Music. Movies. Comic Books. Pop Culture. Media is kind of our thing.
With one week left till the big day, I implore all of your who are registered to go vote. It’s your civic duty. Not enough motivation for you? How about this?
Is this not the best thing to come out of this election season or what? It’s like a music video of the Presidential Debates. I’m so excited that I’m voting early on my way home tonight!
The Street Fighter movie, Super Mario Bros movie, Wes Anderson, Outsourced, Iron Man on DVD, Rampaging Hulk magazine, and reviews of new albums by TI, Skillz, and Solange Knowles are how we celebrate the big five-oh. Then, after the end theme, a special update as we learn about Street Fighter - The Legend of Chun Li.
In Sunday’s FNMTV post I promised a full length review of Bow Wow’s new video Marco Polo ft. Soulja Boy and I aim to please. My only regret is that I can not write a positive review. Unlike Bow Wow’s last collaboration, Girlfriend, Marco Polo just plain sucks.
The Track: Ok. Marco Polo, is that supposed to be slang? I don’t get it. The beat is ridiculous and is basically a ripoff of Jibbs’ Chain Hang Low. The speed up/slow down chorus isn’t helping either. You might be tempted to call it ‘call and response,’ but I’d like to propose something different: retarded.
Bow Wow’s last few singles have made it clear that he can’t carry a song by himself. What’s worse is that the current hiphop climate enables and encourages this. To his credit, Bow Wow does put up two verses to Soulja Boy’s one. Soulja Boy’s delivery is weak and borders on monotone at times. How this kid got a deal is beyond me. He seems content to just shit all over the track and call it a wrap.
Marco Polo is a cut and dry brag track, but it does have a couple comical lines.
Went to the mall and I blacked out / Now my closet full of J’z like a crackhouse.
This is not the matrix, but I am the Oracle. Do you want to get me with me? The question is rhetorical.
Of course there are plenty of poorly conceived lines too. ‘First one to put ice in a G Shock‘ So you put diamonds in a cheap plastic watch. How does this make you a baller? S.O.B. cause girls love the initials. last time I checked, being an SOB wasn’t sweet at all.
There is way too much name/brand dropping on this cut. I think rappers need to cut back, or at least stop promoting the same gaudy shit. Louis Vuitton peaked in the 60s. Oh, and ‘the next Will Smith’? Sure. Whatever you say.
The Video: Basically, Bow Wow and Soulja Boy are doing community service cleaning up a beach/pool. They get bored and decide to have a ‘tween beach/pool party. Marco Polo is a pool game so, that’s how they tie it back to the track.
The connection is tenuous at best, and it certainly doesn’t help that no one is actually playing Marco Polo. More importantly - when did Marco Polo become Peekaboo? And the subtitles. I think this video was made for illiterate, man-babies who need something to watch while Blue’s Clues is on hiatus. The video girls are cute and all - but I can tell that this video is definitely for the teenage set. The whole thing reminds me of a 15 year old’s MySpace inspired fantasy.
I’ve said it before, but Bow Wow really really really wishes he was T.I. He is jocking his style way too hard. He’s even trying to copy homeboy’s body language. Honestly, If I were T.I. (or T.I.P.) I would have to sue. Soulja Boy on the other hand is just the newest member of the ‘how stupid can I look on camera club’. The sunglasses, the backpack, the board ’shorts’. If you ever want to be taken seriously - wear clothes that fit. I can no longer tolerate dress sized white T’s, beaters, long shorts, and other ridiculous fashion choices. I know Bow Wow can dress better - he used to hang out with Omarion for chrissakes!
Oh, and speaking of jocking styles, when did Bow Wow start thinking he was Mike Jones? The phone number at the end was genius self promotion - but how could you rip that off 3 years after the fact?
The Bottom Line: Soulja Boy sucks. Bow Wow can’t do a solo track. This video is an embarassment to hiphop.
Quick - What’s better than 5 music video reviews in under 5 minutes? Nothing! Without further adieu, I present another installment of FNMTV quickies. MTV sets ‘em up and I knock ‘em down.
