Monthly Archive for July, 2008

Bow Wow - Marco Polo Is Not Peekaboo

Published
by
neal
on July 30, 2008
in Music Videos
. 6 Comments

In Sunday’s FNMTV post I promised a full length review of Bow Wow’s new video Marco Polo ft. Soulja Boy and I aim to please. My only regret is that I can not write a positive review. Unlike Bow Wow’s last collaboration, Girlfriend, Marco Polo just plain sucks.

The Track: Ok. Marco Polo, is that supposed to be slang? I don’t get it. The beat is ridiculous and is basically a ripoff of Jibbs’ Chain Hang Low. The speed up/slow down chorus isn’t helping either. You might be tempted to call it ‘call and response,’ but I’d like to propose something different: retarded.

Bow Wow’s last few singles have made it clear that he can’t carry a song by himself. What’s worse is that the current hiphop climate enables and encourages this. To his credit, Bow Wow does put up two verses to Soulja Boy’s one. Soulja Boy’s delivery is weak and borders on monotone at times. How this kid got a deal is beyond me. He seems content to just shit all over the track and call it a wrap.

Marco Polo is a cut and dry brag track, but it does have a couple comical lines.

Went to the mall and I blacked out / Now my closet full of J’z like a crackhouse.

This is not the matrix, but I am the Oracle. Do you want to get me with me? The question is rhetorical.

Of course there are plenty of poorly conceived lines too. ‘First one to put ice in a G Shock‘ So you put diamonds in a cheap plastic watch. How does this make you a baller? S.O.B. cause girls love the initials. last time I checked, being an SOB wasn’t sweet at all.

There is way too much name/brand dropping on this cut. I think rappers need to cut back, or at least stop promoting the same gaudy shit. Louis Vuitton peaked in the 60s. Oh, and ‘the next Will Smith’? Sure. Whatever you say.

The Video: Basically, Bow Wow and Soulja Boy are doing community service cleaning up a beach/pool. They get bored and decide to have a ‘tween beach/pool party. Marco Polo is a pool game so, that’s how they tie it back to the track.

The connection is tenuous at best, and it certainly doesn’t help that no one is actually playing Marco Polo. More importantly - when did Marco Polo become Peekaboo? And the subtitles. I think this video was made for illiterate, man-babies who need something to watch while Blue’s Clues is on hiatus. The video girls are cute and all - but I can tell that this video is definitely for the teenage set. The whole thing reminds me of a 15 year old’s MySpace inspired fantasy.

I’ve said it before, but Bow Wow really really really wishes he was T.I. He is jocking his style way too hard. He’s even trying to copy homeboy’s body language. Honestly, If I were T.I. (or T.I.P.) I would have to sue. Soulja Boy on the other hand is just the newest member of the ‘how stupid can I look on camera club’. The sunglasses, the backpack, the board ’shorts’. If you ever want to be taken seriously - wear clothes that fit. I can no longer tolerate dress sized white T’s, beaters, long shorts, and other ridiculous fashion choices. I know Bow Wow can dress better - he used to hang out with Omarion for chrissakes!

Oh, and speaking of jocking styles, when did Bow Wow start thinking he was Mike Jones? The phone number at the end was genius self promotion - but how could you rip that off 3 years after the fact?

The Bottom Line: Soulja Boy sucks. Bow Wow can’t do a solo track. This video is an embarassment to hiphop.

Comic Book Shipping List July 30 2008: Cougar-MILFs, DEA Agents, Zombie Unicorns

Published
by
nick marino
on July 30, 2008
in Comics
. 0 Comments

Shipping This Week: JULY 30, 2008

DARK HORSE COMICS

DOMO SCULPTED MAGNET

Nick: Alright! We’re getting started early this week. What a goofy title, even for a statue / magnet (if that’s what this thing even is). Excellent.

FRAZETTA EGYPTIAN QUEEN STATUE
JOURNAL TOKIDOKI KAITEN SUSHI
JUDGE DREDD DREDD VS DEATH STATUE
JUDGE DREDD DREDD VS DEATH STATUE

Nick: Hmmmm… you got me on this one. They cost the same. They have the same name. What’s the difference?

