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I dipped out of work early today in order to grab a Honkers Ale at Old Chicago before screening M. Night Shyamalan's newest attempt at cinema. Here is the text I sent Nick on my way out of the theater. (160 characters or less)
The Happening wasn't scary or entertaining. message was totally lame - shitty even for a matinee. Shyamalan is making my last name look bad.
I probably should have seen Get Smart or Kung Fu Panda instead.
Here, in painstakingly particular (and genius) order, are the Top 9 Best Live-Action Superhero Movies of all-time:
9. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)
8. Blade (1998)
7. Batman: The Movie (1966)
6. X2 (2005)
5. Batman Returns (1992)
4. Iron Man (2008)
3. Batman (1989)
2. X-Men (2000)
1. Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007)
I know what you must be thinking. "Nick," you're saying to yourself, "You are completely out of your @#$%ing mind." But go back and reread the list. The effect should sound something like, "Wait… this list is actually quite brilliant."
So here's the thing: I KNOW that people out there will disagree with me. If you think there's a better Top 9 Best Live-Action Superhero Movies, then post your version in the comments.
However, if you don't post your own version of this Top 9, I will consider my list as unchallenged and therefore the definitive list of Best Live-Action Superhero Movies by default.
More: The Top 9 Ways to Piss Me Off in the Movie Theater!
Why the Top 9? Because 10 is too many and 9 is better. 3 X 3 = Awesome. Now that’s what I call math.
I don't have cable. I consume media via Netflix, torrent, and various streaming sources. That said, I noticed that MTV started a new feature on Friday nights called FNMTV. Basically, Pete Wentz (the D-bag that knocked up Ashlee Simpson, hosted a segment involving a bunch of new music videos with some wrap-around filler. I am ashamed to say it, but I love the idea of getting 5 new videos to criticize at a time. It's like a game, 'how pejorative can I be in 30 minutes?' I can't wait till next week!
The new music videos are linked below along with a very brief synopsis. Honestly, I disliked all of these videos enough that I won't waste our time with full length reviews.
Flo Rida w/ Will.I.Am - Ayer
Will.I.Am and Flo Rida do a club track with a crappy hook - in a bank. At least it's not about strippers this time. Of note: the video girls are not up to par; I posit this video was done on the cheap - ironic considering the setting.
The Ting Tings - Shut Up and Let Me Go
It's basically a younger (blonde) version of The White Stripes. Remember Seven Nation Army? Yeah, this is just like that. Seriously, track and video.
Pussycat Dolls - When I Grow Up
Carmit, Kimberly, Ashley, Jessica, and Melody - I totally get it. You wanted to be famous sooo bad that you smeared on fake tanner, took dance classes, and did a lot of crunches. And look, you totally got it! Now you get to dance in the background and compete for screentime while Nicole sings! Sofa King Great!
Snoop Dogg ft. Everlast and Willie Nelson - My Medicine
Hey Snoop - didn't Nelly have a country crossover hit back in 2004 with Tim McGraw? Aren't you a bit late to the party? Snoop is a pimp no matter what medium he operates in. This 'country' track is no exception. I have to give him cred for attempting this, but "I'd like to dedicate this record right here to my main man Johnny Cash - a real American Gangster" Are you effing serious?
Panic at the Disco - That Green Gentleman (Live)
A live performance is hardly a video - and I am fairly ignorant about this group. So, I looked up the actual video. WAY BETTER. I don't dig the track, but the video is totally watchable.
And the coup de grace: Snoop Dogg and Panic At the Disco - Gin and Juice
E P I C F A I L. This is as pointless and brand damaging as Snoop's shortlived TV show. I know, I know, MTV sort of created you - but did you take a bloodoath or something requiring you to do whatever they ask?
Shipping This Week: JUNE 18, 2008
DARK HORSE COMICS
ALIENS OMNIBUS TP VOL 04
CLASSIC COMIC BOOK CHARACTERS #12 ROCKETEER
CONAN BORN ON THE BATTLEFIELD SC
Neal: Next week: Krull C-Section on the Battlefield.
GRENDEL BEHOLD THE DEVIL #8 (OF 8)
Nick: I always thought that this series would be way more enticing if the title was spelled just a little bit differently. Doesn't GRUNDLE BEHOLD THE DEVIL #8 have a much more entertaining ring to it?
HELLBOY II ART OF THE MOVIE SC
Neal: Basically, it's the Pan's Labyrinth bonus features disc.
HELLBOY II MMPB GOLDEN ARMY
Nick: "MMPB"? I have no idea what that could stand for. Maybe it stands for Mmm Mmm Peanut Butter. Or maybe Major Motion Picture Butter. Only Wednesday knows...
Neal: CAN NOT WAIT FOR THIS MOVIE.
POSTAGE STAMP FUNNIES HC
Nick: Collecting your favorite hilarious postage stamps from across the decades in this USPS sponsored book. Man, what will they think of next?
