Archive for the 'TV' Category

FNMTV - Jonas Brothers, Shwayze, Nelly, and Slipknot

It’s another installment of FNMTV, 5 super quick music video reviews from the master of vitriol (me). This week’s videos were ‘easy listening’ for the most part. Don’t believe me? Check them out for yourself.

Jonas Brothers - Burnin Up (Live)
OMFG it’s Hanson! No wait, it’s a non-girl-looking version of Hanson that wishes it was Maroon 5. As usual, this live performance is kind of half-assed. Watch the real video instead. It’s stupid, but Danny Trejo is in it for like 3 seconds. That dude is awesome.

Nelly - Body On Me
Uhm… Did Nelly and Ashanti get back together? Am I that out of the loop? Didn’t he crush her and she was doing late night drivebys or something? Either way, this is a pretty low impact video. Akon’s voice is nearly tolerable for once too. Nothing special or even that flashy here. Surprising considering the whole thing takes place in a casino.

Shwayze - Corona and Lime
I won’t comment on how ridiculous Shwayze is as a concept. You can read the artist bio yourself. The video is funny enough though. It’s a little California Girls and a little Weird Al. That said, these have to be the whitest and least freaky deaky ‘video-hos’ ever. You could take this video home to mama or show it to your 8 year old.

Slipknot - Psycho Social
All I know about Slipknot is that they have a lot of drummers and they like masks. Both were present and I think I saw a tympany too. There is some stuff on fire - giant paper mache heads I believe. Who writes the treatments for these videos? If I were a record label exec I would be thinking, “My toddler’s nightmares are more creative than this.”

Lesley Roy - I’m Gone, I’m Going
Only two words to describe this: CHUBRIL LAVIGNE.

Keri Hilson - Flashdancing Takes a Lot of Energy

Keri Hilson just released the video for the lead single Energy off her new album. I don’t know much about Keri, but it turns out she actually has been active for some time. I do know that Timbaland has been promoting her quite a bit these last few months though. So, how does the video stack up? Read on to find out.

The Track: When I realized this was the track from the Verizon commercial I’ve seen at the movies for the last 2 months, I almost shut it off. But I lingered. It turns out the worst part of the song is that keyboard intro before the bass really drops in. The beat is courtesy of The Runaways and not Timbaland. No guest verse, no vocoder, no screechy notes, no skits, no dance breakdown, none of that stuff. It is listenable, and so far, I haven’t noticed the severely flawed logic present in other current hits such as Danity Kane’s Damaged. Love it or hate it - prepare to hear this in the club all effing summer long.


The Video:
Whoever wrote the treatment for this video watches a lot of HBO. This is Million Dollar Baby meets Flashdance meets The Pussy Cat Dolls. Confused? There is boxing, a wardrobe stolen from Jennifer Beals’ closet, and wet hair / dancing that reminds me of Nicole Scherzinger. Perhaps she rubbed off on Keri during the Scream shoot?

It probably went something like this: Ok, We’ll dress up Keri in something totally backdrop-inappropriate and she will alternatively spar and makeout with her trainer; he must have tattoos. Oh - she knocks some other chick out too, and at the end she gets ugly highlights and leaves.

Keri’s silver tapsuit (is that what it’s called?) is as ridiculous as her interpretive dancing/voguing, and I swear I saw some Happy Hands Club choreography in there. It was kind of hard to watch this without wanting to laugh. Hilson does look good and is clearly doing the damn thing, but I’m not sold.

The Bottom line: Energy is better heard and not seen.

FNMTV - Zooey Deschanel and Doppelganger Fail to Impress

FNMTV is back like cooked crack. Unfortunately for the 2 of you that got that reference, Juelz Santana is nowhere to be found. Once again scraping the bottom of the barrel, I bring you MTV’s newest video premieres in “quickie” review style.

LL Cool J - Baby
Mr. Smith brings the ennui with a vocoder chorus, weak rhymes, terrible attempts at dancing, graphic Ts, and endorsements of drunk driving.

