Michael Keaton's brother, Aimee Cummings is a hater (and our very special guest), name drop of the week = Kelly Thompson... and then the psychology!!! Catwoman, Poison Ivy, Two-Face, The Joker, Harley Quinn, Shadoweyes (!!!), Clayface, and Batgirl.
Tag Archive for 'Batman'
Batman and Batgirl and Jean Grey and Kitty Pryde... what are their personalities REALLY? At least WE know what's got "character" - the old school live-action Captain America! It all builds up to the final question... is Power Girl still Power Girl without the boob hole in her costume??? In attempts to find an answer to this question, Ross Campbell and Nick Marino resort to haiku.
Some of you AudioShockerlings may not be familiar with the premise behind this Top 9, so I'll explain it quick: Captain America #600 is receiving an unprecedented Monday (instead of Wednesday) release on June 15th, 2009. Then, only weeks later, Marvel Comics is putting out the Reborn miniseries by the current writer of Captain America (and the first issue features a cover with Cap's star on it and nothing else). Marvel Comics loves the limelight, so they obviously have something big going on.
A few things to know: Captain America is dead. Well, erm, actually, Steve Rogers is dead. He got shot a few years ago. He's almost always been Cap, but now his former WWII protege is wearing the red, white, and blues. Also, the "solicitation" copy (a.k.a. the description) of Reborn #1 will be revealed on June 16th, the day after Cap #600 hits. And there's a Captain America movie slated for the summer of 2011. So it's all interconnected and there's some secretive shit going down.
So what the fuck is really going on with Captain America? Here are my most educated and asinine guesses:
9. Captain America was raped by Doctor Light. To start some sort of 21st century Marvel Comics / DC Comics crossover, the companies have decided to show us that sexual abuse isn't just for the ladies anymore. One day, Doctor Light snuck into the Avengers Mansion and took Steve Rogers from behind when he wasn't looking. Hilarity ensues.
8. Captain America raped Doctor Light. Seems a little more shocking than the alternative, doesn't it?
7. Steve Rogers never died, he was just a Skrull the whole damn time. Since Steve's corpse received a secret burial at sea by Iron Man, Hank Pym, Namor, and the Wasp, not too many folks actually saw the body of Captain America for the last time. Wasp kicked the bucket in Secret Invasion, Tony Stark is currently erasing his entire brain while on the run from the US government, and Namor is busy ogling Emma Frost's boobies all day long. Conveniently, Hank Pym was actually a Skrull at that time (and thus will be referred to as Skank Pym from here on out). After the four of them dumped Steve's "corpse" into the Arctic Ocean, Skank Pym went down there and picked up the Steve Rogers impersonator (who was just feigning death). As Reborn #1 opens, Skank Pym and fake Steve are headed back to their Skrull spaceship where the crew is currently in the process of anally probing the real Steve Rogers just for kicks.
6. Sharon Carter is going to give birth to an elderly Steve Rogers who will de-age to be Captain America again. The title of the upcoming miniseries is reborn... so what if that title was literal? Inspired by the success of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Marvel Comics has decided to literally have Steve Rogers reemerge from the womb. How? Time travel, of course! Sharon Carter, Cap's secret agent girlfriend, thinks that she was impregnated by Steve Rogers shortly before he died. She's wrong. She was actually impregnated by an android from the future. First, the android traveled back in time to secure a sample of semen from Steve Rogers' father. Then it headed back to the future where the semen was genetically engineered to include a preexisting dosage of the Super Solider Serum. Then the android traveled to the exact point in time where Steve and Sharon were getting ready to have hot and heavy sex. The android drugged Steve and took his place. After doing the deed, the android returned home to the future. Back in our present, despite being "de-pregnated" by the Red Skull, Sharon Carter gives birth to an elderly Steve Rogers. She cares for him until Cap can get the shield swinging again. And then, in a shocking twist.. they become lovers! That's right - Sharon starts getting it on with the superhero who emerged from her own vagina as a 90-year-old man. Now that's entertainment.
5. Captain America was raped by Sharon Carter. Though not nearly as shocking as other scenarios, it provides an interesting backdrop for an exploration of female-on-male sexual abuse. The collected edition of this story will be in bookstores just in time for the Captain America movie.
