Monthly Archive for August, 2009Page 2 of 4

The Top 9 Least In Demand Fan Fiction Franchises

9. Axel Foley. Beverly Hills Cop might be the greatest cop comedy of all-time, but I just don't envision a large market of hungry BHC fans clamoring for more Axel Foley hijinks so badly that they've taken it upon themselves to craft his next set of adventures.

8. Mummies Alive! To have fan fiction, I'm pretty certain that you need fans in the first place, so that pretty much rules out this entry. I somewhat enjoyed this bizarre "extreme zombies" cartoon back when it aired, but I'm not craving anymore of it.

7. Bosom Buddies. Tranny Tom Hanks is a tempting prospect, without a doubt, but not the sort of thing that I imagine generates much nostalgia. Though I look back fondly on this sitcom, I don't foresee fans creating new awkward reasons for him to quickly change out of men's clothing and into some female threads.

6. Contra. Greatest NES game ever? It's definitely up for debate. Greatest video game theme ever? Again, we're looking at a possible champion here. Video game with strong potential for fan fiction? Not even close. I mean, what more can you really do with this concept? Shirtless commandos are airdropped into South America to shoot rebels, robots, and aliens in the face. End of story.

5. Full House. This TGIF nightmare is waaaay too obnoxious to live on it the hearts and minds of former fans. Unfortunately, I'm sure there have been plenty of fan-imagined Full House scenarios since the show's demise (spanning the gamut of good taste, I'll bet). But it must stop here and now. Bob Saget is great, but not when he's fathering the Olsen twins.

4. Street Sharks. These mutated sea predators were "Jawesome!" But who really gives a shit? They take the cake as the most ridiculous of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle knockoffs. I think it's safe to say they only live on in the most obscure recesses of pop culture memory, and thus fail to populate the desires of fan fiction authors.

3. Count Chocula. I have to hand it to General Mills - they really know how to make a breakfast cereal memorable. But memorable doesn't equal incredible fan fiction potential, let alone good story potential. While a Frankenberry team up might be the ultimate dream of some fan fictioner out there, I'm going to assume that no one really wants to read about the further adventures of this cocoa-sucking vampire.

2. Jar Jar Binks. Star Wars: The Phantom Menance was notable for many things. Namely, it made a shitload of money off of the previous three Star Wars films despite the fact that it sucked beyond belief. The other crime committed by this film was introducing the world to Jar Jar Binks, a bumbling Sambo-esque caricature that cemented George Lucas' modern day reputation. Unless fans are writing about the timely demise of Jar Jar, I don't think anyone is interested in reading it.

1. Stripperella. While Reese's hit gold with the combination of two favorites, Spike TV hit shit with its teaming of Stan Lee and Pamela Anderson (who may have also been a "Lee" at that point). Pam obviously has a thing for superheroes, having previously tackled the role of Barb Wire (not to mention her other hero roles in VIP and Baywatch). But unfortunately, Stripperella was not her super-powered breakout. As for Stan the Man, I dunno what to say. Genius? Yes. Innovator? Yes. Occasionally misguided businessman? YES. And Stripperella serves as possibly his most misguided venure (save for the financially disastrous Stan Lee Media, of course). So do people want more Stripperella so bad that they'd write it themselves? I think the answer is an emphatic "NO."

More: The Top 9 Iconic Characters with an Extra and/or Extended Body Part

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Super Haters #9 - Losing Patience

Losing Patience

<< PREVIOUS
Super Haters #8
NEXT >>
Super Haters #10
New to Super Haters? Start with #1 or Visit SuperHaters.com

The Calm Before The Stern

So, this is my last Wednesday post before I begin my orientation at The New York University Leonard N. Stern School of Business -- and I am moderately terrified. Stern has a strong reputation for finance/accounting and being in school involves not having an income. I on the other hand, have a strong reputation for not reading my bank statements and not budgeting my ducats. There will be some culture clash.

