Monthly Archive for June, 2009Page 3 of 4

Orange Hulk, Green Hulk Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Orange Hulk vs. Green Hulk!

Red Hulk? No way! Only Capcom Hulks here!!!

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

I love special characters. I especially love unlockable characters that retain a familiar element while introducing a new theme. Marvel vs. Capcom features Orange Hulk, who is basically a slightly faster and stronger version of the classic Jade Giant. He's not the most ingenious special character... but still tons of fun.

An illustration by Ed McGuinness, this picture comes from the new Hulk series (which is getting turned back to the original series numbering any day now). In its unaltered form, this picture has Rulk on the left and Hulk on the right. I Photoshopped Rulk to be Orange Hulk and PRESTO!

This image... well, um, its origin is unknown to me. But I do know you should be back here next Monday for a brand new Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

The Top 9 Things That Didn't Happen in X-Men Forever #1

Ah, yes. I remember 1991 like it was yesterday...

Okay, not exactly like it was yesterday, but I still remember when those first few issues of X-Men came out. It was sweet.

I also remember finding hundreds of them strewn throughout backissue bins for the ensuing 18 or so years. Did Marvel Comics just overprint the issues or did people really wanted to forget X-Men #1-3 that bad?

Honestly, it doesn't matter anymore. Wednesday brought us X-Men Forever #1, a sort of revisionist X-Men #4 if you will. And here are the Top 9 things that Chris Claremont didn't write into X-Men Forever #1 (but he probably should have!):

9. Professor X renounces his mission of peaceful coexistence between humans and mutants to pursue a career as a tranny stripper. Really, what's more popular these days than strippers? If you ask T-Pain, the answer would be: "Nothing!" To top it off, Charlie could also be a closet transvestite. So would all this make him the first tranny stripper in a floating wheelchair? The world may never know. Way to drop the ball on this one, Claremont.

8. Kitty Pryde confesses that she's in a sexual relationship with Lockheed. There's nothing very shocking about being gay nowadays. Stories have been there, done that. So the only truly shocking sexual plot twist left is the admission of inter-species and/or bestiality love. Luckily, Kitty would admit both of those when she owns up to getting it on with her pet dragon from outer space.

7. Magneto uses his powers to give Colossus a face lift. While this isn't truly shocking, it does make for a fascinating use of Magnetio's metal-bending abilities. It would go down like this: Piotr turns to metal, Mags gives him a little surgical tweak to tighten up the cheeks and blend away those pesky laugh lines, and then it's like Colossus is 10 years younger. Ahh, if only we could all be made out of metal... isn't that right, Ashlee Simpson?

6. Cassandra Nova moves into the X-Mansion disguised as a sexy nurse. Chris Claremont, deciding to combine two character concepts into one, tells his version of the Cassandra Nova story. But his Cassie Nova is mashed up with Nurse Annie from Chuck Austen's run on X-Men. Sexy Nurse Cassie begins a tumultuous relationship with Beast and decides that the new Sentinel invasion should feature furry mutant-killing robots in honor of her soon-to-be-deceased lover.

5. Professor X opens Xavier's School for the Un-Gifted. Growing dissatisfied with his preoccupation with the elitist concept of "gifted," Chuck decides to expand his mind and open his mansion doors to any and all interested students. Sooner than later, Xavier's school becomes just like any other poorly managed public high school. Within three months, Polaris has to check every student on their way in to see if they're carrying any guns or knives. (Hahahaha... it would be like Dangerous Minds starring Prof X! Get it? "Dangerous Minds"!!!)

4. Wolverine gets a Brazilian waxing. Yeah, he knows that the hair would only be gone for one night. But Logan has a secret date with Jean Grey and he's got to make sure that he's smooth like butter.

3. Sabretooth gets a Brazilian AND a manicure. Chasing after his mortal enemy, Victor Creed winds up inside the same beauty spa as Wolvie. Upon entering, he decides that his impending reunion date with Mystique would go a whole lot better if he was smoothed down and trimmed up. Imagine a great double page spread of Victor and Logan getting massages as they lay next to each other, giggling uncontrollably. That would be groundbreaking stuff right there.

2. Magneto uses his powers to give Colossus that extra length he's been seeking. Inundated by spam emails telling him that his dong needs to be longer if he wants to get in with the ladies, Piotr asks his Asteroid M director to stretch his member out a little bit. Excited with the promising results, Colossus quickly returns to Earth to share the goods with Kitty, only to find that his "Katya" is doing the nasty with a small purple alien dragon.