Rihanna - Take a Bow (Live)
I can handle the song and the lackluster performance, but the haircut is maddening. She looks like Halle Berry from the early 90s - and that’s not meant as a compliment.
T.I. - No Matter What
This whole thing seems really out of place. T.I. is at the top of his game right now - so why is he doing with a track that belongs on a comeback CD? T.I. needs to be doing more Big Things Poppin and less stuff like this. The track and video are boring and about 10 years too early.
No Age - Eraser
The first 2/3rds of the song is an extended intro instrumental without any depth. The remaining 1/3rd is incomprehensible and visually obscured by a fog machine, lights, and transitions. A huge whooshing waste of production dollars.
Day 26 - Since You’ve Been Gone
Jagged Edge and Blackstreet weren’t what I would call originals in the realm of R&B, but they had their own sound. This song smells way too much like them though. Diddy, you need to get right and figure out what you want to do with BadBoy. Also, graphic T’s are so over - is HipHop really just waking up to them?
Maroon 5 - If I Never See Your Face Again (Live)
The best thing that Adam Levine ever did was the I Ran SNL video with Andy Samberg, while Rihanna’s last decent video was Shut Up And Drive. I really miss the razor sharp bob she had going before. This performance is 8 types of crap. And Levine should chop ‘em off already - it’d be a lot easier than the falsetto.
Personally, I have never understood the cultish fascination people have with Nike Air Jordans. To me they are just expensive basketball shoes - but what do I know. Immensely popular, Jordans have been coming out steadily since about the time I was born. Of course, with great fashion comes great clothing care. Nelly just released this Public Service Announcement, Stepped on My J’z, to educate us all about the dangers that may befall your new Nikes.
The Track: Nelly is no stranger to songs about fashion accessories or shoes, ie Grillz and Air Force Ones. He also has a good working relationship with Jermaine Dupri. A recipe for success right? Well it’s a recipe, that’s for sure. The track sounds like a LOT like Grillz - minus knock. I suppose I should appreciate his dedication to a particular subject and being able towrite an entire song about it, but I can’t. Downright trite and derivative I say! Singing a song where half the lyrics read like a Jordan’s catalog exhibit’s neither talent nor creativity.
There is no point discussing the outlandishness of the message here either. Obviously there are worse things than scuffing your $200 Nikes. But, to put it in perspective - if I were 16 and had just spent $200 on new shoes - a scuff would seriously fuck up my whole day.
Right after Ciara’s verse, Nelly throws back to J-Kwon’s Tipsy and it totally made my day. All the lyrical genius is stored right here: “patent leather #11’s we call ‘em Space Jams,” “a spare off in my car just in case I catch a scar” That is what I expect for a top tier artist like Nelly. Sadly, 15 seconds of genius isn’t going to make up for the other 4.75 minutes of crap.
The Video: What possesses a man to write two songs about Nikes? Most likely a lot of free shoes. Perhaps Nelly can give SJP some tips. Homeboy is decked out in Jordan gear from head to toe. It borders on shameless label whoring. The video is a commercial for the cult of Air Jordan. If you like Jordan’s you’ll probably like it, and if not (like me) - you won’t.
The scene with the dude in the Celtics Jersey may not seem funny, but it is probably the funniest part of the video. That or Dupri’s ridiculous glasses. Nelly doesn’t exactly excel at comedy the way someone like T.I. does.
The turning point is when Ciara shows up, out of nowhere, and reminds us of her important contributions to hiphop. Namely, her excellent dancing skills and smoking’ hot body. Is she dropping an album anytime soon? The last one was pretty good.
The Bottom Line: I’ll watch anything with Ciara in it.
The fun never stops as we Spider-Man dat ho with Justique, Neal, and Nick talking up Hurricane Chris, TI, Belanova, Nelly, Sean Kingston, The Darjeeling Limited, Across the Universe, Avatar Book 3 Chapter 6, Casanova #10, Black Panther #31, Messiah CompleX #1, and mucho more.
The AudioShocker contains explicit language and themes. If you are not 18, GET OUT!
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