Monthly Archive for May, 2009Page 3 of 4

How Do I Get My Letter Published in the Back of a Comic Book?

Letter pages were once found in the back of every comic book on the stands. Though lettercols have largely disappeared, publishing trends in comics are cyclical - what's out-of-fashion today could easily be the new retro trend tomorrow.

In anticipation of the impending return of the classic comic book letter column, I present to you a time-tested template that's sure to get your letter printed in the back of your favorite series.

Dear [SEMI-WITTY LETTERS PAGE TITLE],

I've been reading comics for over [OUTRAGEOUS NUMBER] of years, and this is the very first time I've ever written a letter. After I read [COMIC BOOK TITLE AND NUMBER], I couldn't believe it! How could you do that to [CHARACTER THAT RECENTLY DIED, LEFT THE BOOK, OR EXPERIENCED A MAJOR CHANGE]? He/she was my favorite and I just don't know if I'll be able to keep reading [COMIC BOOK TITLE] anymore.

Still, I have to commend [WRITER'S FULL NAME] on an incredible story. Even though I'll be fuming about what happened to [CHARACTER THAT RECENTLY DIED, LEFT THE BOOK, OR EXPERIENCED A MAJOR CHANGE] for the rest of my life, I have to admit that the story was amazing. This was [WRITER'S FIRST NAME OR NICKNAME]'s best issue yet!

[ARTIST'S FULL NAME] was wonderful, as always. I also have to take the time to add special praise for [INKER, COLORIST, LETTERER, OR OTHER ARTIST NOT TYPICALLY RECOGNIZED IN FAN LETTERS]. He/she has been turning out the best work of his/her career in [COMIC BOOK TITLE] and this series just wouldn't be the same without him/her.

Also, I noticed a mistake on page [ANY NUMBER FROM 1 TO 22], when [CHARACTER NAME] said, "[SHORT ARBITRARY PHRASE]." I think he/she really meant to say, "[ERRONEOUS REPLACEMENT FOR SHORT ARBITRARY PHRASE]." I hope you'll fix this mistake in the collected edition!

Well, I should wrap this up before I ramble on for too long. I'm still mad about what you did to [CHARACTER THAT RECENTLY DIED, LEFT THE BOOK, OR EXPERIENCED A MAJOR CHANGE], but I guess I'll have to be back next month to find out if [WRITER'S FULL NAME] can top his/her job in [NEXT ISSUE'S NUMBER]!

Sincerely,
[NAME]

P.S. Is it true that [MAIN CHARACTER] and [FORMER LOVE INTEREST] are really getting back together again? Say it ain't so! I always thought [CURRENT LOVE INTEREST] was a much better match for ol' [MAIN CHARACTER'S ENDEARING NICKNAME], and having [FORMER LOVE INTEREST] around could really mess things up between [MAIN CHARACTER] and [CURRENT LOVE INTEREST]!

For bonus points, make sure to withhold your address or use a fake international name and location.

Records I Wish Would Come Out Already!

Despite having copped several new albums last week, I remain 'meh'. Chrisette Michelle was good, but nothing mindblowing. Skull Gang was blah, Eminem plain sucked, and while Camron was inspired at points - it's nothing to write home about. And you know the shittiest part? I'd had really been waiting for these records to drop. I have this same experiance with movies all the time too.

Despite with these relative disappointments, there are a number of other records I am looking forward too.

Amy Winehouse - Say what you will about Amy Baby's drug wacked out lifestyle, Back to Black was a phenomenal disc. I've been waiting for something new since 2007. Hurry the fuck up Amy!

Modest Mouse - I was late on the MM bandwagon, but I made up for it with rabid fandom. Much like Amy, MM hasn't given me a studio worthy in a hot minute. I hear there is an EP upcoming in August, but until then, I'll be Satin In A Coffin.

Clipse - Road Till The Casket Drops - If the mixtape remixes are any indication, the album should be great. I'm talking hardbottomed knock and carefully exaggerated punchlines. Clipse isn't always 100% - but when they're on, they're on. (a lot like Cam). And if you still need proof, listen to Kind of A Big Deal. You'll be sold.

