2008 October Archive at AudioShocker

Monthly Archive for October, 2008

The Top 9 Star Wars Characters to Dress Up as for Halloween

Published

on October 31, 2008

. 4 Comments

In honor of Halloween, I’ve decided to name the nine most excellent characters from the six Star Wars movies. And holy shit was it hard to find out the names of some of these characters. Forever referred to as “fish head guy” and “fat blue elephant,” it was a royal pain in my ass to look them up. To preserve authenticity, I’ve left the list in way I wrote it before I knew everyone’s official title.

9. That gross bug guy who owns Anakin (Watto) - He’s a really gross, asshole slave owner that spends his days forging the life experience that will one day cause Anakin Skywalker to kill millions across the universe.

8. Jet Porkins - I don’t know what the hell he looks like. I couldn’t pick him out of a lineup of Star Wars fighter dudes to save my life. But his name is hilarious and for that alone he makes this list.

7. Darth Maul - Really, it’s mostly the double-edged lightsaber. I like that dude who has a head that looks like a lumpy penis too, but Maul is way sweeter with his wacked-out facepaint and spikes.

6. Fish head guy who bosses people around in Episode VI (Admiral Ackbar) - Does he do anything in that movie? I don’t know. But he’s got that crazy-ass head and I like it.

5. Lando Calrissian - A hustler that lives in a floating cloud fortress and dresses lives a Wild West meets Victorian pimp. How could you NOT like that?

4. Yoda - Imagine a senile gnome doing backflips in outerspace. That’s Yoda, the moldy martial arts midget master.

3. Princess Leia (but only when she’s in a bikini and chained to Jabba the Hutt) - Otherwise, she annoys me. But Carrie Fisher looked hot as fuck when she was chained up in that weird bikini. I know you know what I’m talking about.

2. Chewbacca - He’s Bigfoot in space. It’s a deceptively simple concept that works incredibly well.

1. The fat blue elephant guy who plays the piano in Return of the Jedi (Max Rebo) - By far the most awesome character in Star Wars. He got knocked down a notch when George Lucas insisted on redoing the music in Return of the Jedi. But the Captain EO meets circus synth jam he’s playing in the original version of Jedi is teh SHIT. Plus, his keyboard is sweet as all hell. Where do I get one of those? This guy would probably make for the best Halloween costume ever.

Next: The Top 9 Whatever I Want, Bitch! You Got a Problem With That?

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Sneaking Into Comics 008: I Showed Up Late to My Interview at Marvel Comics and Forgot to Wear Pants

Published

nick marino

on October 30, 2008

in Comics and Sneaking Into Comics

. 1 Comment

Having a blog is a lot like misplacing your diary at the train station or a bus stop. And by “misplacing” I mean leaving your diary there on purpose and waiting around the corner behind a pole as you watch people sit down and read it. Some people leaf through the pages while others try to pocket it. A few people won’t even touch it because they have some sort of germ phobia, like those people that insist on using the paper towels from the bathroom to open the handle on the bathroom door. So you took a dump, got it on your hands while you were wiping your ass, stuck your hands under the faucet, got them wet, and then rubbed your wet feces germs all over a paper towel, and now you’re using it to touch the door handle we ALL have to touch? Great. You know that you could have just used the paper towel to wipe a modicum of the wet feces OFF of your hands instead of using the paper towel to moistly transfer it the door handle, right?

Anyway, back to that diary thing… where was I? Ah, I remember. Something about leaving it at the bus station. That reminds me of the scene from The Ladies Man movie where Leon Phelps (a.k.a. Tim Meadows) encourages a lonely woman to hang out at the bus station with no panties on so she can meet a good man. Do you think there are women who do that? Ever since I watched that movie, bus stations have held a fascinating sexual allure. Maybe I’ll have a sensual rendezvous at the bus station because Tim Meadows wasn’t just telling a joke — he was relating a time-tested method that sexy women have been using for centuries. They show up without panties on, and then I get to go home with them and trade sexual fluids. Maybe that’s how I’ll meet my future wife.

Continue reading ‘Sneaking Into Comics 008: I Showed Up Late to My Interview at Marvel Comics and Forgot to Wear Pants’

Candy Should Not Require Pageantry

Published

neal

on October 30, 2008

in Misc

. 6 Comments

I Hate Candy Corn. Sometime in middle school I stopped caring for Halloween. I got fed up with going to so many houses and get so much shitty candy, when all I really wanted was Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Kit Kats, and Watchamacalits. I do not like the idea of busking for candy, because that’s what trick-or-treating is. Candy should be given freely, it should not require pageantry.

And I don’t participate. I don’t dress up. I neither trick nor treat. I do not hand out candy. I have become the Midwest version of the Orthodox Jewish families that live on Douglas St. in Squirrel Hill who turn their lights off at 4pm on Halloween and refuse to answer their doors. I am the Mr. Scrooge of Halloween. I haven’t been invited to a Halloween party in years. It is not easy being me.

But I dig candy and the pinnacle of sweetoothery is Hershey’s Take 5. It is the perfect candy bar. Chocolate, pretzels, caramel, peanuts, and peanut butter. It’s sweet, salty, crunchy, and it has peanut butter for fucks sake! — what’s not to like? I vividly remember the first time I met Nick’s mom in part because she had a big box of them. I will not patronize a vending machine that does not have Take 5s - even if I feel like a Snickers.

The point. I like candy - but not enough to walk around town wearing a sheet and carrying a pillowcase asking other people for free tooth rotting hyperactivity inducing sugar loaded confenctions. I think Halloween is best approached in the following manner: buy yourself the candy you want 2 days after Halloween. It is cheaper, you get exactly what you want, and it is all yours. If you want to wear a costume, do it at a party. You might fit in for once. And if you see a naughty elf/witch/nurse/devil/angel/raggedy ann doll make a move.