4. The new Captain America is Batman. Over at DC Comics, everyone thinks Batman is dead. Actually, Bruce Wayne is just lost in reality. Reborn opens as the Caped Crusader is shifting across multiple different alternate realities, trying to find his way home. Bats ends up in the Marvel Universe, where he decides to have some fun and suit up as the Star Spangled Avenger. Image the merchandising and cross-promotion possibilities for Marvel and DC. We're talking big bucks, baby! Big bucks!!!
3. Steve Rogers was actually Barack Obama the whole time. Nothing sells comic books nowadays like a guest appearance by Barack Obama. Not to be outdone by the competition, Marvel Comics has decided to secretly make our 44th American president the Sentinel of Liberty. The reason Cap was "shot" in the first place? So Obama could have more time to run for president. Now that he's president, Obama wants to get back to kicking ass... Captain America style! Also, this would coordinate well with the rumor that Marvel Studios wants to cast Will Smith as Captain America. This way, Smith gets to play both Barack Obama AND Captain America in the same time movie.
2. Captain America raped Barack Obama. Seems eve more shocking than the other alternatives, doesn't it?
1. Captain America was actually Hitler the entire time. At some point during WWII, Hitler managed to kill Steve Rogers. But instead of bragging about it, Hitler decided to put on Cap's costume and impersonate him (sans creepy moustache, of course). Fast forward a year or so, and Adolf is tired of fighting the war. He fakes BOTH of his own deaths and goes underground. Years later, after extensive genetic modification, he reemerges as the "unfrozen" Captain America and joins the Avengers. He proceeds to pretend to be Steve Rogers for far longer than anyone could ever imagine. Sick of the endless charade, Adolf fakes his own death AGAIN and goes underground to plot his rebirth. In Reborn, Hitler reveals his master plan and shocks everyone by proving that he was Captain America the whole time. Then he rapes Barack Obama. The end.
More: The Top 9 Currently Dead Superheroes and Supervillains
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
... was pretty good.
It's always nice to see Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely working together. I've been reading Flex Mentallo slowly over the past few weeks, and it's great to contrast that collaboration with this new effort.
Interestingly, the art in this comic feels very contained in some places. Certain panels almost make me feel claustrophobic at times. Still, I think this compressed type of art induces the desired effect when Quitely shifts to a splash page or a spread, so in that sense, it's very successful.
I'd like to see a bit more of Dick Grayson's lighthearted attitude. It's genuinely fun to get a Caped Crusader that's not full of angst. I'd just like a little bit more of that fun. Granted, it was only 22 pages and we didn't even see one hand-to-hand fight yet, so I'm sure some more of Dick's acrobatics are yet to come. I look forward to those moments.
All in all, I'm glad I snagged this issue and I look forward to more like it.
For some reason, Neal was under the impression that this Top 9 list would be about Texas. He was wrong! This is a WAKE UP CALL for Warner Bros. and some REEL TALK (get it? "reel"???) for the film producers behind any future DC Comics properties.
9. Green Arrow. Supermax, eh? What a fucking stupid idea. Why would you introduce Green Arrow to the film audience through a prison breakout movie? Play this one close to the vest and tell the tale of a spoiled rich kid that turns into a modern Robin Hood. It's that easy. Get some imaginative director to envision fun archery antics (including a slo-mo Matrix style arrow shot, of course) and you've got another superhero blockbuster on your hands, Warner Bros.
8. Metropolis. This is an unusual suggestion that could work out unusually well - take the highly successful Smallville TV series and spin it off into a blockbuster film where everything we know about the TV show changes. Let Clark Kent grow up and make the transition that we knew he was always going to make. Bring back familiar cast members - Lex, Lana, and more - while solidifying Clark's status in the big city. Show Kal-El taking hold of the Superman mantle and growing into his infamous role.
7. Arkham Asylum. A horror movie where the spotlight is on the Batman's rogues gallery. People already know the cast of characters well... so now give them a freaky thriller where every villain gets the same sort of hyper-serious treatment that Heath Ledger and company gave to the Joker. The story could focus on one frightening night when the prisoners of Arkham get loose inside the building and attempt to escape from the asylum. Tell the story from the viewpoint of a psychiatrist working there. People would love this.