Neal: I seriously hope Judge Death is in this issue [Editors Note- I think Neal means statue, not issue. - Nick]. That dude is brutal.

PIGEONS FROM HELL #4 (OF 4)

Neal: More Hellfoul!

ROBOTS & DONUTS TP

Nick: I hope there’s a second volume of this title with the name “A.F. - ARTIFICIAL FLAVORING”

STAR WARS REBELLION #15 VECTOR PART 7 (OF 12)
STYLE SCHOOL TP VOL 02

Neal: Christian Siriano got a comic book?

UNCLE CREEPY STATUE

Nick: The eternal creepy uncle, now in statue form. Keep this around the house if you have trouble remembering to wear clothes (or if you just like the security of knowing that somehow, somewhere somebody’s creepy uncle is creeping them out right NOW).

Neal: This is great.

Continue reading ‘Comic Book Shipping List July 30 2008: Cougar-MILFs, DEA Agents, Zombie Unicorns’

Podcast Episode 041

Published
by
nick marino
on July 29, 2008
in Podcast Episodes and Video Games
. 1 Comment

We stick it to Pigtail Girl, Marvel Adventures Super Heroes #1, Avengers: The Initiative #15, Uncanny X-Men #500, Black Panther #38, X-Men Legacy #214, superhero codenames, Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D, Chromeo, 2D fighting games vs. 3D fighting games, Street Fighter, Winged Migration, voting, celebrity pairings (Rob Schneider and Tom Lennon, Jeremy Piven and Joe Rogan, Tom Arnold and Jim Belushi), Mad Men, Avatar: The Last Airbender, and so much more that we can’t even remember.

 
 AudioShocker #41 [72:40m]: Play Now | Download

Girls I Want To Stick It To - Pigtail Girl

Published
by
neal
on July 28, 2008
in GIWTSIT
. 1 Comment

Elisha Cuthbert pretty much sums up my predisposition to blonde too.A restaurant, that’s the inspiration for today’s feature. More specifically, a casual dining ‘make your own stirfry‘ restaurant. A supplier was in town and wanted to pitch me on why we should buy his widgets. The data spoke for itself, but old boy is in the business of assuring customers and that means exercising the expense account.

Our server Holly was a trim brunette, either 20 or 24. Dressed in her catering/stagehand uniform she offered us drinks, (teetotal as it was early on Wednesday), and then flitted off to another table. I sat with a view of the wait station and as such was granted unadulterated access to Holly as she punched in orders, filled up drinks and worked her section. It was from this vantage point that I noticed her hair.

At first the pigtails seemed like an afterthought, as in ‘crap I’m late for work and I haven’t done my hair!’ But upon inspection, I noticed the zigzag part, evenness, and symmetry - this coiffure was calculated. Unbraided and short, Holly’s pigtails didn’t stand at attention like the juvenile version. They started just above the ears and stopped short of her shoulders. I found myself quite distracted and totally unable to concentrate on old boy’s entreaties. For the entire meal and sometime afterward I wondered if a hairstyle alone could increase tips.

So, what is the appeal? Why am I so infatuated with a hairstyle generally reserved for toddlers? Sure, there is the schoolgirl angle - but I think it really goes back to The Rock and Vanessa Marcil. Specifically the scene where engaged in ‘relations’, she asks Nick Cage if he likes her pigtails. Right then me and every other pubescent boy in the crowd pretty much yelled YES. Screw the missiles. Forget the VX nerve gas. Sean Who? We just wanted more pigtail! (This was also the only time I ever wanted to be Nick Cage) I don’t think I need to explain this anymore. Either you’re with me or you aren’t.

The bottom line: Pigtails. Yes please!

Beatcast 002: Pork-N-Beanz by Unlicensed Attorneys at Law

Published
by
nick marino
on July 27, 2008
in Beatcast, Music and Podcast Episodes
. 2 Comments

Pork-N-Beanz, a hilarious hip hop track by the Unlicensed Attorneys at Law feat. Ronnie B (produced by Nik Furious).

 
 Pork-N-Beanz by Unlicensed Attorneys at Law [4:04m]: Play Now | Download

FNMTV - Danity Kane, Bow Wow, Chromeo, and Toyko Police Club

Published
by
neal
on July 27, 2008
in Music Videos
. 1 Comment

Only 4 videos this week? FNMTV is really dropping the ball. Well, I don’t have a ton of time this weekend anyway, so our quickies will have to be even quicker.

