Tag Archive for 'Batman Begins'

The Top 9 Biggest Superhero Movie Mistakes of the Past Ten Years

Published
by
nick marino
on April 24, 2009
in The Top 9
. 7 Comments

Well, well, well! Looks like last week's Top 9 list made the rounds over on IMDB and Superhero Hype!, and WOW did people hate it. Regardless, I still stand by it. And I think this week's ranting countdown is even better!

9. Jessica Alba's blue eyes in 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I actually love this film, to the chagrin of many superhero movie enthusiasts on the Internet. But one thing nearly ruined the movie for me - Jessica Alba's fake blue eyes. Aside from the fact that the first Fantastic Four film featured Alba's far more subtle peepers, her new contacts were an unreal shade of disturbing (and distracting) blue. Still, they could never be as distracting as...

8. Christian Bale's husky voice in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I don't care for the new Batman movies, but I do recognize how much they satisfy their audience. Still, there's one negative thing that most fans agree on: Bale's Batman voice is ridiculous. His husky, throaty whisper is enough to make me crack up during even the most serious and thrilling scenes. But even though Bale's Batman needs a little vocal work, he's still light years ahead of...

7. Ben Affleck starring as Matt Murdock in Daredevil. There was just something supremely wrong with Matt Damon's boy toy taking the lead role in Daredevil. He was stiff, he didn't look the part, and his bad acting destroyed any chance of a redeeming sequel. Instead, it gave us an ever crappier spinoff movie because apparently...

6. Someone thought it was a good idea to make an Elektra solo film. Elektra Natchios was played by Jennifer Garner in a skimpy Spandex outfit. I assume that's the only reason why this horrid Daredevil spinoff got the green light, because the rest of the movie is shit. Still, a solo Elektra movie could never be as bad as...

5. A Catwoman film removed from everything Batman. Warner Bros. decided to make Catwoman a legacy character and remove her feline ferocity from the Batman franchise with Halle Berry's Catwoman solo film. Don't get me wrong - Catwoman is a great character. But taking her out of the Batman universe is a slap in the face to loyal Batman fans and a confusing turn of events for the general public. Unfortunately, this wasn't the only superhero flub perpetrated by...

4. Halle Berry. That's right. Not only did this actress crap on Catwoman, she took a dump on Storm too (in three consecutive X-Men films!). That's four awful superhero performances in one decade. Why, Halle? WHY??? At least she wasn't cast in...

3. The obnoxious musical number featured in Spider-Man 3. I truly enjoyed the beginning of Spider-Man 3... until I realized that I was watching a Spider-Man movie and not a romantic comedy about three friends caught in a love triangle. Upon realizing how lame that was, Sam Raimi delivered the killing blow - a Toby Maguire song and dance number. Something inside me died that day. The decision to include this musical interlude is only eclipsed by the misguided decision to make...

2. Superman Returns as a sequel. Now this is supremely hypocritical on my part because I've never seen the film. But did I even need to? It's a sequel to Superman II... a movie I didn't even like that was made over 25 years ago!!! To make matters worse, Bryan Singer ditched the X-Men franchise to make this film, which leads us to...

1. X-Men: The Last Stand. The whole movie. One. Big. Mistake.

More: The Top 9 DC Comics Movies Warner Bros. Should Be Making Right Now.

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

AudioShocker Podcast #57 - Eccentric Celebrity Baby Names

Published
by
nick marino
on November 25, 2008
in Podcast Episodes
. 0 Comments

Kanye West is drenched in auto-tune on 808s & Heartbreak, Ashley Simpson and Pete Wentz join the long list of celebrities who give their children eccentric names (in this case, Bronx Mowgli Wentz), Neal has a 72 hour crush on Hillary Duff and he's pretty sure that Sean Connery is an aphrodisiac, watching the Nick Fury movie is like putting your head in a bag of shit, Watchmen has graphic novel variant covers, and Dynamo 5 #18 is awesome.

 
 AudioShocker #57 [43:26m]: Play Now | Download

Am I the Only Person That Didn't Like The Dark Knight?

Published
by
nick marino
on July 21, 2008
in Movies
. 8 Comments

In defense of The Dark Knight, I was predisposed to disliking it. I've been salty with Christian Bale ever since he said that Batman Begins wasn't a just a comic book movie -- it was better. Well guess what Bale? I thought it sucked.

Superhero movie franchises have been lucky in that their sequels often eclipse their first outings. And The Dark Knight was better than Batman Begins. But certainly not "biggest opening weekend of all-time" better.

The Batsuit. In ten years, that stiff Batsuit will be almost as laughable as Batnipples on George Clooney.

The Batvoice. "Hey Christian," Nolan says to the film's star, "I want you to give me a husky whisper that sounds like you just gargled with whisky and Clorox. And make sure it sounds like @#$%."

Organized crime in Gotham City. It's strangely segregated and full of stereotypes. When the Russian, Italian, and black mobsters held a joint meeting with a Chinese corporate criminal, I cringed throughout the whole scene. Most of white characters were stereotyped heavily too -- they were all righteous control freaks that went mad with power (from Batman to Harvey Dent to Jim Gordon to even the Joker).

Rachel Dawes. She's was as stiff as the Batsuit and a total snoozefest.

Excessive runtime. I was ready for The Dark Knight to be over after an hour and a half. To my surprise, I still had AN HOUR TO GO. I would have preferred a "Previously in The Dark Knight..." showing a quick montage of the boring @#$% from the first half of the film, and then BAM! the movie actually starts in as the Joker busts out of jail.

When did Batman stop being fun? Both The Dark Knight and its predecessor are stalwarts of the serious. They struggle to remove any and all camp from the concept of Bruce Wayne and his billionaire's hobby of crime fighting. C'mon, the guy dresses up like a freakin' bat! He punches a psychotic clown in the face for fun! Batman is naturally campy. And that's not a bad thing.

To all the people who produced The Dark Knight and to all those who celebrated its "realistic" qualities while overlooking the fact that the movie was largely devoid of smiles, laughter, and fun:

Why so serious?