Sometime in middle school I stopped caring for Halloween. I got fed up with going to so many houses and get so much shitty candy, when all I really wanted was Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and Watchamacalits. I do not like the idea of busking for candy, because that's what trick-or-treating is. Candy should be given freely, it should not require pageantry.
And I don't participate. I don't dress up. I neither trick nor treat. I do not hand out candy. I have become the Midwest version of the Orthodox Jewish families that live on Douglas St. in Squirrel Hill who turn their lights off at 4pm on Halloween and refuse to answer their doors. I am the Mr. Scrooge of Halloween. I haven't been invited to a Halloween party in years. It is not easy being me.
But I dig candy and the pinnacle of sweetoothery is Hershey's Take 5. It is the perfect candy bar. Chocolate, pretzels, caramel, peanuts, and peanut butter. It's sweet, salty, crunchy, and it has peanut butter for fucks sake! -- what's not to like? I vividly remember the first time I met Nick's mom in part because she had a big box of them. I will not patronize a vending machine that does not have Take 5s - even if I feel like a Snickers.
The point. I like candy - but not enough to walk around town wearing a sheet and carrying a pillowcase asking other people for free tooth rotting hyperactivity inducing sugar loaded confenctions. I think Halloween is best approached in the following manner: buy yourself the candy you want 2 days after Halloween. It is cheaper, you get exactly what you want, and it is all yours. If you want to wear a costume, do it at a party. You might fit in for once. And if you see a naughty elf/witch/nurse/devil/angel/raggedy ann doll make a move.
i can't believe you're anti-Halloween!!! it's like the awesomest holiday America has -- it's a celebration of playing dress-up so you can beg for candy from people you've never even met before. if that's not sweet as hell then i don't know what's sweet as hell (and i know what's sweet as hell!)
Um, remember when I invited you to a Halloween party not two days ago? And you were all, but I'd have to go all the way out to Connecticut, whine whine whine. Whatever. No naked girls "dressed" up as Eve for you.
To be fair Kirsten, that Halloween party is 1000 miles away. I'm not flying over the flyovers just to see skin. I have a computer for that. NYE though, I'll be there.
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Clearly, best holiday. Ever.
We may not be able to speak again.
seriously, LQA might be right...
no no no, i love you too much Nealy B. but the Halloween hating is totally a shocker.
Kirsten, btw, i know i'm late but what's up with this naked ladies Halloween party?
Whatever people. Halloween is not for the Agrawal Clan.
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