REX MUNDI DH ED #12
STAR WARS KNIGHTS OF OLD REPUBLIC #30 EXALTED PART 2 (OF 2)
STAR WARS LEGACY #25
STAR WARS LEGACY TP VOL 03
Nick: A series following the exploits of George Lucas as he plunders the once-great reputation of the Star Wars franchise. This is a non-fiction comic book.
UMBRELLA ACADEMY APOCALYPSE SUITE TP
DC COMICS
BATMAN AND THE OUTSIDERS #8
BIRDS OF PREY #119
BRAVE AND THE BOLD #14
CASEY BLUE BEYOND TOMORROW #2 (OF 6)
CATWOMAN #80
CHECKMATE #27
Nick: Chess greats Bobby Fisher and Anatoly Karpov volunteer for a secret government program to give them enhanced senses and super powers. Hilarity ensues. Now in its landmark 27th issue.
Continue reading 'Comic Book Shipping List June 18 2008: Grundles, Peanut Butter, Swimsuits'
I caught the season premiere of Weeds yesterday on Showtime, and I hope to God they bring back the laughs this season. Since last season Nancy has been in another world. She is totally out of touch - I think she's getting high on her own supply - and it is affecting the show. I was sad to see U-Turn die last year, but Guillermo is the best thing to happen to the show in 2 seasons.
I do like how Doug, Dean, Sanjay, and Isabelle are teaming up against Celia. That motley crew might seem a little 3 stooges, but it is way better than anything else we got out of season 3. If the writer's make them the B-plot, it may have to be as the comic relief for all the tense situations Nancy is sure to end up in.
The introduction of Andy and Judah's father also has me worried. I am afraid he could end up as an Albee / Dale character like in Big Love and The Ritches. In general - introducing new family members spells trouble. Andy's introduction went over well because he's such a cutup, but this father thing could go south quickly.
I'll give it two more episodes.
Chatting on The Incredible Hulk, Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick look-alikes, Firefox spell check now works in Google Docs, Mel Gibson's downward slide, Woodie Guthrie, Don't Mess with the Zohan, Wicked City, Requiem from the Darkness a.k.a. Hundred Stories, Tropic Thunder, Cheap Trick, Gwar, auto-tune and vocoders, semicolons, Battlestar Galactica, Weeds, Spectacular Spider-Man, Wolverine #66 Old Man Logan, Incredible Hercules #118 God Squad, Menage a 3, Thor Girl, and more.
Anne Hathaway is tops in my book. I know she looks like Maria Menounos if she's wears a lot of makeup - but I'll let it sliiiide.
She's stunning - a real beauty. Seriously, if there were a secret club that beautiful women belonged to, Anne would be sitting next to Cindy Crawford and Salma Hayek. And talk about someone you could take home to mom - one smile and it'd be over! That smile could light up the Mariana's Trench.
Beauty aside, Annie (as she's known to her friends), is a versatile actress. From family friendly Disney movies to heavy Ang Lee dramas, to ridiculous comedies with Steve Carell, she can do it all. She's isn't afraid to use all her assets, or to paraphrase one of the old timers at work, "she ain't afraid to pull the rack out." I say, good observation.
I was both surprised and delighted to discover that Hathaway turned down the lead role in Knocked Up. I disliked that film and I'm glad that Anne saw it the way I did: devoid of humor.
Anne Hathaway. Million dollar smile? Check! Talent and Range? Double Check! Do I want to stick it to her? C-H-E-C-K!
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Here's what I sent to Neal on the ride home from the movie theater:
Movie was real mediocre. And i stayed all the way thru the credits for nothing! I thought liv tyler was the best actor in it. Roth was good too.
That about sums up how I feel about the whole thing. Now here are a few quick cameo spoilers for those who go to see The Incredible Hulk:
1. Director Louis Leterrier has been spouting off about a Captain America cameo, which is grossly misleading. My guess is that SPOILERS! when Thunderbolt Ross pulls a blue vial out of a weird cryo-bucket marked Dr. Reinstein, that blue goo inside the vial is some "Captain America" (remember, Leterrier never said anything about a Steve Rogers cameo).
2. Is that a secret Luke Cage cameo I saw when the Abomination starts smashing around in Harlem??? This may just be wishful thinking on my part, but we get a quick glimpse at a sizable looking guy running onto the street instead off the street when Harlem is getting torn up. I think this is none other than Carl Lucas a.k.a. Luke Cage. The tipping point: he's decked out in yellow.
3. Don't stay past the credits. There's nothing there. The Tony Stark cameo at the end of the film hits right before the credits, but it looks like it was supposed to follow them. Nick Fury makes no appearances (though his name flashes across the screen briefly). After the credits wrapped, the crowd at my theater was complaining that Nick Fury didn't show up. Sucks he wasn't there but how awesome is it to hear moviegoers complaining about a lack of Nick Fury?!!
I was discussing with Nick the other day about how writing movie reviews isn't worth the effort since we record the podcast during the weekend. With that in mind, here is the 'txt message review' (less than 160 characters) that I just sent to a friend:
saw hulk - better than prev. liv tyler is uggo. hate cg. stark cameo sucks.
Sound interesting? Tune in Tuesday for the whole story
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