Tag Archive for 'fnmtv'

FNMTV - Ne-Yo, Pink, Cassie, John Legend

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neal
on August 24, 2008
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Sorry if I throw a million posts your way this week. I feel like I have to blog my ass off now since I’ll be on the road starting Thursday. I caught today’s ep of FNMTV during the afternoon and well, I think it speaks for itself. No wait, I take that back. I’ll speak for it:

Ne-Yo - Closer (Live)
Whenever I see Ne-Yo I can’t help but think he looks like a less popular version of Chris Brown mixed with Djimon Hounsou. He does use a real band though and that’s kind of cool. Dancers’ outfits suck though.

Pink - So What
Homegirl is really in her element here. Pretty impressive that Hart agreed to do the video. I generally don’t dig Pink - and probably will continue not too - but this video is alright. Great song to get drunk too. In fact, I think I might just go do that right now.

Cassie - Official Girl
Wow. So much to say, check out this week’s full fledged review.

John Legend - Green Light ft. Andre 3000
The beat is wack, the hook sucks, and Andre 3000 employs stream of consciousness rather than structured verse - but god damn would I like to be at that party. It looks like a lot of fun. Especially if it’s not your house.

Ne-Yo - Miss Independent (Live)
Ne-Yo’s gimmick for this album is wearing suits. He also plays off the emerging trend of ‘independent women’ in hiphop. Apparently ballers no longer want to get with guap gulping groupies. Besides the obvious advantages of her picking up the check once in a while, a girl that gets her own cash might support you if your abum flops.

The Bottom Line: Pink obviously takes the gold this week - but I think I’ll give John Legend the silver for a decent party scene.

FNMTV - Donnie Klang, Morningwood, The Cab, Santogold

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neal
on August 9, 2008
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Another Saturday, another recap of FNMTV. I’m a bit out of my element this week as I haven’t heard of any of these artists. Frankly, they don’t really coincide with my sphere of musical tastes. So, please excuse my ignorance as I break it down. (and can you believe Bernie Mac just died?)

Donnie Klang - Take You There
First of all, who picks up girls in a liquor store? Second, this Puffy/Klang thing looks like it was specifically devised to compete with the Timbaland/Timberlake sound; it doesen’t compare. Puffy, please back out of the music business and retire to being simply a celebrity. Readers, if you want to see a more accurate idea of how video would have played out, please watch The Boys & Girls Guide to Getting Down.

Morningwood - Sugarbaby
Haha. Morningwood. I love making fun of American Apparel wearing, gold digging, label whoring, hipster girls. The puppet thing is great too. This video is good for at least 5-6 viewings before I get sick of it - and that’s saying a lot.

The Cab - I’ll Run
This video is comprised of a band performance, long shaggy hair flying around, and some people making out in front of public transportation. There’s no tension, conflict, narrative, and no running. Lastly, is the lead singer seriously rocking a non-skinny tie in 2008? What a fashion faux pas! Homeboy needs a new stylist.

Santogold - L.E.S. Artistes (Live)
Santogold is kind of like a skinny Macy Gray, with a simiarly hard to listen to voice. Don’t even get me started on the leotard / jumpsuit outfit. I just can’t get into her steez. Sorry!

The Bottom Line: Morningwood wins the gold medal for “least terrible video” this week along with a special commendation for actually being funny.

FNMTV - Miley Cyrus, David Banner, Hawthorne Heights, and All Time Low

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neal
on August 3, 2008
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So, after a dismal showing last week, FNMTV returns with 2 live performances by Miley Cyrus and some other less important stuff. How do this week’s videos stack up? Perhaps you should just keep on reading:

Miley Cyrus - 7 Things (Live)
Easily the best live performance ever on FNMTV. This is also 679 times better than the real video. Notice how Miley plays to the camera instead of the crowd and wears herself out from all the running around. I have to say, the girl has energy.

Hawthorne Heights - Rescue Me
Let this be a lesson that a Les Paul and a Flying V will not save your video (or band) from sucking. Basically, there is a crappy band with skinny ties and a girl playing Harry Houdini with technicolor stuff in the water. I’m not sold.

David Banner - Shawty Say ft. Lil Wayne
Basically… be nice to your lady and raise your kids. Otherwise, David Banner is going to sample a Lil Wayne track and then blow your lady’s back out while you sit at home. alone. At least, I think that’s the point - Banner mumbles a lot.

