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The Top 9 Ways Marvel Has Changed Since It Was Purchased by Disney

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nick marino

on September 4, 2009

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9. Captain America is asking everyone to refer to him as Captain Charming from now on.

8. Lockheed and Figment moved to Massachusetts and got a civil union.

7. Wolverine has been seen spontaneously breaking into song during his berserker rages.

6. Disney's Beast officially dropped his lawsuit against Frank Quitely and Hank McCoy.

5. Storm is now one of the Disney Princesses.

4. Uncle Scrooge and Tony Stark have worked out a synchronized swimming routine in the Money Bin.

3. The Hulk and Kermit the Frog have been singing duets of "It's Not Easy Being Green."

2. In an effort to make himself more kid-friendly, Frank Castle has changed his codename to the Funisher.

1. Marvel has announced that Don Cheadle will be playing the role of Mouse Machine in Iron Man 2.

Next Week: Neal drops a special video versions of The Top 9 10 Reasons to Move to NYC. While I can't say I approve of this "Top 10" business, I do appreciate the week off.

More: The Top 9 Least Intimidating Supervillains!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Ways to Annoy Me on an Airplane

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nick marino

on August 28, 2009

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You can piss me off on an airplane by...

9. ...being the last person on the plane who somehow manages to have the biggest bag. Of course, said bag won't fit in the overhead compartment.

8. ...whining relentlessly while trying to futilely shove your oversized bag into the overhead compartment.

7. ...moving around everybody's stuff in a reckless manner because the physical logistics of your bag and the overhead compartment simply don't work.

6. ...mixing up everybody's luggage following your attempt to fit a large item into a small space and then trying to slam the overhead compartment hatch closed even when it's obvious it won't close.

5. ...cursing out the airplane because your fat ass bag couldn't fit into a small overhead space.

4. ...getting all flustered with this "goddamn stupid airplane with a fucking small overhead stupid compartment" and then acting huffy until a steward or stewardess comes over to help.

3. ...giving the steward or stewardess an attitude for not being able to fit your bag in the overhead compartment as well.

2. ...being a complete dick to every employee on the airplane even though your bag was never going to fit from the start and you should have just gate checked the damn thing.

1. ...delaying the entire takeoff process because you like to show up last for your flight while bringing an impossibly huge bag onto the airplane, despite the fact that it's obvious that your bag will never fit into the limited overhead space that's left.

More: The Top ~~Nine~~ Five Things That Piss Me Off When I’m Walking Down the Street!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Least In Demand Fan Fiction Franchises

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nick marino

on August 21, 2009

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9. Axel Foley. Beverly Hills Cop might be the greatest cop comedy of all-time, but I just don't envision a large market of hungry BHC fans clamoring for more Axel Foley hijinks so badly that they've taken it upon themselves to craft his next set of adventures.

8. Mummies Alive! To have fan fiction, I'm pretty certain that you need fans in the first place, so that pretty much rules out this entry. I somewhat enjoyed this bizarre "extreme zombies" cartoon back when it aired, but I'm not craving anymore of it.

7. Bosom Buddies. Tranny Tom Hanks is a tempting prospect, without a doubt, but not the sort of thing that I imagine generates much nostalgia. Though I look back fondly on this sitcom, I don't foresee fans creating new awkward reasons for him to quickly change out of men's clothing and into some female threads.

6. Contra. Greatest NES game ever? It's definitely up for debate. Greatest video game theme ever? Again, we're looking at a possible champion here. Video game with strong potential for fan fiction? Not even close. I mean, what more can you really do with this concept? Shirtless commandos are airdropped into South America to shoot rebels, robots, and aliens in the face. End of story.

5. Full House. This TGIF nightmare is waaaay too obnoxious to live on it the hearts and minds of former fans. Unfortunately, I'm sure there have been plenty of fan-imagined Full House scenarios since the show's demise (spanning the gamut of good taste, I'll bet). But it must stop here and now. Bob Saget is great, but not when he's fathering the Olsen twins.

4. Street Sharks. These mutated sea predators were "Jawesome!" But who really gives a shit? They take the cake as the most ridiculous of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle knockoffs. I think it's safe to say they only live on in the most obscure recesses of pop culture memory, and thus fail to populate the desires of fan fiction authors.

