Tag Archive for 'james bond'

The Top 9 New Marvel Films Starring Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury

Published
by
nick marino
on February 27, 2009
in The Top 9
. 5 Comments

Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury

Jackson as Nick Fury

Superhero movie fans breathed a collective sigh of relief this week as Marvel Studios announced that Samuel L Jackson will be back to play Colonel Nicholas Joseph Fury… back, that is, for NINE more fucking films!!!

While is certainly feels good to know that Sam isn’t feuding with Marvel anymore, our collective thoughts now turn to bigger questions: for example, if the Formula 51 actor (no, not Formula 50, you asshats… but I bet Curtis was thinking of Formula 51 when he named his Vitamin Water… it tastes like Flintstones Vitamins, BTW…) takes Marvel Studios up on its full contractual option, which Marvel Comics will get turned into blockbuster flicks for Sam’s next nine movies?

“HOLD ONTO YOUR BUTTS!” because here comes The Top 9 New Marvel Films Starring Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury:

9. Ant-Man. This movie has been announced, so I figure it’s going to get made eventually. Sam should have a cameo in this one if only to stop by and call Hank Pym a “MUTHERFUCKER!” for slapping Janet around.

8. Thor. Again, this movie sure looks like it’s going to get made (by Kenneth Branagh, nonetheless). It’s the perfect opportunity to hear Sammy shout, “Hold onto your Asgardian butt, Odinson!”

7. Captain America: The First Avenger. Stupid title, but it’s getting made. It’ll all be worth it, however, when Sam gets to yell, “Yes these Nazis deserve to die, and I hope they BURN IN HELL!”

6. Iron Man 2. This movie should pick up where the last one left off, with Robert Downey Jr saying, “What? Join your Avenger Initiative!?! You just broke into my house!!! Fuck off, Fury!”

5. The Avengers. Again, already announced. I hope Marvel Studios picks up on the plot hints from the Ultimates 2 storyline and delivers a scene where Bruce Banner walks in on Nick Fury as he fucks the shit out of Betty Ross. “HULK SMASH SEXY EYEPATCH MAN!”

4. S.H.I.E.L.D. Recent press coverage features mention of a potential S.H.I.E.L.D. film. Go for it, Marvel! Just give me tons of Samuel L Jackson LMDs running around shouting, “Fuck you, MUTHERFUCKERs! I’m the real Nick Fury!!!”

3. Secret Warriors. Now the fun begins as I make shit up out of thin air. My first choice? A hilarious Secret Warriors laugh fest starring Samuel L Jackson. Nick Fury has just recruited the next generation of superheroes… but these kids just want to throw keggers and party all day!!! Watch as Colonel Fury tries to control these wild young recruits and turn them into the heroes of tomorrow! Co-starring Jonah Hill as The Druid, Shia Leboeuf as Hellfire, and Elisha Cuthbert as Quake.

2. Nick Fury 2: Identity Crisis. What about the first Nick Fury movie, you ask? It’s already been made! Yeah, it sucked… but we have to honor past continuity. The only reasonable solution is to make a movie starring BOTH Samuel L Jackson and David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury(s) from alternate dimensions. The plot will revolve around their Wile E Coyote antics to destroy each other to claim the title of Ultimate Nick Fury.

1. Fury Vs. 007. You know you want it! Fiction’s two biggest super spies duke it out with crazy gadgets and souped up sports cars. In the tradition of the mighty Marvel team-up, these two will realize they’re on the same side halfway thru the movie and then go fight a common enemy: Jason Bourne, the hotshot wannabe super spy who’s really just an emo amnesiac. Then, after they kick the shit out of Bourne, Nick Fury and James Bond will go tag team Betty Ross and make Bruce Banner cry again. “HULK SMASH THREESOME!”

More: The Top 9 Best Live-Action Superhero Movies!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

AudioShocker Podcast #56 – Beer Goggles Are Dangerous

Published
by
nick marino
on November 18, 2008
in Podcast Episodes
. 0 Comments

Quantum of Solace would be better on valium, James Bond seriously needs some gadgets, the Bond girls are boring, All I Want is pathetic but it has typewriters, even T-Pain’s top hat can’t ruin the Ludacris video “One More Drink,” the new Star Trek trailer makes Neal excited, and he wraps up his half with a review of a WSJ review of Slumdog Millionaire.

Then Nick takes over to discuss Uncanny X-Men #165-#175, the “From the Ashes” run by Chris Claremont and Paul Smith. Nick dissects their work, identifying the artistic nuances that make Smith’s pencils so incredible while noting how Claremont introduced so many classic X-Men elements in such a short space of time.

 
 AudioShocker #56 [34:24m]: Play Now | Download

Quantam of Solace – TXT Message Review

Published
by
neal
on November 14, 2008
in TXT Message Reviews
. 3 Comments

I mentioned earlier this week that Bond movies are uniquely formulated to appeal to a wide audience. James Bond is popular because his moves are predictable and consistently entertaining. Despite a battery of negative press, I braved the cold and the cynics to form my own opinion. My thoughts follow, as usual, in 160 characters or less.

QoS sucked. No humor, no gadgets, no fun; I’m unimpressed. The best part was the Minority Report style computer interface. This ‘Gritty’ 007 is boring.

Oh well, perhaps Daniel Craig will get it right next time.

Culturology 004 – Dick Cheney, We Forgive You

Published
by
pete
on October 20, 2008
in Culturology
. 10 Comments

So this week I’d finally look ahead to the future, and talk about something that I’m sure no one else, anywhere, ever, has yet talked about: the title of the new James Bond picture, Quantum of Solace. Or, it’s one of those things that it seems like everyone, just everyone has an opinion about, so I want to go ahead and record my view of the matter here at Culturology for posterity’s and history’s sake. My stance? Eh, it’s really not that bad. It seems like the discussion (as most discussions) breaks down into a simple set of pros and cons.

The pros:

1) It’s unique. I reckon that the title (and off the bat here, albeit parenthetically, I’d like to mention that the fact that it’s an actual title of an actual Ian Fleming story is pretty much completely unimportant) was picked as much for its sound as anything else. Kind of quasi-scientific but thoroughly open-ended. I suppose the expanded title would be something like A Discrete, Sub-Microscopic Amount of Solace. I’ve occasionally heard people complaining that the title doesn’t make any sense, but that really isn’t the case.

2) The notion of solace being right there in the title reminds the viewer that Daniel Craig’s James Bond is a different kind of Bond. Is a quantum of solace all the comfort and peace he’s going to get? Or how much he already has? Or how much he’s looking for? The Pierce Brosnan Bond movies came to be in the decadent mid-to-late ‘90s and, as such, were prone to the same kind of ridiculousness that ruined the Kilmer and Clooney Batman movies (though I generally think that Batman & Robin was so ridiculous that it’s worth keeping around, especially as Exhibit A in my on-going argument that the mid-to-late ‘90s was one of the most decadent and culturally destructive time-periods in American history), as awful titles like Tomorrow Never Dies, and The World is Not Enough demonstrate. Pierce Brosnan was a cardboard cut-out; Daniel Craig is not.

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