Tag Archive for 'Nelly'

Ludacris - What Them Girls Like? (Our Podcast!)

Ludacris is a great lyricist and Chris Brown is a hot commodity. So obviously putting them together gaurantees a hit. That is the theory behind Luda’s new joint What Them Girls Like. I once speculated that I could tell what girls what were thinking. I was right - but unfortunately so: girls in fifth grade aren’t so much into Magic: The Gathering. From this I learned the important lesson that ignorance is bliss. But enough about me, let’s get down to the nitty gritty.

The Track: Luda says it best at the tail end of the track between shout outs to Chris Brown and Sean Garret: ‘It’s too easy’. He’s right. The hand claps, knock, and syrupy flow have me sprung. The track reminds me of Nelly’s E.I. mixed with Drop It Like It’s Hot. I could do without Sean Garret’s vocals. Oldboy should stick to producing - he’s actually good at it.

Luda is big on name dropping - but it’s part of his style. He owns it, just like how Agness Deyn owns that blonde pixie cut. Surprisingly, none of the punchlines are noteworthy. I didn’t find myself running the track back to hear a line again. That is kind of unprecedented for Ludacris. I still like the track, but I am a little disappointed.

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The Video: Luda’s videos typically involve a lot of girls. More specifically, girls dancing, looking good, and being flirtatious. It adds to the appeal of the party and Chris Brown doesn’t do videos unless he can show off his moves. Seriously, show me a video where he isn’t MJing around the dance floor.

I know that all sounds dangerously close to Ryan Leslie’s video, but Luda uses it. Sure, the girls are hot, but that’s not the point. They are a mean’s to a punchline, and the joke is on them. The speech bubbles give each girl a voice, but that voice is exactly what guys want to hear. The video portrays women with the mentality of an Axe Body Spray commercial.

Two more things - At the beginning of verse two Luda drops a line about girls wanting families and security. Look closely at the supporting bubble, you have to laugh. Also, the speech bubbles should really be thought bubbles.

The Bottom Line: Kind of mediocre - I encourage Luda to spend some time on punchlines. They are a signature part of his repetoire.

FNMTV - Jonas Brothers, Shwayze, Nelly, and Slipknot

It’s another installment of FNMTV, 5 super quick music video reviews from the master of vitriol (me). This week’s videos were ‘easy listening’ for the most part. Don’t believe me? Check them out for yourself.

Jonas Brothers - Burnin Up (Live)
OMFG it’s Hanson! No wait, it’s a non-girl-looking version of Hanson that wishes it was Maroon 5. As usual, this live performance is kind of half-assed. Watch the real video instead. It’s stupid, but Danny Trejo is in it for like 3 seconds. That dude is awesome.

Nelly - Body On Me
Uhm… Did Nelly and Ashanti get back together? Am I that out of the loop? Didn’t he crush her and she was doing late night drivebys or something? Either way, this is a pretty low impact video. Akon’s voice is nearly tolerable for once too. Nothing special or even that flashy here. Surprising considering the whole thing takes place in a casino.

Shwayze - Corona and Lime
I won’t comment on how ridiculous Shwayze is as a concept. You can read the artist bio yourself. The video is funny enough though. It’s a little California Girls and a little Weird Al. That said, these have to be the whitest and least freaky deaky ‘video-hos’ ever. You could take this video home to mama or show it to your 8 year old.

Slipknot - Psycho Social
All I know about Slipknot is that they have a lot of drummers and they like masks. Both were present and I think I saw a tympany too. There is some stuff on fire - giant paper mache heads I believe. Who writes the treatments for these videos? If I were a record label exec I would be thinking, “My toddler’s nightmares are more creative than this.”

Lesley Roy - I’m Gone, I’m Going
Only two words to describe this: CHUBRIL LAVIGNE.

Nelly - Stepped on My J’z

Personally, I have never understood the cultish fascination people have with Nike Air Jordans. To me they are just expensive basketball shoes - but what do I know. Immensely popular, Jordans have been coming out steadily since about the time I was born. Of course, with great fashion comes great clothing care. Nelly just released this Public Service Announcement, Stepped on My J’z, to educate us all about the dangers that may befall your new Nikes.