6. Green Lantern. Supposedly, this movie is going to get made soon. But Warner Bros., you're like the "the film studio that cried wolf" when it comes to superhero movies. I'll believe that you're actually making this when I see some production stills or photos from the set. And it's probably best to go with the John Stewart version of the character - that's who the public is mostly familiar nowadays. Plus, the DCU film universe could use a bit of diversity.
5. The Daily Planet. A film about the most famous fictional newspaper in the world. Redefine Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, and Perry White for the masses. Show what it's like to cover news in a world where the unbelievable happens on a regular basis. On the whole, this should be largely devoid of Superman (maybe just a little foreshadowing). However, this movie must be developed with the notion that relaunching the Superman franchise as a sequel is a given. As a tease, have the final scene feature a young Clark Kent being introduced to Lois Lane for the very first time.
4. Flash. The character is truly iconic. That's what he has in spades over most other superheroes. His name alone gives you everything you need to know: it's all about speed. Plus, the Flash logo makes for incredible merchandising. The marketing potential for this property is tremendous. To top it off, this legacy character has more than one classic iteration. Therefore, you can kill off Barry in the second film (for unparalleled dramatic superhero tension) and have Wally rise to the challenge.
3. Aquaman. As a huge Aquaman fan, I may be a bit biased. But this character is known across the world and beloved by many who grew up on Super Friends. Those two things alone make it the perfect time for an Aquaman movie, which would be a lavish underwater epic. Still need more proof that this should get made? Entourage has already done the viral promotion for the film! Warner Bros., if you wait too damn long then you'll never be able to capitalize on that free publicity!!!
2. Superman Begins. Yeah, we already have five modern Superman movies, not to mention countless hours of animated film and TV shows, and then there's Smallville... and a WHOLE LOT MORE. But the Superman film franchise is in the crapper right now. Warner Bros., just admit that Superman Returns didn't turn out like you expected and relaunch the whole franchise from the beginning. Keep it simple and go with the "Begins" motif that worked wonders for your Batman franchise.
1. Wonder Woman. Seriously, why is there no Wonder Woman movie yet? I know the story blah blah blah Whedon blah blah blah wrote a script blah blah. WHO CARES!?! Just make the damn movie already!!! This is one of the most famous superheroes in the world and all she has right now is a dated (albeit awesome) 70s TV series and a (LAME!) direct-to-DVD animated film. Stop making excuses, Warner Bros., and make a goddamn Wonder Woman movie!
More: The Top 9 WORST Actors in Live-Action Superhero Films.
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
I won't be surprised if this list is completely obsolete in two weeks.
Honorable mention to the original Aquaman (Arthur Curry). I'm not sure what the hell is going on with him right now... EDIT: The Aquaman Shrine knows what's up thanks to this Blackest Night teaser featuring a zombie who resembles a certain famous scaly-shirted DCU hero.
9. Elongated Man (Ralph Dibny). This stretchy detective met his end at the end of DC Comics' weekly 52 comic book. But he's probably the least "dead" character on this list, considering that he's been shown (however sparingly) to be active even in the afterlife.
8. Kitty Pryde. Her "death" came at the end of Joss Whedon and John Cassaday's Astonishing X-Men run. She saved the day by permanently fusing herself to a giant bullet and phasing it through the Earth. Currently hurtling thru space, she's not technically dead... but she might as well be since there's nothing anyone can do for her.
7. Sabretooth (Victor Creed). Vic was skewered by Wolverine in (the most recent) Wolverine #55. It's kind of bad timing if you ask me - Sabretooth is going to be played on the big screen in May (or tonight, on your computer, thanks to bittorrent) by Liev Schreiber. Too bad he's nowhere to be found in the Wolverine books!
6. Shredder (Oroku Saki). Mirage Comics no longer publishes a current ongoing Turtles narrative. Rather, the Tales of the TMNT series jumps around time and delivers stories from the entire timeline of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. But, as far as I know, Shredder is still dead in the "present." And he's still awesome, dead or not.
5. Martian Manhunter (J'onn J'onzz). Marty got toasted by the Human Flame in Final Crisis #1. DC had been giving J'onn the runaround for the past few years anyway, so it was no big loss when he went up in flames. He'll definitely be back at some point because he's too awesome to stay dead for too long.
