AudioShocker

This is a new AudioShocker weekly feature (or whenever the @#$% we feel like doing it) that is a complete ripoff of this hilarious blog post from last week. (Note: We have emoticons enabled, which turns any mini series with 8 total issues into a smiley face with sunglasses. I think it’s funny so I’m leaving it. See, 8 + ) = 8) .)

Shipping This Week: JUNE 11, 2008

DARK HORSE COMICS

BPRD WAR ON FROGS #1

Nick: I hope that the letterer of this book uses “BPRD!” as SFX if anyone steps on a frog in this issue.

FEAR AGENT #21 HATCHET JOB (PT 5 OF 5)
FLUFFY HC

Nick: The touching story about a fluffer and his meteoric rise through the porn industry.

Neal: Sounds odd.

GOON #25
GUNGRAVE BUST
HELLBOY 3 PIECE PVC SET

Nick: A collection of three PVC pipes with Hellboy logos printed on them. Custom plumbing is the new variant cover.

Neal: Kinky!

HELLBOY BOOK & FIGURE SET
JOURNAL DOMO FLOCKED

Nick: To come up with the title of this book, the author fanned through the dictionary and randomly slammed a finger down to select the words.

PENNY ARCADE TP VOL 05 THE CASE OF THE MUMMYS GOLD
SAVAGE SWORD COLLECTION BUST #2 KING KULL
STAR WARS REBELLION #14 SMALL VICTORIES PART 4 (OF 4)

DC COMICS

ABSOLUTE SANDMAN HC VOL 03

Nick: Sandman flavored vodka. Also the new variant cover.

ACTION COMICS #866
BATMAN #676 RIP 2ND PTG

Nick: I’m unclear on this one. Does “RIP” mean that the issue will show up pre-damaged? (Maybe it’s like those jeans they sell brand new with the holes already in them) Then again, “RIP” could just be the DC Comics abbreviation for ripoff. At least they’re warning you.

BATMAN CONFIDENTIAL #18
BATMAN STRIKES #46
BOOSTER GOLD #10

Nick: Buster Gold: Ladies love him, Neal wants to be him.

Neal: Buster Gold strikes again.

BURNOUT

Nick: A story set in the “real world” about a comic book fan who has event fatigue.

CARTOON NETWORK ACTION PACK #26
CHUCK #1 (OF 6)

Nick: Chuck Dixon’s autobiographical epic story about trying to find a way to make Robin kickass despite the short shorts and slippers.

DARK KNIGHT BATMAN 1/6 SCALE DELUXE FIGURE
DARK KNIGHT THE JOKER 1/6 SCALE COLLECTOR FIGURE
DC MINIMATES WAVE EIGHT
DC UNIVERSE SPECIAL SUPERMAN MONGUL

Nick: Sort of like Superman: Red Son but this one takes place in northern China. Oh wait– that would be Superman Mongol… Nevermind. I have no idea what this is about.

GOTHAM UNDERGROUND #9 (OF 9)
GREEN ARROW BLACK CANARY #9
GREEN LANTERN CORPS #25
HUNTRESS YEAR ONE #3 (OF 6)
JOKER THE GREATEST STORIES EVER TOLD TP
JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA HC VOL 03 INJUSTICE LEAGUE
LEGION OF SUPER HEROES IN THE 31ST CENTURY #15

Nick: What a poorly named comic book. What if this series stays popular until the 32nd century? This won’t be futuristic at all then! DC Comics will be just as screwed as 20th Century Fox in the year 2001.

MAD MAGAZINE #491
METAMORPHO YEAR ONE TP
NUMBER OF THE BEAST #5 (OF 8)

Nick: This series won’t get good until #666. Oh, wait… it ends at #8. That’s too bad.

PROGRAMME TP VOL 01
QUESTION THE FIVE BOOKS OF BLOOD HC
SALVATION RUN #7 (OF 7)
SALVATION RUN #7 (OF 7) VAR ED

Nick: A variant edition of Salvation Run #7 featuring Ed McMahon on the cover. They should have gone with custom plumbing instead.

SIMON DARK #9
TERU TERU X SHONEN VOL 02
TINY TITANS #5
TITANS #3
TRINITY #2

Nick: This series won’t get good until #3. See, it says it right there in the title.

WILL EISNERS SPIRIT ARCHIVES HC VOL 24
WONDER WOMAN #21
IMAGE COMICS

AMAZING JOY BUZZARDS GN VOL 01 HERE COME THE SPIDERS
CHARLATAN BALL #1
ELEPHANTMEN #12

Nick: The touching story of three men with elephantitis and their meteoric rise through the Guinness Book of World Records, competing to see who has the most hideously inflated testicles.

INVINCIBLE #50
INVINCIBLE #50 ALT CONNECTING CVR
JACK STAFF #17

Nick: Not only is this Neal’s favorite comic book, it’s also his favorite pastime.

