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The Dream Remixes That Thang With Luda, Ross, Fab, and Juelz - No Homo!

Published

on March 11, 2009

. 0 Comments

I don't exactly follow the fast paced hiphop sector of the blogosphere, but I do consider myself an informed hiphop head. I also listen to a lot of Top 40 in my car. So, after being bombarded with The Dream's Rockin' That Thang for the last month, I was open to the idea of a remix. Really, anything had to be better than the original.

The Track: While I always dug the beat, the Dream's crappy falsetto is just earthshatteringly annoying. I am so glad he reached out and brought in some of the game's best lyricists. Juelz, Luda, and Fab are masters of the punchline -- and getting all three of them on the same track is major. They really redeemed this otherwise wasted beat.

Fab spends half his verse referring to JayZ and Crime Mob before he pulls out something funny:

Let me drop a jewel on ya, put a rock in ear
Can I call you nana? cause you got that rockin' chair

Luda's verse is heavy on 'lovey dovy' crap instead of double entendre punchlines, but he makes an attempt:

The thought is sensational, it's perfect bliss
I'm ready to take the milky way to your hershey's kiss
You know my tongue's got batteries in it
The bedroom, we lose calories in it & start families in it

Ricky Ross' verse is short and terrible. It is all forced gov/president references, and they all fall flat.

But Juelz Santana cold shuts it down:

Call me Mr. Shoe- shine, baby I'm a polish ya
And I leave ya spit clean, I don't use no polisher

So get another shot of ciroc in ya
Cause I'm gon' be rockin' ya
Treat you like my first lady
I'll put my Barack in ya

The Video: What we have here is a hot tranny mess of style jockin'. This video is a less creative version of Kanye's Golddigger -- which of course involves the whole "couple guys and some models" treatment. The difference is it's the guys who are on the magazine covers, and not pinup girls. And whose idea was it to outfit Fab AND Juelz in LouisV gear? That is way too much product placement! Oh, and is it just me or does The Dream looks exactly like Chris Breezy from the Freeze video?

And you know what? 'Rockin that thang' amounts to 2-stepping for pretty girls. Even Crime Mob threw in some poppin' and dippin'. This is about as involved as the dancing in a Shwayze video. Is it just me, or is club-style hiphop dancing getting really lazy? I mean Lean With It Rock With It, The Stanky Leg, The Arab Money Dance... I think I might be onto something.

Finally, a general query for all of you out there in the blogosphere: is there a website/repository that lists video girls and what videos they have been in? I'm thinking of something like iMDB for music videos. It would give me another dimension for these posts.

The Bottom Line: I suppose that sometimes, guest spots can polish up a turd.

Kanye West Sticks Foot in Mouth, Forgets to Pull It Back Out

Published

nick marino

on February 28, 2009

in Music and TV

. 2 Comments

Kanye looking weird

Maybe I'm too hard on Kanye nowadays... or maybe the once-prolific producer is just out of his fucking mind.

High on fame and the opportunity to control a captive crowd, Kanye West filmed an episode of VH1 Storytellers recently and said some weird shit and some really stupid shit. Here, for your reading pleasure, are choices quotes from Kanye's adventures in storytelling:

Kanye on Chris Brown and his recent abuse of Rihanna.

"Can't we give Chris a break? ... I know I make mistakes in life."

Kanye on two famous guys named Michael that have nothing to do with each other.

"Michael Jackson, amazing. Michael Phelps, amazing ... He's a real fucking person; he makes mistakes."

Kanye on "The Juice."

"O.J. Simpson, amazing. Is he not? What he did, when he did, what he did. Was he not amazing though?"

Kanye on supposedly being snubbed backstage at the Grammys by Thom Yorke of Radiohead.

"So when he performed at the Grammys, I sat the fuck down."

Hmm... I mean, Kanye, did it ever occur to you that you were at THE GRAMMYS, a major live production that's broadcast around the world, and Yorke may have been a bit busy? Give the guy a break!

