Tag Archive for 'Auto-Tune'

Where My Mother Fathers At?

I caught wind of this Sienna Swagger Wagon thing over the weekend, but I figured it could wait until today. Between commercials like this and BP's 'little' snafu in the Gulf, you'd never guess that Toyota was still recovering from a customer relations/quality nightmare.

Since this isn't a real music video, I'll reserve my usual negative comments. I'd just like to note the following: the dad squeezes the nipple on the baby bottle, he throws his daughter's tea service on the ground and spikes the mini piano - that cracked my shit up. He may be a balding actor and this may be a ridiculously shameless use of 'swagger' & autotune, but it's also funny. If I were Puff, I would be pissed -- not because these guys were jocing my video concepts from 15 years ago -- but because they'll have more success with it in 3 months than he has in the last 15 years.

(WHERE MY MOTHER FATHERS AT?)

The Top 9 Things You Need To Know RIGHT NOW!

Since Nick complained so much, I thought I'd drop a little knowledge on the AS Crew.

9. The Black Eyed Peas and U2 are the worst (and most overrated) bands ever

8. You can get ANYTHING delivered in NYC

7. Your favorite rapper probably has a ghostwriter

6. Chinese run Mexican joint > Qdoba > Chipotle

5. Grades don't actually matter

4. Xenogears > Street Fighter

3. Auto-Tune was originally developed to find oil wells, not for Teddy Pain

2. Mortgage backed sneakers are not a sound investment

1. Your breath stanks

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. (Sadly, that’s what Nick calls math.)

Neal Finally Watches Patton

pattonA few months ago, when I still had a real job, on/off AS commenter Tom (aka Spicoli!) said his favorite movie of all time was Patton. Embarrassed that I hadn't seen it yet, I played it off and said "really, Patton?" Then I quickly added it to my Netflix queue - and it finally came through this week.

First off, this movie is long, it clocks in around 170 minutes. Wish someone had told me that beforehand. But hey, some stories just don't fit the 120 minute Hollywood paradigm.

In short, I liked it - but it didn't move me. It's not like I had a phantom undescended testicle drop into place during the viewing or something. I didn't feel a strong desire to shout out U-S-A and enlist. If anything, you wonder how Patton succeeded at being such a huge dick for so long before getting reprimanded by Ike.

The second half was eh... I feel like all the cool stuff happened at the beginning - like in Apocalypse Now.

I was also little surprised how much the film clowns Montgomery and the British 8th. I mean, they just made that guy a total joke.

What I liked most was all the in camera work. Obviously in 1970, advanced SFX were yet to come, but nothing looks more real than a real explosion.  They had tanks, and howitzers, and blew up buildings! The cinematography was on point too - you usually don't get a lot of great camera angles with tanks.

It makes no sense that we rely on CG for everything now. I was reading in the WSJ today that it took nearly 9 months to render a CG shot of Dumbledore twirling around some fire in the new HP flick. How is that cheaper or more effective than rigging up some pyrotechnics? I motion for more in camera effects. I want to see dudes in rubber monster suits with Tom Savini makeup - not some pixel shaded microchip mashup. CG is the Autotune of movies, and we all know that Jay Z declared D.O.A. a few weeks back.

Bottomline: Glad I saw it - but not the greatest movie of all time.

Am I the only one who thought George C. Scott was related to Woody Harrelson and Ed O'Neill? I see them in his look and performance. It's a bit creepy. Perhaps Woody will star in a George C. Scott biopic.

My mom just got back from Tunisia and had been telling me about all the history and battles that took place there. The thing is, I had no interest in any of it until Patton strolls through a centuries old battlefield and starts talking about the Carthaginians, Romans, and reincarnation. Clearly all history should be presented as wistful nostalgia by a poetic army general.

Oh, and do I have terrible timing or what? Both Karl Michael Vogler (Field Marshal Erwin Rommel) and Karl Malden (Gen. Omar N. Bradley) just passed (June 9 and July 1 2009).

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The Top 9 Celebrity Deaths of the Past Couple Months

9. Dom DeLuise. R.I.P. Pizza the Hutt.

8. Bob Bogle. I'm sure most of you aren't familiar with him, but Bob Bogle has been one of my guitar heroes for as long as I can remember. He was a founder of The Ventures, the world's greatest instrumental rock band.

7. Natasha Richardson. Speaking of not being familiar, I don't think I've seen any of Natasha's films. Unfortunately, thanks to the way news media works in this country, I'm very familiar with her death.

6. Mike Tyson's daughter. Exodus Tyson was strangled by a loose cord hanging down from a treadmill. Very sad.

5. Autotune. Killed by Jay-Z. Autotune's death has been hitting the pop music world pretty hard, especially T-Pain.

4. Ed McMahon. Johnny Carson's Tonight Show sideman. Star Search host. Publishers Clearing House home sabotage ringleader and over-sized check presenter. Damn, Ed did a lot of stuff.

3. Farah Fawcett. Charlie's most famous Angel died after a very public fight with cancer.

2. David Carradine. Kill Bill died an awful, kinky death. It's true that Carradine was into some weird shit, but it looks like he was able to keep most of it under the radar until his untimely passing in a Bangkok hotel room. At first it looked like suicide and/or solo sex play gone wrong, but now it seems like foul play.

1. Michael Jackson. Mikey was the man. A weird man, yes... but THE MAN nonetheless. It'll be interesting to see what the public deems his legacy to be over the course of the next couple decades.

[Thanks to Neal for inspiring this week's theme and helping put together the list.]

More: The Top 9 Currently Dead Superheroes and Supervillains

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Busta Rhymes Makes Arab Money - Makes Neal Puke

Usually, I don't bring my work life to the AS - but this economic crisis is really effin stuff up. Suffice it to say, things just went a little pearshaped for me and I'm not in the mood to write a music video review. (Ed. note: no, I did not get fired) However, while I was driving to work last night to print out some documents, I stumbled upon a little turd of a track by one Mr. Busta Rhymes. Am I the only one who hasn't heard Busta's new joint Arab Money?

I can't even begin to tell you how offended I am by this - both from a musical and cultural perspective - and I'm not even Muslim. I can't seem to find an 'official' video, so this YouTube 'video remix' will have to do. Seriously, autotuned Arabic? (it's not actually Arabic either btw) As if my day wasn't bad enough, I have to deal with this shit.

The dance instruction video is a bit apologetic and tries to explain it all away, but what the fuck? How do you even begin to reconcile this without going all Van Gogh? I'm sorry Busta, but if I am offended - something is wrong. Am I being overly sensitive? Is this not a big deal so much as a poorly conceived song? Either way, you need to get your act together Mr. Rhymes, because this is not acceptable.