Monthly Archive for February, 2010

Jean-Claude Van Damme Movie Review Master List

Background: It was over six months ago when I made a personal pact with myself -- I vowed to watch all of Jean-Claude Van Damme's starring roles in chronological order and review them each one-by-one on our site's Twitter account. It was a massive undertaking (as you can see below), and I had a great time doing it. Thx to the man himself, JCVD, and to all those who've helped create his films over the years.

The Week in Tweeview - 02.20.10 to 02.26.10

As of tomorrow, the AudioShocker Twitter feed will say goodbye to #JCVD until his next film because we'll be done tweeting reviews of his entire catalog! Keep an eye on this space tomorrow, where we'll have a master list of all our Jean-Claude Van Damme Tweeviews.

And starting on March 1st: A YEAR OF ELECTRIC BLUE BEGINS! I'll be tweeting a new Superman comic book review everyday for the next couple months, focusing on the year (1997-1998) when the Man of Steel gained a new look and new powers. The naming system for the reviews will follow the "triangle numbers" because that's the reading order of the issues.

Now on with the tweets!

  • Until Death (2007) - 7/10 - This odd, sick plot turns highly entertaining when combined with Van Damme's performance. A great role for #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 26th
  • Donatello: The Brain Thief #4 - 8/10 - Lawson's final issue is the best. A near-silent display of solid storytelling with a twisted ending. 11:43 AM Feb 25th
  • Second in Command (2006) - 6/10 - A surprisingly enjoyable and well-crafted movie. Van Damme's decent but the story shines brighter. #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 24th
  • Culturology is coming down with a case of March Madness! Next month, sixteen of our favorites will face off in a Tournament Movie Tournament 12:53 PM Feb 23rd
  • Donatello: The Brain Thief #3 - 7/10 - The art excels in the close ups. The action picks up and sets the tone for the rest of the story. 11:35 AM Feb 23rd
  • Wake of Death (2004) - 4/10 - Van Damme's acting is especially strong and emotional, but the plot lacks. That drags this one down. #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 22nd
  • Donatello: The Brain Thief #2 - 5/10 - Depicts a creepy, methodical title character. Good issue overall but lacks the charm of the others. 4:10 PM Feb 21st
  • In Hell (2003) - 8/10 - Morbid and engaging, Jean-Claude is at his most intense since Bloodsport... only far more emotionally complex. #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 21st
  • Donatello: The Brain Thief #1 - 6/10 - Good establishing issue, showing the latest Baxter as an organic machine. Both minimal and thrilling. 11:10 PM Feb 20th

Culturology 058 - Tournament Movie Tournament!

Here at Culturology, Nick and I are getting a jump on the NCAA's upcoming March Madness by hosting a tournament of our own. What better kind of tournament than a tournament tournament? So check out the bracket below (click to enlarge) and make your choices! Then tune in next week to see how the first round plays out.


The ROUND ONE contenders:

Battle Creek Brawl: They tried to make Jackie Chan famous right after his brief appearance in Enter the Dragon. Despite flashes of his amazing charisma, it would take another decade after this movie for Chan to make it big (as big as Billy Kiss from Pittsburgh).

Best of the Best: Eric Roberts leads a team of American characters in a charge against a superior Korean Taekwondo team.

Bloodfist: Low budget fighting in the Philippines that spawned eight sequels -- more than any other movie on this list. With Billy Blanks!

Bloodsport: Jean-Claude Van Damme in the role that he never bettered, in his first and best movie. The clear favorite in the tournament.

Bronson Lee, Champion: What do you get if you cross Charles Bronson and Bruce Lee? A motherfucking champion, that's what.

DOA: Dead or Alive: Like Enter the Dragon, but with volleyball.

Enter the Dragon: The original. But is it the best?

The Karate Kid: One of the truly classic tournament movies, even if it's not as intense as the more adult fare of Bloodsport or Enter the Dragon. But can 1984's favorite plucky New Jerseyite win a whole tournament tournament in 2010?

