Tag Archive for ‘PPG’ at AudioShocker

me: I think I found my next Girl I Want To Stick It To
ro: Oh yeah?
ro: Who
neal: Cute Female Vocalist aka Sara Bareilles / Aimee Mann / Fiona Apple / Regina Spektor
neal: well ok, Aimee Mann isn’t really “cute”
ro: CFV…where do you come up with this stuff?

Sara Bareilles may have a strong nose, but that isn’t necessarily a bad thing and her music is accessible - which I like in my female vocalists. She writes songs that aren’t atrocious, spiked with vocoder, or full of the screechy notes that R&B divas are infatuated with.

Aimee Mann’s music is like Valium, and that combined with a shot of Jack Daniels is how I get through winter. Thanks Chris, (my roommate from freshman year) for introducing me.

Fiona Apple recorded the best music she ever would when she was 16, but it took me till I was 25 to realize it. That record gets a lot of play according to my iTunes stats. Fiona is sort of the antithesis of a PPG but that pout is pretty attractive.

And Regina! Regina Spektor is too cute for words and it’s disarming. One minute you’re listening to these sweet love songs and then BAM! she’s cursing like a sailor, singing about about ODing, and belting out funny ditties about people fucking to her music.

The conversation ended pretty abruptly since Ro was busy last week, but you get the point. Female vocalists and particularly those who play the piano, (do you play Aimee?), rank pretty high in my book. My friend Evan came to the same conclusion a year or two before I did and he won’t let me forget it.

Cute Female Vocalist, I’d love to help you warm up before the show. Don’t get it? How about this: I’d like to stick it to you.

Sara Barreiles Aimee Mann Fiona Apple Regina Spektor

her: Happy 7th of July!
me: What?
her: Isn’t today an excellent day?
me: It’s Monday, overcast, and storming.
her: Perfect time to get a jump on the week!

That is the fictional conversation I had earlier with today’s subject: the perky positive girl (PPG). PPGs wear permanent smiles and are optimistic to the point of being insufferable. I like to picture Mandy Moore in the first act of Saved. Miley Cyrus and Reese Witherspoon fit the description too. PPGs see good even where there isn’t any. It is nearly impossible to bum these girls out. Many have strong religious convictions, but that isn’t a rule. Plenty of PPGs would just as readily sidestep that quagmire.

So, how could I be attracted to someone so sickeningly sweet? I suppose it’s physics. I radiate a lot of negative energy. I can’t help it - I expect the worst. When a PPG enters my space I am acutely aware of it. I am yin and she yang. Less cryptically, opposites attract. Flirtatious arguing ensues and then I’m smitten. Like a battery, we produce a lot of energy (she’s the cathode in this simile) and that’s kind of sexy.

Lastly, PPGs are in HR terms ‘internally motivated’. They will use any means necessary to achieve their goals, and that makes them valuable allies - as long as you don’t cross them. You can bet that Bonnie Parker was a PPG during her run with Clyde. Think about how this could work in your favor.

Happy 7th of July Perky Positive Girl. You are right, is an excellent day and I want to stick it to you!