Monthly Archive for March, 2010

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #42 - The Van Damme-cast!!!

Jean-Claude Van Damme. The man, the myth, the podcast subject! Desert Heat gets it goin, Nowhere to Run picks it up and takes it In Hell, which doesn't stop Until Death... until JCVD, that is. Next week: the Broncanusscast! Or maybe just the Hesscast. Whatever.

AudioShocker Podcast #124 - Food Fletch-ing

Nick recycles, Justique loves living in Iceland, Neal had a birthday AND parsnip puree, food feltching (not to be confused with Fletch), the Telephone video (again), is the Pussy Wagon a meme?, do music videos make you want to listen to the song?, bowling form, Coffy and Foxy Brown and Truck Turner, movies we haven't seen, and Neal thinks Ugly Betty is sorta ugly.

27 Years. 1404 Weeks. 9862 Days. 1 Neal

I turned 27 on Saturday, and the idea that I'm in my "late 20s" is terminally depressing. I think it is well established that after 21, birthdays begin to lose their cachet. 25 introduced ridiculous words like 'quarterlife', the freedom to rent cars without my company's help, and was the year I started getting healthy. 26 was only exciting because I was going to grad school. At 27, I am about halfway through my MBA and I live in a city with public transportation -- life is actually pretty good. But that makes me even more nervous - something always changes around my birthday, and regression to the mean suggests that things should be swinging back south soon.

Kept it all rather low key, I got invited to a dinner party in Brooklyn, which was essentially catered by a chef -- red snapper. parsnip puree. duck. mushrooms. garlic. thyme. cookies. etc. it was as they say 'muy deli'.

I also got this gem of an email from OKC: Still single? Come check out your matches and find the women who want to meet you for your birthday! Click here to find your birthday matches!

Wow. You sent me an email on my birthday asking if I was still single. In what mind-bending scenario is this an appropriate question to ask someone on their birthday? What's next - asking me if I did my taxes at a family funeral? "Hey, I know you're dealing with cancer -- but did you remember to turn off the stove?" OKC, you are weird as shit.

You know how your body performs best on that circadian rhythm thing? Perhaps birthdays are the right time to make directional changes / resolutions. I don't have any fresh ones, as I am still working on those previously announced - but I'll leave you with that nugget. And this (recently discovered) awesomeness:

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The Time Log Short Film!!!

The year was 2001. For Pete and I, tale of Time Log had been percolating in our minds for about a year and it seemed like the right time to turn the time travel epic into a motion picture! Well, more like a bootleg 8mm class project... but a motion picture nonetheless!

There was actually more filmed footage, including a trippy (and severely out-of-focus) color scene of Pete at the base of the Stephen Foster statute before waking up in the past (and afterwards, again at the statue's base following his victory), but that footage was left on the editing room floor.

This video has been up on my YouTube account for some time now, but with a different title and sans original music. That's all been fixed, as this is now proudly re-uploaded in higher quality, branded with the Time Log name, and accompanied by the song "Uncanny" by Nik Furious, which some of you will notice as the original AudioShocker Podcast theme song.

Culturology #62 - Tournament Movie Tournament: The Final Fight!

Tournament Movie Tournament FINAL ROUND Bracket:

(If you're not into reading and you want to spoil the match-up, skip to the bottom to see a bracket image featuring the WINNER.)

This is Pete, back at the helm again (though Nick and I are still tag-teaming on the post (a big thanks to Nick for all his work on the bracket images for the entire tournament)), typing directly into the "Add New Post" box of the back-end of AudioShocker. I'm so grateful to Nick for his help during this tournament, in fact, that I'm even letting his alteration of my column numbering scheme stand. What a whirlwind tournament tournament it's been! Just a couple of weeks ago there was a pile of movies all out there, fighting in their particular styles, but now we're down to a veritable Thunderdome wherein two movies enter, but only one movie leaves. Let's take another look at our finalists:

Bloodsport

It should surprise no one that this movie made it to the finals. The clear number one seed, Bloodsport is the heir-apparent to its own throne. Stripping all the unnecessary plot away from it's father-film Enter the Dragon, Bloodsport in a way really defines what the tournament movie is all about. It's about humans fighting as if they were cocks. And its about aggrandizing the myth of the star. Bloodsport, along with Kickboxer, made Jean-Claude Van Damme's career. And resident JCVD-expert Nick will confirm that the Muscles from Brussels never did better than his first real vehicle, Bloodsport. Additionally, the information that appears on the screen at the end of the movie introduced America to the-man-the-myth-the-legend Frank Dux, kumite motherfucker (or pathological fight-liar), giving Bloodsport a claim to verisimilitude unlike that of any of the other tournament movies we watched.

The Karate Kid, Part III

No one should question The Karate Kid's appearance across the mat from Bloodsport here in the final. You can question whether Part III is really better than the original. In the end, it boils down to this: while the original movie is perhaps a better movie over all, and a truly great sports movie, the final chapter of the trilogy is the better tournament movie. And you might balk at even that, since the tournament figures more prominently in the original than in Part III. But look at two crucial aspects of Part III's tournament structure that make it unique:

-- Conflict between the student and the master. In all the other tournament movies, the protagonist is out to prove the validity of his or her fighting ability, and almost always to pay homage to the training of his master. There is typically some kind of fighting-centric lesson learned (embrace all styles, there's always an out, etc.), but in KKIII, the lesson that the master is trying to impart -- that you don't have to fight at all -- is ignored and railed against by the student. The master still turns out to be right in the end, but not before having to acquiesce to the student.

