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Nathan is one of my favorite pieces of slang that I picked up while living in the FTC house junior year. My roommate was a complex character named J Feezy. A Pittsburgh native, Feezy was always hip to the next big vernacular craze. If anyone had lingo, it was him. I’m not sure, but Nathan may have been his magnum opus, a creation all his own. This is an advanced term, it invariably leads to raised eyebrows and convoluted explanations. Casual use with the uninitiated is not recommended.
na·than [ney-thuh
n]-noun, Na·than Ri·ley [ney-thuhn rahy-lee]
-noun
1. nothing, as in nothing important: Speaker 1: Hey holmes, what’s crackin? Speaker 2: Nathan, just chillin at the crib.
2. vernacular alternate and personification of ‘nothing really’: Speaker 1: Are you doing anything tonight? Speaker 2: Nah, just hanging with Nathan Riley doing fuck-all.
[Origin: 2003, Pittsburgh, PA. Popularized by FTC housemate J Feezy]
formatting shamelessly stolen from dictionary.com
I realize that this post is, maybe, three weeks late to be as topical as it could be, but let’s look all the way back, for a moment, to the month of September and the Coen brother’s most recent film, Burn After Reading. I saw this on its opening weekend and wasn’t disappointed. Wasn’t blown away, but was generally quite entertained by it. I had been nervous leading up to it because of the movie’s trailers, which seemed to be advertising the film as essentially just an ensemble-casted yarn. But this is, in fact, what interests me about the Coen brothers in the first place: they seem to be able to make films with ensemble casts that are not, in fact, ensemble cast movies.
To clarify, by “ensemble cast movie” I mean any variety of film that is recognized, first and foremost, for its breadth of cast before anything else—be it (to keep my points of reference generally contemporary) the not-underrated-but-not-terrible-either Rat Race or the ensemble cast movie for the ages of The Royal Tenenbaums (or the later, terrible, Wes Anderson movies). So how can I separate many of the Coen brother’s star-studded rosters from the category? In a couple of ways:
1) Characters vs. stars-playing-characters. Are the main characters beings unto themselves, or obvious place-holders for the type of character most likely to be played by actor/actress X? With the Coen brother’s being generally well-known for their characters, here is perhaps a key as to why I don’t see their movies as being ensemble-y; for instance (though The Big Lebowski doesn’t necessarily figure into this conversation) Jeff Bridges (one of the great actors of his generation) is so completely The Dude that one forgets he is a star in many other movies as well—if anything, I have trouble forgetting that Jeff Bridges isn’t The Dude in other movies. Ensemble movies, therefore, are more actor-forward, such as Bill Murray playing Bill-Murray-as-a-hack-shrink in Royal Tenebaums, or any number of famous people just stuck into roles just north of cameos to get them on the cast list.
Continue reading ‘Culturology 002 - Shoot Brad Pitt in the Head After Reading’
I must admit, I’m a bit nervous about my first post on the Audioshocker. Not that I should be (I did, after all, once upon a time, participate in one of the podcasts), but I am concerned that I am simply neither hip enough nor up-to-date with my pop-radar either. I was initially thinking that I could orient my posts around that very out-of-touchness, but have, at least for the time being decided against that. I will keep up with the world around me, dammit! And, with that in mind, let me get to what I’m getting to for this inaugural post: Ted Nugent.
Though you may not be as enthralled by the phenomenon of The Nuge as I am, you still must admit that he’s something of an anomaly. For all intents and purposes, the man should have been just another one hit wonder, with his one song “Cat Scratch Fever,” but somehow he has maintained a cultural cachet well greater than what writing a single hit song should command. He’s, of course, well known for his ultra-conservative radio show, and hosting his own reality TV series, and appearing on at least one other one. This is, perhaps, not so different a CV as any other flash-in-the-pan success, but bear with me. I am not claiming that The Nuge is hugely famous or wildly successful, merely that he has a greater piece of the pop-cultural pie than one would expect for the scribe of a song about venereal disease.
I was totally convinced that I had something original for you today. I was so proud of myself that I decided to add it to Urban Dictionary. Of course, it turns out that pitching wedge has been around since at least 2004. *Sigh* Regardless, it is pretty obscure and we came up with it independently. If nothing else, it should get some you some chuckles on the links.
pitch·ing wedge [pich-ing wej] -noun
-noun
1. A girl that only looks good from about 20 yards away: Ed thought Mary was bangin’ from across the hall, but when he got up close he saw her busted grill and realized she was just a pitching wedge.