She and Him - Why Do You Let Me Stay Here?
Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward spin us a macabre acid trip with a subdued soundtrack. She gets axed a few times, there are some sort of Pacman-esque ghosts, and then I’m not sure what happens. It sort of kills me to watch this since Zooey is capable of so much better.

Daughtry - What About Now: 90 Second Preview
Is this supposed to be a PSA or a reimagining of Van Halen’s Right Now? Either way, it’s so boring that even MTV could only stomach 90 seconds of it.

Katy Perry - I Kissed A Girl (Live)
Zooey Deschanel doppelganger hops around in a short floral print jumper singing her crappy song. Nothing to see here folks. Seriously.

The Driving Forces Behind Three of the Biggest Media Franchises of the Past 25 Years

I was reading about how Larry Hama is joining up with IDW to reboot the G.I. Joe franchise in time for the new movie, and I had a realization — three of the biggest entertainment and merchandising franchises of the past 25 years have have each had a single person with creative vision that acted as a driving force behind the mythology of the brand.

That’s not to say that these three individuals are the sole contributors. Countless editors, producers, writers, artists, and others have made invaluable contributions to the X-Men, Transformers, and G.I. Joe over the years. But none can take a massive amount of credit quite like these three gentlemen can.

Chris Claremont - The X-Men

For the vast majority of comic book readers this is a no brainer. CC has been shepherding the X-Men in one way or another for the past 30 years (and then some, really). He didn’t create all of the core X-Men icons from scratch, but he imbued the personalities and character traits that have made Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Phoenix, and the rest of the crew famous.

The X-Men franchise was ready to die over at Marvel Comics in the mid-70s when it was relaunched with a new international cast. Chris wasn’t part of the infamous Giant-Size X-Men #1, but he took over shortly thereafter and stayed until the early 1990s (from Uncanny X-Men #94-279). That includes the legendary Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past with John Byrne. He also wrote X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills, a short graphic novel that inspired Bryan Singer’s x2.

He’s launched new X-titles and helped to expand the role of mutants in the Marvel Universe far beyond Salem Center, New York. He’s also revisited the main series for a couple short runs. In this decade, Chris has dedicated most (but not all) of his creative efforts to pushing the X-Men franchise into the future with X-Men: The End and GeNext (GeNext #3 hits comic book stores today).

Larry Hama - G.I. Joe

Larry does it all when it comes to comic books. I primarily know him as an editor, starting at DC Comics in the late 70s and moving over to Marvel in 80s. But he began as an artist, penciling a bunch of different series in the 70s before making the move to editorial. However, the Larry Hama we’re going to talk about here is a writer.

Specifically, he’s the writer of the file cards on the back of the G.I. Joe action figures, the influence of which cannot be overstated. Larry also wrote the 155 issue G.I. Joe comic book series from Marvel Comics, which (as is the case with Transformers as well) was really just a birthplace for ideas that would inform the TV series and the overall mythology of the Joe Universe.

Larry’s been a huge part of comics for the better part of 30 years now, including notable work on Wolverine and Bucky O’Hare. Let me say for the record that Bucky O’Hare — an okay comic, a decent cartoon, and an even better line of action figures — has impacted my life immensely thru the Bucky O’Hare NES video game. Beating that ludicrously difficult game took my cousins and I a good ten years.

Simon Furman
- Transformers

I don’t know nearly as much about Simon Furman as I do about Claremont and Hama. I’ve been reading X-Men comics since before I could actually read the words, and I caught G.I. Joe fever as an 11-year-old (when the series was in heavy repeats on the USA Network). But the only Transformers I ever latched onto were the characters in Beast Machines, a sacrilegious cartoon for most TF fans.

But despite practically avoiding Transformers all my life, I couldn’t avoid the impact of Simon Furman. He’s been writing TF comics since the mid-80s, and his contributions to the Transformers Universe are legendary. I don’t know which characters Furman created, but I know that his origin for the Transformers is generally preferred by hardcore fans.

