2010 November - AudioShocker

Monthly Archive for November, 2010

AudioShocker Podcast #159 - Great Things Come in Bears

Published

nick marino

on November 30, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 5 Comments

AudioShocker Podcast #159 [ 38:06 ] Play Now | Download

No one goes to our Spreadshit store! BOO! But you can start to support the show by buying stuff from the AudioShocker Select Amazon aStore. Also, while you're at it, check out Nik Furious on PodOMatic.

THIS EPISODE: Conrad and Neal bore Nick with a normal person conversation, Axe Cop, scope creep, Red Hot Chili gossip, Law and Order vs. Bones, R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen (we imagine his funeral), Only Hits by The Ventures, buying new records, Pervert!, Al Pacino vs. Robert De Niro, the suggestive Yogi Bear movie poster, and pirated media crackdowns.

Culturology Presents... The Punisher in OVER THE TOP 2

Published

nick marino

on November 29, 2010

in Comics and Culturology

. 5 Comments

In the comments for the most recent Project Basement, Kaylie and Pete suggested some Over the Top fan fiction starring the Punisher (inspired by Katie's Punisher vs. Marv drawing, of course).

Feeling inspired myself, I decided to write it. And seeing as how Pete published his brother's incredible fanfic (pt1 and pt2) earlier this year in Culturology, I figured this is as good a place as any to post it.

---------------

I never dreamed I'd become a major competitor, let alone make it to the top. But here I am, in Las Vegas, with stakes out the ass and money riding on my every move.

Will I trip on some errant urine in the men's room? Will I give some guy the wrong look and get my face punched in before the final round? Who knows.

But what I do know is this -- I'm Frank Castle and I'm the underdog contender for the 2010 World Arm Wrestling Championship.

The Punisher in... OVER THE TOP 2

My room is nice. They're paying for me to stay in that one hotel that looks like a pyramid. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of all the crime going on right under my nose -- brothels, card counting, dining and ditching. But that's the name of the game here in Vegas. And I've got bigger fish to fry.

Once I win the 2010 World Arm Wrestling Championship, I'll be in the inner circle. I can trace the bookies and bets all the way back to the top and find the guy that funded the drugs that my wife and kids used to shoot up uncontrollably for 24 hours a day for two years straight.

They told me they wanted to stop, damn it!!! They told me they would quit!!! But everyday I'd see them with those fucking needles in their arms and that black tar heroin smeared all over their lips. FUCK!!!

Anyway, back to the arm wrestling. See, I saw this movie called Over the Top a few years ago. It's a Stalone flick. You ever see it? It rules. Point is, it's fucking Stalone fucking arm wrestling and kicking ass. You ever see Rambo? That was awesome too.

So I decided I wanted to take it over the top. Yeah, I know my kid wasn't kidnapped or anything, but screw it. I have this grudge about my dead family and I hate criminals and I've got this fake ID with the name Moose Bullworth on it, so I figured why not give it a shot, right?

And now it's time for me to get ready for the final match.

----

Two hours of meditation followed by five minutes of masturbation and I'm ready to go. I ate a Hungry-Man TV dinner and I feel like a million bucks. I'm gonna take it OVER THE TOP tonight!

I step out onto the stage and the crowd goes nuts. They love my stylized skull t-shirt and my rugged good looks. They're clapping and yelling "DEAD MAN! DEAD MAN!" as I walk out, trying to intimidate my competitor before he even sets foot on the stage. This is amazing.

Then my opponent comes out of the shadows and I'm shocked. The audience wasn't yelling for me... they were yelling AT me! She's a 7' tall amazonian piece of she-meat, green from head-to-toe and wearing a purple bathing suit. What in the shit is going on???

Her name tag says "Jennifer" on it. This can't be right -- I never signed up to get my arm crushed by a roid-freak goddess parading around in her underwear! I wanted to feel the sweaty sting of man moisture on my palms as I slammed his hand against the mini-mat. THIS WASN'T PART OF THE DEAL!!!

Whatever. It doesn't matter. I can still win. I'm the goddamn Punisher and I'm gonna punish her.

----

She gets her elbow lined up and ready to rock. PSSSHH. Amateur. I've been ready for two minutes.

I'm ready to fight, ready to win. I'm gonna win.

I grip her hand hard and show her what I'm made of. Damn, she's got big fingers. Like thick little green sausages. I could eat one of them right now, I'm so fucking hungry to win. I'd just bite it off and suck the goopy irradiated green blood out of it like the cream filling in a Twinkie. FUCK.

The ref shouts "START!" and we push our hands together, our arms bristling with the exhilaration of competition. The audience cheers us on. Actually, no. They just cheer her on. But what do I fucking care? I'm the Punisher, damn it.