All Time Low - Poppin
Oh I get it. It’s another video making fun of suburban white kids and their love of gaudy hip hop style and trappings. Isn’t making fun of a cliche even more cliche? Also, this band blows. They sound like what garbage would sound like, if garbage sang and played instruments.

Miley Cyrus - Fly on The Wall (Live)
Miley, you were doing so well until this! I can’t bring myself to say good things about this. In fact, I’m not entirely convinced that this isn’t a B-52s cover. And the secret spy dancers? Come on, we all know you can’t dance. (Of course, I can’t wait to see the end of the battle on Monday)

The bottom line: It’s kind of a wash, but Miley Cyrus still places above everyone else this week. Till next time.

FNMTV - Danity Kane, Bow Wow, Chromeo, and Toyko Police Club

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neal
on July 27, 2008
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Only 4 videos this week? FNMTV is really dropping the ball. Well, I don’t have a ton of time this weekend anyway, so our quickies will have to be even quicker.

Danity Kane - Bad Girl
Diddy’s girls make a mockery and tries to cash in on the comic book movie trend. Missy Elliot drops a verse too. Oh, and there are some costume changes that go by too fast to appreciate. Mannequins have more personality than these ladies.

Bow Wow - Marco Polo
Wow. I have way too much to say about this - so I’ll save it for this week’s full length music video review. Watch out for that early next week. short version: trite unrepentant tween garbage.

Chromeo - Momma’s Boy
This is a 2008 update of A-Ha’s Take on Me with a vocoder and without the falsetto) Not sure I dig the thematic content though. Seems a bit too Elektra/Odepius.

Tokyo Police Club - Graves (Live)
Hey TPC has anyone ever told you that you’re like a really shitty version of The Shins combined with The Strokes?

Chromeo wins the award for least terrible video this week.

FNMTV - Jonas Brothers, Shwayze, Nelly, and Slipknot

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neal
on July 20, 2008
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It’s another installment of FNMTV, 5 super quick music video reviews from the master of vitriol (me). This week’s videos were ‘easy listening’ for the most part. Don’t believe me? Check them out for yourself.

Jonas Brothers - Burnin Up (Live)
OMFG it’s Hanson! No wait, it’s a non-girl-looking version of Hanson that wishes it was Maroon 5. As usual, this live performance is kind of half-assed. Watch the real video instead. It’s stupid, but Danny Trejo is in it for like 3 seconds. That dude is awesome.

Nelly - Body On Me
Uhm… Did Nelly and Ashanti get back together? Am I that out of the loop? Didn’t he crush her and she was doing late night drivebys or something? Either way, this is a pretty low impact video. Akon’s voice is nearly tolerable for once too. Nothing special or even that flashy here. Surprising considering the whole thing takes place in a casino.

Shwayze - Corona and Lime
I won’t comment on how ridiculous Shwayze is as a concept. You can read the artist bio yourself. The video is funny enough though. It’s a little California Girls and a little Weird Al. That said, these have to be the whitest and least freaky deaky ‘video-hos’ ever. You could take this video home to mama or show it to your 8 year old.

Slipknot - Psycho Social
All I know about Slipknot is that they have a lot of drummers and they like masks. Both were present and I think I saw a tympany too. There is some stuff on fire - giant paper mache heads I believe. Who writes the treatments for these videos? If I were a record label exec I would be thinking, “My toddler’s nightmares are more creative than this.”

Lesley Roy - I’m Gone, I’m Going
Only two words to describe this: CHUBRIL LAVIGNE.

FNMTV - Zooey Deschanel and Doppelganger Fail to Impress

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neal
on July 13, 2008
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FNMTV is back like cooked crack. Unfortunately for the 2 of you that got that reference, Juelz Santana is nowhere to be found. Once again scraping the bottom of the barrel, I bring you MTV’s newest video premieres in “quickie” review style.

LL Cool J - Baby
Mr. Smith brings the ennui with a vocoder chorus, weak rhymes, terrible attempts at dancing, graphic Ts, and endorsements of drunk driving.

She and Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward spin us a macabre acid trip with a subdued soundtrack. She gets axed a few times, there are some sort of Pacman-esque ghosts, and then I’m not sure what happens. It sort of kills me to watch this since Zooey is capable of so much better.

Daughtry - What About Now: 90 Second Preview
Is this supposed to be a PSA or a reimagining of Van Halen’s Right Now? Either way, it’s so boring that even MTV could only stomach 90 seconds of it.

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl (Live)
Zooey Deschanel doppelganger hops around in a short floral print jumper singing her crappy song. Nothing to see here folks. Seriously.

