Let’s get right to it:
9. Circus of Crime - It’s not that that clowns aren’t scary because they are. But a whole crew of baddies based on the entertainment you’d find under a big top? It just seems so innocent and goofy. They’re not making me shake in my boots. They may very well be both hilarious AND dangerous, but not intimidating.
8. Vulture - Anyone that can drop me from up high and snap my neck gets a few automatic intimidation points. But the ruffled green suit takes a few of those points away. Then you find out that this guy is a crotchety, frail, and elderly kook. That’s when you can say goodbye to all intimidation points.
7. Penguin - Okay, seriously, he is creepy as hell in Batman Returns. But in the comic books, Oswald Cobblepot is a bit jollier and a lot less grimy. He’s like a rotund dwarf straight out of some Willy Wonka wonderland. Plus, he has a fantastic umbrella collection. I repeat… an umbrella collection.
6. Baron Zemo - Back when he was bad, Zemo didn’t have much in terms of intimidation except for a laser gun and the occasional mind control device. What he did have plenty of, however, was the color fuchsia, watermelon stripes, and snow leopard fur trim. Talk about a costume that really steals away some thunder…
5. Mister Sinister - I think it’s the weird arching tassels that function as a cape bridge and a collar at the same time. They make the guy look like a total moron. The “pasty pale with glowing red diamond” look takes his edge away too. This week saw the introduction of Miss Sinister. Will she be more intimidating? Only time will tell.
4. Paste-Pot-Pete - Hahahahahaha! Oh Paste Pot Pete, you’re such an unfortunate victim of corny 1960s Marvel Comics humor. Partway through your career, you changed your name to Trapster. But it was too late. The damage was already done. You will forever be remembered as Paste-Pot-Pete, no matter how many tricky or ensnaring traps you set.
3. Black Manta - It’s the helmet, really. Otherwise, I could go either way. He’s not the most impressive bad guy out there, but he’s not the weakest wimp on the scene. Still, that bulbous headgear makes me chortle every time. I actually think it looks sweet… for a Halloween costume making fun of a failed sci-fi movie from the 1950s.
2. Goblin Queen - For Maddie Pryor, it really comes down to the whole package. Her weird S&M meets leather straps fetish costume is pretty goofy. The fact that her name is “Goblin Queen” is worth a giggle. And knowing that she’s a clone with magic powers? Well, that just makes the entirety of this villain seem rather silly.
1. Blacklash / Whiplash - Unfortunately, having a neon green ponytail coming out of his head kind of negates any intimidation factor present… that, and the flowing fuchsia cape. The costume really makes Mark Scarlotti look silly. I mean, getting hit hard with a whip will always inspire a bit of fear. But that fear is easily erased by laughter as soon as you get a look at this guy.
It’s really all about the costume and the look. The powers here are a mix of magic, enhanced strength, super smarts, and expert weaponry. But all of these supervillains have one thing in common: they look lame!
Next: The Top 9 Best Moments from Avatar: The Last Airbender!
EDIT: Nick is otherwise occupied, so Neal will be giving you The Top 9 Reasons Why The My Sassy Girl Remake Will Suck!
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is a better number. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
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