The Karate Kid, part III: The oft-overlooked final chapter of the original Karate Kid trilogy. Most people think it went right from KK II to The Next Karate Kid, but first the Karate Kid and Mr. Miyagi had to take on some seriously menacing Vietnam veterans.

Mortal Kombat: The entirely watchable first foray into franchising the iconic video game into a filmic empire. One of the many Enter the Dragon homages in the tournament. With Christopher Lambert!

Never Back Down: Karate Kid, reinvented for douchebags in the 21st century.

Over the Top: Sylvester Stallone never speaks above a whisper (he must have been really tired when they filmed this) in this B-movie, truck-driving, arm-wrestling, father-son-bonding classic.

The Quest: Jean-Claude Van Damme is a street fighting stilt mime scamp (possibly some sort of weird child labor offender... or fetishist), forced to escape New York City and stow away on a cargo boat, where he proceeds to get caught, get saved, and get sold into martial arts slavery in Thailand. Also directed by JCVD.

The Quick and the Dead: Sam Raimi's dolly zoom wild west classic. Gene Hackman, Sharon Stone, a young Leonardo DiCaprio, and guns! What more could a tournament movie need?

Redbelt: David Mamet loves MMA. Who would've guessed? Clearly the artsy-fartsiest of the movies in the tournament.

Sidekicks: A very special vanity project for Chuck Norris, but is he really in this movie, or just a figment of our overactive imaginations?

That's the list! So now go, download the ROUND ONE bracket, and play along to see if your picks move onto ROUND TWO next Friday!

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Yun vs. Felicia Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

I feel like Yun and Felicia would make a great couple in some sort of bizarre Capcom inhabited reality. Too bad they're busy fighting to the death in Hyper Combo Wallpaper! Next Friday, enter month two of our Capcom Fighting Evolution feature.

Super Haters #34 - The Same Old, pt 3

<< PREVIOUS
Super Haters #33
NEXT >>
Super Haters #35
New to Super Haters? Start with #1 or Visit SuperHaters.com

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #38 - The Turtlecast, pt 2

Ross and Nick air their 2007 TMNT animated movie grievances (and some more 2003 4kids cartoon ones), what is Michelangelo's character?, is everybody's favorite Donatello?, Donatello: The Brain Thief and the other Lawson TMNT minis. NEXT: The Turlecast, pt 3 featuring the TMNT video games, the live-action show, and more comics.

AudioShocker Podcast #119 - Clash of the Slingboxes

Clash of the Titans, where did Sam Worthington come from?, Modern Family, is Mila pronounced Mee-La or Mill-La, American Idol, Sleepwalkers, Claudia the Zombieland blog commenter gets called out, Michael Cera gets called out, Bill Murray vs. Danny DeVito (sorta), who named the characters in The Caveman's Valentine?, WTF is a slingbox? and future of entertinament technology, Couples Retreat, and Neal hates clowns.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

TV Tickles Neal's Pickle

Well then. Monday continues to be the worst possible day to write a column. In the (continual) absence of anything substantial to write about, I will talk about TV. More specifically, what is tickling my pickle my these days. And yes, tomorrow's podcast probably covers like half of this.

Human Target - this show is a bonafide problem, so act like you know. Mark Valley's boyscout character on Boston Legal was laughably dismissed as a 'Ken Doll' more than once. (James Spader was truly spot on with that observation) However, Valley is exactly the right person to play Christopher Chance. He's a bodyguard for hire with a former cop partner and a witty/subversive/unabashed thief helper. I think it's kind of daring to have a regular cast of three guys with no recurring female roles (s0 far). But, it works, and Jackie Earle Haley is finally getting his due as Guerrero.

Modern Family - Yup. It's that good. It's like some network/creative genius was like "what if we make a really funny show about a really diverse family situation" and then managed to execute that. And though I am a super late comer to the show, there is zero learning curve. There is like zero continuity between episodes.

Archer - I watch this garbage because there is swearing, H. Jon Benjamin and Aisha Tyler. That is pretty much it. It is like a weird combination of AdultSwim concepts like Home Movies, The Boondocks, and ATHF/Sealab/Frisky Dingo all rolled into animated shitshow. You probably won't like it, but I kind of do.