Kardinal Offishall - Numba 1 (Tide Is High)

Published

neal

on October 29, 2008

in Music Videos

. 0 Comments

Kardinal Offishall has been getting a savage amount of airplay around these parts. At first I wondered how a new artist could have so many music videos out already. A quick Wiki revealed that Offishall has been around for a while and that I really don’t know anything about music. Well, that’s never stopped me before - so keep reading as I give you the straight dope on his new joint Numba 1 (Tide Is High).

The Track: The Kardinal hails from Canada but loves that dancehall sound. I got real burned out on dancehall back in 2003 when Beanie and Elephant Man were doing it real big. I’m more of a gentrified reggae person and Kardinal’s version is easy to digest. That said, I think he may be trying a little too hard. Even as the scion of Jamaican immigrants - Ontario is hardly the Caribbean Islands. You’re steez is less beleivable than Yatismahu’s.

Interestingly, there are at least three versions of this song, each with a different IT girl doing the hook: Keri Hilson, Rihanna (probably the best), and Nicole Scherzinger. The video features Hilson who honestly needs the exposure.

I’m about 50% on Kardinal covering Tide Is High. Blondie did a great job with it back in the 80s, but this is a little different. It will probably grow on me - but I feel a little betrayed to see my favorite 80s hooks used this way. What’s next, Walking on Sunshine?

The Video: Remember Sean Paul’s Get Busy and Like Glue music videos? Kardinal is basically an even more accessible version of Sean Paul. I don’t see much differentiation here. I’d even posit that Sean Paul and Beanie Man had better dancers. But, it didn’t bore me.

Of note: There is a bonus snippet of Nina at the end. Despite my thing about double videos, I enjoyed its briefness and double entendre. Look out for the new Dr. Dre headphones in this video too. They are being placed in almost new video right now. Lastly, I really really really hate Keri Hilson’s haircut and the bleached bang tips. I can not handle that.

The Bottom Line: Not mindblowing, but a solid non-sucky performance.

Podcast Episode 053 - The Prophylaxis of Evil

Published

nick marino

on October 28, 2008

in Podcast Episodes

. 0 Comments

Eraser, Total Recall, Sharon Stone, western Pennsylvania, You Kill Me, Zach Braff, 10 Items or Less, Escape from New York soundtrack, Bobby Byrd, Grace Potter and the Nocturnals, Original Soul, Beyonce, Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It), If I Were a Boy, Umbrella Academy, Paul Tobin, Marvel Adventures Super Heroes, Panera Bread, Gabriel Brothers, and more.

AudioShocker #53 [40:17m]: Play Now | Download

Seriously People, You Must Vote Next Week

Published

neal

on October 28, 2008

in Misc

. 4 Comments

With one week left till the big day, I implore all of your who are registered to go vote. It’s your civic duty. Not enough motivation for you? How about this?

Get the Flash Player to see this player.

Is this not the best thing to come out of this election season or what? It’s like a music video of the Presidential Debates. I’m so excited that I’m voting early on my way home tonight!

Found! - Men’s back waxing special in Pittsburgh

Published

nick marino

on October 28, 2008

in Misc

. 0 Comments

Zombie Palin #2 - Your Outfit… Ruined!

Published

nick marino

on October 27, 2008

in Comics and Zombie Palin

. 0 Comments

Previously in Zombie Palin: Recently inducted Vice President Sarah Palin and her aide discuss her first order of business as zombies break into the White House and attack President John McCain.

Culturology 005 - Here’s to Future Nostalgia!

Published

pete

on October 27, 2008

in Culturology, Misc, Movies and Music

. 3 Comments

I’d like to start once again this week with something from several months ago, Portishead’s most recent album, Third. It is not my intention to write an album review here; rather, I’d like to point out something, which is obvious about it, that I find to be interesting, namely, its many tracks which straddle several genres of music. Now, I suppose it’s the case that genre-fusing is an aspect inherent to electronica music as a whole, so maybe it’s not that big a deal, but there are tracks on this disc that are incredibly solid examples of working up songs across several genres, while keeping the album itself a unified whole.

For example, the track 4, “The Rip,” a galloping Western. Sounds to me like a long version of any given Western TV show from yesteryear, but with just enough contemporary synth sounds to keep from being a mere exercise in retro-styled music. Again, I don’t want to go on and on about the music here; go listen to it, if you haven’t heard it already, it’s easy enough to hear. Another great example of what I’m talking about is the track 8, “Machine Gun,” aptly named for the rapid-fire sounds of its introduction. But this song sounds like it could have been lifted right out of Terminator (which, as you’ll recall from an earlier “Things it is Okay to Like” is one of Arnold’s finest movies). I’m actually a huge fan of the synth scores from the ‘70s into the mid-80s, and once this track switches into it’s final section with the epic melody rising up over the jarring underlying music, damn, it’s like the past’s future is here again. And finally, I’ll mention track 9, “Small” for its awesome organ-heavy stoner jams.

Continue reading ‘Culturology 005 - Here’s to Future Nostalgia!’

AFI 100 Years 100 Movies Podcast 007

Published

nick marino

on October 24, 2008

in AFI Movies, Movies and Podcast Episodes

. 0 Comments

Spartacus, Modern Times, The Wild Bunch, The Deer Hunter, and Rocky (and Son of Rambow!) are our latest victims in our vicious countdown of the American Film Institutes’s 100 Years… 100 Movies list.

AFI 100 Movies #7 [59:46m]: Play Now | Download