X-men Origins: Wolverine hits theaters today and, originally, I had planned to make this list The Top 9 Common Household Items That Remind Me of Wolverine. I decided against that when I realized that every entry on the list would be a variation on the table fork.
Therefore, in place of that comparably mundane countdown, I present to you a collection of well-known characters - both fictional and otherwise - who have that extra special something that makes them all the more memorable.
9. Mr. Fantastic. Probably the least known entity on this list, Mr. Fantastic makes up for his lack of popularity among the masses by being, by and large, the most extendable member of this countdown. I mean, the guy can stretch EVERYTHING. And by "EVERYTHING" I mean he can also stretch his dick. And when I think of extended dicks, my thoughts naturally lead to...
8. Kim Kardashian. Ya know, maybe Kim isn't quite "this list" material... but she is pretty damn popular right now, to the point where nine out of ten people could easily tell you that she's primarily known for having a huge ass. Speaking of being known for having a huge body part, let's talk about...
7. The Coneheads. Their enlarged and elongated craniums are far more iconic than you would expect. Amazingly, this ancient Saturday Night Live sketch managed to return in the mid-90s as a corny spinoff film. Their longevity might be even better than...
6. ZZ Top. The super stretched beards of ZZ Top are both "extra" and "extended," making them natural choices for this list. That's a double whammy right there, folks. They might even have the most famous extended body parts in rock, if not for Tommy Lee and...
5. Gene Simmons. While the awesomeness of KISS as a whole is somewhat up for debate, it's pretty safe to say that the length of Gene Simmons' tongue is universally accepted as "really fucking long." And although this makes for a rather weak transition into our next candidate, Gene is a HUGE fan of Marvel Comics, publisher of...
4. Wolverine. Of course, you knew he was going to be on this list from the start. Wolvie's extendable claws make him extremely iconic on the page and on the big screen. Plus, they make it cool to run around the house with a bunch of kitchen knives between your knuckles. Speaking of kitchens, that reminds me of...
3. Marge Simpson. Marge's giant blue beehive hairdo is the shit. Just admit it. It turns you on. You want to caress it and feel it wrap around you with its warm embrace... I know you do. Don't lie to me or else you'll end up like...
2. Pinocchio. This little guy might just have world's most famous nose. I mean, who's his big competition? Off the top of my head, I can't think of anyone else who can claim their fame solely for their proboscis. Still, this devious wooden puppet can't hold a candle to...
1. The Three-Boobied Lady from Total Recall. C'mon! How can you NOT love this chick? I can sum up her elite iconic status in one short phrase that says all you need to know: she's a Martian hooker with three boobs!!!
More: The Top 9 Biggest Superhero Movie Mistakes of the Past Ten Years.
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
I don't think Kardashian's ass belongs on this list. It belongs on the Top 9 Celebrity Bodyparts! Kardashian's posterior is def on that list, along with Janet's nipple, Tom Jones' prehensile shlong, and Pamela's rack. Gene Simmons' tongue gets a free pass since it is has it's own brain.