3. Count Chocula. I have to hand it to General Mills - they really know how to make a breakfast cereal memorable. But memorable doesn't equal incredible fan fiction potential, let alone good story potential. While a Frankenberry team up might be the ultimate dream of some fan fictioner out there, I'm going to assume that no one really wants to read about the further adventures of this cocoa-sucking vampire.

2. Jar Jar Binks. Star Wars: The Phantom Menance was notable for many things. Namely, it made a shitload of money off of the previous three Star Wars films despite the fact that it sucked beyond belief. The other crime committed by this film was introducing the world to Jar Jar Binks, a bumbling Sambo-esque caricature that cemented George Lucas' modern day reputation. Unless fans are writing about the timely demise of Jar Jar, I don't think anyone is interested in reading it.

1. Stripperella. While Reese's hit gold with the combination of two favorites, Spike TV hit shit with its teaming of Stan Lee and Pamela Anderson (who may have also been a "Lee" at that point). Pam obviously has a thing for superheroes, having previously tackled the role of Barb Wire (not to mention her other hero roles in VIP and Baywatch). But unfortunately, Stripperella was not her super-powered breakout. As for Stan the Man, I dunno what to say. Genius? Yes. Innovator? Yes. Occasionally misguided businessman? YES. And Stripperella serves as possibly his most misguided venure (save for the financially disastrous Stan Lee Media, of course). So do people want more Stripperella so bad that they'd write it themselves? I think the answer is an emphatic "NO."

More: The Top 9 Iconic Characters with an Extra and/or Extended Body Part

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Things in Iron Man Comics That I Wanna See in Iron Man 2

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nick marino

on August 14, 2009

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9. The Technovore. I'll start off my list with the biggest long shot - a misunderstood antagonist that consists of repurposed tech scraps. Put simply, this character is a technological parasite that consumes the technology it touches. To make it even better, Tony Stark should battle the Technovore in space just like the original comics confrontation.

8. Jim Rhodes wears the Iron Man armor. To me, this is a staple of the Iron Man legacy. When Stark just can't continue on, his best friend is there to carry on the fight. While I prefer Rhodey in the War Machine armor, there's something special about the way he puts on the red and golds to help his best bud when he's down.

7. Tony Stark gets an artificial nervous system. In the first Iron Man movie, repulsor technology was brilliantly re-imagined as a life-support system mixed with a massive energy source (in compact form, to boot). Another concept from the Iron Man comics that could use this touch is the artificial central nervous system Tony Stark implements in his own body following his faked death. It's especially fascinating to watch Tony code his own nervous system like he's writing software code.

6. The Hulkbuster armor. C'mon, you know you wanna see it too. This will probably have to wait for the Avengers movie, if that!

5. Tony Stark succumbs to alcoholism. Again, maybe this is best in a a sequel or another film. Like, if we see hints of it in Iron Man 2, even more hints in Avengers, and then Iron Man 3 showcases Tony's struggle - that might maximize the emotional impact. Still, I feel this plot should start in earnest with Iron Man 2.

4. The Blacklash costume. This costume is a classic supervillain faux pas, featuring a neon green ponytail in the cowl and hot pink / fuchsia in the body. It's so insane that I would love to see Iron Man 2 attempt it. BRING ON THE CHEESE! Alas, it appears that Whiplash will never progress into his insane Blacklash threads, however, because he's a hybrid of Whiplash AND Crimson Dynamo in Iron Man 2.

3. Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan hook up. Tony Stark is a man who can have just about any woman in the world... so what happens when the one woman he genuinely cares for decides she'd rather be with his driver / (non-armored) bodyguard? This is classic drama!

2. The Telepresence armor. Tony Stark is incapacitated, but that doesn't stop him from being Iron Man. Using technology that allows him to virtually pilot a suit of Iron Man armor, Tony remotely controls his infamous red and golds. There is still a risk, of course, because neural feedback from damage to the unmanned Neuromimetic Telepresence Unit can still manifest physically on Tony's end...