I fight hard. Real hard. But things are looking down. She's stronger than me and she's got more energy. But I'm ready... ready to take it OVER TH--

WHAT!?! What's she doing??? NOOO!!!! That's my move! She's realigning her fingers, starting out with the index finger and slowly rewrapping her grip over top of my hand. SHE'S TAKING IT OVER THE TOP!!!

How could this happen to me? Did she see that movie too? C'mon! NO ONE SAW THAT FUCKING MOVIE! It's my favorite movie, not hers! I'm out to kill the heroin-daddy that slaughtered my family with his addictive smack! I'm ready to kill in the name of American freedom! This can't be happening to me!!!

I feel a pop in my right elbow. It's sort of liberating, really. I can give up now. My bone begins to tear through the skin as I start to black out. There's blood oozing onto the floor and the crowd is going nuts. She says "Eat it, dickwad!!! I just took it over the top!" right before I hit the ground.

----

I wake up to see her standing over me, the crowd silent now. She tore off my skull t-shirt and wrapped it around my arm to slow the bleeding.

"Frank Castle, you're under arrest," she says. "You have the right to remain silent, and anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of--"

"FUCK YOU," I tell her as I spit in her face.

"You wish," she says with a smile and a wink.

Oh well... I gave it my best shot. I tried to take it over the top. It just didn't work out. I'm gonna go to jail for murdering thousands of evil slime trash deadbeat hustler criminals and cleaning up the streets of New York. I make it safe for these ants to live their meaningless stupid little lives and what thanks do they show me? They wanna lock me up and throw away the key. What a fucked up world.

Project Basement - Punisher and Marv by Katie Henderson

Published

nick marino

on November 28, 2010

in Comics

. 8 Comments

GRRRRR. Project Basement gets aggressive with:

Punisher and Marv by Katie Henderson

Please welcome Katie Henderson to the PB v2 fold! Here's what she has to say about her subject:

Marv vs Punisher - Heart versus... the other throbbing love muscle.

The more I thought of it, the more I realized how similar my most and least favorite comic characters were. But what was it that polarized me so?

Basically, Marv's is a mission with the human element. Who can't identify with having someone or something they loved or cherished taken from them? He wants answers (don't we all?) and it just happens he has to kill his way across the dark underbelly to reach the answer at the mouth of one of Ba(Sin) City's power-hungry heads, then crushing it like a grape. You follow his story and cheer him on the whole way, even if he does turn out to be a psycho killer. He even stops to consider this, proving some semblance of sanity. When all is said and done, this romantic bad lug with a good heart finds his peace and everything else is trivial by comparison.

Punisher, on the other hand, just makes dead bodies. He's reading material for violence fappers. It's not even like he does it for his family. He's an insatiable, testosteroned, maniac. Even superheros take breaks. There's no doubt in your mind that he's going to win the day, no twists, and worst of all, no conclusion. Don't get me wrong, I asked my roommate to explain him to me. "He fights because the justice system doesn't work." That's pretty boner-ish of him to think he's the total solution to the problem. I mean, at least the mob just runs drugs and casinos, most of the time they kill their own. Then one day, Frank comes along and just lays the place to waste just because he can. Then what? Those mobsters might have families too, then the kids grow up to be mobsters who hate the Punisher, and the cycle continues. It's like he's fighting the hydra, but just hasn't figured out there's a trick to it, and probably never will.

Next week: Rick Jones by Shawn Atkins!

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #78 - The Mutant Minority, pt 2

Published

nick marino

on November 27, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 6 Comments

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #78 [ 27:57 ] Play Now | Download

Listen to PART 1... then listen to this one to hear us talk about The Minority!!!

[See it for yourself! Buy The Minority on DVD or Amazon Video On Demand]

So seriously... is The Minority a joke? We're not sure, but we loved it! Is it insightful? Justique and Nick say NO!!! Verdict: it's hilarious to us (except for Kelly, who hated it).

NEXT: X-Men ( Season 1, Episode 10 ) and The Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978).

Time Log #16

Published

nick marino

on November 25, 2010

in Webcomics

. 11 Comments

Remember FuturePete? Yeah, we almost forgot about him too. He was last seen in Time Log #11, right after he finished his extended flashback and then proceeded to abruptly depart in #12. Wanna know where he went? Look no further!!!




PREVIOUS
NOW
NEXT



Time Log #15

Time Log #16
[ZOOM]

Time Log #17



New to Time Log? Start from the beginning with #0!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

This year, I'm thankful that I don't live in this dystopic future created by fictional Pete's mistakes. However, I do live in a dystopic present created by real Pete's butt-ton of dialogue that I have to letter week after week.

Whatever happened to dramatic silence, Pete?!? WHAT HAPPENED???

