(Catch up on SUPER FOOT TO HEAD (Part I) here.)
...the first block i walked i only had to fight one street tough, who didnt even get in my way. the next block i fought two street toughs, the next block i fought four. the next block i had to fight eight, and i did some math and knew at this rate i would have serious problems. cause they were all low level street toughs they were easy to fight, but with too many of them i was getting bruised and bloodied from getting whaled on from all sides. plus i thought i might be hallucinating from the pain, i was seeing weird bright shapes and this nightmare version of jesus, in a purple robe like a kimono with lightning shooting out of his nail holes, he was hanging back at the outside of the fight, watching, and i didnt know yet whether he was for or against me. so i knew i would have to face the street tough leader.
I CHALLENGE YOUR BOSS, i exclaimed. as he emerged from the shadows of an alley i could recognize The Chief because he was so many feet taller than the rest of the toughs. he had war tattoos all over his face and he was carrying a weapon that only a dungeons and dragons freak would know what it was, it was like an axe head at the end of a long pole. he took off a ceremonial ninja star from a chain around his neck and threw it fast at my arm, where it shattered my japanese watch. YOU MOTHERFUDGER, i shouted at him, not like i was losing it but just real cold, YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW MUCH ITS ON.
i went into a defensive crouch, i could feel my stamina was at an all time max. The Chief charged at me and threw a body punch, i just clenched my gut and felt his hand break against my rock hard abs. but he just laughed and fucking bent my left knee inside out with a low leg sweep. christ that hurt, but i kept my concentration and when he thrust at me with his weapon ihead butted the pole in half. grabbing the axe head i RAMMED IT into his collar bone, i felt it stick in the bone and i could see he was bleeding pretty bad from his aorta but he stepped back and prepared for one more onslaught. i tried to stand up onto my left leg but the inside of my knee felt like a handful of bottle caps. the weird shapes were whirling all around my headcackling at me. oh man, i thought, this is looking bad but i got to stay PSYCHED TO FIGHT.
i saw the purple robe next to me and without even thinking about it, HELP ME, NIGHTMARE JESUS, i said. without saying anything he jumped up into my arm, folding his body into the shape of a flying kick. right when The Chief charged me i threw Nightmare Jesus full on into his face, and when the lightning from his foot stigma touched The Chief's head he torched instantly, like holding a lighter up to a dirty mattress. when the smoke and screaming were gone all the other street toughs had run away, i knew i had beaten them for good.
i was in front of the unitarian church now, but Nightmare Jesus blocked my way to the door, and i understood that the price of his help before was that it had to be me versus him. this was the most spiritual fighter i had ever faced and during our combat space and time lost all meaning. i blacked out for the whole fight and dont remember a thing, all i know is when i woke up he was on the ground in front of me looking like a can of sardines someone had dumped out on the pavement. i picked up his barbed wire crown and put it on my head, IM THE KING NOW, i said inside my mind.
i looked behind me and no opponents were left standing, just unconscious or dead bodies, and one pair of blood footprints leading from my burned out car to in front of the church. plus the second pair of blood footprints right out front from where i had to fight the j man. i went down into the basement.
when i limped into the octagon i knew i was too late. the referee was about to put the division championship belt around Mad Leroy, the thousands of people up in the stands were cheering and a whole symphony was playing crowning music. but then everyone saw me and it got completely quiet. Mad Leroy looked at me really intense for a whole minute and, oh shit, i thought, hes going to fight me. cause now i knew i could face anything but he was on top of his game right now, and id lost too much blood plus the one knee and most of my hand. but then Mad Leroy just kneeled down in front of me. everybody in the crowd and the symphony all just stood up, they didnt even cheer, it was a silent salute.
thats when i learned about myself what they were all trying to tell me. that i was the baddest ass one just for making it there that night. the referee put the belt around me and i felt like my heart was cracking open like an egg, and like a great mighty bird of violence and championshipness hatched out of it and filled me with its wings. i am the one. i can put myfoot through the whole worlds head, not anyone could stop me. i will beat them all down.
THE END
EPILOG
a lots changed since that night of fighting last week, i know ill never have an awesomer fight so im staying out of the octagon for good. im a sensei now, and my foot to head move that made that guys head explode in the alley is studied by all the mixed martial arts academies. i only fight people with my mind. and ill train any younger fighter whos strong enough, not just a strong body ... but SMART ENOUGH to know how to say ILL NEVER QUIT, ILL NEVER GIVE UP NO MATTER HOW TOUGH.











"HELP ME, NIGHTMARE JESUS"
amazing.
i like how this is basically the rough draft for every mark millar book.
I know my brother wrote it, but I just don't get tired of reading this thing. Should definitely become a comic and then a movie.
AudioShocker Shoutouts!

can we issue a 'project basement' challenge where everyone submits their own fanart version of the protagonist? (perhaps even executing his signature move)
i can practically smell a one-shot collabo with Community's kickpuncher!!!!!!
haha we can issue a challenge, but that doesn't mean anyone'll do it!