Last I checked, Furman is still writing TF stories with IDW, the same publisher that’s bringing back Larry Hama for their newly acquired G.I. Joe publishing license. He’s also the creator of Death’s Head, a character that was conceived for the Transformers Universe (but officially owned by Marvel Comics). Death’s Head was most recently revamped in the Amazing Fantasy redux series and carried over (sorta) into Planet Hulk.

Avatar: The Last Airbender Returns Starting July 14, 2008 with the Rest of Book 3: Fire

File this in the “it might not be new, but it’s news to me” category. I just learned that Avatar: The Last Airbender, a favorite here at the AudioShocker, will finally return to close out Book 3: Fire on July 14-19, 2008.

Thanks to Avatar Spirit, check out this promo from a recent copy of Nickelodeon Magazine (that I painstakingly cleaned up in Photoshop):

This Avatar promo better be true

According to that little blurb, July 14-18 will see a brand new episode of Avatar each night. Presumably, this run of episodes will include Chapters 14 and 15. Though they’ve been making the rounds on the Internet for a couple months now, I don’t think they’ve aired on Nickelodeon.

According to Wikipedia, Chapters 16 and 17 will air on July 17 and 18, respectively. That would leave Chapters 18-21 to air as the “special two-hour episode” on July 19. Astute Avatar fans will know that this season has 21 chapters because the hour-long Day of the Black Sun story ran for an extra episode, counting as both Chapters 10 and 11.

If Wikipedia is to be believed and Nickelodeon can be taken at their word, that means we’ll get (all episodes air at 8pm EST & PST, 7pm CST, and 9pm MST):

  • Book 3, Chapter 12 on Mon, July 14, 2008
  • Book 3, Chapter 13 on Tue, July 15, 2008
  • Book 3, Chapters 14-15 on Wed, July 16, 2008
  • Book 3, Chapter 16 on Tue, July 17, 2008
  • Book 3, Chapter 17 on Fri, July 18, 2008
  • Book 3, Chapters 18-21 on Sat, July 19, 2008

Now I’m not exactly sure how Chapter 13 counts as “new,” considering that it already aired on Nick earlier this year. But I’m not complaining. As long as we ACTUALLY get to finish Book 3 in a couple weeks, I’m fine with that.

EDIT: I just read this post on Newsarama that clarifies the air schedule of the Avatar episodes. Chapters 14 and 15 will be lumped together on Wednesday since The Boiling Rock is a two-part story. (The Newsarama post also has descriptions for each upcoming episode.)

EDIT 2: Due to a request in the comments, I got curious and I looked up airtimes for the episodes. Each night listed above will see Nickelodeon begin the episodes at 8pm EST & PST, 7pm CST, and 9pm MST. People who live in mountain time — is that normal to have your primetime TV begin at 9pm?

FNMTV - Rihanna’s Haircut and Levine’s Voice - Both Repugnant

Quick - What’s better than 5 music video reviews in under 5 minutes? Nothing! Without further adieu, I present another installment of FNMTV quickies. MTV sets ‘em up and I knock ‘em down.

Rihanna - Take a Bow (Live)
I can handle the song and the lackluster performance, but the haircut is maddening. She looks like Halle Berry from the early 90s - and that’s not meant as a compliment.

T.I. - No Matter What
This whole thing seems really out of place. T.I. is at the top of his game right now - so why is he doing with a track that belongs on a comeback CD? T.I. needs to be doing more Big Things Poppin and less stuff like this. The track and video are boring and about 10 years too early.

No Age - Eraser
The first 2/3rds of the song is an extended intro instrumental without any depth. The remaining 1/3rd is incomprehensible and visually obscured by a fog machine, lights, and transitions. A huge whooshing waste of production dollars.

Day 26 - Since You’ve Been Gone
Jagged Edge and Blackstreet weren’t what I would call originals in the realm of R&B, but they had their own sound. This song smells way too much like them though. Diddy, you need to get right and figure out what you want to do with BadBoy. Also, graphic T’s are so over - is HipHop really just waking up to them?