Going back to school is a big deal and a right of passage in my family. It's not so much a question of "if" as it is of "when". Choosing what type of degree to pursue is an ever bigger issue, because who wants to blow 60-100k on another degree if it doesn't directly benefit you? I chose an MBA because (like mechanical engineering), it seems to cover a wide range of topics that gives you a solid good foundation for practical applications. Also, since things move quicker in school, it will help me break out of the corporate 'things take forever' mentality.

I've spent this past week torturing myself over details like buying a bed (my mattress is on quality hold at Ikea??), whether or not I need drywall anchors for the blinds (apparently not), wash and fold vs doing my own laundry (still on the fence), etc. It's crazy how different things are here than in Peoria.

And school itself has me shook because from what I hear, everything moves at a breakneck pace and recruiting starts almost as soon as classes. I'm not sure whether to use a 'brace for impact' or 'go with the flow' strategy. Compound that with the fact that most of these kids already work in finance, so they have a considerable head start.

But all hand-wringing aside, this looks like it'll be a great experience. I'm looking forward to going to concerts and eating edible ethnic food. So if you live near Columbus Circle, or spend time down in the Village, holler at me.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #11 - From CMYK to Direct DVD

Ross Campbell tells Nick Marino about printing problems with the Shadoweyes and what he's doing to make the character's colors look the same on the screen and in print. Nick asks Ross about the format for Shadoweyes, spinning into the differences between graphic novels and single issues. This dovetails into a back and forth about comics business and publishing. Trading cards take over and segue into Sam Keith's cover art. Bishop busts into the conversation and leads into Jean-Claude Van Damme movies, finally taking the guys into direct-to-DVD territory.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

RSS Feed Issues in Google Reader

I use Google Reader... and YES, I use it to read my own blog. Lately, it's been a serious pain in the ass, constantly re-importing old posts with new posts. Why? I HAVE NO @#$%ING IDEA.

I did find out, however, that our feed didn't validate via Feed Validator. So I fixed it. Then I deleted the AudioShocker from my Google Reader list and re-added it.

Aside from the horrid slew of posts that imported all at once, this feed seems to be working fine now in Google Reader (I also fixed the "slew" issue as well, so don't fear it!!!).

If you've been having trouble with the AudioShocker RSS feed in Google Reader, here are my tips to get things working right:

1. Go to "Manage subscriptions" on the bottom left.

2. Delete the AudioShocker from your reading list.

3. Return to the Google Reader main page.

4. Click on the "Add a subscription" button on the top left.

5. Enter this: audioshocker.com/feed

6. Enjoy.

I recommend this method over searching for the AudioShocker via Google Reader's "Browse for stuff"/feed discovery. It worked better for me re-adding the feed thru the above steps. And if you've had troubles with our RSS feed in the past and got rid of it, try adding it to your RSS reader again and see if it's better.

For anyone using RSS readers out there: if you encounter any problems with our feed, add a comment to the post and I'll look into it. Thx.

AudioShocker Podcast #93 - Wavy Gravy Sackhouse

The hits just keep on coming!!! Justique, Neal, and Nick go from District 9 to David Carradine a bunch of nonsense. Then TV takes over with Sookie Stackhouse and her True Blood, Mad Men, Megan Wants a Millionaire, and the premiere of My Antonio. Dutch and The Tattooist transition the conversation over to street fighting in Air Master and Jean-Claude Van Damme's Bloodsport. Then it's Darker Than Black, upper decking, XM radio, AFV and Tom Bergeron, ESSO's Off the Wall, 808's & Hadee, and Sasha Grey.

Shove the AudioShocker podcast RSS feed into your favorite RSS reader. Review the AudioShocker on iTunes. Call the AudioShocker Comment Line at 412-567-7606 or have our comment line call you.

