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The Emancipation of Mimi was a pretty big comeback success considering Carey’s somewhat public breakdown a few years ago. It allowed us to finally bury the hatchet and get over Glitter. Anyway, Mariah’s new joint Touch My Body just landed and features Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock fame. Do the beat, video, content, and vocals hold water? Let’s find out!

The Beat: While it was produced by Tricky Stewart, (Umbrella) I doubt you’ll be hearing the studio cut in the clubs anytime soon. This beat is mellower and more subdued than his other work (Me Against the Music and B2K’s Uh Huh). Personally, I need more knock, a faster tempo, and less synth mashing.

The Video: Oh Kenneth! Is this the only role you know how to play? Mariah and Jack play dressup while romping through her house and his fantasy. Mariah is no stranger to campy videos (Heartbreaker, Honey, etc) so it all made perfect sense to me. Of note: no backup dancers.

I don’t care what anyone says, Mariah looks damn good! Did you know she’s going to be 39 this year? I also just discovered that she and I share a birthday. Mariah - interested in a joint party?

Lastly, I doubt that Mariah is familiar with 802.11n, and last time I checked it was still a draft protocol, but what do I know?

The Content: Yeah, yeah, it’s a throwaway love song. Fine, but you can’t deny the genius of the lines:

If there’s a camera up in here then I best not catch this flick on YouTube

Church! seriously people, YouTube is no place for your personal business. Save it for RedTube.

Boy you can put me on you like a brand new white T / I’ll hug your body tighter than my favorite jeans

Hands down, the best line of the entire track.

…’cause I’m all up in my business like a Wendy interview

Classic! I can’t stand Wendy Williams.

Imagine, all that - and I haven’t even gotten to sexy stuff!

The Vocals: Mariah is best known for being able to hit crazy high notes. Sadly, age has taken its toll and like so many others she too has resorted to the vocoder. At first I thought it was just a weird double - but no dice. To her credit, she doesen’t use the demon-box to hit high notes or commit Cher & T-pain grade felonies. I can appreciate that.

The Bottom Line: The Voice is looking good despite an unexciting beat, a campy video involving a unicorn, and a vocoded delivery lacking her signature high notes.