was ready to die over at Marvel Comics in the mid-70s when it was relaunched with a new international cast. Chris wasn't part of the infamous Giant-Size X-Men #1, but he took over shortly thereafter and stayed until the early 1990s (from Uncanny X-Men #94-279). That includes the legendary Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past with John Byrne. He also wrote X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills, a short graphic novel that inspired Bryan Singer's x2.

He's launched new X-titles and helped to expand the role of mutants in the Marvel Universe far beyond Salem Center, New York. He's also revisited the main series for a couple short runs. In this decade, Chris has dedicated most (but not all) of his creative efforts to pushing the X-Men franchise into the future with X-Men: The End and GeNext (GeNext #3 hits comic book stores today).

Larry Hama - G.I. Joe

Larry does it all when it comes to comic books. I primarily know him as an editor, starting at DC Comics in the late 70s and moving over to Marvel in 80s. But he began as an artist, penciling a bunch of different series in the 70s before making the move to editorial. However, the Larry Hama we're going to talk about here is a writer.

Specifically, he's the writer of the file cards on the back of the G.I. Joe action figures, the influence of which cannot be overstated. Larry also wrote the 155 issue G.I. Joe comic book series from Marvel Comics, which (as is the case with Transformers as well) was really just a birthplace for ideas that would inform the TV series and the overall mythology of the Joe Universe.

Larry's been a huge part of comics for the better part of 30 years now, including notable work on Wolverine and Bucky O'Hare. Let me say for the record that Bucky O'Hare -- an okay comic, a decent cartoon, and an even better line of action figures -- has impacted my life immensely thru the Bucky O'Hare NES video game. Beating that ludicrously difficult game took my cousins and I a good ten years.

Simon Furman - Transformers

I don't know nearly as much about Simon Furman as I do about Claremont and Hama. I've been reading X-Men comics since before I could actually read the words, and I caught G.I. Joe fever as an 11-year-old (when the series was in heavy repeats on the USA Network). But the only Transformers I ever latched onto were the characters in Beast Machines, a sacrilegious cartoon for most TF fans.

But despite practically avoiding Transformers all my life, I couldn't avoid the impact of Simon Furman. He's been writing TF comics since the mid-80s, and his contributions to the Transformers Universe are legendary. I don't know which characters Furman created, but I know that his origin for the Transformers is generally preferred by hardcore fans.

Last I checked, Furman is still writing TF stories with IDW, the same publisher that's bringing back Larry Hama for their newly acquired G.I. Joe publishing license. He's also the creator of Death's Head, a character that was conceived for the Transformers Universe (but officially owned by Marvel Comics). Death's Head was most recently revamped in the Amazing Fantasy redux series and carried over (sorta) into Planet Hulk.

9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
8. Blade (1998)
7. Batman: The Movie (1966)
6. X2 (2005)
5. Batman Returns (1992)
4. Iron Man (2008)
3. Batman (1989)
2. X-Men (2000)
1. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)

I know what you must be thinking. "Nick," you're saying to yourself, "You are completely out of your @#$%ing mind." But go back and reread the list. The effect should sound something like, "Wait… this list is actually quite brilliant."

So here's the thing: I KNOW that people out there will disagree with me. If you think there's a better Top 9 Best Live-Action Superhero Movies, then post your version in the comments.

However, if you don't post your own version of this Top 9, I will consider my list as unchallenged and therefore the definitive list of Best Live-Action Superhero Movies by default.

More: The Top 9 Ways to Piss Me Off in the Movie Theater!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Let's start with a few things that didn't shine quite as bright as I'd hoped.

TwoMorrows Publishing easily claimed the prize for Best Free Comic Book Day Offering of 2007, but 2008's book isn't so stellar. Comics Go Hollywood is good but it's aimed more at the novice reader rather than the burgeoning continuity encyclopedia fan. Not that there's anything wrong with that – it's just not as rich with information as it could be.

Marvel Adventures also fell a bit short. Maybe I was hyping it up too much in my imagination, but this issue isn't as captivating as some of the better Marvel Adventures offerings. It's still a strong outing, but it's no Marvel Adventures Hulk by Paul Benjamin and David Nakayama or Marvel Adventures Avengers by Ty Templeton and Ig Guara.

Now for the good stuff!

The Runner-Up for Best Free Comic Book Day Offering of 2008: Maintenance from Oni Press. This one-and-done tale about two janitors at a corporation run by supervillain scientists is an excellent exercise in fun storytelling. This free comic did what any FCBD offering should do – it convinced me to pick up the actual series the next time I'm in my comic shop.