1. The War Machine armor. Luckily, I already know that my top choice is going to be in Iron Man 2. However, I am dismayed that the Comic-Con Int'l footage featured Rhodey getting his gear from Justin Hammer. Hopefully this is well weaved into the plot, because I think it's essential that Rhodey dons the suit to fight for right!!!

More: The Top 9 Moments in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Sergeants (and Sargents)

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nick marino

on August 7, 2009

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9. Sgt. Pepper (and his Lonely Hearts Club Band)
8. Sgt. Tori Porter (ghost)
7. Rod Argent ("God Gave Rock and Roll to You")
6. Sargento Cheese (Persnickety People Exceptional Cheese)
5. Sgt. T.J. Hooker (c'mon, it's William Shatner!)
4. Sgt. Nick Fury (and his Howling Commandos)
3. Herb Sargent (Saturday Night Live writer)
2. Alvin Sargent (What About Bob? writer)
1. Sgt. Slaughter (professional wrestler AND G.I. Joe character)

More: The Top 9 Captains

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Captains

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nick marino

on July 31, 2009

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9. Captain Kangaroo (host of the Captain Kangaroo TV show)
8. Captain Caveman (Hanna-Barbera cartoon character)
7. Captain Stabbin (porn star)
6. Captain Picard (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
5. Cap'n Crunch (cereal mascot)
4. The Sea Captain (raunchy sailor from The Simpsons)
3. Captain Kirk (Star Trek: The Original Series)
2. Captain America (Marvel Comics character)
1. Captain Commando (former Capcom mascot and MvC fighter)

More: The Top 9 Video Games That Should Never Be Made Into Movies

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Comics That Won't Get Announced at Comic-Con This Year

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nick marino

on July 24, 2009

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It's that time of year again! Exciting announcements of future projects will be flowing fast and furious out of the 2009 San Diego Comic-Con International as the comic book publishing industry celebrates hardcore for the entire weekend.

First and foremost, fans wait with baited beath to find out WHO will be writing and drawing WHAT over the course of the next year. The following nine comic books are the last things you will hear announced at this year's SDCC.

9. Just Imagine Rob Liefeld's DC Universe. They let Stan Lee do it, but what if DC Comics decided to get extra awesome and let the infamous Mr. Liefeld "create" all their characters? Not gonna happen. But honestly, if it did, I would buy it. I like Rob's stuff. All I'm saying is that DC is waaay too conservative with their characters to let this happen. Marvel sort of did it with Heroes Reborn, but that was a big chunk of Image Comics creators and not just the Robster. Most of all, I would love to see his extreme costume design for Wonder Woman.

8. What If... Joe Quesada Didn't Breakup Spider-Man's Marriage? In the ultimate tongue-in-cheek comics move of the century, Joey Q repents his editorial edict by writing and drawing this semi-autobiographical tale of an alternate reality where he didn't let Mary Jane make a deal with the devil to breakup her marriage to the Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man. Don't misunderstand me - this story would actually be about Joe Q and the Bullpen, not Spider-Man. We open with Joe as he's about to send down the order to breakup Pete and Mary Jane. But at the last minute, Marvel's Editor-in-Chief has second thoughts and pulls the plug on the Mephisto Mistake before it can happen.

7. Alpha Flight: Abominable Fury. Who's the baddest beast of them all? The Canadian wilderness turns into a wrestling ring as Sasquatch, Wendigo, the real Bigfoot, the (supposedly) original Yeti, and the long-lost Abominable Snowman throwdown. Featuring guest appearances by Beast, Dark Beast, and Wolverine, this is the comic book for big furry action lovers everywhere. Written and drawn by Richard Corben, this will hit shelves by Halloween 2010.

6. Aquaman: Birthright. Orange scaled shirts and shiny green pants with leg fins were never cooler!!! Matt Fraction jumps ship and makes a splash at DC Comics with his epic reinvention of Arthur Curry's origin. After kicking back a few beers with Somali pirates in international waters, Aquaman decides to go on a quest to rediscover his roots and claim his title as the king of the seas. Awesomeness ensues.

5. The Clobama Saga. That's pronounced "KLO-BAH-MAH," in case you were wondering. The concept? Barack Obama is actually a clone of Peter Parker, and his mysterious creator has just reactivated his biological programming - to destroy Spider-Man and take his place!!! The motivation? To put Obama in yet another shameless comic created just to move units. The result? A completely incoherent narrative event that spans six months of Amazing Spider-Man issues and fourteen different spin-off miniseries.