Rilo Kiley or Feist - Yeah, I know they are totally different, but either would be sufficient for another year. Perhaps RK, Feist's last disc is probably still sufficient for another year (that goes double for The Ting Tings). There are only so many albums I can overplay in a year.

The Cool Kids - When Fish Ride Bicycles - I'm sorry, I had to mention it. I'll shut up now!

That's all I got for today. What records are you waiting for?

AudioShocker Podcast #80 - Star Trek vs. Wolverine, Cassie vs. Rihanna!

The Motherlover Day podcast hits at full blast as we talk about how Neal loves Star Trek but is totally wrong about X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the artists formerly known as Dipset release new albums (Juelz drops something about the Skull Gang while Cam wants us to believe that Crime Pays), Eminem is having a Relapse and Neal thinks it sucks, not-so-new movies filled up our watching weekend (Cadillac Records, Live Free or Die Hard, and The Incredible Hulk), Neal only has good things to say about el Crimen Perfecto, Nick has been reading the new Power Girl comic by Amanda Conner and old Iron Man comics from the early 90s, and, of course, we talk about the naked pictures of Cassie and Rihanna.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Culturology 031 - Gleaming the Nerdcube

I've never been one to shy away from a fight (about cultural/artistic stuff, anyway), so given Nick's better-make-up-for-everyone-else-on-the-planet-hating-this-movie inexplicably (okay, it is explicable, and well within Nick's usual taste) positive attitude towards the Wolverine movie--as much as I understand why it might make sense that I liked the movie, I still can't go back and make myself think it was better; I was entertained, mostly, but distractedly so--my initial impulse this week is to join the already-happening, seemingly inevitable conversation about the fact that Star Trek was a way better movie than Wolverine, listing such details as the fact that, despite Wolverine having a bigger opening weekend, Star Trek will certainly make more money in the long run and not experience nearly as a steep a decline in box office figures from its first to its second weekend. But I'm not going to. It's not that interesting. The movies are separate beasts. I was rather wholly satisfied by Star Trek; I think that it was a very strong "reboot" as well. I'm generally a sucker for sci-fi any way, but I did enjoy their method of clarifying why this new Star Trek was going to be different, and it didn't matter that it would be different.

Since I'm not going to talk about that stuff, I'm left in the usual bind of having not all that much to say. Thirty-one blog posts (even though at least two of those are non-posts) is a lot to come up with, especially since I try pretty hard not to repeat myself too much. Certain themes come up again and again, certainly, but you know, I try to keep it fresh... I suppose I could be preparing more, and stop writing these things at the last minute, since that technique was mostly an artifact of the strenuous schedule that I was a Graduate student maintain during the semester, and now that the semester is over and I have no class and no job I could be rededicating myself to this column. But this is neither here nor there, is it?

Once again, I'm getting the impulse to broaden what it is that I talk about in these here columns, but my concern there is that, without the confines of popular culture (however out of touch with pop I might be), I'll get even more pedantic and obtuse than I already am. Which would be a crying shame.

This, too, then, though slightly longer than the previous non-posts, is still mostly a non-post. Ugh.

Pete Can't Believe He Hasn't Read This Before! #1: Slaughterhouse-Five

As much as I'm a rabid fan of several things (let's say, Mr. Show, Pierre Boulez, and the first six seasons of The Simpsons as examples), I tend to be wary of books or movies or tv shows that spawn hideous armies of obsessive nerd fans. Given that I can admit to the rabidity of several of my own fandoms, this might be easily explained away as nerd insecurity or nerd delusion, but I don't think it's that easy. Especially given the amount of easily consumable crap produced by the culture industry, the opposite impulse, to glom onto something seen as "outside" the system or typical cultural consumption seems like a fine impulse, but being contrary doesn't necessarily lead to good taste.

