Since half of tomorrow's podcast is about Lady Gaga's video-opus Telephone, I won't waste tape addressing it here. However, I do encourage you all to watch it today, in order to prepare your comments. Fair warning, it's not really safe for work, and it clocks in around 9 minutes. Also, I need to do my taxes, so I'll keep this short.
Instead, I'd like to take today's post to make a major announcement: I am quitting french fries. No more! I no longer plan to put those delectable, crunchy, death sticks down my gullet. This isn't part of some new fangled diet (i ain't going paleo!), I just need to remove this poison from my repertoire, and here are three good reasons why:
1. Fries are a garbage food. Sure, they're delicious, but what do you expect from deep fried starch laced with sodium. Fries are like wicked sirens, they call to us promising tender caresses and love. Instead, we get love handles, cholesterol, and blood sugar spikes. Homie don't play that. I'm 26, Indian, and my family history includes heart disease. I refuse to let a tuber determine my expiration date.
2. I'm poor. Fries may not cost a whole lot at a micro level, (99 cents at the low end), but waitstaff the world over continually try to upsell me on fries. With dollar menus the norm at fast food joints, a 99C fry can easily add 25% to your order. In New York, anything that looks remotely like a sandwich can be served as a "platter" (i.e. w/fries) for an additional $2.50, and it starts to add up. Fries don't make fiscal sense.
3. I can do better. I live in the Northeast. Between New Haven and NYC there is a corridor of gustatory delights. From Modern Apizza to Mamoun's Fallafels to the Bouchon Bakery - I can find better food and save up my ducats for more delicious fare such as fresh sushi or a gourmet mac and cheese. Even in the least health/finance conscious case, I would rather trade in fries for a craft beer. Not to mention, fries serve mainly as a HFCS-laden ketchup delivery tool.
Will I miss sweet potato fries? Yes. Will it be hard to always say "no i don't want to make it a 'meal'"? You betcha. But fries are evil and they will kill your body, wallet, and epicuriosity.
Fries are bad. Sermon over.
Neal, Neal, Neal. you don't have to "give up" fries. Honestly, I've tried this successfully for 6 months at a time. It never works for one reason or another. Usually its becuase you're just hit with the most incredible aroma that has been cut out of you life like a long lost love. Ok, you're never going to have a truly healthy version of fries. But you can take steps to make them less lethal.
1. You can cut down on the oil by oven frying or just baking them all together.
2. Use sea salt to season them instead of the fine crystal salt found in every salt shaker in America or try seasoning them with other spices instead.
3. Instead of Ketchup, try other dipping sauces - guacamole (its got the good fat, mono-unsaturated fatty acids that help counteract the bad fat from frying), roasted 3 pepper hummus, etc...I personally like lite sour cream mixed with A1 Steak sauce - 1/4 c to 1Tbspn. Hey! Don't judge until you try it.
4. Most importantly, moderation! Don't have them with every meal. Have steamed veggies more regularly and consider fries as a more special occasion. If this won't work, eat oatmeal for breakfast to help reduce your cholesteral if you're so worried about the fat.
5. You live in NY City. How many miles do you walk in a day? Exercise man!
I hpoe I have opened your eyes to the alternatives of giving up one of the most beloved staples of the world.
Tom,
I didn't say I was quitting potatoes - that would be impossible, but i just can't order fries anymore.
I agree with practically all of your points. Oven baking and a coarse sea salt are dynamite ways of improving fries - and hummus/guac are incredibly delicious. One day I will find a non-HFCS ketchup too.
But I remain resolute to not go out and eat fries anymore. They are the devil's candy.
Then I am the devil's candy man! Bwah-hah-ha-ha!
AudioShocker Shoutouts!
my boy Brock just reminded me - this sadly includes delicacies such as TOTS.