Archive for the 'Movies' Category

Am I the Only Person That Didn’t Like The Dark Knight?

In defense of The Dark Knight, I was predisposed to disliking it. I’ve been salty with Christian Bale ever since he said that Batman Begins wasn’t a just a comic book movie — it was better. Well guess what Bale? I thought it sucked.

Superhero movie franchises have been lucky in that their sequels often eclipse their first outings. And The Dark Knight was better than Batman Begins. But certainly not “biggest opening weekend of all-time” better.

The Batsuit. In ten years, that stiff Batsuit will be almost as laughable as Batnipples on George Clooney.

The Batvoice. “Hey Christian,” Nolan says to the film’s star, “I want you to give me a husky whisper that sounds like you just gargled with whisky and Clorox. And make sure it sounds like @#$%.”

Organized crime in Gotham City. It’s strangely segregated and full of stereotypes. When the Russian, Italian, and black mobsters held a joint meeting with a Chinese corporate criminal, I cringed throughout the whole scene. Most of white characters were stereotyped heavily too — they were all righteous control freaks that went mad with power (from Batman to Harvey Dent to Jim Gordon to even the Joker).

Rachel Dawes. She’s was as stiff as the Batsuit and a total snoozefest.

Excessive runtime. I was ready for The Dark Knight to be over after an hour and a half. To my surprise, I still had AN HOUR TO GO. I would have preferred a “Previously in The Dark Knight…” showing a quick montage of the boring @#$% from the first half of the film, and then BAM! the movie actually starts in as the Joker busts out of jail.

When did Batman stop being fun? Both The Dark Knight and its predecessor are stalwarts of the serious. They struggle to remove any and all camp from the concept of Bruce Wayne and his billionaire’s hobby of crime fighting. C’mon, the guy dresses up like a freakin’ bat! He punches a psychotic clown in the face for fun! Batman is naturally campy. And that’s not a bad thing.

To all the people who produced The Dark Knight and to all those who celebrated its “realistic” qualities while overlooking the fact that the movie was largely devoid of smiles, laughter, and fun:

Why so serious?

The Dark Knight - TXT Message Review

As I came out of the 4pm show today, I received a text message asking me if I wanted to see Batman at 9:15, with a 7:15 dinner/ticket pickup. I curtly informed the gentleman that I had just screened the very same film. When he inquired as to how I had already performed this feat, I promptly replied, “I am a man. I make time for important things.”

It is with this same level of personal duty or dharma, that I bring you my mobile review. As per the usual, 160 characters or less and typed out to Nick with a quickness known only to Jay Garrick and his successors.

Now that’s what im talking about! dent and joker were well cast. twoface makeup is wacker than batman’s voice though. brutal film. savage.

WHY SO SERIOUS?!

Tuesday’s podcast will be heavily focused on The Dark Knight. I hope that isn’t a problem.

The Watchmen Trailer Is Here!

Trailer Addict just posted the new Watchmen trailer that will premier before Batman tomorrow. We finally get to see Dr. Manhattan. and can you believe that Malin Akerman, of The Heartbreak Kid and Harold & Kumar fame, is playing Laurie Juspeczyk? The trailer is heavy on CG - but for a book like The Watchmen, I’m not sure you could do it any other way. I can’t wait to see Rorschach yell “I’m not locked in here with you — You’re locked in here with me!”

Hellboy 2 - TXT Message Review

After seeing the trailers for the past couple months, I had to see the new Hellboy movie. Guillermo Del Toro’s first attempt was kind of lackluster - but once I saw that the effects mirrored Pan’s Labyrinth I was sold. I skated out of work around 3 and caught the show at 4. Here is my post-mortem txt to Nick:

visuals were great but they went by too fast. character development was poor. won’t win any awards.

Want to know more? Tune in the the podcast!

The Driving Forces Behind Three of the Biggest Media Franchises of the Past 25 Years

I was reading about how Larry Hama is joining up with IDW to reboot the G.I. Joe franchise in time for the new movie, and I had a realization — three of the biggest entertainment and merchandising franchises of the past 25 years have have each had a single person with creative vision that acted as a driving force behind the mythology of the brand.

That’s not to say that these three individuals are the sole contributors. Countless editors, producers, writers, artists, and others have made invaluable contributions to the X-Men, Transformers, and G.I. Joe over the years. But none can take a massive amount of credit quite like these three gentlemen can.

Chris Claremont - The X-Men

For the vast majority of comic book readers this is a no brainer. CC has been shepherding the X-Men in one way or another for the past 30 years (and then some, really). He didn’t create all of the core X-Men icons from scratch, but he imbued the personalities and character traits that have made Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, Phoenix, and the rest of the crew famous.

The X-Men franchise was ready to die over at Marvel Comics in the mid-70s when it was relaunched with a new international cast. Chris wasn’t part of the infamous Giant-Size X-Men #1, but he took over shortly thereafter and stayed until the early 1990s (from Uncanny X-Men #94-279). That includes the legendary Dark Phoenix Saga and Days of Future Past with John Byrne. He also wrote X-Men: God Loves, Man Kills, a short graphic novel that inspired Bryan Singer’s x2.

He’s launched new X-titles and helped to expand the role of mutants in the Marvel Universe far beyond Salem Center, New York. He’s also revisited the main series for a couple short runs. In this decade, Chris has dedicated most (but not all) of his creative efforts to pushing the X-Men franchise into the future with X-Men: The End and GeNext (GeNext #3 hits comic book stores today).