MADMAN ATOMIC COMICS #9
MAGDALENA DAREDEVIL (ONE SHOT)
PILOT SEASON LADY PENDRAGON #1
RED MASS FOR MARS #1 (OF 4)
SCREAMLAND #4 (OF 5)
WILDGUARD INSIDER #2 (OF 3)
WITCHBLADE #116 WIZARD WORLD LA EXCL VAR

Nick: A variant edition of Witchblade #116 that comes with an Excel spreadsheet from Wizard’s accounting department, detailing the expenses of this year’s Wizard World Los Angeles convention.

WITCHBLADE ORIGINS TP VOL 01 GENESIS

MARVEL COMICS

AMAZING SPIDER-GIRL #21
AMAZING SPIDER-MAN #562
ASTONISHING X-MEN BIANCHI POSTER
CAPTAIN AMERICA TP VOL 01 DEATH OF CAPTAIN AMERICA

Nick: A rather deceptive title considering that there are currently a minimum of three Captain Americas running around the 616 Marvel Universe.

CAPTAIN BRITAIN AND MI 13 #2 SI
CIVIL WAR CHRONICLES #12

Nick: The long awaited conclusion to the Marvel Universe / Narnia epic crossover.

CLANDESTINE #5 (OF 5)
DARK TOWER LONG ROAD HOME #2 (OF 5) 2ND PTG VAR
ETERNALS #1
ETERNALS #1 ACUNA WHITE VAR
ETERNALS BY JACK KIRBY TP BOOK 01
GENEXT #2 (OF 5)
HULK RAGING THUNDER

Nick: Awesome title. Yeah, I’m sure it’s another Hulk one shot stuffed with reprints and jacked up to an unattractive price, but I’ll be damned if that title isn’t sweet.

INCREDIBLE HERCULES AGAINST WORLD PREM HC
INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #1 2ND PTG LARROCA VAR
INVINCIBLE IRON MAN #1 2ND PTG MEINERDING VAR

Nick: Is Marvel Comics releasing two variant versions of the 2nd printing??? We already got three variant versions of the 1st printing! This is nuts.

IRON MAN LEGACY OF DOOM #3 (OF 4)

Nick: My pick of the week. This issue is just plain crazy fun.

IRON MAN VIVA LAS VEGAS #1 (OF 4)

Nick: Tony Stark takes a Vegas holiday. Alcoholic billionaire genius + Las Vegas = Bad things happen.

LAST DEFENDERS #4 (OF 6)
MARVEL ADVENTURES HULK #12
MARVEL ILLUSTRATED THREE MUSKETEERS #1 (OF 6)

Nick: Funny story — I used to live down the street from the guy who designed the Three Musketeers candy bar logo. Unfortunately, this is not an illustrated candy bar. It is, instead, some sort of comic book thing. Whatever.

MARVEL ZOMBIES 02 HC
MIGHTY AVENGERS #13 2ND PTG YU VAR
MOON KNIGHT #19
NEW AVENGERS #40 2ND PTG CHEUNG VAR
NEW EXILES #7
NEWUNIVERSAL SHOCKFRONT #2 (OF 6)
SECRET INVASION #1 3RD PTG YU VAR
SECRET INVASION #2 2ND PTG YU VAR
SECRET INVASION WHO DO YOU TRUST

Nick: Not a comic book, but actually a collection of prose interviews conducted by Marvel Comics as they interview fans to find out if they will actually trust Marvel again after they find out how much it costs to buy the entire Secret Invasion event from start to finish.

SILVER SURFER TP IN THY NAME
SKAAR SON OF HULK #1

Nick: Next month: Skratch, Illegitimate Daughter of Hulk #1. Hey, don’t judge the guy. Hulk was king, and kings have needs just like the rest of us.

SPIDER-MAN MAGAZINE #1
SPIDER-MAN WITH GREAT POWER #4 (OF 5)
TWELVE #6 (OF 12)

Nick: Judging on the title, this series won’t get good until its final issue. Bummer.

ULTIMATE X-MEN HC VOL 08
WOLVERINE TP ENEMY OF STATE ULTIMATE COLLECTION
X-FORCE AINT NO DOG

Nick: Isn’t no dog, X-Force. Or maybe aren’t. Ain’t ain’t a word! And that whole no dog thing is bad grammar too. Scrap this title and start from Skratch– er, I mean scratch.

OTHER COMICS

2000 AD #1587
2000 AD #1588

Nick: Again, just a poorly named comic book. One part of me wants to say that this book won’t get good until #2000, while the other part of me wonders if this is just a series set eight years in the past. For more on naming your entertainment property after a specific time, see this week’s DC Comics.

AMAZING AGENT LUNA OMNIBUS TP VOL 01
AMERICAN TERROR GN VOL 01 CONFESSION OF A HUMAN SMART BOMB
ANGEL AFTER THE FALL #8
ARCHIE & FRIENDS #120
AVATAR CINEMANGA GN VOL 07 (OF 8)
BLACK GOD TP VOL 03
BOY WHO MADE SILENCE #4

Nick: The touching story of a boy who constantly drops “silent but deadly” farts in public.

BOYS OVER FLOWERS TP VOL 30

Nick: A new, more sensitive variation on “bro’s before ho’s.”