The Track: Nelly is no stranger to songs about fashion accessories or shoes, ie Grillz and Air Force Ones. He also has a good working relationship with Jermaine Dupri. A recipe for success right? Well it’s a recipe, that’s for sure. The track sounds like a LOT like Grillz - minus knock. I suppose I should appreciate his dedication to a particular subject and being able towrite an entire song about it, but I can’t. Downright trite and derivative I say! Singing a song where half the lyrics read like a Jordan’s catalog exhibit’s neither talent nor creativity.

There is no point discussing the outlandishness of the message here either. Obviously there are worse things than scuffing your $200 Nikes. But, to put it in perspective - if I were 16 and had just spent $200 on new shoes - a scuff would seriously fuck up my whole day.

Right after Ciara’s verse, Nelly throws back to J-Kwon’s Tipsy and it totally made my day. All the lyrical genius is stored right here: “patent leather #11’s we call ‘em Space Jams,” “a spare off in my car just in case I catch a scar” That is what I expect for a top tier artist like Nelly. Sadly, 15 seconds of genius isn’t going to make up for the other 4.75 minutes of crap.

The Video: What possesses a man to write two songs about Nikes? Most likely a lot of free shoes. Perhaps Nelly can give SJP some tips. Homeboy is decked out in Jordan gear from head to toe. It borders on shameless label whoring. The video is a commercial for the cult of Air Jordan. If you like Jordan’s you’ll probably like it, and if not (like me) - you won’t.

The scene with the dude in the Celtics Jersey may not seem funny, but it is probably the funniest part of the video. That or Dupri’s ridiculous glasses. Nelly doesn’t exactly excel at comedy the way someone like T.I. does.

The turning point is when Ciara shows up, out of nowhere, and reminds us of her important contributions to hiphop. Namely, her excellent dancing skills and smoking’ hot body. Is she dropping an album anytime soon? The last one was pretty good.

The Bottom Line: I’ll watch anything with Ciara in it.

MTV’s FNMTV, I Hate To Love You

I don’t have cable. I consume media via Netflix, torrent, and various streaming sources. That said, I noticed that MTV started a new feature on Friday nights called FNMTV. Basically, Pete Wentz (the D-bag that knocked up Ashlee Simpson, hosted a segment involving a bunch of new music videos with some wrap-around filler. I am ashamed to say it, but I love the idea of getting 5 new videos to criticize at a time. It’s like a game, ‘how pejorative can I be in 30 minutes?’ I can’t wait till next week!

The new music videos are linked below along with a very brief synopsis. Honestly, I disliked all of these videos enough that I won’t waste our time with full length reviews.

Flo Rida w/ Will.I.Am - Ayer
Will.I.Am and Flo Rida do a club track with a crappy hook - in a bank. At least it’s not about strippers this time. Of note: the video girls are not up to par; I posit this video was done on the cheap - ironic considering the setting.

The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
It’s basically a younger (blonde) version of The White Stripes. Remember Seven Nation Army? Yeah, this is just like that. Seriously, track and video.

Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
Carmit, Kimberly, Ashley, Jessica, and Melody - I totally get it. You wanted to be famous sooo bad that you smeared on fake tanner, took dance classes, and did a lot of crunches. And look, you totally got it! Now you get to dance in the background and compete for screentime while Nicole sings! Sofa King Great!

Snoop Dogg ft. Everlast and Willie Nelson - My Medicine
Hey Snoop - didn’t Nelly have a country crossover hit back in 2004 with Tim McGraw? Aren’t you a bit late to the party? Snoop is a pimp no matter what medium he operates in. This ‘country’ track is no exception. I have to give him cred for attempting this, but “I’d like to dedicate this record right here to my main man Johnny Cash - a real American Gangster” Are you effing serious?

Panic at the Disco - That Green Gentleman (Live)
A live performance is hardly a video - and I am fairly ignorant about this group. So, I looked up the actual video. WAY BETTER. I don’t dig the track, but the video is totally watchable.