Danity Kane - Bad Girl
Diddy’s girls make a mockery and tries to cash in on the comic book movie trend. Missy Elliot drops a verse too. Oh, and there are some costume changes that go by too fast to appreciate. Mannequins have more personality than these ladies.

Bow Wow - Marco Polo
Wow. I have way too much to say about this - so I’ll save it for this week’s full length music video review. Watch out for that early next week. short version: trite unrepentant tween garbage.

Chromeo - Momma’s Boy
This is a 2008 update of A-Ha’s Take on Me with a vocoder and without the falsetto) Not sure I dig the thematic content though. Seems a bit too Elektra/Odepius.

Tokyo Police Club - Graves (Live)
Hey TPC has anyone ever told you that you’re like a really shitty version of The Shins combined with The Strokes?

Chromeo wins the award for least terrible video this week.

The Top 9 Least Intimidating Supervillains (Just in Time for SDCC 2008)

Published
by
nick marino
on July 26, 2008
in Comics and The Top 9
. 0 Comments

Let’s get right to it:

9. Circus of Crime - It’s not that that clowns aren’t scary because they are. But a whole crew of baddies based on the entertainment you’d find under a big top? It just seems so innocent and goofy. They’re not making me shake in my boots. They may very well be both hilarious AND dangerous, but not intimidating.

8. Vulture - Anyone that can drop me from up high and snap my neck gets a few automatic intimidation points. But the ruffled green suit takes a few of those points away. Then you find out that this guy is a crotchety, frail, and elderly kook. That’s when you can say goodbye to all intimidation points.

7. Penguin - Okay, seriously, he is creepy as hell in Batman Returns. But in the comic books, Oswald Cobblepot is a bit jollier and a lot less grimy. He’s like a rotund dwarf straight out of some Willy Wonka wonderland. Plus, he has a fantastic umbrella collection. I repeat… an umbrella collection.

6. Baron Zemo - Back when he was bad, Zemo didn’t have much in terms of intimidation except for a laser gun and the occasional mind control device. What he did have plenty of, however, was the color fuchsia, watermelon stripes, and snow leopard fur trim. Talk about a costume that really steals away some thunder…

5. Mister Sinister - I think it’s the weird arching tassels that function as a cape bridge and a collar at the same time. They make the guy look like a total moron. The “pasty pale with glowing red diamond” look takes his edge away too. This week saw the introduction of Miss Sinister. Will she be more intimidating? Only time will tell.

4. Paste-Pot-Pete - Hahahahahaha! Oh Paste Pot Pete, you’re such an unfortunate victim of corny 1960s Marvel Comics humor. Partway through your career, you changed your name to Trapster. But it was too late. The damage was already done. You will forever be remembered as Paste-Pot-Pete, no matter how many tricky or ensnaring traps you set.

3. Black Manta - It’s the helmet, really. Otherwise, I could go either way. He’s not the most impressive bad guy out there, but he’s not the weakest wimp on the scene. Still, that bulbous headgear makes me chortle every time. I actually think it looks sweet… for a Halloween costume making fun of a failed sci-fi movie from the 1950s.

2. Goblin Queen - For Maddie Pryor, it really comes down to the whole package. Her weird S&M meets leather straps fetish costume is pretty goofy. The fact that her name is “Goblin Queen” is worth a giggle. And knowing that she’s a clone with magic powers? Well, that just makes the entirety of this villain seem rather silly.

1. Blacklash / Whiplash - Unfortunately, having a neon green ponytail coming out of his head kind of negates any intimidation factor present… that, and the flowing fuchsia cape. The costume really makes Mark Scarlotti look silly. I mean, getting hit hard with a whip will always inspire a bit of fear. But that fear is easily erased by laughter as soon as you get a look at this guy.

It’s really all about the costume and the look. The powers here are a mix of magic, enhanced strength, super smarts, and expert weaponry. But all of these supervillains have one thing in common: they look lame!

Next: The Top 9 Best Moments from Avatar: The Last Airbender!