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #77 - The Mutant Minority, pt 1

Published

nick marino

on November 24, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 18 Comments

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #77 [ 24:20 ] Play Now | Download

EXTREME #9! X-Men ( Season 1, Episode 9 ): The potato sack, did Ross watch it?, Moira's a sellout, same plot as X-Men 3, book shelfs and plasma cannons, Mystique and Rogue, and Cable's backstory.

And then we tease PART 2 by discussing the trailer for The Glasses! So be back here for the scintillating conclusion of The Mutant Minority on Saturday in #78 wherein we discuss... The Minority!!!

AudioShocker Podcast #158 - Foodcast

Published

nick marino

on November 23, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 5 Comments

AudioShocker Podcast #158 [ 28:39 ] Play Now | Download

Neal watched Batman Returns, Shades of Ray, Amanda, Robocop 2, Shelf Life, Iron Eagle, and Cherry 2000. Plus, he hates Kat VonD from LA Ink. Nick bought ketchup and watched Black Belt Jones. AND... Is Girl Talk still in Pittsburgh? How does he make money? Also: OTHER STUFF.

Sequential Underground #4 - Research This

Published

nick marino

on November 22, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 7 Comments

Sequential Underground #4 [ 34:13 ] Play Now | Download

The podcast by indie comics creators for indie comics creators does its homework.

Research, research, research! Dan, Shawn, Justique, Nick, and newcomer Seth Fronzoli discuss their experiences with research while making indie comics. What are the strangest things they've ever researched? These are comics after all... so how heavy should they even be researched in the first place? The answers will astound you! Well, probably not, actually. But it's still interesting. SO LISTEN TO IT, DAMN IT!

Project Basement - Cyclops by Pete Borrebach

Published

nick marino

on November 21, 2010

in Comics

. 4 Comments

It's Project Basement. And that means it's time for:

Cyclops by Pete Borrebach

Pete IN DA HOUSE with some badass MS Paint art. The Culturology and Time Log writer lays the PB v2 smackdown like this:

First of all, I should admit that I was introduced to the X-Men, like so many other people of my generation, by their Saturday morning cartoon show and, perhaps even more importantly, their arcade game. And my interest in the X-Men, other than the characters Cable and Bishop and their awesome intergalactic time travel stories from the decadent 90s, has been maintained as much by the Marvel vs. Capcom games as by anything laid down in a comic book.

Which is mostly to say, I don't know a whole lot of Cyclops' story or backstory. Like so many great hatreds in the history of humanity, my hatred of Cyclops arises as more from ignorance than anything else. That and James Marsden. It is impossible for me now, after the first three X-Men movies, to think of Cyclops as anything but a whiny, Tom Cruise wannabe pretty boy. Character traits that I just can't stand.

I always imagine most nerds kind of going for Cyclops. He's an alpha male, a natural leader, a hit with the ladies. But we've all seen the movies! Nerds should hate jocks! Alpha males are jerks. But most nerds spend too much time wishing they weren't nerds, instead of transcending their own nerdiness. Team leaders in mainstream comics--at least comics with popular cartoon shows and arcade games in the early 90s (that's right, Leonardo was a close second in my choosing what character to draw)--always strike me as only superficially flawed. As if a little bit of angst and stress under pressure suddenly makes them complex characters.

I will admit that laser eyes is a pretty awesome super power, so when Cyclops throws a tantrum and cries about tearing the seat of his designer jeans, he cries laser tears.

Next week: Punisher and Marv by Katie Henderson!

Re-Listen: AudioShocker Podcast #2

Published

nick marino

on November 20, 2010

in Podcast Episodes

. 0 Comments

AudioShocker Podcast #2 - Sidekick Magic
Original air date: October 9, 2007

AudioShocker Podcast #2 [ 48:17 ] Play Now | Download

What we talk about:
Trey Songz, Blue Magic, Jill Scott, ICP, Wu-Tang, The Heartbreak Kid, Grandma's Boy, Avatar: The Last Airbender (this is before Neal had ever seen it!!!), Paul Jenkins' Sidekick, Tales of the TMNT (and OMG some intense AudioShocker foreshadowing when we mention Ross @ 31:00), webcomics like User Friendly, xkcd, Achewood, Diesel Sweeties (and I talk about Pete @ 34:45!!! SO MUCH FORESHADOWING!), comic books based on movies, and, finally, "Confessions."

I forgot about the computer voice intro! I also forgot the "segment" format where we break things up with little audio cutaways between Music, Movies, and Comics conversations. HA! That didn't stick around.

All in all:
On a personal note, I say some things in this episode that make me cringe as I listen to them now. I know I'm always gonna be more critical of myself than anyone else would be, but I still think I sound like a jerk. Also, the audio is a little fuzzy.

Overall, the conversation is decent. Not the best episode ever, but pretty fun.