Ed. Note: This will be my last planned ‘Girls I Want To Stick It To’ post. The inspiration comes too infrequently and all my in-progress drafts are crap. Therefore, I think it is time to end this feature and find something new. I will however leave you with this one last piece.
I dig girls who wear glasses. Spectacles instantly pique my interest and increase sex appeal exponentially. But, I’ll spare you the sexy librarian cliches today. Instead, I want to focus on why I prefer girls who wear glasses as opposed to the alternative contact lens and surgical options. I believe glasses are indicative of three things: self respect, personality, and honesty.
Wearing spectacles is an inconvenience: They slip down your nose, break easily, and are easy to lose among other things. They do however allow you to see, and vision is a sense that I value above all others. You have to respect yourself and your body before I can respect you. I am impressed by the girl who is more concerned with seeing well than looking good. (not that the two are incompatible)
Glasses reflect one’s personality. Eyewear is as much a part of the fashion industry as are shoes. With no dearth of styles, colors, and labels in a given price range, I think it is plausible to gauge how adventurous one is by their glasses. Does she wear wireframes to the office but Lisa Loeb cateyes on the weekend? It speaks a lot to how she carries herself.
There is little artifice in wearing glasses. Quite the opposite. Glasses show me that a girl can be honest with me. Contacts and refractive surgery are popular because they are cosmetic solutions devised to mask an imperfection. They are the ocular equivalent of fake lashes and bronzer. (yuck) A girl wearing glasses has little to hide and can just be herself.
I don’t mean to discriminate against ladies without the need or desire to wear spectacles, but in my book glasses are a go!
Okay, seriously, if these nine comedy movies were actually bad, I wouldn’t like them. By “bad,” I mean “in bad taste” or not received well by the movie going public.
9. Houseguest (1995)
8. Bachelor Party (1984)
7. Irish Jam (2006)
6. My Boss’s Daughter (2003)
5. Orgazmo (1997)
4. Screwed (2000)
3. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
2. Soul Plane (2004)
1. Kingpin (1996)
What are some common themes here? Sex, for one. And big losers for another. In fact, every main character is a “loser” or “down on their luck” at the beginning of the film. Pittsburgh is also a reoccurring theme, acting as the setting for Houseguest, Screwed, and a good part of Kingpin.
Notable exceptions to this list are the Naked Gun and Night Shift, if only because they are generally well received and accepted as quality comedy films.
Next: The Top 9 Best Synthesizer Solos!
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is a better number. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
Yes you read that headline correctly, I do not want to stick it to SJP. Obviously, there is her resemblance to Dee Snyder. It is well documented so I won’t waste ink on it, but it really is uncanny. Also, in Flight of the Navigator - she kind of shouts out Twisted Sister - almost foreshadowing the hilarious reality.
Maybe the real problem is that I can’t divorce SJP from Carrie Bradshaw. Sex and The City never entertained me and as a straight teenage guy living in New Haven, it didn’t have much for me to relate to. And that would be fine, if there weren’t an ‘epic’ movie being shoved in my face.
Parker hit the career-making-role jackpot with Carrie - but it’s a double-edged sword. While she’ll be remembered for popularizing Cosmopolitans and Manolos - she’ll also be associated with Carrie’s narcissism and selfishness. As occasional AS contributor Kirsten ‘The Kitchen’ notes, “…whenever one of the other girls complains about her life, Carrie finds a way to make a pun and bring the conversation back to herself.”
Perhaps I’m just too hung up on SATC, but I’m sorry SJP: I do not want to stick it to you. My sincerest apologies.
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