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The Top 9 Things That Suck About Modern Movies

I don’t like to complain about somebody else’s work, especially when I’m not already a creator of the thing I’m trashing. But I’ll make an exception for modern movies. I’m talking about stuff like The Dark Knight and Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. To be safe, let’s say that these following 9 suck factors apply to most movies of the mid-to-late ’00s.

9. The comedy scripts are really dumb and the drama scripts are way too serious.

8. Everything is “dark” all the time. What the fuck does that even mean?

7. Almost every big budget action movie is now a psychological thriller.

6. Catch phrases and reoccurring gags, while formerly being kickass or fun, are now just annoying.

5. Three names that tell me a movie could be better with different actors: Gyllenhaal, Ferrell, and Bale.

4. Do youth always have to be corrupted as their elders reveal a shocking hidden secret?

3. CG in live action films, while having the ability to be excellent, is overused and tends to look like shit.

2. 90 minutes is all I need. If your movie is over 120 minutes, chances are it sucks. A lot.

1. Getting nominated for an Oscar basically means that I will not enjoy watching your movie.

Of course, this doesn’t apply to everything. Some superhero films (notably Iron Man and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer) have been excellent. And animated films have been solid (I’m looking at you, Kung Fu Panda).

Next: The Top 9 Ways to Piss Me Off in the Movie Theater!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Check Out the New Phantom of the Attic Comics in Pittsburgh

From the White Hen Pantry in Geneva, Illinois where I bought Age of Apocalypse: Omega to San Francisco’s Isotope “the comic book lounge” where owner James Sime ran down the bus so I could get back to my hotel, I’ve bought comic books all across the United States.

Without a doubt, the best of the best is the Phantom of the Attic (PotA) comics division on S Craig St in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. Save for a few missing summers and a few months spent in Brooklyn, I’ve been shopping at PotA for going on eight years now and the experience only gets better with time.

Phantom of the Attic's new front door

PotA used to sit in a cramped second-floor space where they had it all… but it was small. Now they’ve moved across the street into a gorgeous loft with tons of room and even more comics. If PotA’s previous space was a like a delicious Dagwood sandwich of comic book merchandise, then the new PotA is a bountiful smorgasbord of comics, graphic novels, manga, toys, and more.

Wayne Wise at the Phantom counter

Wayne Wise (seen above) is a longtime PotA employee and my comic book mentor. He let me in on a few interesting facts about the relocated shop. I was surprised to learn that all the racks are custom made. The design allows for individual clear plastic shelves to be interchanged every Wednesday as the new books hit:

Phantom's comic book racks

Back issues are now stored inside large custom drawers that have been balanced to accommodate the cumbersome weight of two long boxes:

Phantom's back issue drawers

Continue reading ‘Check Out the New Phantom of the Attic Comics in Pittsburgh’

Podcast Episode 042

An interview with Jay Faerber, the comic book writer and creator of Noble Causes, Dynamo 5, Gemini, Urban Myths, and more. We talk about the creation of his Top Cow Pilot Season offering, Urban Myths, as well as the fate of the characters in his ongoing Dynamo 5 series. Jay also reflects on the work of artistic co-creators Mahmud A Asrar, Jorge Molina, and more in this excellent AudioShocker exclusive.

 
 AudioShocker #42 [32:00m]: Play Now | Download

Beatcast 004: Legal Green

Legal Green, a new hip hop beat by Nik Furious. Bonus points if you can guess who it’s named after.

