Tag Archive for 'George Clooney'

Culturology 053 - Mr. Clooney Goes to Washington

Published
by
pete
on January 11, 2010
in Culturology
. 1 Comment

Wow! It's been a while. Consider my tail thoroughly tucked, after the mockery I absorbed during the recording of the You Don't Suck Awards podcast. But now, as it turns out, I've only got about eight minutes of internet time in which to post this before having to run and catch a bus! Doesn't that just blow.

And I had a great, what I would consider to be a classic-style culturological formulation ready and everything. I'll get it out here, and maybe add to this if/when I get the chance, should conversation not bubble off as rapidly as I think it will.

Over the weekend, I third wheeled with a friend of mine and his girlfriend to go see the new George Clooney vehicle, Up in the Air, which is a great kind of movie to third wheel on, since it's the usual brand of "indie" rom-com that uses an episodic structure and general plotlessness to come off as quirky and indie as it's been perceived as by the general-ish viewing public. A general waste of a time of a movie, except for an awesome cameo by Sam Elliot (though I missed all his dialogue because I was too busy whispering Big Lebowski quotes to my friend's girlfriend (in typical third wheel fashion)).

But here's the point I want to make, about George Clooney:

George Clooney will always be disappointing as an actor because he's constantly trying to be Jimmy Stewart when he's really--and hopelessly--James Cagney.

-

The Top 9 WORST Actors in Live-Action Superhero Films

Published
by
nick marino
on March 13, 2009
in The Top 9
. 6 Comments
Halle Berry attempts to atone for Catwoman and Storm

Even that can't make up for what you did to us, Halle.

This post is a response to last week's Top 9 Actors in Live-Action Superhero Films. That list was the "glass is half full" to this post's "the glass is half empty."

It's important to note that this is our first community-created Top 9 list. If you want to get in on the action for the next Top 9 post, nominate you ideas below in the comments and we'll get to it.

Honorable mention to George Clooney (Bats), Chris O'Donnell (the Boy Wonder), and Alicia Silverstone (She-Bats) from Batman & Robin. You three sucked so much that everybody knows it, thus making your appearance on this list completely unnecessary.

9. James Marsden as Cyclops. Cyke has been a lot of things in his career, but he's never been a more of a dick than when James Marsden played him on the big screen. Jimmy tried so damn hard to be a good Scott Summers, but he sucked. He sucked so much, in fact, that the filmmakers decided to kill the character off. That's some serious sucking.

8. Jim Carrey as Riddler. I think it's the skintight suit and the jazz hands that really seal the deal on this one. Carrey almost sold me at first as Edward Nigma, but the honeymoon faded fast when he slipped into supervillainy and proceeded to give me a headache as the Riddler.

7. Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Vinnie made a strong case for topping this list, if not for his classic "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" line. At least he gave us something to laugh at while he was stinking up the house. The entirety X-Men: The Last Stand could fill up this blog post, but let's just say that Vinnie's carrying the torch for that whole piece of shit.

6. Christian Bale as Batman. It's the voice, really. I mean, the guy isn't terrible as Bruce Wayne. But his Batman is so annoying and husky that it negates any good performance by his alter ego. Plus, he's annoyed me in two different movies as Batman. That's gotta count for something.

5. Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. Damn it, Uma! You're supposed to be better than this!!! Yeah, we expected pure shit from Clooney, O'Donnell, and Silverstone in Batman & Robin... but not from you! You're the classy one. Fucking hell, Uma, even Schwarzenegger made you look bad.

4. David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury. Have you seen this made-for-TV movie? Probably not. So trust me on this one: you DON'T want to see it. Yeah, it's that bad. I promise.

3. Ben Affleck as Daredevil. Matt Murdock was blinded as a child, his father was murdered by the mob, his career was ruined by the man who also destroyed him physically, his drug addicted and deadly girlfriends have been murdered by the same man, and he's even been impersonated by another hero best known for doing roundhouse kicks in his slippers... but none of this could ever compare to the shame Daredevil felt when he was portrayed by Ben Affleck on the big screen.

2. Matt Salinger as Captain America. This one falls into the same category as Hasselhoff - you probably haven't seen it and you probably shouldn't. I saw this film as a child, and for years I had to silently work thru the emotional trauma of watching Salinger fill out Cap's threads.

1. Halle Berry as Storm AND Catwoman. An actor so nice we hate on her twice! It's not everyday that you get to royally suck as not one BUT two blockbuster superheroes. Add to it that these two characters span four different films and we've got ourselves a WORST winner! Meow!!!

More: The Top 9 New Marvel Films Starring Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Culturology 002 - Shoot Brad Pitt in the Head After Reading

Published
by
pete
on October 6, 2008
in Culturology
. 7 Comments

I realize that this post is, maybe, three weeks late to be as topical as it could be, but let’s look all the way back, for a moment, to the month of September and the Coen brother’s most recent film, Burn After Reading. I saw this on its opening weekend and wasn’t disappointed. Wasn’t blown away, but was generally quite entertained by it. I had been nervous leading up to it because of the movie’s trailers, which seemed to be advertising the film as essentially just an ensemble-casted yarn. But this is, in fact, what interests me about the Coen brothers in the first place: they seem to be able to make films with ensemble casts that are not, in fact, ensemble cast movies.

To clarify, by “ensemble cast movie” I mean any variety of film that is recognized, first and foremost, for its breadth of cast before anything else—be it (to keep my points of reference generally contemporary) the not-underrated-but-not-terrible-either Rat Race or the ensemble cast movie for the ages of The Royal Tenenbaums (or the later, terrible, Wes Anderson movies). So how can I separate many of the Coen brother’s star-studded rosters from the category? In a couple of ways:

1) Characters vs. stars-playing-characters. Are the main characters beings unto themselves, or obvious place-holders for the type of character most likely to be played by actor/actress X? With the Coen brother’s being generally well-known for their characters, here is perhaps a key as to why I don’t see their movies as being ensemble-y; for instance (though The Big Lebowski doesn’t necessarily figure into this conversation) Jeff Bridges (one of the great actors of his generation) is so completely The Dude that one forgets he is a star in many other movies as well—if anything, I have trouble forgetting that Jeff Bridges isn’t The Dude in other movies. Ensemble movies, therefore, are more actor-forward, such as Bill Murray playing Bill-Murray-as-a-hack-shrink in Royal Tenebaums, or any number of famous people just stuck into roles just north of cameos to get them on the cast list.

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