4. Middle-Aged Mutant Ninja Turtles. In honor of the 25th anniversary of Eastman and Laird's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Mirage Studios has decided to take the TMNT into the future. In an epic story event akin to The Dark Knight Returns, the Ninja Turtles are forced to redefine their role in New York City as they enter their mid 30s. This radical departure spins directly into Mid-Life Crisis Mutant Ninja Turtles, a story tentatively planned for 2034.

3. Captain America: Redead. Spinning out of the shocking events of Captain America: Reborn, Steve Rogers has returned from the dead... only to die again! First he was frozen in ice, then he was unstuck in time, and now he's lost in the land of the dead. Captain America fought the good fight, but this time it's really it - dead means dead. And in this case, dead also means a new overpriced miniseries! Written by Robert Kirkman and drawn by Arthur Suydam, this moving tale details the exploits of Steve Rogers as he brings his unique brand of justice to the afterlife.

2. Hellboy vs. KISS. The Nazi-spawned demon versus the Knights In Satan's Service!!! Artist Mike Mignola teams up with writer Gene Simmons to chronicle the intense misadventure that begins when Hellboy is sent to investigate an occult occurrence at a KISS concert. The rockers get angry when Hellboy steps onstage by mistake and steals the show. Then all fo them fight... and then they team up to take down a reborn ghoul who threatens the very fabric of time and space!

1. Spider-Man Forever. In an unprecedented move, Steve Ditko drops his indifference to Peter Parker and re-embraces the famous web-slinging superhero that he co-created. Just like Chris Claremont on X-Men Forever, Steve picks his story up immediately following the events of his last Spidey issue, Amazing Spider-Man #38. Where the story goes from there, who fucking knows? This book is never gonna happen so I see no point in rampant speculation.

More: The Top 9 Guesses at What the Fuck Is Going on with Captain America

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Reasons to Go to Pittsburgh's Small Press Festival Expo

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nick marino

on July 17, 2009

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If you live in Pittsburgh, then you should be at the Small Press Festival (SPF) Expo this weekend. It's that easy.

I'm going to be there on Saturday from 12 PM to 6 PM at the table labeled AudioShocker (and/or Nick Marino). I won't be there on Sunday but my awesome table-mate, Shawn Atkins of Workshop13.net (comic creator of Gello Apocalypse and Explorers of the Unknown), will be there holding it down and still selling my merch.

But if all that's not enough for you, here are the Top 9 reasons you should get your ass over to the Regina Gouger Miller Gallery on the Carnegie Mellon University campus this weekend for the FREE SPF Expo:

9. It may be called the Small Press Festival, but everyone knows that size doesn't matter. Unless you're talking about penises. Then size definitely matters.

8. I'll be there with my laptop and my brand new copy of Street Fighter IV, so come kick my ass in public and humiliate me before I get really good at it.

7. Be one of the first eight lucky humans on Earth to go home with a copy of Patio 1.5, the remastered and (sort of) remixed version of the classic Unlicensed Attorneys at Law track, Patio. This song is unreleased and awesome, so come snag a copy of it on the Original Recipe CD.

6. Buy a copy of Apartment 307 and revel in the ensuing insanity.

5. Get Zombie Palin! in ashcan form. Sarah is all the rage right now since she quit being an officially recognized politician to go on a fishing trip and wear goofy fishing overalls, so don't miss this printed representation of our lovable webcomic.

4. Get your copy of The Fur Bucket EP, a Frank Sanchez / Dirty Weekend split EP packed with 9 tracks of excellence. This is the first time these songs have been out as anything other than streaming files, with the exception of the few tracks that ran as Beatcasts here on the AudioShocker.

3. Catch a sneak peak of my upcoming comic book release, Time Log! It's written by Culturology's Pete and I, penciled by Shawn, and inked by yours truly. If you get out to SPF, then you'll see me inking it at the expo when there's some downtime.