Culturology 038 - Categories and Expectations

When I lived in Boston, back in my first couple of post-college years, mid-decade, I barely ever went to movies. Mostly because Boston's cost of living is quite high and I was making very little money, spending most of my income on rent alone, and with the scant amount of my remaining income post-bills post-groceries going to trying to cobble together a social life built around bar-flying. The nine or ten dollars for a movie ticket was better spent on 1 1/2 beers. I did go to things occasionally (specifically, I can recall going to see Broken Flowers, Willy Wonka:The Remake (on a date), Sin City, Al Gore: The Dramumentary and Will Ferrel's Car-Racing Disappointment: The Movie (with a friend that was really really excited about it--and then profoundly disappointed by its incredible suckiness)). So, five movies in two years; obviously not the kind of clip you'd expect for someone as culturologically inclined as myself. But this past summer of not-going-to-movies has reminded me: if you don't go to movies all the time, the money actually starts to add up. I've saved nearly $100 this summer by not going out to see movies that I normally would go see.

Without fresh fodder, then, I'd like to return to a comment Nick made a couple of weeks ago, mentioning that he finally got around to watching Push, based on a recommendation of mine contained within a former Culturology post, and he couldn't even finish the movie, and hated it, and wondered how I could have been suckered by such a movie. It's a curious thing, since Nick and my taste in movies tends to be quite similar (except that he has a way higher tolerance for shitty comedies--and I go pretty far, relative to the norm, I think, in terms of enjoying bad comedies). This sudden disjunction between our movie-going tastes was highlighted at the beginning of the summer as well, with Wolverine: The Movie, where Nick couldn't believe that I didn't, based on my established set of movies-I-like, that I didn't like Wolvie: This Claw's For You. This is precisely the sort of thing that I take way too seriously, so I've been thinking about it a lot. I think it comes down to two things: category and expectation.

Category: To recap an argument that we really don't need to recapitulate here on Audioshocker (search "wolverine" to pick up some of the shrapnel): Nick thinks SNIKT!: The Musical was a solid action movie, I think it was tired and cliche-ridden, to the point where those oftentimes enjoyable action tropes didn't play out. As for Push: Push, I thought that, despite it's being a highly-flawed movie, the fact that it really went for something, showed some style, and was generally entertaining made it a solid movie-going experience. Nick's main problem with my disliking Berserk!: Logan's Tale was that I like so many other completely cheesy action movies with lame effects, how could I suddenly think this movie was the one that sucked, saying that if we viewed the aforementioned movie as a B-movie, we'd have had no problem with it, and probably enjoyed it.

But you can't watch an intended Hollywood blockbuster as a B-movie, it crosses the definitions (the categories, if you will). Here's another example: once upon a time, back in my first year of college, I would occasionally try to convince my rock n' roll friends that classical music was cool. I would do this by trying to play them what I thought was the coolest classical music around and saying "Isn't this cool?!?" A poor strategy, I'll admit (most people just don't like classical music), but once I had the interesting outcome of playing a friend Gorecki's Harpsichord Concerto, and having that friend make the decision, based on that, that I really really liked harpsichord music. So this friend misunderstood the category of the music: I was trying to play him "awesome classical music" but what he heard was "harpsichord music that my friend thinks is awesome because he really likes harpsichords." So, admitting to liking B-movies is not the same thing as admitting to like crappy mega-productions that may as well be B-movies.

Anti-Pull, in a lot of ways, is like a B-movie as well. It's pretty flatly acted, lacks a cohesive sense of style, and lacks the sense of pacing that better-made movies have. (See, so, comparing these two movies makes a ton of sense.) But Pushing Too Hard isn't a B-movie any more than Wolf: Man; I've already written about its being designed to specifically compete against blockbuster comic book movies, and several of its identity problems were almost certainly the result of studio interference (I'm not basing this on anything but a pre-established distrust of studios). If anything, these are both "comic book movies", even if one of them wasn't even based on a comic book. That being the category, Push was a better comic book movie than Wolverine.

Expectations: This is getting tired. The heading explains itself. I had no hope for Push being any good, so the fact that it was surprisingly entertaining made it seem better than it was. Wolverine, at least, should have been okay. I had low expectations, but not as low as the thing was terrible, thus it seemed even worse than it was.