FNMTV - Rope Chains, Capri Pants, Duffy, and More

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neal
on June 26, 2008
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It’s time for another round of FNMTV bashing - courtesy of yours truly. In case you missed last week’s post, MTV recently added a new segment called Friday Night MTV as a venue for video premiers and live performances. This salvo of music television begs to be discussed - because it is so clearly bottom of the barrel - but not in a formal video review manner. Consider these video review ‘quickies’.

Lil Mama - I’m What It Is (Strike a Pose)

Old skool rope chains, T-Pain sans vocoder channeling the pied piper, and Missy Elliot style antics make for a pretty kid-friendly video. I wouldn’t hesitate to show this to an 8 year old.

Boys Like Girls - Thunder

The band members all have similar haircuts to other bands, they sing slow and deep at first and then jump up an octave to belt out the chorus. Flashback / performance videos like this are boring. If I want to relive getting drunk in high school and doing dumb townie shit… I’ll look out my window at the douchebag highschoolers on summer vacation.

Shawty Lo - Foolish (Remix)

DJ Khaled has never been on a decent track, so this was doomed from the beginning. Morever, what self respecting rapper wears a beater when he has a gut - and for that matter CAPRIS? I’m not even watching the rest of this video. 39 seconds in and I am over it. I won’t even mention that Baby, AKA The Birdman, drops a vocoder verse.

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

This actually did not suck. The whole thing reminded of a Wes Anderson movie- but one that didn’t suck. In fact, if all of Wes Anderson’s stuff was this short and pithy - Nick and I might like the guy a lot more.

Duffy - Mercy (Live)

I don’t know much about Duffy, but her voice is definitely an acquired taste. I can get into the track, but I’d like it more if it were by another vocalist. ZING! Other than that, this ain’t much to write home about. Here is the original video.

Lil Wayne - A Milli (Live)

It’s no secret that I’m not a huge fan of Lil Wayne’s recent records - but apparently he gets crowds hype. And really, how can I disagree with that? If you can rock ‘em right, you must be doing something right. He did race through the song though - he was def in a hurry to get out of there.

That’s it ladies and gents. You don’t have to go home - you can stay and comment here!

MTV’s FNMTV, I Hate To Love You

Published
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neal
on June 19, 2008
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I don’t have cable. I consume media via Netflix, torrent, and various streaming sources. That said, I noticed that MTV started a new feature on Friday nights called FNMTV. Basically, Pete Wentz (the D-bag that knocked up Ashlee Simpson, hosted a segment involving a bunch of new music videos with some wrap-around filler. I am ashamed to say it, but I love the idea of getting 5 new videos to criticize at a time. It’s like a game, ‘how pejorative can I be in 30 minutes?’ I can’t wait till next week!

The new music videos are linked below along with a very brief synopsis. Honestly, I disliked all of these videos enough that I won’t waste our time with full length reviews.

Flo Rida w/ Will.I.Am - Ayer
Will.I.Am and Flo Rida do a club track with a crappy hook - in a bank. At least it’s not about strippers this time. Of note: the video girls are not up to par; I posit this video was done on the cheap - ironic considering the setting.

The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
It’s basically a younger (blonde) version of The White Stripes. Remember Seven Nation Army? Yeah, this is just like that. Seriously, track and video.

Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
Carmit, Kimberly, Ashley, Jessica, and Melody - I totally get it. You wanted to be famous sooo bad that you smeared on fake tanner, took dance classes, and did a lot of crunches. And look, you totally got it! Now you get to dance in the background and compete for screentime while Nicole sings! Sofa King Great!

Snoop Dogg ft. Everlast and Willie Nelson - My Medicine
Hey Snoop - didn’t Nelly have a country crossover hit back in 2004 with Tim McGraw? Aren’t you a bit late to the party? Snoop is a pimp no matter what medium he operates in. This ‘country’ track is no exception. I have to give him cred for attempting this, but “I’d like to dedicate this record right here to my main man Johnny Cash - a real American Gangster” Are you effing serious?

Panic at the Disco - That Green Gentleman (Live)
A live performance is hardly a video - and I am fairly ignorant about this group. So, I looked up the actual video. WAY BETTER. I don’t dig the track, but the video is totally watchable.

And the coup de grace: Snoop Dogg and Panic At the Disco - Gin and Juice
E P I C   F A I L. This is as pointless and brand damaging as Snoop’s shortlived TV show. I know, I know, MTV sort of created you - but did you take a bloodoath or something requiring you to do whatever they ask?