Nick and I published the first AudioShocker.com post on September 21st 2007. Since we started all those weeks back we’ve brought you regular podcasts, entertainment news, reviews, and some great editorials. We hope you have had as much fun reading and listening as we have had writing and recording. Here is to another year of shocking the world!
Author Archive for nealPage 3 of 11
Traveling is not new to me. I’ve been plenty of places - but usually I don’t stay long enough to recognize persistent trends. Here are some things I’ve noticed while working in the UK this week that totally drove me up the wall:
9. Older women (30ish) are really into dying their hair red. I mean seriously red.
8. The majority of young men have spiky hair; occasionally in faux hawks. All the TV commercials are for pomade and hair clay that promise to keep your spikes straight despite helmets and noogies. This is also a popular hairstyle with the balding set.
7. Everyone wears black pants. It’s as if khakis are taboo or something. I feel like a total weirdo in my sand colored slacks.
6. UK Hotels don’t have alarm clocks.
4. The toilets here flush like Niagara Falls.
3. Dudes out here resemble really crappy Euro-trash. They love to rock white shoes with white belts. Somehow, they pull girls.
2. Cabbies speak this ridiculous patois. While technically English, it sounds like cockney gibberish.
1. There is a new brunette bartender at O’Neill’s Irish Pub in Peterborough. If you ask her for an Irish Carbomb she will charge you separately for a shot of Jameson’s, a shot of Baileys, and half a pint of Guinness. Then, she will mix them together all at once creating a curdled concoction that can only be described as ‘effing gross’. It will cost $12.
Next: The Top 9 Horror / Psychological Anime! (by Justique, nonetheless!) [The Top 9 Obscure Movie Soundtracks is postponed indefinitely!!!]
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
It’s 9pm CST. I have to drive to the airport in 7 hours. I will then puddlejump to Chicago in order to sit coach for 8 hours. Upon deplaning I will stretch my arms, pull the wedgie out of my ass, and suck in a deep breathe of poorly recirculated Heathrow air. A grand welcome to be sure.
The point of my trip is buisiness - but could be construed as corporate tourism. Either way, it’s on like Donkey Kong. I’ll be back on the 15th (briefly).
I’ll try to bring back some good pub stories. Keep it gritty.
Bored? No BBQ planned? Your wife left you and took all the potato salad? Perhaps you should spend the day catching up on all the great stuff that’s been happening here at the AudioShocker. We have podcasts, interviews, aimcasts, music videos reviews, top 9 lists, and so much more. Don’t forget our RSS and Twitter feeds either!
Happy Labor Day from the AudioShocker.
Now that the GMAT is over, I finally have time to rant about analyze music videos again. It takes a lot of time to properly put a video in its place, believe me. Today I’ll discuss Cassie’s new joint Official Girl, featuring Lil Wayne, which premiered last week on FNMTV. As you may know, Cassie is a model who got a record deal with Bad Boy after catching the eye of producer Ryan Leslie, or something like that. I’m a bit fuzzy on the details. Anyway, after a year or so hiatus she’s back on the block. I’ll address both the track and the video.
The Track: The beat is courtesy of Danja and smacks of his mentor Timbaland - that is definitely a good thing. The song is basically Cassie saying ‘i don’t want to be a jumpoff, I want to be your girl for reals,’ but it’s insincere and pushy. If she’s so tired, why doesn’t she just leave? Even Keri Hilson (who belongs to the production team that wrote the song) knows the energy isn’t worth it.
It is by ‘label magic’ alone that the super busy Lil Wayne found time to record a verse. It’s not like he even needs the cash right now. (This has seriously been the year of Weezy F Baby) Sadly, if there was any chance of this song being salvageable, the vocoder towards the end crushes it like a boulder.
Get the Flash Player to see this player.
The Video: After about 20 seconds you will inevitably make the Aaliyah connection. I mean come on,The bikini top with the hair and the jacket and the black pants, who are you trying to fool Cassie? This isn’t an homage - it’s cheap imitation. The director, Chris Robinson has actually worked with Aaliyah before, so I’m a little surprised. Additionally, Cassie says in an interview “I’ve never seen myself dance like this before.” What I infer from this is that you really stepped up your dancing game.
But I call bullshit. I’ve seen your other videos, so I have a good baseline. Dancing wise, the video doesn’t bring anything new to the table. It’s the same old moves from the same old Aaliyah videos of yore. If this is a ‘new level’ for you, I’m surprised Diddy didn’t bounce your ass like he did half the girls from Making The Band 3! Lastly, the white bikini. Totally gratuitous! It comes out of nowhere and has no relevance to the rest of the video. You aren’t near a pool, the beach, or even outside.