Maroon 5 - If I Never See Your Face Again (Live)
The best thing that Adam Levine ever did was the I Ran SNL video with Andy Samberg, while Rihanna’s last decent video was Shut Up And Drive. I really miss the razor sharp bob she had going before. This performance is 8 types of crap. And Levine should chop ‘em off already - it’d be a lot easier than the falsetto.

Nelly - Stepped on My J’z

Personally, I have never understood the cultish fascination people have with Nike Air Jordans. To me they are just expensive basketball shoes - but what do I know. Immensely popular, Jordans have been coming out steadily since about the time I was born. Of course, with great fashion comes great clothing care. Nelly just released this Public Service Announcement, Stepped on My J’z, to educate us all about the dangers that may befall your new Nikes.

The Track: Nelly is no stranger to songs about fashion accessories or shoes, ie Grillz and Air Force Ones. He also has a good working relationship with Jermaine Dupri. A recipe for success right? Well it’s a recipe, that’s for sure. The track sounds like a LOT like Grillz - minus knock. I suppose I should appreciate his dedication to a particular subject and being able towrite an entire song about it, but I can’t. Downright trite and derivative I say! Singing a song where half the lyrics read like a Jordan’s catalog exhibit’s neither talent nor creativity.

There is no point discussing the outlandishness of the message here either. Obviously there are worse things than scuffing your $200 Nikes. But, to put it in perspective - if I were 16 and had just spent $200 on new shoes - a scuff would seriously fuck up my whole day.

Right after Ciara’s verse, Nelly throws back to J-Kwon’s Tipsy and it totally made my day. All the lyrical genius is stored right here: “patent leather #11’s we call ‘em Space Jams,” “a spare off in my car just in case I catch a scar” That is what I expect for a top tier artist like Nelly. Sadly, 15 seconds of genius isn’t going to make up for the other 4.75 minutes of crap.

The Video: What possesses a man to write two songs about Nikes? Most likely a lot of free shoes. Perhaps Nelly can give SJP some tips. Homeboy is decked out in Jordan gear from head to toe. It borders on shameless label whoring. The video is a commercial for the cult of Air Jordan. If you like Jordan’s you’ll probably like it, and if not (like me) - you won’t.

The scene with the dude in the Celtics Jersey may not seem funny, but it is probably the funniest part of the video. That or Dupri’s ridiculous glasses. Nelly doesn’t exactly excel at comedy the way someone like T.I. does.

The turning point is when Ciara shows up, out of nowhere, and reminds us of her important contributions to hiphop. Namely, her excellent dancing skills and smoking’ hot body. Is she dropping an album anytime soon? The last one was pretty good.

The Bottom Line: I’ll watch anything with Ciara in it.

FNMTV - Rope Chains, Capri Pants, Duffy, and More

It’s time for another round of FNMTV bashing - courtesy of yours truly. In case you missed last week’s post, MTV recently added a new segment called Friday Night MTV as a venue for video premiers and live performances. This salvo of music television begs to be discussed - because it is so clearly bottom of the barrel - but not in a formal video review manner. Consider these video review ‘quickies’.

Lil Mama - I’m What It Is (Strike a Pose)

Old skool rope chains, T-Pain sans vocoder channeling the pied piper, and Missy Elliot style antics make for a pretty kid-friendly video. I wouldn’t hesitate to show this to an 8 year old.

Boys Like Girls - Thunder

The band members all have similar haircuts to other bands, they sing slow and deep at first and then jump up an octave to belt out the chorus. Flashback / performance videos like this are boring. If I want to relive getting drunk in high school and doing dumb townie shit… I’ll look out my window at the douchebag highschoolers on summer vacation.

Shawty Lo - Foolish (Remix)

DJ Khaled has never been on a decent track, so this was doomed from the beginning. Morever, what self respecting rapper wears a beater when he has a gut - and for that matter CAPRIS? I’m not even watching the rest of this video. 39 seconds in and I am over it. I won’t even mention that Baby, AKA The Birdman, drops a vocoder verse.

