9. Nachos. I want some fucking nachos. Some crappy, 7-Eleven nachos.
8. Root Beer. I want some goddamn root beer with my fucking nachos.
7. Porn. Possibly ebony or asian, but most importantly lesbian.
6. An Action Movie. After the nachos, root beer, and porno, I want a balls-to-the-wall action movie. But not the lame “Bourne” style that they make now. I want a 90s style action movie with weird sci-fi overtones, obvious in-camera special effects (preferably bad makeup FX), and some sort of social commentary. Like Total Recall or Street Fighter.
5. Jelly Belly Jelly Beans. Carmel corn and buttered popcorn flavors only.
4. A Nap. After all that, I’m going to be a little tired.
3. NES Games. After a refreshing nap, what better way to pass the time than by playing some awesome Nintendo Entertainment System video games? I have Super Mario Bros 1 and 3, Pinball, Tetris, Jackie Chan’s Action Kung Fu, Double Dragon, and Bartman Meets Radioactive Man. I also have Road Runner tucked away somewhere, but that game blows.
2. RoadBlasters. I love my NES game selection at home, but I need more variety. I’m in the mood for RoadBlasters, the awesome driving game where the box art looks like the cars from the cartoon M.A.S.K.
1. Go To Sleep And Do It All Over Again. After I finish playing RoadBlasters, I want to go to bed. Then I want to wake up the next morning and do all of this stuff again, in order. Of course, I’ll watch a different porno and a different action movie, but I’ll still eat the same stuff and play RoadBlasters by the end. This shall be known as an endless, infinite cycle of fun.
Next: The Top 9 Characters in the Marvel Universe That Have Stepped Up Since Civil War!
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
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