AudioShocker

If you have been following the AudioShocker you know that I judge music based on 4 things: the beat, the video, the vocals and content. Let me break down the new Britney Spears single, Piece of Me, right quick.

The Beat - The beat is more abrasive than a Gobi Desert sandstorm. I honestly had to stop listening to the song after about 30 seconds and take an Aspirin. The track was produced by Bloodshy & Avant, the same Swedish gents that we can thank for such gems as Toxic and Me Against the Music.

The Video - This video consists of 4 things in rotation: Britney, video girls, paparazzi, and tabloid covers. The video girls are not even remotely relevant, but I suppose it’s not a pop video without them. Sidenote - Is there a union for video girls? Britney sports a post-Sabrina Melissa Joan Heart look which seems a bit out place. This video is remarkably forgettable.

The Vocals - Using a Vocoder is a crime and I hereby sentence Britney to 25-life! (That goes double for Cher and triple for T-Pain). What is up with producers and the Vocoder? There is not a single second of this track that is vocoder-free.

Please support our Vocoder Boycott. We can stop the industry from cramming over produced, untalented garbage like this into our ear holes with our wallets.

Content - The song itself can be summed up in the following statement, ‘Yall wish you were as popular with the media and paparazzi as me. However you are not and I am, so stop hatin!’ In that respect, maybe there is some witty truth in the opening line, ‘I’m Miss American Dream since I was 17′. Then again, Britney has a line about trying to be a good working mommy and being unique or something. That is funny since she is filthy rich and everyone in Hollywood is preggers. Fuck, even Jessica Alba has a baby bump now.

The bottom line? If this were a Paris Hilton video I could easily write it off and move on. However, this is Britney Spears and I expect more from my pop stars. Cowgirl up and entertain me Britney - because this shit doesn’t cut it.