2. Pick up a copy of Cracked: Rejected, an SPF-exclusive 20 page zine by myself and Pete that details our failed pitches to Cracked Magazine (now Cracked.com). If you don't pick this up, you're going to be really confused when you listen to next week's AudioShocker Podcast #89.

1. Yeah, it's the Pittsburgh Small Press Festival, but everyone knows that big things come in small packages... unless you're talking about penises, of course. Then small things are REALLY small and big things are REALLY big. But this is a Small Press Festival - not a penis - so it's gonna be all good.

More: The Top 9 Ways the Economic Recession Has Affected the AudioShocker

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 Things Most People Don't Realize About Comic Book Fans

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nick marino

on July 10, 2009

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Comic book fans get a bad rap AND IT'S NOT FAIR!!! I've compiled this "Did you know?" list for people who DO and DON'T consider themselves comic fans (no assholes, I mean "comic fans," not "comic sans").

For people who don't read comics, remember that these nine qualities may not apply to every comic book reader out there. However, you may find that these traits have a greater presence in comic book fans when compared to other people you know.

And comic book fans, if you have someone in your life that gives you a hard time about reading comics, show them this list and see if they understand you better after reading it!

9. Comic book fans are passionate. While many people would probably opt to use the term "fanatic," I think the word "passionate" is far more accurate. For example, a comics fan gets upset when a movie does a character's origin wrong. Why? Not because they're deluded and obsessed - it's because a vast majority comic book fans have affection for the source material and they want everybody to understand why the original comics are so great.

8. Comic book fans are detail-oriented people. Again, this is where detractors would use a different word or phrase. The clearest way to represent the stereotype of detail-oriented comics fans would be to call them "obsessed with irrelevancy." But that's just wrong. To a comic book fan, details aren't irrelevant - they're important aspects that add to the story. To remove details is to remove the richness of characters and settings.

7. Comic book fans are emotionally sensitive. By "emotionally sensitive," I don't mean that comics fans are crybabies. What I mean is that comic books fans tend to have a greater degree of understanding when it comes to a range of emotions, particularly sadness and anger. Because the act of reading a comic book is often very introspective, emotional story events resonate strongly and generate extensive thought in comic fans.

6. Comic book fans are generous. While I'm sure there are some misers out there, I'll bet you there are way more generous fans than stingy fans. You just have to ask them about the right stuff: namely, comic books. Comic book fans will devote their time, words, resources, and (the greatest gift of all) their comics to help you understand why they love the stories that they love so much. If you get cornered by a comic book fan who can't stop talking about a particular body of work, it's not because they're weird or stupid - it's because they want to share something with you that's given them something special.

5. Comic book fans have a strong sense of justice. Specifically, superhero fans. Superhero comics are often psycho-dramas that play out situations through a variety of moral filters. By exploring these situations from a multiplicity of angles, comic book fans actively hone their notions of justice and fairness.

4. Comic book fans crave inspiration. Whether it's visual inspiration, artistic inspiration, emotional inspiration, or spiritual inspiration, comic book fans seek out stories of perseverance and triumph to inspire themselves. This is a quality that's particularly strong in those who follow superhero comics, because superhero protagonists often seek to improve the world around them by helping others.

3. Comic book fans have tons of imagination. Obviously, after spending your days reading stories about the improbable, you develop a finely-tuned imagination. And don't confuse imagination with detachment or delusion - imagination means the ability to envision multiple possibilities across many different situations. That can come in handy in unexpected ways - at work, in the service of others, or even in an emergency.

2. Comic book fans have a great respect for storytelling. At the core of the comic reading experience is the story. Because comics are basically separate pieces of visual art intended to be experienced over time, story is integral to the act of comic book reading. Fans develop a passion for well-told stories and for those who tell quality stories. Comic fans reward the creators who tell the most engaging tales with awards, accolades, loyalty, and adoration.

1. Comic book fans are art lovers. This is possibly the most overlooked quality of comic book fans. On the whole, they love illustration and visual art. After all, they do spend endless hours viewing diverse art styles spread across thousands of pages. Comic book fans love art so much that they devote their time and resources to pursuing it in single issues, graphic novels, t-shirts, posters, and with action figures and statues (both forms of sculpture, mind you). A love for art fuels the medium of comics and, in turn, fuels the minds and hearts of those who read comic books.