-- Training with the enemy. In no other tournament does the protagonist go out and train with the bad guy. Terry Silver is an absolutely fantastic villain (B-movie stock, for sure, but nonetheless) to train with. Terry's Quicksilver Method, pernicious as it is, has remained in my own memory ever since I first saw this movie back in 1989.

These points alone show the worthiness of Part III to be in the finals. But also, the fact that the movie features two grown men trying to terrorize an (ostensibly) 18-year-old kid's life is absolutely amazing. Their entire goal is to put Cobra Kai dojos all over California, and that's about it. Efficient, gripping, amazing.

THE FINAL FIGHT

Before finally declaring a winner here, the committedly culturological side of me also needs to point something else out: Bloodsport appeared in 1988, The Karate Kid, Part III in 1989. This is no coincidence. At the root of all the American-learns-Asian-martial-art (and I use "Asian" here fully aware of the ridiculousness of the notion that we can use a single word like that to describe the great variety of cultures in that part of the world; I use "Asian" here in line with the way it's actually used in movies like Bloodsport) plots is the cultural need to come to terms with the three consecutive wars that the US waged against various Eastern foes (Japan, Korea, Vietnam), ending with the ruination-machine that was the Vietnam War. I've discussed this before, in the JCVD roundtables, so I won't belabor the point, but these movies represent the end of the span of years that Hollywood spent trying to come to terms with the Vietnam War. Most people really see this work being done by movies like Rambo, and the even-more-archetypal Missing in Action, but the tournament movies (and movies like Kickboxer) are on the same arc, if perhaps in a slightly subtler way (that's right! who'd've guessed it, that anything about a tournament movie could be subtle).

And The Karate Kid, Part III, as a decade-ending, trilogy-concluding, B-movie cashgrab, represents, in many ways the end of the Vietnam vet as karate expert genre. John Kreese and Terry Silver, buddies from the same platoon in 'Nam, help each other out, though they've both clearly been heinously scarred by their military experience, having been driven to severe mania and psychopathy. And they're terrorizing a kid that could have been their own son, had they not been stuck in a jungle halfway across the globe. Daniel LaRusso represents everything they hate about America: a spoiled kid who didn't have to fear the draft, never had to fight for his country or watch his buddies die, and -gasp- has befriended an actual Asian. And, to my mind, all of this shines through the movie despite its melodrama.

In the same way, Frank Dux represents the military veteran that has found a better way to survive the US's war history. He not only convinces a master to train him in the ways of the East, but then goes there and wins (this arc being made even clearer with the chanting of "The White Warrior" in Kickboxer), and then beats the Asians at their own game.

So the winner is...

There really is very little at stake in the Karate Kid, Part III. Sure, it sucks for the baddies that their t-shirts all get thrown back at them, and sure, Daniel LaRussa has managed to stick up for himself yet again, and maybe all us viewers learned something along the way as well. But Frank Dux in Bloodsport is fighting on behalf of an entire nation. Even though the using-the-kata-to-win ending of KKPIII is awesome in its purity (and has better final fight music), nothing can top the final fight of Bloodsport, the quivering of Jean Claude Van-Damme's not-yet-ravaged-by-fame face, the mighty power of his punch. However, if it came down, out of all sixteen of these tournament movies, to which movie I'd be most likely willing to watch at any given time, I'd have to go with The Karate Kid, Part III, because it really is the most entertaining of all these movies, the most re-watchable, the most useful as a pop-cultural reference. Is that enough, though, to grant it victory? I don't know...

thus...

The grueling battle ends with victory for: Bloodsport!

Tournament Movie Tournament WINNER:

Capcom Fighting Evolution Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

Thus Capcom Fighting Evolution months one and two come to a close. Be here next week as Hyper Combo Wallpaper presents War Machine redux in Weapon of S.H.I.E.L.D. Month!

Super Haters #38 - The Gift of Time, pt 4

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A Podcast with Ross and Nick #41 - The Rockycast!!!

Back in the present, we briefly reflect on the shocking revelations in last week's Futurecast. Then we talk about the Rocky series! The first Rocky is classic but not necessarily the best, Ross hates Adrian, Nick loves Rocky II, Ross loves Rocky III, the robot divides opinions on Rocky IV, both guys agree Rocky V is better than it's rep and Rocky Balboa deserves its good rep. Next week: the Van Damme-cast!!!

AudioShocker Podcast #123 - Going Blue

Our favorite Al Roker memories, nealrs.tumblr.com, Inkscape, ShamWow Vince and his hooker fight entertains Walmart customers, Monsters vs. Aliens, the dubbed version of Ponyo, Showdown in Little Toyko, Bruno, Ichi the Killer was ripped off by The Dark Knight, Aleon Craft, and Neal goes blue.

Breaking Bad is Back

And How! From the bizarre opening to the equally puzzling conclusion, Vince Gilligan and his crew make it clear that this is going to be another season of twists, laughs, and WTF moments. The cartel angle will be interesting, since we know how gangster Walt got with Tucco. Personally, I'm hoping that Jesse steps his game up and stops being so mopey and introspective all the time. I want more Captain Cook.

In case you are totally unhip, here is the story so far: Walt teaches chemistry in New Mexico. Walt gets cancer. Walt wants to provide for his family, hooks up with a former student and, starts manufacturing and dealing meth. Oh wait - Walt err 'Heisenberg's' brother in law is a DEA agent, and Bob Odenkirk is their crooked lawyer/fixer. Hijinks (and plenty of drama) ensue between our extremely unlikely drug kingpins.

This show is all sorts of entertaining, so get familiar! Sundays. 10pm, AMC.