4. Jean Grey. Yep, still dead... I think. Who knows with this one? Her most recent "death" was in New X-Men #150, when Wolverine stabbed her and the Phoenix force saved her and then she was promptly murdered by Magento / Xorn / none of the above. Whatever. It's always been messy when it comes to Jean.
3. Thanos. Landing in the number three spot is Thanos. Why? Because I like him, damn it! And because this is the guy who almost completely controlled the universe but decided to bitch out at the very last minute just because he felt like it. Sweet! He was later destroyed by Drax in the original Annihilation limited series.
2. Batman (Bruce Wayne). Okay, this is kind of a cheat. In Final Crisis #6 we see Bats die, and then we see him back again at the very end of Final Crisis #7. But for all intents and purposes, Bruce is dead to the DC Universe. I mean, people are "battling" for his cowl as we speak. And that's fine by me.
1. Captain America (Steve Rogers). Steve took a bullet for his country in (the most recent) Captain America #25. His mantle is currently being filled by his long-thought-dead WWII sidekick, Bucky Barnes, who was actually in an off-again on-again cryogenic deep sleep that was suspended only when the USSR wanted their "Winter Soldier" to go ice someone. Don't you just hate it when that happens?
More: The Top 9 Superheroes I DON’T Want to Hang Out With
And more: The Top 9 Supervillains I DO Want to Hang Out With
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
I command you heathens to VOTE FOR DOOM!
Vote for Doom! He's in a heated battle against Batman in the DC/Marvel March Madness Tournament over at Comics Should Be Good!.
C'mon, AudioShocker readers!!! Don't let Victor von Doom lose to a pretty boy punk like Bruce Wayne. Lay the smackdown with your votes!
And remember folks... the concept behind choosing the winner in the CSBG! March Madness Tournament isn't "Who would beat who in a fight?" but rather "Who is the best character?" (Which, obviously, is Doctor Doom.)
[Note: The image attached to this post? You'll be seeing more of it soon in an upcoming Hyper Combo Wallpaper!]
Even that can't make up for what you did to us, Halle.
This post is a response to last week's Top 9 Actors in Live-Action Superhero Films. That list was the "glass is half full" to this post's "the glass is half empty."
It's important to note that this is our first community-created Top 9 list. If you want to get in on the action for the next Top 9 post, nominate you ideas below in the comments and we'll get to it.
Honorable mention to George Clooney (Bats), Chris O'Donnell (the Boy Wonder), and Alicia Silverstone (She-Bats) from Batman & Robin. You three sucked so much that everybody knows it, thus making your appearance on this list completely unnecessary.
9. James Marsden as Cyclops. Cyke has been a lot of things in his career, but he's never been a more of a dick than when James Marsden played him on the big screen. Jimmy tried so damn hard to be a good Scott Summers, but he sucked. He sucked so much, in fact, that the filmmakers decided to kill the character off. That's some serious sucking.
8. Jim Carrey as Riddler. I think it's the skintight suit and the jazz hands that really seal the deal on this one. Carrey almost sold me at first as Edward Nigma, but the honeymoon faded fast when he slipped into supervillainy and proceeded to give me a headache as the Riddler.
7. Vinnie Jones as Juggernaut. Vinnie made a strong case for topping this list, if not for his classic "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch!" line. At least he gave us something to laugh at while he was stinking up the house. The entirety X-Men: The Last Stand could fill up this blog post, but let's just say that Vinnie's carrying the torch for that whole piece of shit.
6. Christian Bale as Batman. It's the voice, really. I mean, the guy isn't terrible as Bruce Wayne. But his Batman is so annoying and husky that it negates any good performance by his alter ego. Plus, he's annoyed me in two different movies as Batman. That's gotta count for something.
5. Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. Damn it, Uma! You're supposed to be better than this!!! Yeah, we expected pure shit from Clooney, O'Donnell, and Silverstone in Batman & Robin... but not from you! You're the classy one. Fucking hell, Uma, even Schwarzenegger made you look bad.
4. David Hasselhoff as Nick Fury. Have you seen this made-for-TV movie? Probably not. So trust me on this one: you DON'T want to see it. Yeah, it's that bad. I promise.