Community - I slept on this show for a while too, but I find it significantly funnier/fresher than some of the other stuff (see below) on NBC right now. Perhaps it's all about the Abed and Troy dynamic. That or Chevy Chase in his most phoned in role ever.

Things that no longer tickle my pickle include: The Simpsons, 75% of Seth MacFarlane's stuff, The Office and most 30Rock episodes. I am just sorta done with those.

Better Off Ted, and the second coming of Scrubs (which is like having feelings for your ex-girlfriend who broke your heart three times) all are in my rotation but eh... only if Hulu puts them in my queue.

And that, is all she freaking wrote. Also, LAST CALL FOR MBA Media and Entertainment Conference Tickets (Friday, Feb 26th, all day at NYU)

The top 9 REAL reasons why Teabaggers hate Captain America

Teabaggers (*snicker*) don't really hate Captain America for using one of their own signs in his comic book. I mean, that would just be stupid AND hypocritical, right?

Here are the REAL reasons Teabaggers (I can't believe they actually call themselves that!) hate Captain America and always will:

9. Captain America drinks coffee, not tea.

8. On occassion, his comic book is written by radical left-wing super-liberals.

7. He was dead for the past couple years and missed the whole Sarah Palin thing.

6. His superhero partner is (or at least WAS) a social worker. HARLEM PORK BARREL POLITICS!

5. Captain America ran for president AND he watched Nixon kill himself.

4. There's a good chance that the A on his forehead actually stands for "frAnce."

3. His on-again/off-again Federal salary is just another example of out-of-control government spending.

2. That 90s Captain America movie totally sucked.

1. His shield is a circle, the same symbol liberals, gays, and cartoon lions use to describe life.

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Patriotic

The Week in Tweeview - 02.13.10 to 02.19.10

Neal went from last week's performance of Friday night tweet maniac to a near-hermit showing this week. WHATEVER NEAL YOU ARE SO ERRATIC!!!

Anyway, I figured out how to pre-schedule tweets last weekend (I know you're really excited about that... I can feel it... the energy is palpable). So I scheduled a bunch of reviews on Steel comics and Van Damme movies. And don't forget -- next week marks the end of the JCVD reviews (again, I feel the palpability)!

  • Derailed (2002) - 5/10 - Despite providing fodder for Van Damme critics, this b-movie is more fun than many of his fancier flicks. #JCVD about 22 hours ago
  • anyone interested in remodeling our #myspace page? let us know. we are no good at that sort of thing. 11:47 PM Feb 18th
  • Superman: The Man of Steel #26 - 5/10 - Gotta love the #Steel and gun-toting Kal-El team-up! Great Steel story but a meh cliffhanger ending. 11:10 AM Feb 18th
  • The Order (2001) - 3/10 - Not bad, per se... But not good either. The Charlton Heston appearance is the only memorable moment. #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 17th
  • Superman: The Man of Steel #25 - 7/10 - Lois Lane b-plot is the best thing here. #Steel plot is decent, but a little too crossover focused. 11:10 AM Feb 16th
  • ok, #wale 's 'pretty girls' and 'my sweetie' tracks are pretty awesome. and yes, neal slept on that whole album due to the gaga association. 11:12 PM Feb 15th
  • Replicant (2001) - 5/10 - Jean-Claude returns to his habit of dual roles in ridiculous form. Watch this only for unintentional laughs. #JCVD 11:10 AM Feb 15th
  • Superman: The Man of Steel #24 - 6/10 - The story is both focused and jumpy somehow. Regardless, there's an awesome #Steel fight scene here. 11:10 AM Feb 14th
  • Universal Soldier: Regeneration (2010) - 6/10 - Unique pacing and structure. The plot is a bit too simple but the action is excellent. #JCVD 12:05 AM Feb 14th
  • wanted to wait to post my tweeview of the newest #JCVD film until i finished up with my others, BUT it's new so i figure i should let it rip 12:04 AM Feb 14th
  • Superman: The Man of Steel #24 - 6/10 - The story is somehow both focused and jumpy. Regardless, there's an awesome #Steel fight scene here. 12:22 PM Feb 13th