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Tournament Movie Tournament ROUND THREE Bracket:

(If you're not into reading and you want to spoil the match-ups, then skip to the bottom of this post for the FINAL ROUND bracket image.)

While I'm yet again posting this week's tourney entry, don't worry -- your ROUND THREE battle descriptions are written by your regular Culturologist, Pete. He's done watching the Pirates train for 2010, but the training camp was so bad that he's locked himself in his apartment to weep tears of desperation for the rest of the weekend.

Now on with the action:

Enter the Dragon vs. Bloodsport

Location: A bloody tournament mat in front of an audience of angry martial artists

A lot of people probably expected this to be the pairing in the FINAL ROUND of the tournament -- the mentor becomes the student, the student the kicker-of-ass. The model of the tournament has been around for a long time, historically, but it wasn't until Enter the Dragon that the tournament really came into its own as a movie plot. And so few movies since have done any better. This tournament alone featured several contenders that were really just pretenders. But then, back in those magical mid-eighties, a plucky young gymnast from Belgium wandered into a studio exec's office in Hollywood, did some impromptu kicks and splits, and Bruce Lee's greatest rival to date was born. Fitting then that the enemy in both of these movies is that baby-faced beef-cake Bolo Yeung, with all of his inexplicable arm pumping and presumably unambiguous steroid abuse.

The message of both movies is simple enough (and more Bruce Lee's than JCVD's): be open to all forms of martial arts, use your enemies methods against them, and do not trust your vision. There's plenty of arguing to be done about these movies (since they're also both exploitative and occasionally racist in their own ways as well), but we're here to answer one simple question: did Bloodsport do the tournament better than Enter the Dragon? And the answer is yes, yes it did. Bloodsport strips away so much of the unnecessary aspects of Enter the Dragon. There's no secret island, no despotic ruler, no heroin, and no slaves. Our protagonist's only goal is to win the tournament -- the only goal that a tournament movie needs!

And speaking of protagonists, as awesome as Bruce Lee is and crazy his legend, can it really compare, for sheer entertainment value, to that of Frank Dux? Did Frank Dux ever actually compete in the Kumite, let alone win it? Was he ever really in the military? Critics may gripe into the ages, but in the end, Dux's megalomania combined with Van Damme's own egocentrism give Bloodsport the extra mystical edge to take it over the top in defeating Enter the Dragon.

The grueling battle ended with victory for: Bloodsport!

Redbelt vs. The Karate Kid, part III

Location: A hushed stadium full of captivated Southern Californians

Redbelt's advancement into the final four really makes a lot of sense. Coming from the well-written-by-a-well-respected-filmmaker camp of movies otherwise unfamiliar to this tournament, no one could really compete with its sharp sense of pace, crisp dialogue, and thoroughly developed main character. But now the fights have gotten serious, and can a movie about a man who doesn't want to fight really stand up against movies about characters that want to fight?

As for The Karate Kid, part III, we have a major dark-horse here. The original Karate Kid is one of the great sports movies of all time, undeniably, and a great tournament movie. But the third installment is just so amazingly over-blown that it deserved to represent the trilogy here in the final four.

Where Redbelt represents the reluctant fighter, KK3 shows us the over-anxious youth (played by a no-longer-youthful-looking Ralph Macchio) who wants to fight, wants to defend his title, despite being urged not to by his calm-minded mentor. But this also sets up the major aspect of KK3 that gives it additional interest in this tournament: the hero trains with the enemy! And the insidious "Quicksilver Method" is an absolute classic, even if most people have never even seen the film.

"You can't stand, you can't fight." The Karate Kid, part III sweeps Redbelt's leg, breaks its shin-bone in two like a piece of lumber.
"You can't breathe, you can't fight." KK3 punches Redbelt in the chest, breaking several ribs.
"You can't see, you can't fight." KK3 punches Redbelt in the face. Redbelt, its nose now broken, is blinded by its own blood.

But, of course, now the The Karate Kid, part III has that poor guy's blood all over its sweatshirt.

The grueling battle ended with victory for: The Karate Kid, part III!

Tournament Movie Tournament FINAL ROUND Bracket:

Be back next week to see who's declared THE WINNER!