And the coup de grace: Snoop Dogg and Panic At the Disco - Gin and Juice
E P I C   F A I L. This is as pointless and brand damaging as Snoop’s shortlived TV show. I know, I know, MTV sort of created you - but did you take a bloodoath or something requiring you to do whatever they ask?

Flo Rida - I Will Not Ride Your Elevator

Flo Rida’s single Low is doing pretty well. I mean, these days having T-Pain’s vocoder-riding ass anywhere near your track seems to grant instant success. So, it shouldn’t surprise you that homeboy’s new single Elevator features non other than super producer Timbaland. As usual, I’ll give you the lowdown and examine the beat, video, content, and vocals.

The Beat: The intro piano line sounds like it was stolen from a daytime soap. Fortunately, it doesn’t last long and Timbaland promptly dispenses a Promiscuous Girl grade beat. The subtle synth line works really well against the snaps. Are you dancing yet?

The Video: Whoever styled this video has a great sense of humor. The elevator girls are well cast and the ‘hood rat’ has the best facial expressions. The dancers look like they got lost on the way to a Sir Mixalot / MC Hammer video shoot. The whole “Elevator” thing is funny without being overdone; Aerosmith would be proud. And did you catch the GMILF at the end?! Negatives: a little too much product placement (watch, Gucci bag, iPhone etc), celeb cameos (Rick Ross and like every other dude from MIA) were extensive, and too many shots of Flo Rida’s lame tattoo.

The Content: Basically Flo Rida is saying that regardless of what kind of girl you are. Golddigger, classy dyme, or hood rat - he can do you right. Does this sound like well worn territory to you? It is. Every rapper has one of these “I love all types of women” tracks. Remember Girls Girls Girls by JayZ or E.I. by Nelly? The major difference here is that Flo doesn’t use punchlines - just pop culture references like “drop that top model body.”

The Vocals: Flo can’t ride a beat like Nelly or JayZ, but, I’ll take homeboy over Akon, T-Pain, or Hurricane Chris anyday. Also, his delivery is pretty clear.

The Bottom Line: The hook is simple enough for your grandma, and maybe that’s enough to make this track a hit. A great video certainly can’t hurt either. Enjoy this one.

Video Throwback - 10 of My Favorites

The writer’s strike has begun to affect more than just TV. I haven’t seen a decent music video premier is over a month. Much like late night TV, I have resorted to re-runs of classic videos from my youth. Do you remember the days when the Real World didn’t come on in 10 hour blocks and Busta Rhymes was making all those wild videos? No? Well, with the magic of YouTube I present: Neal’s Video Throwback. I hope these decade old morsels are fresh enough to slake your thirst during this ridiculous drought.

10. Basketcase - Green Day - 6th grade was a crazy time full of self-loathing and the noxious whiff of puberty. Sound familiar?

9. No Diggity - Blackstreet -This may have been one my first experience with booty dancers. It looks like they jacked Boyz II Men’s wardrobe for this video, but at least they weren’t sporting shiny suits.

8. Du Hast - Rammstein - Years before assclowns like SlipKnot were getting airplay, there was Rammstein. Tell me this doesen’t make you want to run into the street and slap a fat kid.

7. Glycerine - Bush - I feel like I could have put ANY Bush track from the first album here. The video might be ’simple’ by today’s standards, but this used to pass for a decent video 10 years ago.

6. Wonderwall - Oasis - Joke all you want, but I know you own this CD. I used to listen to this on gray rainy days. Seeing as how I grew up in Pittsburgh - you can imagine how often that was. This video went straight from MTV to VH1’s Pop-up Video. If that isn’t indicative of its massive popularity, I am not sure what is.

Continue reading ‘Video Throwback - 10 of My Favorites’

Podcast Episode 005

The fun never stops as we Spider-Man dat ho with Justique, Neal, and Nick talking up Hurricane Chris, TI, Belanova, Nelly, Sean Kingston, The Darjeeling Limited, Across the Universe, Avatar Book 3 Chapter 6, Casanova #10, Black Panther #31, Messiah CompleX #1, and mucho more.

 
 AudioShocker #5 [52:27m]: Play Now | Download