 
 Legal Green by Nik Furious [3:15m]: Play Now | Download

The Top 9 Best Moments from Avatar: The Last Airbender

In honor of the completion of Nickelodeon’s Avatar: The Last Airbender animated TV series, here are nine moments from the epic saga that shine brighter than the rest:

9. “It’s important that you be prepared for anything!” (Book 1 Chapter 5)

8. The Firebending Masters shoot colored flames (Book 3 Chapter 13)

7. Aang becomes a giant water monster to fight the Fire Nation (Book 1 Chapter 20)

6. Katara learns bloodbending and fights Hama (Book 3 Chapter 8)

5. Sokka and Momo trip on cactus juice (Book 2 Chapter 11)

4. Suki captures the Warden at Boiling Rock prison (Book 3 Chapter 15)

3. Wan Shi Tong’s Spirit Library (Book 2 Chapter 10)

2. “Flameyo Hotman!” (Book 3 Chapter 2)

1. Aang energybends to take away Fire Lord Ozai’s bending ability (Book 3 Chapter 21)

I co-wrote this list with Justique. She nominated a few moments I never would have thought of (see numbers 9, 4, and 1), while I definitely had a few that weren’t at the top of her list (in particular, number 3). Then, of course, there were a few unanimous nominations that couldn’t be denied (especially numbers 8, 5, and 2).

It’s all in your court now, M. Night Shyamalan. If you’re going to write, produce, and direct the live action Airbender movies, you better be on the ball. Don’t @#$% this one up!!!

Next: The Top 9 Things That Suck About Modern Movies!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

ComicShocker - Racist Imagery in Comics

[Note: If you've come here looking for the Comic Book Shipping List feature, it's been discontinued. In its place, we'll debut a new ongoing feature next Wednesday called Slang of the Week. In the meantime, enjoy this preachy ComicShocker.]

Late last week, I was bothered by this blog post featuring the art of Winsor McCay that included one of his “jungle imps.” Mostly, I was disturbed that the positive post casually included such a painfully offensive cartoon without acknowledging its more bigoted content.

Am I overreacting (see my comment on the post for details)? Personally, I still find racist imagery in comics ugly and ignorant even if the comics were created during a time when racism was more socially acceptable in America.

In the case of Winsor McCay, the guy was a talented artist but one hell of a practitioner in racist caricatures. This message board post I found tries to explain away the notion that McCay was a racist (or at least a practitioner of racist imagery) by presenting the concept of “presentism.” To me, presentism is a fancy way of saying, “oh, well, it was okay to publish these racist Winsor McCay images everywhere back when they were created so it’s okay to wave them around now.” I find the notion to be more apologetic than objectively critical.

The whole Memin Penguin thing is a more recent (and possibly relevant) example of racist imagery in comics. Those Mexican comics were not received well in a Texas Wal-Mart, where American shoppers found the Memin character and his cartoon to be deplorably racist. Even though many Mexican-Americans tried to explain Memin’s status in Mexico as a beloved character, it didn’t lessen his visually offensive impact.

With all that said, I’m of the mind that: 1) the racist imagery of Winsor McCay shouldn’t be excused on the grounds that it was created a century ago, and 2) there’s nothing wrong with celebrating what McCay did well, but applauding his work while displaying his racist caricatures is simply tasteless. If you do insist on showing his art that features racist imagery, at least note that the guy drew some bigoted images (whether they were socially acceptable at the time or not).

Beatcast 003: From the Ashes

From the Ashes, an instrumental song by Nik Furious. This is a bit of a cheat because it’s really just the beat from last week’s Unlicensed Attorneys at Law hip hop track, Pork-N-Beanz. Still, the instrumental is significantly different enough to sound more like a funk track. Plus, this coincides with the debut of the updated Nik Furious webpage featuring a music player.

 
 From the Ashes by Nik Furious [3:56m]: Play Now | Download

I’m on the Front Page of Knol!

For podcasting, nonetheless. Go check it now because who knows how long it’s going to be up! (Just incase, I took a screen shot of the Knol front page as proof that I’m actually on it.)

I was going to save an explanation of this for a more involved post, but here it goes. Knol, Google’s new article directory / Wiki-styled site, went live a little over a week ago. I decided to hop on it quick and write a “how to” about something I know — podcasting.

Creating a Podcast goes over the recording process, tricks involved in editing, and what you need to do to save your finalized podcast file correctly. Working on the AudioShocker has taught me a lot about what works and what doesn’t, so I hope that this article can help new podcasters get started off right. 

