I don’t like to complain about somebody else’s work, especially when I’m not already a creator of the thing I’m trashing. But I’ll make an exception for modern movies. I’m talking about stuff like The Dark Knight and Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay. To be safe, let’s say that these following 9 suck factors apply to most movies of the mid-to-late ’00s.
9. The comedy scripts are really dumb and the drama scripts are way too serious.
8. Everything is “dark” all the time. What the fuck does that even mean?
7. Almost every big budget action movie is now a psychological thriller.
6. Catch phrases and reoccurring gags, while formerly being kickass or fun, are now just annoying.
5. Three names that tell me a movie could be better with different actors: Gyllenhaal, Ferrell, and Bale.
4. Do youth always have to be corrupted as their elders reveal a shocking hidden secret?
3. CG in live action films, while having the ability to be excellent, is overused and tends to look like shit.
2. 90 minutes is all I need. If your movie is over 120 minutes, chances are it sucks. A lot.
1. Getting nominated for an Oscar basically means that I will not enjoy watching your movie.
Of course, this doesn’t apply to everything. Some superhero films (notably Iron Man and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer) have been excellent. And animated films have been solid (I’m looking at you, Kung Fu Panda).
Next: The Top 9 Ways to Piss Me Off in the Movie Theater!
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
its funny you should mention those two movies - since neither was really very good.
i mentioned a total of five movies so to be totally honest i have no idea which “two movies” you’re talking about. you mean batman and the stoner flick?
the last two. fantastic four and kung fu panda.
die in a fire, h&k 2 was comedic gold!
both f4’s did suck balls though, and i haven’t seen the others yet, as they are below the 50th viewing of “la regle du jeu” on my movie watch list
Directors like to throw that ‘dark’ word around a lot. It makes them feel like they are making a ‘real’ movie with a deep plot and not something cheesy and overly comedic - like the Batman TV show. The thing is, people like cheesy movies. Heroes are sometimes comedic and funny. Remember how Arnold used to toss out oneliners in movies like True Lies? That movie was awesome and it was all about being funny. Even the terrorists were kind of funny.
that’s what i’m talking about! Batman: The Movie from the 1960s was hilarious and great. it didn’t have to be super serious and “real” to be awesome. if i wanted to experience something “dark” and “real” then i would just go out into the middle of the street and get hit by a car. i go to the movies to have fun, not get mild depression.