Tag Archive for 'akon'

FNMTV - Jonas Brothers, Shwayze, Nelly, and Slipknot

It’s another installment of FNMTV, 5 super quick music video reviews from the master of vitriol (me). This week’s videos were ‘easy listening’ for the most part. Don’t believe me? Check them out for yourself.

Jonas Brothers - Burnin Up (Live)
OMFG it’s Hanson! No wait, it’s a non-girl-looking version of Hanson that wishes it was Maroon 5. As usual, this live performance is kind of half-assed. Watch the real video instead. It’s stupid, but Danny Trejo is in it for like 3 seconds. That dude is awesome.

Nelly - Body On Me
Uhm… Did Nelly and Ashanti get back together? Am I that out of the loop? Didn’t he crush her and she was doing late night drivebys or something? Either way, this is a pretty low impact video. Akon’s voice is nearly tolerable for once too. Nothing special or even that flashy here. Surprising considering the whole thing takes place in a casino.

Shwayze - Corona and Lime
I won’t comment on how ridiculous Shwayze is as a concept. You can read the artist bio yourself. The video is funny enough though. It’s a little California Girls and a little Weird Al. That said, these have to be the whitest and least freaky deaky ‘video-hos’ ever. You could take this video home to mama or show it to your 8 year old.

Slipknot - Psycho Social
All I know about Slipknot is that they have a lot of drummers and they like masks. Both were present and I think I saw a tympany too. There is some stuff on fire - giant paper mache heads I believe. Who writes the treatments for these videos? If I were a record label exec I would be thinking, “My toddler’s nightmares are more creative than this.”

Lesley Roy - I’m Gone, I’m Going
Only two words to describe this: CHUBRIL LAVIGNE.

Podcast Episode 028

We chitchat about the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law, UnlicensedAttorneys.com, Sweeney Todd, Tim Burton, 3:10 to Yuma, 27 Dresses, Katherine Heigl’s boobs, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Jason Segel’s penis, Mila Kunis, Meet the Spartans, Irina Palm, Mariah Carey, E=MC2, Jermaine Dupri, New Jack Swing, Teddy Riley, Midas Touch, 50 Cent, Tony Yayo, ghostwriters, Akon’s fabricated past, Fugees, Pras, Mya, Ghetto Supastar, ODB, Prince, Amelia Earhart, Truffle Shuffle, Avatar, Airbender, Black Panther, BET, Reginald Hudlin, Denys Cowan, Samuel L Jackson as Nick Fury, Iron Man in The Incredible Hulk movie, Marvel Studios, Civil War 1, Mighty Avengers 12, and more.

 
 AudioShocker #28 [66:12m]: Play Now | Download

Wyclef’s Sweetest Girl Ain’t Sweet at All

I don’t know how I forgot about this, but Wyclef has a new album coming out next Tuesday - The Carnival II. I’m sure you all remember The Carnival and the great tracks like Guantanamera and Gone Till November. The album was an instant classic, but Clef has not had a commercial success like it since.

By calling it the Carnival II Wyclef is betting a lot on this album and it shows. The album features guest spots on 11 out of 14 tracks. That said, they do include some heavy hitters: T.I., Shakira, Paul Simon (wtf?), Will.I.Am, etc. The first cut, Sweetest Girl has been out for a couple weeks now.

The best way to describe Sweetest Girl (Dollar Bill) is Gone Till November II but with Akon shamelessly repurposing a Wu-tang hook, and an truly unimaginative verse by Lil Weezy.

I’ma tell you like Wu told me: Cash rules everything around me
Singing dollar dollar bill yall - dollar dollar bill yall - dollar dollar bill yall - Akon

Yea. That just happened. Additionally, Weezy can’t write a punchline for his life. There is no bite to his rhymes, just that acidic voice. I even heard a remix of this over an Old Wu beat with Raekwon - still no good.

I’m not trying to be harsh - but I know Wyclef is a better artist than this. Clef, we were all pissed that the Fugees reunion was a bust, but making crappy music is not going to help! I hope the rest of the album turns out better. I really want this to be a good album. Look for a full review once I get my hands on the disc.