On the other hand, should we give Chris Brown a break? I say FUCK NO! Giving the biggest benefit of the doubt I can, I'll agree that he made a mistake. Does that mean we shouldn't give him hell for it? NO! Do you know what the picture of Rihanna looks like, Kanye? What is it, Diane? Tell me. Do you know!?!

Anyway, not that there's anything really wrong with what Kanye said about Michael Phelps, Jackson, or Simpson. I just thought I'd toss those comments in to add to the overall ambiance of insane foot-in-mouth ranting created by the Chris Brown and Thom Yorke stuff.

Chris Brown Vs. Rihanna - FIGHT!

Published

neal

on February 11, 2009

in Music

. 18 Comments

Ed Note: The Database went down last night and only recently came back up. As a result, I have not had much time to edit this post. I'll be correcting and fixing things throughout the day.

I didn't watch the Grammy's, because I don't give a damn. But when I heard about the Rihanna / Chris Breezy thing, I was hardly surprised. I never bought their relationship in the first place, and it all seems rather contrived. Basically, some words were exchanged, things got a little heated, and Chris Brown went to jail for a minute or two. That's about as much as I'm willing to believe right now.

And while people the globe over are scratching their heads as to why this happened, my theory is simple: competition. Rihanna and Brown are competing brands in a market (pop music) where popularity translates directly into dollars. Whoever makes more greenbacks is clearly winning.

The thing is, the competition was unfair from the get go. Rihanna wins straight up. It is no wonder that Breezy lost his temper. Want proof? Consider the following:

Hits
If nothing else, we will always remember Rihanna for Umbrella, no doubt her best single. Chris Brown's best track? Probably Run It! - and need I mention how crucial Juelz Santana's presence was to its success? Additionally, according to the Billboard Hot 100 - Rihanna has 4 Number 1's while Chris Brown clocks in at 2.
Winner - Rihanna

Gimmicks
This is a pretty easy one to call. On one hand, you have Rihanna's weird haircuts and crazy clothes. On the other hand, you have Chris Brown's lack of fashion sense and incredibly energetic dancing. Being a clothes horse is easy - doing that weird backflip thing is kinda hard.
Winner - Chris Brown.

Sales
Not quite the same as hits. Hits is subjective - sales is definitely objective. So, lets take a look at some figures from Nielsen. If you sort through it all, you will note the following: Rihanna ranks #6 in the 2008 Top 10 Selling Digital Songs while Brown comes in at #9. She is also THE Top Selling Digital Artist - where Chris is #4. The absolute numbers may all be large, but even comparatively, Rihanna just totally murders Brown. Also - Chris has to share the credit with Jordin Sparks. This isn't applicable to regular album sales, but who still buys CDs?
Winner - Rihanna

Videos
Music videos may be less relevant now than they were 10 years ago, but that hasn't stopped anyone from making them. As a pop musician, videos are extremely important, they are how one engages new audiences. It is important to branch out and be creative. This is a place where Chris Brown could use some work. I know you are a great dancer - but is that it? It's the Usher syndrome: the only thing Chris is any good at is dancing. Meanwhile, Rihanna has kept her videos fresh, topical, and even though I don't dig some of them (Disturbia, Unfaithful, etc) they are all unique.
Winner - Rihanna

These are obviously handpicked examples, but does Chris really have anything on Rihanna? He does get more guest spots and collabos. He is on the same label as T-Pain. He can actually dance. But even with all of that, Rihanna is a bigger brand. So, is it really that suprising that come Grammy time, Chris Brown lost his temper and got into an "altercation"?

Lastly, it looks like neither Rihanna nor Chris won any of the awards they were up for. How sad is that?