1. Jean Grey gets caught cheating on Cyclops thanks to Joey Greco and Cheaters. It's a dark night at the Salem Center harbor. Scott Summers meets up outside with Joey Greco after receiving a phone call that private investigators have finally gotten the evidence they need to prove that Jean Grey is in fact cheating on him with another mutant. Scott watches the small hand-held video player and cringes. He knows who Jean is cheating on him with - that goddamn Logan. Scott and the camera crew of Cheaters quickly head to Professor Xavier's yacht, currently docked at Pier 4. Scott charges onto the boat and confronts the scandalous lovers on their secret date. After getting up in Wolvie's face, Logan's adamantium-laced fist connects with Scott's jaw and sends Cyclops to the ground. Joey Greco picks up where Scott left off, confronting Wolvie about his infidelity with Jean. Pissed, Wolverine does what he does best and stabs Joey Greco in the gut. Two weeks later, Cyclops watches the episode on TV and promptly creates a profile on NoCheatersDate.com.

More: The Top 9 Greatest X-Men Pencilers of All Time

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Spider-Man & Captain America in DESPERATE HACKS

Spider-Man and Captain America

Cap is a "the glass is half-full" type of guy.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Armor Wars II Was...

... an AMAZING read, if only for John Romita, Jr.'s artwork. He's really in top form from Iron Man #258-266.

But to give JRjr all the credit would be unfair to the other great artists on the book. Bob Wiack inked everything, and from what I can tell, he's the best inker JRjr ever paired with. Well, that's my opinion, at least.

And John Byrne was great, too. The guy wrote the damn thing and it's a terrific story. Did Byrne write this story arc in Marvel-style or full script? Unfortunately, I'm not too familiar with the behind-the-scenes stuff that went on with Armor Wars II, so I have no idea what the answer is to that question.

The reason why I think this may have been a Marvel-style piece is because JRjr's name is listed as the first credit in the book throughout the story arc. Off the top of my head, I can't think of any other serialized superhero book where that's been done... unless the penciler was also the co-plotter. And with Marvel-style, the penciler becomes the de facto co-plotter.

(Speaking of "de facto," that makes me think of Tom DeFalco. See this blog post for more.)

BUT back to Armor Wars II and on with my praise of the artists involved. Paul Becton's colors were gorgeous. They had a slightly sloppy look here and there, which was actually an wonderful touch on top of JRjr's occasionally sketchy work. Panels sans backgrounds became especially vibrant when Becton used a solid splash of bright color to fill up the blank space.

Last but not least is letterer Michael Heisler. Now I'm about 85% sure that Chris Eliopoulos did the final issue of Armor Wars II, but Heisler did the rest. Oddly, the issue with the strongest letters is missing a letterer credit (is it #264 or #265... maybe #263?). The letters in Armor Wars II are a bit more compact than most comics. This isn't an overly wordy story, but the dialogue does get involved at times. Heisler did an expert job at making the letters interesting but never intrusive.

If you could read only one issue of Armor Wars II, read Iron Man #261. That comic book absolutely blew my mind. It's told as two separated stories that complement each other. The stories never intersect, yet nearly every page is split right down the middle, with Iron Man up top and the Mandarin below. I would bet big money that this particular issue was a huge inspiration on a young Chris Bachalo.

It's important to mention that the Armor Wars II label is a bit of a misnomer. There isn't too much in the way of armored hijinks until the final two issues. Not that Tony's armor isn't important throughout the whole story - it's just not the focal point necessarily.

In the first Armor Wars, you'll notice that the story arc is actually called "Stark Wars" in the original issues. My understanding is that it was later changed to "Armor Wars" in collected editions and other reprints. Oddly enough, Stark Wars or even Stark Wars II would have been a far more accurate name for Armor Wars II.

But all in all, I can't complain. Armor Wars II is wonderfully paced and extremely satisfying from cover to cover. Just know that the end is a bit anticlimactic. Still, despite the rapid escalation and deflation of the action in the final few pages, I think the ending is interesting and very natural. It just needs a "FIN" or "END" caption in the last panel.

P.S. Oh, and JRjr definitely draws the best Rhodey ever. Armor Wars II just confirmed my feelings I had after seeing his version of James Rhodes in Iron Man #256.

I Saw Ron Frenz Receive an Award...