And the Winner for Best Free Comic Book Day Offering of 2008: X-Men by Marvel Comics. This was a shocker, super fans. I did not expect this book to "wow" me like it did. It was on my FCBD wanted list, but towards the bottom. Yet instead of a mediocre read, Mike Carey and Greg Land treated me to an emotional, interesting, and action-packed issue. This bodes well for the future of the post-Messiah CompleX X-Men franchise.

All around, it was a great Free Comic Book Day where even the weakest free comics were still excellent reads. I can't wait for FCBD 2009!

In fact, the case is quite the opposite. This comic book is particularly spectacular, mostly due to the tremendous amount of insightful emotion exhibited by the writers. It has a long list of creators and I can't remember all the names right now. However, the character lineup goes something like this:

A Cannonball story by Mike Carey and Brandon Peterson looks great and reads pretty well to start out the book. It's awesome for Cannonball fans, but it didn't do much for me as an add-on to the Messiah CompleX aftermath. The Nezhno story up next is interesting, and we get to see a civilian's view of Wakanda (which was extremely gratifying for me). The Northstar tale afterwards is actually a tale about one of the New X-Men named Vic (but I don't know the character by codename). The art by Skottie Young is interesting, but his story is just okay. The following piece about Hellion shows the emotional fallout of a troubled young man who reaches out to Magneto for solace. He finds none.

The final Scalphunter and Nightcrawler story by Matt Fraction steals the spotlight. This may just be Fraction's finest work to date. It's thoughtful, inspired, and emotional. Fraction discovers amazing potential in Scalphunter, a perpetual C-list X-Men villain. The intellectual analysis of his psyche is a fascinating journey and it gives me great confidence in Fraction's ability to write the X-Men (as his upcoming tenure on Uncanny quickly approaches).

As for other comics that came out last Wednesday, Marvel Adventures Avengers #23 brought Black Panther back for the second month in a row. Though the story oddly plays up Panther's connection to Storm as prime emotional motivation, Mark Sumerak doesn't butcher T'Challa's character concept like he did last month. It's a relief but it doesn't erase the bad taste in my mouth from Marvel Adventures Avengers #22.

In other Black Panther news, the character was announced as the star of a prime-time animated show on BET. Debuting in October 2008, BET president and Black Panther comic book writer Reginald Hudlin will write the series. The program will run for eight episodes, a bizarrely short number of shows. Still, I'm excited for this series and looking forward to the increased interest in T'Challa as a result.

EDIT: While we're on animation kick on the ComicShocker, here's an update on the status of Avatar: The Last Airbender. Apparently there was an Avatar panel at NYCC this past weekend, and it looks like we won't get new Avatar episodes on TV until July 2008. The weird part is that the Avatar Book 3 Vol 3 DVD (which will contain episodes that haven't aired yet in the USA, Canada, or any English-speaking country for that matter) will be out in early May 2008. Go figure that one out!

When did the X-Men go from optimism to extinction?

Evolution has always been a part of X-Men comics. The very X-Men concept itself beleaguers the notion of human growth. And while extinction is a reality of evolution in some respects, the gloomy concept of fading legacy has become the dominant reality of the X-Universe.

What initially attracted me to the X-Men was their enormous spirit of optimism in the face of adversity. If you’re reading any X-books nowadays, you’ll know that the adversity is still there… only the optimism seems completely gone.

Take Professor Charles Xavier, for example. He’s the founder of the X-Men and leader for long stretches throughout team history. Lately, his main role has been that of secret sinner. Writers seem to have fun writing Charles as the ideological champion with serious things to hide. This was interesting the first time. Now it’s tired. Let the guy be a hero. What’s so wrong with that?

Cyclops was always the stiff guy that made tough choices with the best of intentions. Now he’s sending former X-Men off on covert killing missions and justifying his preemptive strikes as reasonable behavior in the name of security. What? George W. Cyclops. Right.

Oddly enough, the only character that seems too good to be true lately is Wolverine. He’s transformed from an unpredictable violent killer into a handsome sage with murder in his past (and present). It’s not a bad move, but it is odd.

Storm was once an inspirational force of nature among the X-Men. Now she’s relegated to a minor supporting role in the X-books. She’s seems like she’s around just to keep up appearances more that anything. She really needs to move up to the big leagues now. Marvel ought to make her an Avenger and call it a day.

Beast was once a bouncy scientist with a playful spirit. Now he’s digging through mass mutant graves and making deals with murderers to try and genetically engineer a cure for mutant extinction. Say what? It’s like some weird apocalyptic reality that only seems to affect mutants.

I’m not asking for anything to revert or change back to the way it once was. What I desire, however, is a sense of hope to emanate from the tales of the X-Men. After all, it was X-Men comic books that taught me tolerance, appreciation, and the value of forging a family made of your closest friends. What do they teach now? How to spend your final days with a deadly vendetta?