T-Pain Wants You To Freeze (on the dance floor)

Published

neal

on January 7, 2009

in Music Videos

. 1 Comment

New year, new music videos. That's what I say. Well, maybe not - but in this case it's true. T-Pain just dropped his new video for Freeze featuring Chris Brown on MTV2, and I've already run it through my mindgrapes just for you. As a refresher, we will examine both the track and the video.

The Track: Remember Mario's Just A Friend from 2002? Yeah, well Freeze sounds a lot like it. I mean a lot. The vocoder is always unwelcome, but I'm starting to accept that it is not going away anytime soon. And, all gratuitous pop, lock, and droppin aside, the song isn't terrible. There aren't any good punchlines or anything, so I doubt this will be popular with any real heads out there, but perhaps the b-boys will like it. I mean, it is hard to criticize someone for telling you to get your ass on the floor and move it. Also, this is one of very few T-Pain joints not about strippers/strip clubs. I see that as an improvement.

The Video: This half animation / rotoscoping, half live action technicolor thing has me making comparisons to T-Pain's other recent videos Can't Believe It and Good Life. Personally, I'd like to see a little more originality and a little less of this three ring circus/top hat crap. The video is all dancers on glass floors, pastel silhouettes, quick cuts, and that weird 60's multiplier video effect. Of course, Chris Brown's major appeal lies in his dancing skills, so his presence on this record is pretty understandable. Overall though, I am unimpressed.

The Bottomline: A weak beginning to the 2009 Music Video season.

Ludacris - What Them Girls Like? (Our Podcast!)

Published

neal

on October 15, 2008

in Music Videos

. 2 Comments

Ludacris is a great lyricist and Chris Brown is a hot commodity. So obviously putting them together gaurantees a hit. That is the theory behind Luda's new joint What Them Girls Like. I once speculated that I could tell what girls what were thinking. I was right - but unfortunately so: girls in fifth grade aren't so much into Magic: The Gathering. From this I learned the important lesson that ignorance is bliss. But enough about me, let's get down to the nitty gritty.

The Track: Luda says it best at the tail end of the track between shout outs to Chris Brown and Sean Garret: 'It's too easy'. He's right. The hand claps, knock, and syrupy flow have me sprung. The track reminds me of Nelly's E.I. mixed with Drop It Like It's Hot. I could do without Sean Garret's vocals. Oldboy should stick to producing - he's actually good at it.

Luda is big on name dropping - but it's part of his style. He owns it, just like how Agness Deyn owns that blonde pixie cut. Surprisingly, none of the punchlines are noteworthy. I didn't find myself running the track back to hear a line again. That is kind of unprecedented for Ludacris. I still like the track, but I am a little disappointed.

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The Video: Luda's videos typically involve a lot of girls. More specifically, girls dancing, looking good, and being flirtatious. It adds to the appeal of the party and Chris Brown doesn't do videos unless he can show off his moves. Seriously, show me a video where he isn't MJing around the dance floor.

I know that all sounds dangerously close to Ryan Leslie's video, but Luda uses it. Sure, the girls are hot, but that's not the point. They are a mean's to a punchline, and the joke is on them. The speech bubbles give each girl a voice, but that voice is exactly what guys want to hear. The video portrays women with the mentality of an Axe Body Spray commercial.

Two more things - At the beginning of verse two Luda drops a line about girls wanting families and security. Look closely at the supporting bubble, you have to laugh. Also, the speech bubbles should really be thought bubbles.

The Bottom Line: Kind of mediocre - I encourage Luda to spend some time on punchlines. They are a signature part of his repetoire.

FNMTV - Ne-Yo, Pink, Cassie, John Legend

Published

neal

on August 24, 2008

in Music Videos

. 0 Comments

Sorry if I throw a million posts your way this week. I feel like I have to blog my ass off now since I'll be on the road starting Thursday. I caught today's ep of FNMTV during the afternoon and well, I think it speaks for itself. No wait, I take that back. I'll speak for it:

Ne-Yo - Closer (Live)
Whenever I see Ne-Yo I can't help but think he looks like a less popular version of Chris Brown mixed with Djimon Hounsou. He does use a real band though and that's kind of cool. Dancers' outfits suck though.

