AudioShocker

Yeah, so last week I ran The Top 9 Reasons Why Comics Don’t Need to Be Saved - Part One, which consisted solely of reasons nine thru six. Why? Because I’m a dick.

And now, for your consideration, are the decidedly more irreverent Top 9 Reasons Why Comics Don’t Need to Be Saved reasons five thru one:

5. Newspaper comic strips are dying because fewer and fewer people want to read newspapers, not because they don’t want to read comics. Now they go and read this stuff on the Internet. They’re called “webcomics” and those are doing just fine.

4. Seriously, Hollywood wants to give comic books fellatio right now. In fact, they may have already finished the fellatio and moved onto the hardcore doggiestyle section of “Filmstriptease presents Cramming Comics vol 1.” Soon they’re going to be finishing off vol 1 with a spectacular facial (which could be as soon as Watchmen or as far away as the Avengers movie). It all depends on how long Hollywood can keep it up.

3. Single issues are really a niche product at this point and I don’t think there’s anything that’s going to change that. I’m part of that niche audience and I love the singles, but most people want a bigger chunk of story. If that’s the case, let the singles slowly fade away and bring on the graphic novels because…

2. Graphic novel sales continue to look hopeful. Bookstores are carrying graphic novels by the hoard and putting them up in huge floor displays all the time. I don’t think that would happen if there wasn’t some serious coin to be made. Guys whose names have been on the tip of my tongue for the majority of my natural life are slowly becoming adored literary idols for a new generation of readers. Fuck, I just saw Watchmen sitting on a shelf in Borders in their “Bestsellers” section when I went to buy the Iron Man DVD.

1. Comic book storytelling continues to improve. I see it every week when I read my Wednesday haul of new comics. And at the end of the day, it’s all about good content.

Next: The Top 9 Things That May Have Gone Wrong with Last Defenders - Part One

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.