... from Tom DeFalco last weekend. I was a volunteer at the Pittsburgh ToonSeum's annual fundraiser, KA-BLAM. Amazingly, when I agreed to help out, I had no idea this Nemo Award was going to be given out. From the looks of it, it caught Ron by surprise as well.

I was roped into helping via Wayne Wise, my friend and comics mentor from Phantom of the Attic Comics in Oakland (make sure to be at Phantom @ 12PM on June 14th for an awesome podcast experience!!!). By roped, I mean recommended. And by helping, I mean sitting behind a table and reading comics while occasionally selling a few art prints. It was a fun night, especially after I received some company in the form of the Comic Book Pitt.

The strangest thing about the fundraiser was the crowd. It was a bizarre mix of indie artist types (from Pittsburgh's Dr. Sketchy's, mainly), comic book creators and/or fans (like myself), and well-dressed (seemingly) rich people (who I assume are frequent patrons of the arts). Oh, and I almost forgot about the cougars. That's right. Hot, sexy, mature women in their 40s and 50s walking around in tiny tight dresses. It was surreal to see them mixed in with everyone else.

The arts patrons were an odd mix unto themselves. There were young couples that looked like they should be going out to the clubs in the Strip, and there were older couples that looked like they should be attending a lecture at the Carnegie Museum. The indie artists and the comic book people? I expected them. But the rest of the crowd caught me off guard.

Seeing Ron get the award was by far the highlight of the night. Of all working artists in comics today, he certainly deserves it. Apparently this was his first award, too. That's criminal.

The runner-up highlight? Sitting down to sell prints and noticing a stack of old Iron Man comics at the table to my left. I was wearing my War Machine t-shirt, and I coincidentally snagged Iron Man #269-272, where a drunk Tony Stark's behavior first forces Rhodey to put on the Iron Man armor. AWESOME!

Sadly, none of the other attendees noticed the confluence of shirt and reading material that I had going on. They were too busy clapping for Ron Frenz and Tom DeFalco... and, of course, ogling the cougars.

A Podcast with Ross and Nick #1 - Real-Life Supervillains

Spinning directly out of AudioShocker Podcast #82, Ross Campbell and Nick Marino visit the World Superhero Registry and hilarity ensues. All the real-life superheroes are spooky, but not spooky enough to stop the guys from making fun of them relentlessly. Some of the most ridiculous heroes include Dark Guardian, Citizen Prime, the Black Monday Society, Captain Black, Nyx, the Vixens of Valour, and tons more. Inspired by all the real heroes, Nick gets the craving to become a real-life supervillain, and thus... Nik Neptune is born!!!

AudioShocker Podcast #82 - Ross Campbell: Loves Video Games, Hates Trees

Ross Campbell, in the heat of some serious sinus pressure, talks to Nick Marino about Google Voice, swine flu and allergies, weird mutant powers, Dazzler, different versions of the Darkstalkers fighting game, Guilty Gear XX, Xbox games, odd ways to get your NES games to work, a third party NES system, PowerJoy and Pandamar, Domain Renewal Group scams, killing trees, and supervillains.

Make sure to be back here tomorrow for the debut episode of A Podcast with Ross and Nick!!! A direct continuation of this episode, A Podcast with Ross and Nick #1 features tons of fun as the guys take a look at the Wold Superhero Registry and get some evil inspiration.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Culturology 034 - Up Late and Bored Stiff

I, like many Americans (I haven't followed this too closely, as is my promise, as always, to half-ass my interaction with anything as popular as television--though with the upcoming conversion from analogue transmission to digital, I should be losing my reception entirely in a matter of days), tuned in to most of Conan O'Brien's first week of hosting the Tonight Show. Out of curiosity, I suppose, and some loyalty to the years of my life where I was something of a Conan devotee (usual only bursts of devoutness a few months in length, correlated to a combination of TV-having and availability at the time slot in question). More loyalty to Conan the Simpsons writer, though, since the episodes that most obviously bear his mark are some of the greatest Simpsons episodes of all. Which is to say, I tuned in not necessarily hoping that it be all that funny, and mostly to see Conan sell out to old people demographics and not be nearly funny enough.

It's been okay, I guess. I've always thought the dude was a pretty good interviewer, and that seems to still be the case, and likely to hold the show together while the rest of the shit shores itself up. The only particularly disconcerting aspect to me has been Conan's habit of shouting excitingly after the crappy rock bands on his show play their crappy songs. If I was an old person, I'd never want to hear that kind of shouting.