EDIT: Nick is otherwise occupied, so Neal will be giving you The Top 9 Reasons Why The My Sassy Girl Remake Will Suck!

Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is a better number. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.

Avatar: The Last Airbender - Some Thoughts on the End of Book 3: Fire

Published
by
nick marino
on July 25, 2008
in Movies and TV
. 13 Comments

Thanks to my (at the time) 5-year-old nephew, I became hooked on Avatar: The Last Airbender. I showed it to Justique. She loved it. She showed it to her friends. They loved it. Then I showed it to Neal. He loved it. Now there are at least eight of us between the ages of 20-26 that have a serious Avatar addiction.

Last week’s end of Book 3: Fire has left me with mixed feelings. [SPOILER ALERT from here on out.] I think that this Avatar season culminates in a fashion that might be a bit too happy for my tastes. We’ve still got villains in the form of a demoralized former Fire Lord Ozai and a chained Princess Azula. But just about everything else ended up in a nice, neat package.

The only cliffhanger / dangling plot thread is the mystery of Zuko’s mom (and potentially Katara’s mom as well). It’s vaguely interesting, but nothing too compelling. It feels like the creative team on the show planned for three seasons and stuck to their guns even when Avatar got renewed for three more seasons (making a total of six Avatar “Books” last that I heard).

And I think it’s awesome that they stuck to their guns. Too many “great” tales have been turned to “good” or “okay” by giving into the push for an endless bevy of serialized stories that can be marketed to an exhausted audience (*ahem* Star Wars *ahem*). But this ending is so happy that I actually wish the characters were in a bit more pain. The triumphant conclusion isn’t gratifying — it actually feels hollow. Where’s the suspense?

This time last year, I was absolutely riveted by the ending of Book 2: Earth. Now I feel a bit tired of the Avatar Universe. With so many missed airdates and never-ending plot teases, my patience was beginning to wear thin before Book 3 even ended.

I also feel like Nickelodeon has severely mismarketed this property, continuing to aim it exclusively at an adolescent demographic when the stories have an obvious appeal to the Generation Y crowd.

Speaking of marketing Avatar, what’s up with the Avatar trilogy of films directed by M. Night Shyamalan? He was quoted as saying that his first film would cover both Books 1 and 2. It’s hard to imagine how he would still make a trilogy out of this presuming that Books 3 and 4 would combine to make film number two.

So what does the future hold for this franchise? Do we follow our heroes as they rebuild a diverse world that’s free from the controlling hand of the Fire Nation? Do we get to see Aang restore the Air Temples now that he’s in touch with the spirit of the nature itself (a.k.a. will he “create” new airbenders now that he can give and take bending abilities)?

I would actually be fine if this was simply the end of Avatar. It could be nice to revisit the Avatar Universe down the road when Aang’s all grown up. Or maybe Nickelodeon should skip ahead in time significantly and let the story follow the next Avatar (you know, the one that would follow Aang). I guess all I’m wondering is: have we seen the last of the Last Airbender as we know him?

EDIT: I ask and Nickelodeon answers. According to an SDCC Avatar panel from this weekend’s Comic-Con International in San Diego, Avatar: The Last Airbender was always intended to be three Books / seasons. Furthermore, it’s just a bad rumor that there are going to be six seasons of Avatar. As we know it, the show is over.

As for the Airbender movie by Shyamalan, the first film will be a direct adaptation of Book 1: Water. At the panel, creators Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko also said that they’re working to get an Avatar show soundtrack released.

Down With The Delay Double! I Heard You the First Time

Published
by
neal
on July 24, 2008
in Music
. 2 Comments

I’d like to discuss a trend that has become an increasing annoyance: the ‘delay double’ (yes, I just coined that term). We’ve talked about doubles on the podcast before. Basically, a double is when you record a line a second time, slightly different and layer it back over the original. Puffy explained this really well in an episode of Making the Band. Pretty much everyone does doubles. They are easy to do and give tracks a little oomph.

Proper doubles are subtle and they don’t call attention to themselves. Listen to 99 Problems by JayZ. You barely notice it, but Jay doubles during the chorus. It adds a whole new acoustic dimension. This is what Puffy was getting at.