3. Ben Affleck as Daredevil. Matt Murdock was blinded as a child, his father was murdered by the mob, his career was ruined by the man who also destroyed him physically, his drug addicted and deadly girlfriends have been murdered by the same man, and he's even been impersonated by another hero best known for doing roundhouse kicks in his slippers... but none of this could ever compare to the shame Daredevil felt when he was portrayed by Ben Affleck on the big screen.
2. Matt Salinger as Captain America. This one falls into the same category as Hasselhoff - you probably haven't seen it and you probably shouldn't. I saw this film as a child, and for years I had to silently work thru the emotional trauma of watching Salinger fill out Cap's threads.
1. Halle Berry as Storm AND Catwoman. An actor so nice we hate on her twice! It's not everyday that you get to royally suck as not one BUT two blockbuster superheroes. Add to it that these two characters span four different films and we've got ourselves a WORST winner! Meow!!!
More: The Top 9 New Marvel Films Starring Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury.
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
Ian McKellen as Magneto
You could say that the premise of this post is shamelessly stolen from ComicBook.com's Top 10 Comic Book Movie Actors. I prefer to think of this as a response. The execution of their list was excellent, but I disagree with their selections.
For better or worse, I'm focusing on superhero comic book films and live-action material only. Otherwise, this list would be dominated by Will Smith (Men in Black), Mark Hamill (Joker), and Kevin Conroy (Batman).
Honorable mentions: Adam West has some serious balls. Next? Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane in Iron Man. Finally, Stan "The Man" Lee. Who could forget "Guy Who Gets Turned Away from Reed and Sue's Wedding" or "Guy Who Gets Sick from Banner's Blood in a Soda Bottle"???
9. Michael Chiklis as The Thing. It's easy to forget that Chiklis is under pounds and pounds of makeup because he makes Ben Grimm look so natural. His work is both memorable and charming. Big props.
8. Heath Ledger as Joker. Should he be higher up on this list? While Ledger was terrific, I don't dig on his performance as much as most. I think he was solid and unique (and worthy of this list), but his acting was also very forced.
7. Hugh Jackman as Wolverine. A truly odd choice for the role of Logan. Back in 2000, everyone said Wolvie was too soft in X-Men. Though he was unusually sensitive, he really let loose in X2: X-Men United and claimed the character in that film.
6. Michelle Pfeiffer as Catwoman. She became a cat. Seriously, Selina Kyle never looked so sexy and so feline in her entire existence until Michelle took hold of the role. The physical element of her performance is simply amazing.
5. Michael Keaton as Batman. The litmus test for being great? Keaton's Bruce Wanye sticks in my head like no other live-action Batman performance. Like Jackman, he's an oddity from a casting perspective, but he really delivers.
4. Famke Janssen as Jean Grey. I can close my eyes right now and hear the soft delivery of Famke as Jean. Her acting is so well-rounded and composed that I always forget I'm watching an actress and completely believe I'm watching Jean Grey.
3. Jack Nicholson as Joker. It seems easy to play a wacky Joker until you think about the inherent contradiction between his aggression and his humor. Nicholson maintained an amazing balance that inspired fear and laughter at the same time.
2. Sir Ian McKellen as Magneto. Now this is what I'm talking about! When you find yourself quoting an actor without even trying, they've done their job. "Why do you ask questions to which you already know the answers?" "We are the future, Charles, not them." Wonderful.
1. Robert Downey, Jr. as Iron Man. Downey is Tony. Tony is Downey. I mean, REALLY, this guy became the character. Tony Stark, while having fluctuating levels of charm within his own comics, was catapulted to the Hall of Fame of Charisma by Robert Downey, Jr. 'Nuff said.
More: Comic Book Disloyalty and the Future of Cinema.
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
The Wrestler and The Foot Fist Way were watched by Neal. Nick and Neal disagree about the quality of News Radio but they do agree that French Stewart is lame, Ludacris is best as a guest, and Big Stan finally comes out in March. Neal is scared of yellow food but he still manages to review new music by Ciara, Fleet Foxes, and Jamie Foxx. Nick and Neal argue about female rappers and their business decisions. Nick saw Frightened Rabbit play live in Philadelphia. Neal read Dark Horse Presents and Wormwood: Gentleman Corpse. And, oh yeah, Final Crisis #6 SPOILERS!!!
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