My own impulses, then, as a consumer are both anti-mainstream and anti-outsider. I guess that's what makes me such a negative dude about so much of what there is in the world. I've talked about this before, my notion of things being "good for good reasons," and the fact that this goodness, as I perceive it, can be separated from its mode of production. So, just as some corporate popular stuff is actually good, much of what is produced independently or "alternatively" is total crap. Which is fine. I do still prefer independent garbage to mainstream garbage (or, there's a threshold of pretension over which independent badness becomes worse than corporate badness).

So most questions come up when deciding whether or not something is "good", or more accurately, when defending said notions of "goodness" to other people. This comes up, more than with anything else, I think, for me, when discussing books (or "literature"). Case in point: I refuse to read Harry Potter. I am too cool for it, and am not gonna read a bunch of mediocre children's books just because everyone else in the damn English-speaking world is. When I announce this stance (which I guess is already outdated since the HP thing has come and gone) to some other people, they are quite incensed, the main argument against me being that its hypocritical to read so deeply into the established canon of Western literature, to take the words and attitudes of a bunch of dead white men as being worth listening to, but ignoring the attitudes of the bunch of contemporary actually living, and supposedly diverse readers of Harry Potter.

Some of those folks, especially ones that took any literary theory classes in college, and have been seduced by the watered-down nonsensical version of "postmodernism" popular at many American colleges' English departments, extend that argument further to say that the canon should be dismantled, and that I, as an "inevitably postmodernized" reader should "unlearn" the precepts of my literary forebears. But there's always a canon, always will be a canon, and there cannot not not be a canon. We can water it down if we like, but there will always be classics, or books that you have to have read to join a given discussion (to book-club Slaughterhouse-Five, it will be much easier if you have read the book); to overthrow the white patriarchal hegemonic canon is not to overthrow the canon itself, but to modify its contents.

My canon, then, would be based on books that are "good for good reasons," and I'm willing to take a wide variety of people's words for it. But wide-spread commercial success is not a model for goodness that I at all trust. And there are plenty of other books to be read instead. The choice of reading, making and managing a reading list, seems to be what gets the obsessive nerds in trouble--the people who love Kurt Vonnegut so much that they read him over and over again, etc. Which is where I come to distrust the popularity; if there's a particular aspect of Vonnegut that makes him so nerd-popular, how can I be sure that other crappier aspects of his work are being overshadowed by the disproportionate goodness of whatever "good" parts?

But I have read several of his books in the past, and liked them quite a bit. I really liked Cat's Cradle and Mother Night. I guess I had never quite gotten around to reading Slaughterhouse-Five until now because it's the most famous, most popular of his books, and I more or less knew its conceit and plot already, from having heard so much about it.

So, yeah, it's a pretty good book. I didn't like it as much as Cat's Cradle, which probably makes me a simpleton in the minds of many Vonnegut fans, but I wasn't as impressed with the getting unstuck in time thing from S-5 as I was with the Ice-9 in CC. Especially because S-5 is quite outward in its anti-warness, the fatalism common to both books is harder to swallow there, since to me it muddles the parable (this feeling of muddledness is probably what gets me labeled as a simpleton by the smarter Vonnegut fans out there (in a similar way, I will accuse the movie Donnie Darko of being muddled, to find myself being accused of not being as smart as I think I am)).

Or maybe S-5's sci-fi elements are just the wrong ones for me. I am thoroughly underwhelmed by the whole Tralfamadore thing. What am I supposed to do? I can't whelm myself on the book's behalf, just because I understand that other people really like it. I would say, though, that there's no particularly good reason for me to have not read it by now, since it only took a few hours to read. Short books have something going for them. They definitely do.

Next Week: Italo Calvino's If on a winter's night a traveler

And we'll figure out a schedule for the more official "book club" entries (which mostly involves me acquiring a copy of that book Neal wants to read--gotta go join my local library).

The Ultimate Street Fighter Orgy Hyper Combo Wallpaper!

Every character ever in Street Fighter... except for Street Fighter IV, that is.

Illegal Street Fighter sex orgy or a casual gathering of friends?