Anyhoo, I'll still eventually get back out to the theaters, and then won't have to rehash old arguments anymore.

(And I'll get around to closing out the already defunct bookclub soon.)

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Captain Commando Classic Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Captain Commando in classic form

Captain Commando strikes a classic Capcom pose

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

It's safe to say that Marvel vs. Capcom revived Captain Commando's career. Not that it was his first appearance by any means - he had his own self-titled game years before and he had graced Capcom packaging as a company mascot for many moons.

But the cyborg whose name was reverse-engineered from the Capcom moniker (Captain Commando) had his breakout role in MvC1. He made it into countless homes around the world thru the console versions of that game, and did the same all over again with MvC2. Thus he became the greatest captain of all-time (sorry, Steve)!

Thanks to The Fighter's Generation for the Capcom art. Be back here next Monday for another Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Beatcast #37 - Invisible by Nik Furious

Invisible, an original instrumental hip hop beat by Nik Furious. This is the eighth part of a ten part Beatcast series called Nik Furious: Then and Now. This Now recording was also used in the rap song Pinnacle.

The Top 9 Things in Iron Man Comics That I Wanna See in Iron Man 2

9. The Technovore. I'll start off my list with the biggest long shot - a misunderstood antagonist that consists of repurposed tech scraps. Put simply, this character is a technological parasite that consumes the technology it touches. To make it even better, Tony Stark should battle the Technovore in space just like the original comics confrontation.

8. Jim Rhodes wears the Iron Man armor. To me, this is a staple of the Iron Man legacy. When Stark just can't continue on, his best friend is there to carry on the fight. While I prefer Rhodey in the War Machine armor, there's something special about the way he puts on the red and golds to help his best bud when he's down.

7. Tony Stark gets an artificial nervous system. In the first Iron Man movie, repulsor technology was brilliantly re-imagined as a life-support system mixed with a massive energy source (in compact form, to boot). Another concept from the Iron Man comics that could use this touch is the artificial central nervous system Tony Stark implements in his own body following his faked death. It's especially fascinating to watch Tony code his own nervous system like he's writing software code.

6. The Hulkbuster armor. C'mon, you know you wanna see it too. This will probably have to wait for the Avengers movie, if that!

5. Tony Stark succumbs to alcoholism. Again, maybe this is best in a a sequel or another film. Like, if we see hints of it in Iron Man 2, even more hints in Avengers, and then Iron Man 3 showcases Tony's struggle - that might maximize the emotional impact. Still, I feel this plot should start in earnest with Iron Man 2.

4. The Blacklash costume. This costume is a classic supervillain faux pas, featuring a neon green ponytail in the cowl and hot pink / fuchsia in the body. It's so insane that I would love to see Iron Man 2 attempt it. BRING ON THE CHEESE! Alas, it appears that Whiplash will never progress into his insane Blacklash threads, however, because he's a hybrid of Whiplash AND Crimson Dynamo in Iron Man 2.

3. Pepper Potts and Happy Hogan hook up. Tony Stark is a man who can have just about any woman in the world... so what happens when the one woman he genuinely cares for decides she'd rather be with his driver / (non-armored) bodyguard? This is classic drama!

2. The Telepresence armor. Tony Stark is incapacitated, but that doesn't stop him from being Iron Man. Using technology that allows him to virtually pilot a suit of Iron Man armor, Tony remotely controls his infamous red and golds. There is still a risk, of course, because neural feedback from damage to the unmanned Neuromimetic Telepresence Unit can still manifest physically on Tony's end...

1. The War Machine armor. Luckily, I already know that my top choice is going to be in Iron Man 2. However, I am dismayed that the Comic-Con Int'l footage featured Rhodey getting his gear from Justin Hammer. Hopefully this is well weaved into the plot, because I think it's essential that Rhodey dons the suit to fight for right!!!

More: The Top 9 Moments in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.