ComicShocker - Quantity and Motion in Comics

Just some random thoughts to throw at you today. First off, I’ve been holding onto this idea for awhile now: in my opinion, there is a huge misconception about what constitutes for quantity when reading comic books. Simply put, page count does not equal quantity.

I say this in reference to this post from Comics Should Be Good! from a few weeks ago. My example? Sitting down to read a recent trade paperback from Ed Brubaker’s Captain America can take as long as reading two of the more wordy issues of Chris Claremont’s Uncanny X-Men. I’m not making a value judgment, just simply an observation.

The work of some comics creators reads abnormally fast while others pack their pages with so many ideas that a single issue can take 30 minutes to read if you’re really following everything. I think a lot of the Essential collections from Marvel Comics therefore do count as a ton of comics, while I think that some of today’s five to six issue collections should be sold for much less money due to the fact that the bang for the buck just isn’t the same.

I know it doesn’t cost more to see a movie that lasts 3 hours instead of 1.5. But comics are different. You control the time of the reading experience. And of course, you can prolong that time of the experience as long as you desire. But there’s only so long you can comfortably prolong the reading experience if the material is simply not there.

Speaking of the passage of time in relation to comics, I wanted to throw out a few ideas on Warner Premiere’s Motion Comics. When the Watchmen motion comic debuted and I watched it, it got me thinking: what’s the difference between reading a comic and watching a cartoon?

At first, I thought, “obviously, there’s a huge difference — one moves and the other is static.” But that’s not completely true. A lot of animation will hold on a single frame and provide voiceover and music. That’s still animation. So is it the combination of sound and image? No, that’s still not it. You can read a comic and listen to music at the same time but that doesn‘t make it animated.

In my opinion, the primary difference between reading a comic and watching a cartoon is: when you read a comic, YOU control the passage of real time. You can linger on one panel for an entire minute and then resume a faster reading pace without interrupting the story. However, when you pause a cartoon, the story is just that — paused. The viewing experience is interrupted because a cartoon takes place over a specific amount of time. That controlled duration of time is part of the essential definition of animation.

And visa versa. Part of the essential definition of a comic is that passage of time in relation to experience is something left open by the creators. Basically, what I’m trying to say is that is that Warner Premiere’s Watchmen motion comic is a neat idea, but it’s still just a shitty cartoon with weak animation and some word balloons tossed in.

Comic Book Shipping List July 30 2008: Cougar-MILFs, DEA Agents, Zombie Unicorns

Shipping This Week: JULY 30, 2008

DARK HORSE COMICS

DOMO SCULPTED MAGNET

Nick: Alright! We’re getting started early this week. What a goofy title, even for a statue / magnet (if that’s what this thing even is). Excellent.

FRAZETTA EGYPTIAN QUEEN STATUE
JOURNAL TOKIDOKI KAITEN SUSHI
JUDGE DREDD DREDD VS DEATH STATUE
JUDGE DREDD DREDD VS DEATH STATUE

Nick: Hmmmm… you got me on this one. They cost the same. They have the same name. What’s the difference?

Neal: I seriously hope Judge Death is in this issue [Editors Note- I think Neal means statue, not issue. - Nick]. That dude is brutal.

PIGEONS FROM HELL #4 (OF 4)

Neal: More Hellfoul!

ROBOTS & DONUTS TP

Nick: I hope there’s a second volume of this title with the name “A.F. - ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING”

STAR WARS REBELLION #15 VECTOR PART 7 (OF 12)
STYLE SCHOOL TP VOL 02

Neal: Christian Siriano got a comic book?

UNCLE CREEPY STATUE

Nick: The eternal creepy uncle, now in statue form. Keep this around the house if you have trouble remembering to wear clothes (or if you just like the security of knowing that somehow, somewhere somebody’s creepy uncle is creeping them out right NOW).

Neal: This is great.

Continue reading ‘Comic Book Shipping List July 30 2008: Cougar-MILFs, DEA Agents, Zombie Unicorns’