Well, well, well! Looks like last week's Top 9 list made the rounds over on IMDB and Superhero Hype!, and WOW did people hate it. Regardless, I still stand by it. And I think this week's ranting countdown is even better!
9. Jessica Alba's blue eyes in 4: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I actually love this film, to the chagrin of many superhero movie enthusiasts on the Internet. But one thing nearly ruined the movie for me - Jessica Alba's fake blue eyes. Aside from the fact that the first Fantastic Four film featured Alba's far more subtle peepers, her new contacts were an unreal shade of disturbing (and distracting) blue. Still, they could never be as distracting as...
8. Christian Bale's husky voice in Batman Begins and The Dark Knight. I don't care for the new Batman movies, but I do recognize how much they satisfy their audience. Still, there's one negative thing that most fans agree on: Bale's Batman voice is ridiculous. His husky, throaty whisper is enough to make me crack up during even the most serious and thrilling scenes. But even though Bale's Batman needs a little vocal work, he's still light years ahead of...
7. Ben Affleck starring as Matt Murdock in Daredevil. There was just something supremely wrong with Matt Damon's boy toy taking the lead role in Daredevil. He was stiff, he didn't look the part, and his bad acting destroyed any chance of a redeeming sequel. Instead, it gave us an ever crappier spinoff movie because apparently...
6. Someone thought it was a good idea to make an Elektra solo film. Elektra Natchios was played by Jennifer Garner in a skimpy Spandex outfit. I assume that's the only reason why this horrid Daredevil spinoff got the green light, because the rest of the movie is shit. Still, a solo Elektra movie could never be as bad as...
5. A Catwoman film removed from everything Batman. Warner Bros. decided to make Catwoman a legacy character and remove her feline ferocity from the Batman franchise with Halle Berry's Catwoman solo film. Don't get me wrong - Catwoman is a great character. But taking her out of the Batman universe is a slap in the face to loyal Batman fans and a confusing turn of events for the general public. Unfortunately, this wasn't the only superhero flub perpetrated by...
4. Halle Berry. That's right. Not only did this actress crap on Catwoman, she took a dump on Storm too (in three consecutive X-Men films!). That's four awful superhero performances in one decade. Why, Halle? WHY??? At least she wasn't cast in...
3. The obnoxious musical number featured in Spider-Man 3. I truly enjoyed the beginning of Spider-Man 3... until I realized that I was watching a Spider-Man movie and not a romantic comedy about three friends caught in a love triangle. Upon realizing how lame that was, Sam Raimi delivered the killing blow - a Toby Maguire song and dance number. Something inside me died that day. The decision to include this musical interlude is only eclipsed by the misguided decision to make...
2. Superman Returns as a sequel. Now this is supremely hypocritical on my part because I've never seen the film. But did I even need to? It's a sequel to Superman II... a movie I didn't even like that was made over 25 years ago!!! To make matters worse, Bryan Singer ditched the X-Men franchise to make this film, which leads us to...
1. X-Men: The Last Stand. The whole movie. One. Big. Mistake.
More: The Top 9 DC Comics Movies Warner Bros. Should Be Making Right Now.
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
Great article! Very entertaining. I don't agree with all the choices, but I love the way it links together! Nice work!
i'm with you on most of these, nick, but damn, X-Men 3 is my favorite one!!!! and the Peter Parker dance in SP 3 was the ONLY good part, haha!
wait... ross... you're fucking with me on the X-Men The Last Stand, thing... right? and if you really mean it then i will say NO WAY! i can't believe you like that one! actually, i can because we disagree on a lot of stuff like that, but STILL... i sense a serious podcast throwdown in our future.
nick... thx! the linking text was an experiment and i'm glad it worked for you. i figured i'd add the linking sentences and see if they felt fake or not. i was feeling it after a proof read so i left them in.
AudioShocker Shoutouts!
haha, yes, i am serious! as usual i think i'm in the minority on that one (Chronicles totally better than Pitch Black!!! Aliens sucks!!!) i can totally see where people who hated it are coming from, it's pretty different in tone than the first two, it seems "cheaper," Dark Phoenix kind of got shafted, Angel is really stupid, the end Alcatraz battle is silly because why doesn't Magneto just rip apart the complex himself or Storm zap him with lightning, Cyclops dies early on, etc. but it's still my favorite one. i saw it 4 times in the theater! we'll definitely have to discuss it. maybe we could do a new podcast when Wet Moon 5 comes out? or whenever you want, it doesn't have to line-up with a comic i'm doing. although i think i'd feel too pressured if we did a podcast specifically to hang our X3 debate on. ;)
definitely a WM5 cast. actually, now it will be a WM5X3 cast. any other acronyms we can toss on there? for real, i just figured that a WM5 cast was a given at this point.
a WM5 podcast will be tough because i don't know how we'll talk about the book because it's the most spoiler-fraught volume yet. it'll be fun dancing around the big reveals and stuff, heh.
i noticed you put Rise of the Silver Surfer on your top 9 comic movies (at #1 no less!?!? O_O), so we can discuss that too, since i hated it. haha. i was so pumped but then... :(
i was trying to think of my own top 9 but i don't know. definitely the first TMNT, Batman Returns, Iron Man.. i think all three X-Men movies, i like all of them... ummm... Riki Oh!
AudioShocker Shoutouts!
we'll come up with codewords for the spoilers. or confusing acronyms.
yeah i'm a fucking nut for loving FF: Surfer so much... and i haven't watched it in a year or so. i might not love it so much now. iron man was pretty damn good. so was x-men 1, in my non-humble opinion.