BURN #2 (OF 6)
CLASSICS ILLUSTRATED THE INVISIBLE MAN

Nick: This is genius. I wish I had thought of this. The guy is invisible! That means you don’t even have to draw him!!! Of course, that also means this comic book should always come out on time. If you don’t even have to draw the main character, there is absolutely no excuse for missing your ship date.

CLIFTON TP VOL 05 JADE
COMPLETE LITTLE ORPHAN ANNIE HC VOL 01
CONTRACT #0
DF SECRET INVASION #1 SGN ED
DOROTHY OF OZ GN VOL 03
DRAFTED #8
DRAGON HUNTER GN VOL 18 (OF 26)
DRAGON KNIGHTS GN VOL 26 (OF 26)
ELEVENTH HOUR GN VOL 01
FAERIES LANDING GN VOL 19 (OF 19)
FALL OF CTHULHU #13 CVR A
FALL OF CTHULHU #13 CVR B
FIST OF JUSTICE #2

Nick: Next month: Foot of Fairness #2.

FORGET ABOUT LOVE GN VOL 01 (OF 7)
FREDDIE & ME GN COMING OF AGE BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY

Nick: I hope this is really a GN about Freddie Mercury. I’ll be totally pissed if I get to the comic shop and it’s about Freddie Kruger.

GIMMICK GN VOL 01 $9.99
GOLD DIGGER II POCKET MANGA VOL 04
GREEN MANOR GN VOL 01 ASSASSINS & GENTLEMEN
HELSING LEGACY BORN TP
HERO SQUARED TP VOL 02 ANOTHER FINE MESS

Nick: The touching story of a teen superhero struggling to get through algebra class. Of course, the only available tutor is the local supervillainess. Sexy study time and a lot of confusing moral questions follow.

HOLLOW FIELDS GN VOL 02
I WISH GN VOL 02 (OF 7)
INU YASHA ANI MANGA GN VOL 27
JAMES BOND TP PARADISE PLOT
JIM BUTCHERS DRESDEN FILES #1 (OF 4) 2ND PTG
JUDGE DREDD HENRY FLINT COLLECTION TP
LAW OF UEKI TP VOL 12
LAZARUS IMMORTAL COILS #1 (OF 5)
LOCKE & KEY #5
MISSILE HAPPY GN VOL 03 (OF 5)

Nick: The touching story of a second generation US president that’s just trying to make his daddy proud.

NIGHTMARE INSPECTOR YUMEKUI KENBUN GN VOL 02
O PARTS HUNTER TP VOL 10
ONE POUND GOSPEL GN VOL 01 2ND ED

Nick: I don’t know if you’ve ever picked up a bible, but I got news for you: that book weighs way more than one pound.

OUT OF PICTURE SC VOL 02
PALS N GALS DOUBLE DIGEST #122
PHONICS COMICS LEVEL 1 FIX IT CREW
PHONICS COMICS LEVEL 2 TUTU TWINS
PHONICS COMICS LEVEL 3 DUKE AND FANG
RAVEN CHRONICLES TP VOL 01 CURIOUS CASE OF RAVEN INC
RECAST GN VOL 06 (OF 6)
RISING STARS OF MANGA UK & IRELAND ED GN 03 (OF 7)
RURE GN VOL 03 (OF 6)
SHAKUGAN NO SHANA TP VOL 03
SILENT HILL SINNERS REWARD #4
SLAINE THE KING SC NEW PTG
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG #189
STRAWBERRY MARSHMALLOW GN VOL 05 (OF 5)

Nick: This sounds delicious. Normally I don’t like my marshmallows flavored, but I’m really hungry right now.

SUCCUBUS #1

Nick: The touching story of my girlfriend from sophomore year of college and her need to emotionally drain me whenever humanly possible.

SUNSHINE SKETCH TP VOL 01
TACTICS GN VOL 05 (OF 8)
UNCLE SCROOGE #376
UTOPIAS AVENGER GN VOL 05
VAISTRON TP VOL 01 $12.95
WALT DISNEYS COMICS & STORIES #691
WALT DISNEYS SPRING FEVER TP VOL 02

Nick: Just looking at the title, it’s obvious that this is definitely shipping late. It looks like this should have been out two months ago. Way to go, Disney. You fucked up again.

WARHAMMER 40K DAMNATION CRUSADE #2 IRONORC ED

Neal: You know, I used to play 40k, that game was dope. What ever happened to it? Oh wait, now I remember, Games Workshop decided it wasn’t worth the effort as a tabletop game, but as a universe it was rife for you know… books and online mmorpgs.

WARHAMMER FORGE OF WAR #2 IRONORC ED
YOURE SO COOL GN VOL 01 (RES)

Nick: Thanks. I know I am. (I think I’ll buy this one just for the title…)

ZATCH BELL GN VOL 19
ZOMBIE LOAN TP VOL 03

Nick: The touching story of a brain-hungry undead family and their struggle to secure a small business loan despite the ingrained institutional prejudice against lending money to zombies.