More: The Top 9 Reasons I Still Haven't Seen the New Star Trek Movie

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

The Top 9 People Michael Jackson Was Trying to Look Like

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nick marino

on July 3, 2009

in The Top 9

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Let's just be honest about this: regardless of his incredible abilities as a performer, Michael Jackson had a mortifying plastic surgery addiction that was impossible to ignore.

I may not know much about plastic surgery, but I can't imagine it's something you go into casually without an endgame in mind. Mikey must of had some sort image of what he wanted to look like after all that surgery was done.

Unfortunately, we may never know exactly what MJ's goal was with all those disturbing facial modifications, but here are my best nine guesses.

9. Superman. Okay, so MJ missed the mark if he was going for a Clark Kent vibe. But you have to admit that the chin implant is very superhero-esque. And when I think of superheroes with a strong chin line, first and foremost I think of Supes. Still, like I said, Michael Jackson wasn't THAT reminiscent of the Man of Steel. If he was going for a DC Comics hero, he was probably aiming more towards...

8. Wonder Woman. This super Amazon is far more in line with MJ's final appearance than the guardian of Metropolis. Jacko was obviously going for a feminine look, so maybe he took some cues from Diana of Themyscira (though, upon further scrutiny, MJ looked more like an old school Jack Kirby drawing than any DC superheroine). At the end of the day, whether aiming for Wonder Woman or not, Michael Jackson ended up looking like a...

7. Nightmare. Literally. We all know that Michael Jackson preferred Marvel Comics. And who better to take inspiration from than one of the greats: Steve Ditko. When my friend said MJ looked like a nightmare, I automatically added a capital N on the front. BTW, do me a favor and remember this entry for later on in the list, okay? Anyway, back to the current section of the countdown. MJ, after all was said and done, was far too put together to be going for a Nightmare look. In fact, I would say his desires were more along the lines of...

6. Betty Page. Seriously. With those lips and that silky black hair, MJ was totally going for a high-contrast pinup lady look. Ms. Page was, of course, the most notorious of the black and white pinups. Who better to emulate, right? Well, if Mikey was trying to look like Betty Page, unfortunately he ended up more like...

5. Elizabeth Taylor. Anyone else out there ever find it ironic that Michael Jackson was not only close friends with Elizabeth Taylor but also slowly turning into her? For what it's worth, I thought about this even as a kid. And while this classic Hollywood starlet certainly inspired millions, I think it's safe to say that Micheal's eventual appearance seemed to be inspired a bit more by...

4. Cher. And I'm not talking 1970s Cher. I'm talking modern Cher, like Cher from the Believe video. Even if MJ was trying to look like Cher, he was aiming for the next octave up with his voice. Take that, Cher! When it came to looking like women, you two were tied. But when it came to sounding like women, well, Mikey had you beat there. But don't fret Cher - at the end of the day, Mike wasn't your doppelganger. He always reminded me more of...

3. Elvira. You know, the original sexy goth chick. We'll never know if MJ really wanted to look like Elvira, but visual evidence certainly points in this direction. Hell, maybe he was just jealous and wanted to get the Tom Jones treatment too. But while Elvira always rocked a feathered fashion mullet, Michael appeared to prefer flowing black locks a bit closer to those of...

2. Snow White. The pale skin. The jet black hair. The big red lips. That whole song about talking to a mirror. His love for poisoned apples. Okay, that last one I made up. But the first three all are bonafide facts! Snow White is a pretty huge icon, just like Mike. Maybe he was trying to take the whole iconic thing to the next level. If that's what his aim was, he was a bit off. Instead of capturing the pale countenance of Snow White, Michael Jackson ended up with the same complexion as...

1. Morbius, the Living Vampire. Not only did MJ have the complexion, he also had the miniature nose and the same exaggerated facial shape as Marvel's resident anti-hero vampire. Remember when I told you to remember #7? Here's the payoff: when I told my friend about the Nightmare reference, he agreed but felt that MJ resembled Morbius to a greater degree. And he's right. The whole Michael Jackson look was very "Living Vampire." And here's some visual evidence:

Michael Jackson, the Living Morbius