Pink - So What
Homegirl is really in her element here. Pretty impressive that Hart agreed to do the video. I generally don't dig Pink - and probably will continue not too - but this video is alright. Great song to get drunk too. In fact, I think I might just go do that right now.

Cassie - Official Girl
Wow. So much to say, check out this week's full fledged review.

John Legend - Green Light ft. Andre 3000
The beat is wack, the hook sucks, and Andre 3000 employs stream of consciousness rather than structured verse - but god damn would I like to be at that party. It looks like a lot of fun. Especially if it's not your house.

Ne-Yo - Miss Independent (Live)
Ne-Yo's gimmick for this album is wearing suits. He also plays off the emerging trend of 'independent women' in hiphop. Apparently ballers no longer want to get with guap gulping groupies. Besides the obvious advantages of her picking up the check once in a while, a girl that gets her own cash might support you if your abum flops.

The Bottom Line: Pink obviously takes the gold this week - but I think I'll give John Legend the silver for a decent party scene.

The M&M Cru vs. ACDC Battle Is Over

Published

neal

on August 7, 2008

in Music and TV

. 4 Comments

Yes. I'm two days late with this - but I don't have cable and DVDs are a hell of a drug. Monday night at the Teen Choice Awards (hosted by Miley Cyrus natch), the M&M Cru had their live onstage battle with the Adam/Chu Dance Crew. See for yourself.

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According to the Applause-O-Meter, The M&M Cru won. It figures that a million jumpy tweeny girls would pick the most popular tweeny girl in the country. That's all fine and good; it is the Teen Choice Awards afterall.

The thing is, Miley can't dance (I mentioned that on Saturday), and it shows. She was outclassed from the get go. I mean, bringing LL Cool J to a dance battle, is a bit like eating noodles with a knife - a desperate attempt at best. Is Miley even old enough to remember LL's hits? And - the Rerun dance? Come on, nothing is more played out and cliche than poppin' and lockin'. What is this, Breakin? I think Miley treated this whole thing like a joke because she knew the endgame from the onset. Was there ever really a chance that she was going to lose? Starpower wins every time.

Of course, no one used starpower quite like the ACDC. Throughout the course of the battles, the ACDC employed dozens of members, the Jabbawockez crew, Chris Brown, LiLo, and even an invalid Adam Sandler! Still, they came to this party with their game faces on and walked away empty handed. There is some internet chatter saying that the ACDC recycles all their choreography. Perhaps that was the problem. I did my own visual research, and while it is true - ACDC still has better moves.

Lastly, why did they chose Fergie as the impartial moderator? Could they have found someone less qualified? Miley's dance skills suck, but Fergie... chickenhead can. not. dance. at. all. That hip wiggle thing does not count.

The Bottom Line: ACDC got robbed!

AudioShocker Podcast #24 - Supervillain Psychology

Published

nick marino

on March 25, 2008

in Podcast Episodes

. 0 Comments

AudioShocker #24 [ 1:14:16 ] Play Now | Download

Back in style as we talk about eggs, grammar, Kevin Smith movies, Estelle, American Boy, Day 26, Danity Kane, Bad Boy Records, songs about strippers, Teddy Pain, vocoders, Irina Palm, The Mist, Wedding Daze, Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins, Jason Biggs, Planet Terror, Death Proof, Grindhouse, Joox, Black Fist, Jordin Sparks, Chris Brown, Lil Mama, The Wire, Like a Velvet Glove Cast in Iron, Daniel Clowes, Mighty Avengers #12, Black Panther #39, Ms Marvel #25, X-Men Legacy #209, New Avengers #39, Skrulls, Secret Invasion, supervillain psychology, Galactus, Batman, Identity Crisis, Green Arrow, and way too much more.