A ‘delay double’ is when you repeat a certain line or excerpt again for emphasis - but it’s delayed a second or two. For example, you may hear something like ‘Shorty be the hottest thing I ever seen,’ followed quickly by ‘I ever seen’. Often it will be whispered or hushed and extended.

Delay doubles are used extensively in hip hop and pop music. The reasoning is simple: it’s easy and it simulates a listener repeating his favorite part of a lyric. If you hear a particularly good punchline, the kind that makes you go ‘ooooo snap!’ and hip hop heads live for, you may be tempted to repeat the last two or three words. That is what the delay double is after. Producers are trying to encode this reaction into the track up front.

A prime example of offensive delay doubling is Bustit Baby by Plies. Take a listen. He does it on every. single. line. First, there are no punchlines worth repeating. Second, even if there were - repeating the last two words of each line is just plain annoying; your listeners are not deaf! Someone please clue me in - how does this sell records? Is this what’s hot in the street? Is this what you’d call really hood? Sadly, this is not an isolated incident.

Usher and Jeezy are both guilty of misdemeanor delay doubling on Love in This Club. I think I could cosign the delay if it were used a little more sparingly, but things as they are, I want to slap every artist employing it. Other offenders include: Destiny’s Child (Soldier), Mariah Carey (Touch My Body), The Dream’s (I Luv Ur Girl) and heaps and heaps of others. Even Mos Def must be brought to task (Ghetto Rock)!

I’m sorry to say it, but delay doubles may one day unseat the vocoder as the worst thing to ever happen to music.

Last Night I Dreamed I Became an Image Comics Partner and a Marvel Comics Assistant Editor

Published
by
nick marino
on July 24, 2008
in Comics
. 1 Comment

[Note: It must have been Tuesday's news story about Robert Kirkman that inspired this dream. I was reading through the piece in the New York Times when I came upon the fact that Kirkman is 29 years old. Having just turned 26 myself, I saw my life flash before my eyes!]

My dream began in New York City. I was at some sort of art gallery show. I was there with a large portfolio (full of what, I don’t know). It was obviously a comic book themed show or I don’t think I would have been there. I met a few professionals and then I left early.

Soon after, I’m back at some country house where I’m staying for one more night until I head back to work the next day in Pittsburgh. I get a phone call. It’s a higher-up from Image Comics. They’re currently interviewing candidates to become the next Image Comics partner.

We went through a long list of questions detailing the fact that I have never published any comics (nor finished any self-produced ones). The interviewer was fascinated. He loved the notion of a raw, untested amateur becoming an Image partner. He found it compelling that I held down a day job and simply wished I were making comic books on the side.

The phone call was great. He basically left it open-ended, but essentially he told me that I had the job. Little did I know that even if that opportunity didn’t pan out, another was about to rear its awesome head…

I’m in the dank country house and I spy someone sleeping on a sofa at the other end of the first floor. I recognize him as an assistant editor from Marvel Comics (right, because I know what a lot of them look like). I bide my time, not bothering him until he comes my way. We say hi, but not too much beyond that.

Now I don’t know how I managed to be staying at the same dumpy friend’s house as this Marvel editor, but that’s irrelevant. This is a dream. And thus, as in a dream, it wasn’t long before things got more intense.

Soon a couple of hot female Marvel assistant editors were over too, drinking beers with the editor from the sofa. One of the ladies announced herself as Molly Lazer (the only female Marvel editor I know off the top of my head) and she was quite outgoing. The party saw more and more young Marvel staffers arrive until it was like a college house party. And of course, I partied too.

We all became fast friends. I told them about the Image Comics thing and they congratulated me. Then they told me about how awesome their jobs are. Still, Molly and a few others were leaving Marvel Comics for other ventures (which is actually true here in the real world). Suffice to say that they thought I would be great as a replacement.

The party got so wild that I blacked out at one point (which has also been an unfortunate truth here in the real world from time to time). When I awoke the next morning, I was in full morning-after-the-party mode. I had seemingly hooked up with someone the night before, and I had partied hard into the early morning hours. They told me stories about pouring shaving cream onto my own head and telling a joke about my nipples.

Ahhh, only in dreams could a mid-20s slacker with no comics work under his belt become an Image Comics partner and a Marvel Comics assistant editor all within the same day. It was a ridiculous dream, but it was a great dream.