[Origin: The mean streets; see Butterface]
formatting shamelessly stolen from dictionary.com
Ed. Note: This will be my last planned ‘Girls I Want To Stick It To’ post. The inspiration comes too infrequently and all my in-progress drafts are crap. Therefore, I think it is time to end this feature and find something new. I will however leave you with this one last piece.
I dig girls who wear glasses. Spectacles instantly pique my interest and increase sex appeal exponentially. But, I’ll spare you the sexy librarian cliches today. Instead, I want to focus on why I prefer girls who wear glasses as opposed to the alternative contact lens and surgical options. I believe glasses are indicative of three things: self respect, personality, and honesty.
Wearing spectacles is an inconvenience: They slip down your nose, break easily, and are easy to lose among other things. They do however allow you to see, and vision is a sense that I value above all others. You have to respect yourself and your body before I can respect you. I am impressed by the girl who is more concerned with seeing well than looking good. (not that the two are incompatible)
Glasses reflect one’s personality. Eyewear is as much a part of the fashion industry as are shoes. With no dearth of styles, colors, and labels in a given price range, I think it is plausible to gauge how adventurous one is by their glasses. Does she wear wireframes to the office but Lisa Loeb cateyes on the weekend? It speaks a lot to how she carries herself.
There is little artifice in wearing glasses. Quite the opposite. Glasses show me that a girl can be honest with me. Contacts and refractive surgery are popular because they are cosmetic solutions devised to mask an imperfection. They are the ocular equivalent of fake lashes and bronzer. (yuck) A girl wearing glasses has little to hide and can just be herself.
I don’t mean to discriminate against ladies without the need or desire to wear spectacles, but in my book glasses are a go!
[Note: This dream was not actually last night. Blog posts have to be planned a few days in advance. I actually had this dream sometime last week. But let's pretend it happened last night, okay? Oh, and check out this other dream I had recently about working for Image and Marvel.]
It all began as I entered Blockbuster to, I assume, rent a movie. I noticed the wall facing the entrance was covered with collectibles and non-movie products. Justique went to find something for us to watch while I went to peruse this interesting wall of items.
Something caught my eye towards the bottom… action figures! I can’t resist new action figures every time I go to Target or Wal-Mart. I never buy them, but I love seeing what’s new.
The first set was He-Man related (probably due to all those damn He-Man toy posts I read on Topless Robot). The second row had a boring X-Men collection. But the last line had something unexpected — Black Panther toys!
At first, I thought I was looking at some sort of DC Universe toyline and I almost walked away. But I did a double take when I saw the Black Panther logo across the top of the packaging. The toys were part of a “Black Panther vs. the DC Universe” line of action figures. Weird!
That’s when the store clerk — none other than P. Diddy himself — came over to tell me that he personally ordered the Black Panther action figures. Apparently P. Diddy is very proud of his efforts in Blockbuster inventory ordering because he wouldn’t shut up about the damn toys.
Finally, the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy shut his damn mouth and I was able to get a look at action figures. Here’s what they had:
Black Panther vs. Superman. Superman was on the left as he leaned into T’Challa with all his might. Meanwhile, Black Panther was decked out in a navy blue and gray Superman-style costume on the right, complete with flowing Superman-style hair. All I could think was: “It’s weird that T’Challa straightened his hair just to fight Superman…”
Black Panther vs. Batman. Batman was in a leaping pose as if he was flying off a rooftop and into battle with T’Challa. The Black Panther was on the right side bracing for impact in a Dark Knight-style crouched position, decked out in red and orange. He even had a Batman-style cape and cowl. Why was T’Challa fighting these heroes in the first place, and why was he wearing poorly-colored replica costumes?
Black Panther vs. ???. Unfortunately, this is where the dream ended. P. Diddy was annoying me while I was trying to show Justique these awesome action figures. As I reached for the third package, my dream went hazy and I woke up. It would have been awesome to see T’Challa fighting Green Lantern or Hawkman. Honestly, this third toy was probably Aquaman (considering how much I love the Orange Shirted Wonder of the Seven Seas).
And that was that. Totally bizarre and totally excellent. I know there’s never going be a Black Panther vs. the DC Universe toyline, but I can always dream, right?
It’s 9pm CST. I have to drive to the airport in 7 hours. I will then puddlejump to Chicago in order to sit coach for 8 hours. Upon deplaning I will stretch my arms, pull the wedgie out of my ass, and suck in a deep breathe of poorly recirculated Heathrow air. A grand welcome to be sure.
The point of my trip is buisiness - but could be construed as corporate tourism. Either way, it’s on like Donkey Kong. I’ll be back on the 15th (briefly).
I’ll try to bring back some good pub stories. Keep it gritty.
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