Watching Conan, I also realized that I'd never bothered to watch Jimmy Fallon as his replacement on Late Night, so after Conan's first show I went ahead and "stuck around" to see what that shit was like. Having The Roots as his "house band," gains him some points, but Fallon is remarkably similar in my mind to Carson Daly; that is, I have no empathy with the kind of idiots and jocks or whoever that actually think the guy is funny or an appealing host. But I was watching it, figured I'd stick it out for at least the whole episode. I thought I would anyway, until Fallon got to his desk, said a special "hello" to hold-over viewers from Conan that had never seen the show before, then proceeded to pull out a six-pack of Smirnoff Ice and say that the night's show was sponsored by said beverage, then continued to have a conversation with his announcer about how good the stuff was. I realize that all television is advertising, but that's a bit much, isn't it? Turned the thing off. Disinterest has become boycott.

Really, though, I can't get myself all that worked up about talk shows.

Pete Can't Believe He Hasn't Read This Before! #3: The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, by Haruki Murakami

This book is a couple decades younger than the first couple entries of the Pete Can't Believe! books, having first appeared in English in 1997 (or maybe '96), but qualifies nonetheless because of the splash that it made almost immediately. This is another example of my predisposition away from popular things: just because the book immediately garnered all this acclaim and then more or less stayed around as a known good, that didn't mean that I should read it. Or, no, I'm being to hard on myself, I'd only really barely heard of it (I Can Believe It!), and am happy to finally have read it.

It's a mythic quest starring a hapless 30 year old who starts the book unemployed and steadily becoming estranged from his wife of several years. I'll give this as advice to any book readers out there: finding books accidentally where some piece of the protagonist's life matches yours always makes for better reading. For my own well-not-quite-thirty-really but very much jobless summer, the match was great, since the passages where the narrator reports reading a book, then taking a nap, and going to the store for a small number of groceries after that struck quite close to home.

I have some sense that there were a lot of references, or homage, or outright adaptation of older Japanese tropes and mores involved in the construction of the book, but they don't necessarily distract from the book in English read by a non-expert, since the dreamlike quality of the plot carries a lot of weight on its own (I don't have any particular desire to go into any kind of cross-cultural comparisons here, at all, with do nods to all the post-colonialists out there, but I would go far as to say that I do reckon that I, in reading this, read a different novel than someone more schooled in the roots of its mystical aspects).

The protagonist is also one of those hero types that does very little. He mostly does what other people tell him to do. That's part of his problem, I suppose. What he succeeds at doing best is clubbing a guy (maybe two) with a baseball bat. Which is actually pretty cool in its own right. But since he's kind of carried along in the plot by the various characters that are introduced and help him, it strengthens that bond between reader and action, as any reader (even in Choose Your Own Adventure books) is always carried along by the plot of what they're reading (I reckon this is why so many literary theorist's want to empower readers, since all readers are ultimately powerless to words of the text they're reading).

Or maybe I just think that under the influence of entry #2 of this reading sequence, associating If on a winter night a traveler's reader-protagonist with all other readers and protagonists. Nah... the parallel is there.

For July 6th: Sharp Teeth

For August 3rd: Michael Chabon's Gentlemen of the Road

Venom (Shows Some Leg) Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Venom shows some leg

Some sublime Venom courtesy Chris Bachalo

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

Venom is back for the second part of his double-shot wallpaper series! Marvel vs. Capcom's favorite black goop bad boy is what it's all about!

Sad to say, the Venom in this Chris Bachalo illustration is NOT the Eddie Brock Venom you know and love. It's Mac Gargan, the former Scorpion, from the cover of Dark Reign: The Sinister Spider-Man #2. But if you squint your eyes and use your imagination then you'll never know the difference!

Thanks to Comic Box for the image. I'm there every month because they post the best hi-res comic book solicitations on the Internet. Be back here next Monday for a brand new Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Beatcast #29 - Jizz Rag by Unlicensed Attorneys at Law

Jizz Rag feat. Ronnie B, a hip hop track by the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law from the album Nasty Confessional. Last week, I gave you Wakanda, the instrumental that was used to make this song. I also told you about Tanya Morgan's She Moved Outta Cincy. If, after listening to Jizz Rag, you can never take that Cincy song seriously ever again, then the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law have done their job.