DOWNLOAD WALLPAPER :: 1280 X 1024 :: 1440 X 900 :: 1600 X 1200

DISCLAIMER: This excellent "menage a million" shot of Street Fighter is pre-SFIV. Therefore, it includes everyone except for our new friends Rufus, El Fuerte, Crimson Viper, Seth, etc. We now return you to your regularly scheduled wallpaper blog post.

Ahhh, Street Fighter. My love is deep. Apparently yours is too, as you weren't content with the slam bang thrills of the Marvel vs. Capcom series. No, you had to go get it on with Final Fight and every other goddamn fighting game ever made by Capcom.

That's okay. You may be a slut, Street Fighter, but I still love you anyway. This wallpaper is for you, baby. (You can thank UDON for the kickass art, by the way. In fact, you should thank them by buying their awesome Street Fighter comics books.)

To be 100% honest with you, I don't remember where I found this image. I know I received some help from a Google image search, but otherwise... I'm clueless! But not so clueless as to deprive you of another Hyper Combo Wallpaper. Never fear - a new one will be flying in your face next Monday!

Beatcast #25 - Off Duty by Nik Furious

Off Duty, a laid back hip hop beat by Nik Furious. This song was used for the rap track Dreamz feat. Ronnie B by the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law.

The Top 9 Moments in X-Men Origins: Wolverine

Everyone is all like, "WAHHHH! The Wolverine movie wasn't good enough! Boo-hoo!" I say FUCK 'EM! X-Men Origins: Wolverine was balls-to-the-wall fun both times I saw it. Here are the Top 9 the silliest and most wonderful moments from this blockbuster popcorn epic.

9. For some odd reason, a Hugh Jackman lookalike was cast in the role of Wolvie's father. This would be all well and good if it weren't for the fact that the guy playing Wolverine's father actually turns out NOT to be Wolverine's father. Did the casting director even read the script?

8. Nobody at a thuggish New Orleans dive bar seems to notice the ridiculously extravagant poker player wearing a top hat and shuffling cards with his arms stretched wide like a bad stage magician. Never mind the fact that he goes by the name Remy.

7. When Logan spies a decapitated bear head casually laying around his lumberjack work site, he logically jumps to the conclusion that Sabretooth must be nearby (because, ya know, severed bear heads follow Victor Creed like the scent of cheap perfume on an ugly hooker).

6. An elderly couple spies Logan as he goes streaking across their secluded Canadian farm (unbeknownst to them, naked Wolvie just escaped from the Weapon X project).

5. To portray mutant teleporter John Wraith, apparently will.i.am raided Burt Reynolds' closet circa 1978.

4. Remember that elderly couple? Yeah, Agent Zero picks them off through a small, dirty barn window. They drop dead and Wolvie gets mad. Then Stryker and Zero blow up the barn. Exploding barns = AWESOME.

3. Naked Wolverine jumps into a waterfall to escape the Weapon X project. I know it should have been an exciting moment, but all I could think was, "Oh shit. That's gonna be really fucking cold. SHRINKAGE!"

2. Wolverine goes one-on-one in the boxing ring with a severely overweight Fred Dukes to get some answers about Stryker's plans. Fred's enormous, jiggly man-boobs are going to give me nightmares tonight. I guarantee it.

1. Logan learns he's been double-crossed in the worst way when Silver Fox is revealed to be alive and well, employed by Stryker at his "secret" military base... which begs the question: did she fake every orgasm?

More: The Top 9 Most Intimidating Supervillains! (Featuring no less than two (2!) of the characters from X-Men Origins: Wolverine.)

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Click here to visit the AudioShocker Store!

Spider-Man & Captain America in BACK WHEN I WAS A HERO

Spider-Man and Captain America

The Spectacular Spider-Jerk does it again.

My Comic Book Fanifesto

I'm no saint. I've done some really stupid fan-related things in my past, especially on the Internet. But I strive to be better.