The Bottomline: Hear me out Cassie. You are a beautiful girl - but if you want to stay in the game, you need to learn to sing, act, or at least dance. They call you a ‘triple threat’ in Step Up 2 - but where is the supporting evidence?
The week’s slang is real talk. No, its not new. Fabolous did an album called Real Talk, with that awesome track Breathe, 4 years ago. And I know the term has been around longer than that. (btw Fab, the streets is hurting for another single) The point is, it’s underutilized and maybe a perfect fit for your next staff meeting.
re·al talk [ree-uh
l tawk, reel tawk] -noun, -adverb
-noun
1. the honest truth, often used for emphasis: Nick needs a new haircut - and that’s real talk!
-adverb
2. seriously, in a serious manner: Yo, real talk, your breath is stank.
[Origin: unknown; see Truth, On The Real]
formatting shamelessly stolen from dictionary.com
Sorry if I throw a million posts your way this week. I feel like I have to blog my ass off now since I’ll be on the road starting Thursday. I caught today’s ep of FNMTV during the afternoon and well, I think it speaks for itself. No wait, I take that back. I’ll speak for it:
Ne-Yo - Closer (Live)
Whenever I see Ne-Yo I can’t help but think he looks like a less popular version of Chris Brown mixed with Djimon Hounsou. He does use a real band though and that’s kind of cool. Dancers’ outfits suck though.
Pink - So What
Homegirl is really in her element here. Pretty impressive that Hart agreed to do the video. I generally don’t dig Pink - and probably will continue not too - but this video is alright. Great song to get drunk too. In fact, I think I might just go do that right now.
Cassie - Official Girl
Wow. So much to say, check out this week’s full fledged review.
John Legend - Green Light ft. Andre 3000
The beat is wack, the hook sucks, and Andre 3000 employs stream of consciousness rather than structured verse - but god damn would I like to be at that party. It looks like a lot of fun. Especially if it’s not your house.
Ne-Yo - Miss Independent (Live)
Ne-Yo’s gimmick for this album is wearing suits. He also plays off the emerging trend of ‘independent women’ in hiphop. Apparently ballers no longer want to get with guap gulping groupies. Besides the obvious advantages of her picking up the check once in a while, a girl that gets her own cash might support you if your abum flops.
The Bottom Line: Pink obviously takes the gold this week - but I think I’ll give John Legend the silver for a decent party scene.
When I first saw the trailer for Tropic Thunder, I was less than impressed. ‘Oh great, another Ben Stiller movie with umpteen quotes that I’ll be hearing for the next three years.’ Well, the quotability doesn’t compare to Zoolander, but the movie cracked me up. (a celebrity packed cast certainly didn’t hurt) Here’s the deal: 160 characters or less - as texted to Nick upon egress.
tropic thunder was pretty effin funny. tom cruise puts it down! def better than i was expecting. retard humor may not be for everyone, but i dug it.
If you hate opposed to Ben Stiller, you probably won’t love this - but I guarantee you’ll laugh your ass off.
I decided to take the day off. I needed some Neal time and hit the movies. Two things you may not know about me: I enjoy seeing movies alone and Anna Farris is one of my favorite actresses. She and Regina Hall were the best parts of the Scary Movie flicks. I don’t even think I need to mention her performance in Just Friends. So, it was a no-brainer when I realized that her new movie,The House Bunny, opened today. Here’s the skinny in 160 characters or less.
anna farris continues to be crazy funny. she’s totally in the zone. the other girls are kinda man of the house. didn’t realize it was a happy madison movie.
Nick is also a Farris fan. I wonder what he will think… Perhaps you should tune in next Tuesday and find out!
In case you didn’t catch it last week, we started a new feature called Slang of the Week. Nick and I believe that the vernacular should be celebrated. This week’s slang is salty. I’ve never heard anyone use it outside western PA, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start. This one is simple, easy to use, and can be understood using context clues alone.
salt·y [sawl-tee] –adjective, salt·i·er, salt·i·est.
–adjective
1. sad or upset, often used as a taunt: Don’t get all salty just because your cat died.
2. angry or raging to the point of tears: Angela was pretty salty when her husband left her at the altar
[Origin: 1980-1990, the mean streets; see Crusty]
formatting shamelessly stolen from dictionary.com
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