Larry Hama - G.I. Joe

Larry does it all when it comes to comic books. I primarily know him as an editor, starting at DC Comics in the late 70s and moving over to Marvel in 80s. But he began as an artist, penciling a bunch of different series in the 70s before making the move to editorial. However, the Larry Hama we’re going to talk about here is a writer.

Specifically, he’s the writer of the file cards on the back of the G.I. Joe action figures, the influence of which cannot be overstated. Larry also wrote the 155 issue G.I. Joe comic book series from Marvel Comics, which (as is the case with Transformers as well) was really just a birthplace for ideas that would inform the TV series and the overall mythology of the Joe Universe.

Larry’s been a huge part of comics for the better part of 30 years now, including notable work on Wolverine and Bucky O’Hare. Let me say for the record that Bucky O’Hare — an okay comic, a decent cartoon, and an even better line of action figures — has impacted my life immensely thru the Bucky O’Hare NES video game. Beating that ludicrously difficult game took my cousins and I a good ten years.

Simon Furman
- Transformers

I don’t know nearly as much about Simon Furman as I do about Claremont and Hama. I’ve been reading X-Men comics since before I could actually read the words, and I caught G.I. Joe fever as an 11-year-old (when the series was in heavy repeats on the USA Network). But the only Transformers I ever latched onto were the characters in Beast Machines, a sacrilegious cartoon for most TF fans.

But despite practically avoiding Transformers all my life, I couldn’t avoid the impact of Simon Furman. He’s been writing TF comics since the mid-80s, and his contributions to the Transformers Universe are legendary. I don’t know which characters Furman created, but I know that his origin for the Transformers is generally preferred by hardcore fans.

Last I checked, Furman is still writing TF stories with IDW, the same publisher that’s bringing back Larry Hama for their newly acquired G.I. Joe publishing license. He’s also the creator of Death’s Head, a character that was conceived for the Transformers Universe (but officially owned by Marvel Comics). Death’s Head was most recently revamped in the Amazing Fantasy redux series and carried over (sorta) into Planet Hulk.

The Top 9 Best Bad Comedy Movies (So Bad They’re Good!)

Okay, seriously, if these nine comedy movies were actually bad, I wouldn’t like them. By “bad,” I mean “in bad taste” or not received well by the movie going public.

9. Houseguest (1995)
8. Bachelor Party (1984)
7. Irish Jam (2006)
6. My Boss’s Daughter (2003)
5. Orgazmo (1997)
4. Screwed (2000)
3. Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo (2005)
2. Soul Plane (2004)
1. Kingpin (1996)

What are some common themes here? Sex, for one. And big losers for another. In fact, every main character is a “loser” or “down on their luck” at the beginning of the film. Pittsburgh is also a reoccurring theme, acting as the setting for Houseguest, Screwed, and a good part of Kingpin.

Notable exceptions to this list are the Naked Gun and Night Shift, if only because they are generally well received and accepted as quality comedy films.

Next: The Top 9 Best Synthesizer Solos!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is a better number. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Hancock - TXT Message Review

HancockThe best thing about the Fourth of July is that Will Smith movies come out on Tuesday instead of Friday. As such, I was able to catch the first showing of Hancock today at 7:05. Charlize Theron and Jason Bateman are curiously paired once again. My comments, as furiously tapped out to Nick post-credits, are below.

hancock was great. action and the origin worked for me. best superhero movie of the summer so far. hopefully they don’t ruin it with a sequel.

Upon second thought though, this is not the ‘best superhero movie of the summer so far’ - but it certainly is the most creative and original.

I’m reserving the rest of my commentary for next week’s Podcast.

The Top 9 Best B-Movies (It’s the Best of the Worst)

Wikipedia defines a B-Movie as: “any low-budget, commercial motion picture meant neither as an arthouse film nor as pornography.” It’s safe to say that none of these films are fine art, nor are they sexy enough to be porn.

9. Plan 9 from Outer Space (1959)
8. Karate Cop (1974)
7. Hercules in New York (1970)
6. Shaft (1971)
5. Cemetery Man (1994)
4. Dolemite (1975)
3. Gleaming the Cube (1989)
2. Night of the Juggler (1980)
1. Good Guys Wear Black (1978)

Even when the drama is plain crap in these movies, the action shines through. Notable moments include the extravagant chase scene in Night of the Juggler, the sweet skateboarding action in Gleaming the Cube, and the martial arts prowess of Chuck Norris in both Good Guys Wear Black and Karate Cop (also known as Slaughter in San Francisco).

Next: The Top 9 Best Bad Comedy Movies!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is a better number. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Wanted - TXT Message Review

Angelina Jolie, Common, Morgan Freeman, Terrence Stamp, and … Mr. Tumnas? That’s the cast of Wanted, the latest comic book movie to hit the box office. Longtime Podcast listeners might recall that I have reviled this film for the past six months or so, in large part due to my disapproval of the changes made during the adaptation. I was worried they would destroy on screen something that was so well executed in print.

In order to substantiate my prior opinions, I took in the 5:15 PM screening this afternoon. My post-flick txt (<160 characters) to Nick below:

 Audience was all old people and a crying baby. Action was good, Jolie looks busted, Freeman pulls a Sam Jackson. Still fails to convey the point of the book.

my rating

The Happening - TXT Message Review

I dipped out of work early today in order to grab a Honkers Ale at Old Chicago before screening M. Night Shyamalan’s newest attempt at cinema. Here is the text I sent Nick on my way out of the theater. (160 characters or less)

The Happening wasn’t scary or entertaining. message was totally lame - shitty even for a matinee. Shyamalan is making my last name look bad.

I probably should have seen Get Smart or Kung Fu Panda instead.