That's why I've created My Comic Book Fanifesto (get it??? It's like a manifesto but I switched the "m" for an "f"!!!). These are rules to help me be the best comic book fan that I can be, on the interwebs and beyond.

I will stop whining. I will spend less time complaining about the business and marketing plans of comic book publishers, and I will spend more time sharing the comics I enjoy. I will not personally criticize any comic book professional unless the situation is a personal issue. In that case, I will keep my communications as polite and respectable as possible, avoiding undue or unrelated attacks in public.

I will vote with my wallet. I will no longer buy comics and then complain about them month after month. If I don't like something or I would like to see less of its kind, I will not buy it. I will not pay for books I do not like. First and foremost, I will let companies know what I want through my purchasing habits.

I will support comics I like. If I like a comic book and want to see more like it, then I will buy it. I will not download it illegally. I will not talk about how great it is yet fail to read it regularly, in single issues OR in collections. And I will make sure to tell other people how good the comic is whenever I get the chance.

I will not harp on comics I don't like. If there's a comic book I don't enjoy, I will simply say "it's not for me" and move on. I will not make it my life's mission to attack the comic. I will not actively seek to criticize its creators on a personal basis. I will simply not buy it and I will let it be at that.

I will not be ashamed to let people know that I read comic books. I will read them in public. I will give comics to friends and friends of friends. I will speak intelligently about comics and respect the intelligence of those who are just learning about comics. I will represent the culture of comic books the best that I can whenever and wherever possible.

There you have it. My Comic Book Fanifesto. If you like what you see, feel free to adopt and/or modify my fanifesto for yourself.

Chuck Season Finale, Cool Kids Mixtape, House Detox, Eminem 3 AM Music Video

I apologize for the totally lame absence of a column last week. I was in New Haven and had a lot going on. In fact, I am still getting caught up. So, rather than tackling a single topic, I'm shotgunning the past week for you. Try to keep up. (And, yes I'm throwing spoilers in)

Chuck Season Finale
From the moment Chuck threw the first kick, Kirsten called it, 'Guys, I know Kung-Fu'. Cue her cheering and me groaning. It was a great ep - but if NBC axes the show, I won't cry too much. This is as natural an endpoint as any. We all knew Chuck would re-up with the Intersect, but who knew his dad was one too? Bringing Chuck's dad back as a recurring character and killing off Bryce is way too shark jumpy for me. Compound that with Devon knowing about Chuck's secret identity and things get sticky. Plus now Chuck is some sort of super autodidact? Too Matrixy. My opinion: lock all this shit down in S3E1 or just end the show now and leave people salivating.

Did you miss the ep? watch it here courtesy of Hulu:

The Cool Kids - Gone Fishing Mixtape
(Ed. Note: Neal selected The Cool Kids' Bake Sale as 2008 You Don't Suck Awards Music Winner)
The mixtape dropped on Monday. This is just the quiet before the storm (When Fish Ride Bicycles). You have to love how artists are using the lead up to their studio albums to drop free mixtapes full of even more great tracks. Peep Champions for a great piano beat and the updated Pennies remix for guest verses by Luda and Bun B. The tape is a little overstuffed considering the typical Cool Kids release is between six and eleven tracks. Of course, single artist 'mixtapes' regularly weigh in over 30 tracks, so whatever. Also take a listen to Hammer Bros. and Broadcasting Live.

House - S5E23 - Under My Skin
Great episode. The patient's skin sloughs off, House detoxes, and though I'll miss halluci-Amber... DO IT TO IT HOUSE! HIT THAT! Um, anyway, moving on....

Eminem - 3 A.M Music Video

Cold Garbage. I can't even watch the whole thing. The flow is terrible and the visuals are as trite as it gets. I'm not feeling any of the cuts I have heard from Relapse so far. I hope he's saving the best for later.

Swine Flu
What's the quickest way to get the pig flu? Twitter! Get it? It's a joke. (though not a very timely one) Anyway, this is about as much H1N1 as any blog post should have, so I'm done with that, and this blog post. BOOYAH!