Vampire Weekend - Oxford Comma

This actually did not suck. The whole thing reminded of a Wes Anderson movie- but one that didn’t suck. In fact, if all of Wes Anderson’s stuff was this short and pithy - Nick and I might like the guy a lot more.

Duffy - Mercy (Live)

I don’t know much about Duffy, but her voice is definitely an acquired taste. I can get into the track, but I’d like it more if it were by another vocalist. ZING! Other than that, this ain’t much to write home about. Here is the original video.

Lil Wayne - A Milli (Live)

It’s no secret that I’m not a huge fan of Lil Wayne’s recent records - but apparently he gets crowds hype. And really, how can I disagree with that? If you can rock ‘em right, you must be doing something right. He did race through the song though - he was def in a hurry to get out of there.

That’s it ladies and gents. You don’t have to go home - you can stay and comment here!

MTV’s FNMTV, I Hate To Love You

I don’t have cable. I consume media via Netflix, torrent, and various streaming sources. That said, I noticed that MTV started a new feature on Friday nights called FNMTV. Basically, Pete Wentz (the D-bag that knocked up Ashlee Simpson, hosted a segment involving a bunch of new music videos with some wrap-around filler. I am ashamed to say it, but I love the idea of getting 5 new videos to criticize at a time. It’s like a game, ‘how pejorative can I be in 30 minutes?’ I can’t wait till next week!

The new music videos are linked below along with a very brief synopsis. Honestly, I disliked all of these videos enough that I won’t waste our time with full length reviews.

Flo Rida w/ Will.I.Am - Ayer
Will.I.Am and Flo Rida do a club track with a crappy hook - in a bank. At least it’s not about strippers this time. Of note: the video girls are not up to par; I posit this video was done on the cheap - ironic considering the setting.

The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
It’s basically a younger (blonde) version of The White Stripes. Remember Seven Nation Army? Yeah, this is just like that. Seriously, track and video.

Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
Carmit, Kimberly, Ashley, Jessica, and Melody - I totally get it. You wanted to be famous sooo bad that you smeared on fake tanner, took dance classes, and did a lot of crunches. And look, you totally got it! Now you get to dance in the background and compete for screentime while Nicole sings! Sofa King Great!

Snoop Dogg ft. Everlast and Willie Nelson - My Medicine
Hey Snoop - didn’t Nelly have a country crossover hit back in 2004 with Tim McGraw? Aren’t you a bit late to the party? Snoop is a pimp no matter what medium he operates in. This ‘country’ track is no exception. I have to give him cred for attempting this, but “I’d like to dedicate this record right here to my main man Johnny Cash - a real American Gangster” Are you effing serious?

Panic at the Disco - That Green Gentleman (Live)
A live performance is hardly a video - and I am fairly ignorant about this group. So, I looked up the actual video. WAY BETTER. I don’t dig the track, but the video is totally watchable.

And the coup de grace: Snoop Dogg and Panic At the Disco - Gin and Juice
E P I C   F A I L. This is as pointless and brand damaging as Snoop’s shortlived TV show. I know, I know, MTV sort of created you - but did you take a bloodoath or something requiring you to do whatever they ask?

Weeds Season Premiere - Few Laughs, Many Concerns

I caught the season premiere of Weeds yesterday on Showtime, and I hope to God they bring back the laughs this season. Since last season Nancy has been in another world. She is totally out of touch - I think she’s getting high on her own supply - and it is affecting the show. I was sad to see U-Turn die last year, but Guillermo is the best thing to happen to the show in 2 seasons.

I do like how Doug, Dean, Sanjay, and Isabelle are teaming up against Celia. That motley crew might seem a little 3 stooges, but it is way better than anything else we got out of season 3. If the writer’s make them the B-plot, it may have to be as the comic relief for all the tense situations Nancy is sure to end up in.

The introduction of Andy and Judah’s father also has me worried. I am afraid he could end up as an Albee / Dale character like in Big Love and The Ritches. In general - introducing new family members spells trouble. Andy’s introduction went over well because he’s such a cutup, but this father thing could go south quickly.

I’ll give it two more episodes.