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Project Basement gets vengeance with:

Punisher by Mikey Wood

A new contributor for PB v2!!! Enter the rage of Mikey Wood:

When it was brought to my attention that "Because he sucks," while accurate, was not explanatory enough for why the Punisher is my least favorite comic character, I was hard-pressed to come up with a better reason. But, in the interest of science, I'll give it a try:

He sucks.

That there is the seed from which my tree of hatred will grow. Dig the sapling:

Frank Castle, AKA "The Punisher," is a perfect example of what some in the business call a "one trick pony." His shtick is that he's angry. He's angry and he owns weaponry. Walk up to any schmuck on the street and say, "Hey, schmuck...Do you know who the Punisher is?" If they say NO, tell them they're better for it and send them on their way. if they say "Yes" then ask them to describe him. The answer will be as such:

"Blah blah blah ANGRY blah blah blah GUNS blah blah blah HAND GRENADES blah blah blah KNIVES blah blah blah SKULL"

And so forth.

Some will validate the Punisher and say "It's not THAT he kills people, it's HOW he kills people." Um... No it isn't. A kill is a kill is a kill. Using a shotgun or using a leaf shredder, it's still just the same old shtick repeated ad nauseum.

"But the mob killed his family! He's getting revenge for his MURDERED FAMILY!"

A star going super-nova killed SUPERMAN'S entire PLANET (depending upon which origin story you stick to). Does he fly throughout the galaxy destroying stars? NO (even though he COULD because he's Superman). The fact that the Punisher is no better than the scumbags who started this whole mess is clear. Take his guns away and he's a pretty decent hand-to-hand combatant because of his years in Vietnam (which would make him about, oh, 65 years old or so) but Batman could still kick his ass. WHY? Because Batman can control his anger. The Punisher is victim to his.

What it comes down to? The quick and dirty reason I can't stand the Punisher: Because he BORES me.

He WAS pretty cool when he was Frankenstein. I'll give him that.

Next week... Cable by Chris Maverick!

The titanic Project Basement returns with:

Jericho by Dan Greenwald

PB v2 is about to get gabby. Take it away, Dan!

For my contribution, it was a no-brainer. I find Jericho to be the most useless and ridiculous-looking character in the DC Universe. Originally, I wasn't going to submit it as black & white, but I think it's important to see the how goofy the costume design is when colored.

I imagine when George Perez and Marv Wolfman were coming up with Jericho in the early 80's, the conversation went something like this...

"Hey George?"

"Yeah Marv?"

"I've got an unused character that I want to put on the team, but all I have is the name. Think you can help me flesh him out?"

"Sure, what's the name?"

"Are you ready for this? It's...JERICHO!"

"...."

"Well?"

"What does 'Jericho' mean? Does it mean something for the character?"

"I don't know, I just thought it sounded like a name that meant absolutely nothing."

"Okay, whatever. Well, with a name like that, he'll have to look unbelievably stupid."

"Go on, I'm listening."

"Well, for starters, I think he should have a giant head of blonde curly hair, like that William Katt fella. The kids love that Greatest American Hero show. But we'll add a twist: he'll have muttonchops!"

"Brilliant! Keep going!"

"The costume is key. I'm thinking big puffy sleeves, bright purple vest and boots, cobalt blue pants, a large gold belt with a giant gem in the center, big gold bracelets and a half cape that drapes around his neck and shoulders that serves no purpose whatsoever."

"Uh, sounds rather flamboyant. Not that I care, but is he going to be gay?"

"Marv, what would give you that idea?"

"No reason. Okay, what should his powers be?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked. I think we need someone on the team to have a really useless power...I mean, in a combat situation, this creampuff should be able to do very little. I'm thinking he has the ability to possess someone by making eye contact with them."

"George, you just blew my mind. That's a great lame power!"

"Thanks Marv. And as a special gift to you, I give you the final aspect of this character that will make him almost impossible to be interesting; he will be mute! He will never have any dialogue with any other character or any thought balloons to help develop the character! We'll make some sort of attempt to have him practice sign language in the book, but it still won't make any sense to anyone."

"A character with no dialogue? I can't believe I never thought of it! Thanks George, I couldn't have done this without you."

"It's my pleasure. Hey who knows, maybe someday artists will be writing AND drawing comics."

"Hahahahaha! Oh George, you crack me up!"

Next week... Punisher by Mikey Wood!